Post by Dave Dangerously on Apr 4, 2009 21:33:43 GMT -6
The camera pans in on the sold-out broken down condemned ICW Arena, Philadelphia Pennsylvania.
The fans are cheering, as "Born To Be Wild" hits, signalling the arrival of none other than ICW's own commentator extraordinaire, Biker!
Biker: Lheol dalies nad geltmnnee!
Suddenly...
Todd Pettengill: HOLD UP, MAN! I DIDN'T GO THROUGH THIRTEEN MONTHS OF REHAB AND THERAPY TO GET MY SENSE OF WHAT FUCKING YEAR IT IS BACK, JUST TO HAVE YOUR MUSHMOUTH MOTHERFUCKING ASS HOST THIS FUCKING SHOW. THAT'S RIGHT, I SWEAR NOW, AIN'T YOU HEARD MY TALK SHOW ON THE RADIO, MOTHERFUCKERS?
Biker: Kram fuck!
Pettengill: ONE SIDE, BITCHASS. SECURITY, GET THIS COCKASS COCKSUCKER MOTHERFUCKER OFF MY GOD-DAMNED MOTHERFUCKING STAGE, MOTHER FUCKER.
The fans boo, and then realize no, Biker does suck the dick.
Pettengill: LIKE I WAS SAYIN'. YO! I'M THE MOTHER FUCKING BALLER ASS SHIT STUNT 101 TODDSTER, YOU HEARD THAT? AND WE AIN'T PLAYING AROUND UP IN THE OH-NINES. SO YOU BETTER CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU MOTHERFUCKING WRECK YOURSELF, BECAUSE IT'S A BRAND NEW DAY, BEEYOTCH. I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE TO YOU THE VERY FIRST MOTHERFUCKING INDUCTEE TO THE ICW HALL OF FAME. HE IS A LIVING LEGEND IN THE ICW, THE LWN, THE EWA, AND EVEN THE EFWO.
HE HAS WON COUNTLESS TITLES...
HE HELPED START A REVOLUTION...A HARDCORE REVOLUTION!!! GIVE IT UP FOR MOTHERFUCKING REALLY CRAZY!!!!
"Erotic City" by Prince plays, and out comes Really Crazy to a huge ovation from the crowd.
He is carrying a basket with newspaper lining, full of fish and chips. The Toddster bows down to him, as RC rests his fish n' chips on the podium, beginning to speak as he eats a delicious english style french fry.
Really Crazy: CHEERS! ENGLANDS' FULL OF QUEERS!
Really Crazy turns around, with the fish and chips, and leaves.
Pettengill: ...ALLMOTHERFUCKING RRRRRRRIGHT! LETS HEAR IT!
Cut to backstage, where we see a very spiffy ScottiePP7 talking on his Blackberry Storm. Or something like that, right? I mean Scott probably has the cool shit. Not like Dave who has...Oh, he has a BlackJack. I guess that IS the cool shit!
ScottiePP7: TOTAL RESTRUCTURING OF PP7inyoureyeIndustries. Johnny Hook? More like Johnny Urinal Cake when I'm done with him! Where's my drink? Somebody hold my drink, bitches!
Suddenly, Mercury walks up.
Mercury: Scott. How's things, man?
ScottiePP7: Do I know you? Are you the drink guy?
Mercury: No, it's me. Mercury. You know...invented the ICW TC title, ran ICW with you?
ScottiePP7: THE FUCK? GET THE FUCK OUT MY FACE!
Scottie throws a bottle of hydrochloric acid on Mercury's face, scarring him for life.
ScottiePP7: You can't just sneak up on me like that. I'M SCOTTIEPP7, DAMNIT!!!!!!!
cut back to the arena, ICW stars past and present are in attendance, much like Timster, and nEo! And their Earth-2 Counterparts, Rimster and mEo!
Cut to a sign that says:
DaVE DuDLeY 632 (10:33:30 PM): Most of the crew is ready, but I havent been
dan wilkes booth (10:42:48 PM): i have no clue if i'll be ready for anything, to be honest
DaVE DuDLeY 632 (10:43:01 PM): Well if you do, I got some hairbrain schemes cooked up
dan wilkes booth (10:46:07 PM): hairbrained, you say?
DaVE DuDLeY 632 (10:46:28 PM): Yes, hairbrained. TO THE EXTREME...
dan wilkes booth (10:46:37 PM): OH JEEZ
That's a lot to put on a sign, huh?
Pettengill: ALL RIGHT, FAGGOTS. IT'S TIME FOR YOUR NEXT QUEER AS FOLK MOTHERFUCKER TO BE INDUCTED IN THE ICW HALL OF FAME. DC WAS GOING TO BE HERE TO INDUCT HIS ASS, BUT HE GOT DRUNK AND RAN OFF A FUCKING CLIFF, SO HE'S DEAD NOW. SO ANYWAY, THEY GOT ME, AGAIN. TODD FUCKING PETTENGILL, ADDICTED TO XANAX AND GOLDSCHLAGER. SO ROLL THE FUCKING CLIP, YOU NANCY MOTHER FUCKER.
The clip package rolls.
Titles. Fame. Fortune. Money. Wealth. Pussy. Dick. Cocaine. Back to pussy. Cocaine fucking sucks.
Pettengill: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN LET ME INTRODUCE TO YOU...
THE ONE...THE ONLY...
HOYAKILLAH!
Cut to satellite feed, because Hoyakillah is currently serving a term in D.C. State Penitentary. Remember? He shares a cell with Healius/The Emperor Maximus. Remember???
Pettengill: What? WHERE IS THE MOTHERFUCKER? THE JAILCELL IS EMPTY? THAT'S HORSE SHIT. PURE HORSE SHIT!!!!!
SUDDENLY, THE LIGHTS GO OUT!!!!WTF!!!!!!!
When they come back on, Pettengill is taken out, there is a steel chair laying there next to him. EMTs on the scene to try to revive him, there is a GASP amongst the crowd!
He gets to his feet...
Pettengill: Oh...wow-wee. Jeez guys. Man that was like a POWER RANGER kicked me right in the head. Those guys are so FAST! Where's Sunny and the Body Donnas? DARN-TOOTIN'!
Todd looks back to his old self. Touche, Dave...touche...
Pettengill: Well, I guess ol' Hoyakillah can't accept his award. It will be waiting for you, Mr. Killah!
"Non-Entity" by Nine Inch Nails hits, and out comes The Hardcore Icon, The Most Dangerous Man in Wrestling, the one, the only, Dave Dangerously. The fans pop their balls off!!!
Dave Dangerously: Actually, Todd...he won't. Because as you all surely know, Hoyakilah is...Hoyakilled.
The fans lol
Dave Dangerously: Now scram, Pettengill, while I induct our final inductee of the evening.
Pettengill skips away.
Dave Dangerously: Tonight, we honor the legacy of one of our own good friends. This is a man who in life warmed the hearts of all he knew. And professionally, helped pave the way for people like me.
Our lives parallel each others, mine and Joseph Johnson.
We both defied the odds in LWN.
We both sought refuge in upstart companies, determined to defeat the competion, and eventually taking the reigns of that company.
And we both became excellent ICW Champions, establishing our legacies for all time.
Tonight, we honor, in remembrance, the Bad Boy, JPAC!!!
"Hate Me Now" by Nas plays
Dave Dangerously: Accepting this for JPac is none other than Stoned Cold Stoonky!
The crowd waits for Stoonky to arrive...
...but doesn't. Dangerously looks worried.
Dave Dangerously: ...Uh...
SUDDENLY, FROM BEHIND, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STAGE, DANGEROUSLY IS ATTACKED BY NONE OTHER THAN CALVIN CONSTANTINE!!!! CONSTANTINE IS BRANDISHING A BASEBALL BAT, AS IT STRIKES DANGEROUSLY IN THE BACK OF THE NECK!
The fans are stunned, as ICW's benefactor goes down hard!
Constantine, with the rage, puts the boots to Dangerously.
From the otherside of the stage, comes Lone Wolf, clutching Stoonky by the throat. He tosses him aside, as he directs Constantine putting the boots to him. He motions for Constantine to set up the bat on the stage. Constantine picks up Dangerously, and passes him off to Wolf, who DROPS DANGEROUSLY WITH THE JUGULAR CRUSH PEDIGREE, DANGEROUSLY'S THROAT GETS SMASHED BY THE BASEBALL BAT!!!!!
Constantine looks frustrated throughout all of this, as if he didn't want it to happen. Wolf looks up at him and laughs, as if he has some sort of control over him.
Dangerously is out cold, as suddenly JOHNNY Q. PUBLIC RUNS OUT FROM THE BACK!
HE CHASES CONSTANTINE AND WOLF TO THE BACKSTAGE AREA!!! OUR CAMERAS ARE FOLLOWING!!!!!!
We cut to the back, where Wolf and Constantine are running away. WOLF PUSHES CONSTANTINE OUT OF THE WAY, and separates from him. QPublic is close behind, chasing Constantine out into the parking lot. Constantine stops to try to reason with him, but QPublic is out for some revenge. CLEAN CORE REV-
SUDDENLY!!!! A CAR APPROACHES FROM OFF SCREEN, IT RUNS DOWN QPUBLIC, SMASHING HIM INTO A TRAILER AT A HIGH SPEED VELOCITY!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!
Constantine cannot BELIEVE IT!!!! He looks STUNNED!!!!
LONE WOLF gets out of the car, pleased! Constantine says "WHAT THE HELL MAN, THIS WASN'T PART OF THE DEAL!!!!"
Wolf says "IT'S A NEW DEAL, MY GOOD MAN CALVIN. A NEW DEAL FOR A NEW DAY."
Camera cuts to QPublic, who has suffered some major injuries, and a laceration on the side of his face. EMTs attend to him.
Camera cuts back to the arena, where on the stage, Dangerously is on his hands and knees, trying to get up. He holds his throat.
SUDDENLY, FROM OFF CAMERA, MYST IS RUNNING TOWARDS DANGEROUSLY, HITTING HIM WITH THE SHINING WIZARD KICK/ORTON PUNT, UNCONCIOUS INCARNATE!!!!! DANGEROUSLY IS DOWN!!!!!
Myst looks down at Dangerously, no expression. The fans are going wild. Myst takes off his ICW World Heavyweight Championship belt. The cameras follow him to the back, as he is leaving the arena. Before he stops, he tosses the ICW World Title into a trash can. He swings the door open, and exits the arena as the camera fades...
...to black.
YOUR OKLAHOMA CITY THUNDER PRESENTS...
The 2009 ICW Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony
Live, on streaming video availiable on WinAMP!
The 2009 ICW Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony
Live, on streaming video availiable on WinAMP!
The fans are cheering, as "Born To Be Wild" hits, signalling the arrival of none other than ICW's own commentator extraordinaire, Biker!
Biker: Lheol dalies nad geltmnnee!
Suddenly...
Todd Pettengill: HOLD UP, MAN! I DIDN'T GO THROUGH THIRTEEN MONTHS OF REHAB AND THERAPY TO GET MY SENSE OF WHAT FUCKING YEAR IT IS BACK, JUST TO HAVE YOUR MUSHMOUTH MOTHERFUCKING ASS HOST THIS FUCKING SHOW. THAT'S RIGHT, I SWEAR NOW, AIN'T YOU HEARD MY TALK SHOW ON THE RADIO, MOTHERFUCKERS?
Biker: Kram fuck!
Pettengill: ONE SIDE, BITCHASS. SECURITY, GET THIS COCKASS COCKSUCKER MOTHERFUCKER OFF MY GOD-DAMNED MOTHERFUCKING STAGE, MOTHER FUCKER.
The fans boo, and then realize no, Biker does suck the dick.
Pettengill: LIKE I WAS SAYIN'. YO! I'M THE MOTHER FUCKING BALLER ASS SHIT STUNT 101 TODDSTER, YOU HEARD THAT? AND WE AIN'T PLAYING AROUND UP IN THE OH-NINES. SO YOU BETTER CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU MOTHERFUCKING WRECK YOURSELF, BECAUSE IT'S A BRAND NEW DAY, BEEYOTCH. I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE TO YOU THE VERY FIRST MOTHERFUCKING INDUCTEE TO THE ICW HALL OF FAME. HE IS A LIVING LEGEND IN THE ICW, THE LWN, THE EWA, AND EVEN THE EFWO.
HE HAS WON COUNTLESS TITLES...
HE HELPED START A REVOLUTION...A HARDCORE REVOLUTION!!! GIVE IT UP FOR MOTHERFUCKING REALLY CRAZY!!!!
"Erotic City" by Prince plays, and out comes Really Crazy to a huge ovation from the crowd.
He is carrying a basket with newspaper lining, full of fish and chips. The Toddster bows down to him, as RC rests his fish n' chips on the podium, beginning to speak as he eats a delicious english style french fry.
Really Crazy: CHEERS! ENGLANDS' FULL OF QUEERS!
Really Crazy turns around, with the fish and chips, and leaves.
Pettengill: ...ALLMOTHERFUCKING RRRRRRRIGHT! LETS HEAR IT!
Cut to backstage, where we see a very spiffy ScottiePP7 talking on his Blackberry Storm. Or something like that, right? I mean Scott probably has the cool shit. Not like Dave who has...Oh, he has a BlackJack. I guess that IS the cool shit!
ScottiePP7: TOTAL RESTRUCTURING OF PP7inyoureyeIndustries. Johnny Hook? More like Johnny Urinal Cake when I'm done with him! Where's my drink? Somebody hold my drink, bitches!
Suddenly, Mercury walks up.
Mercury: Scott. How's things, man?
ScottiePP7: Do I know you? Are you the drink guy?
Mercury: No, it's me. Mercury. You know...invented the ICW TC title, ran ICW with you?
ScottiePP7: THE FUCK? GET THE FUCK OUT MY FACE!
Scottie throws a bottle of hydrochloric acid on Mercury's face, scarring him for life.
ScottiePP7: You can't just sneak up on me like that. I'M SCOTTIEPP7, DAMNIT!!!!!!!
cut back to the arena, ICW stars past and present are in attendance, much like Timster, and nEo! And their Earth-2 Counterparts, Rimster and mEo!
Cut to a sign that says:
DaVE DuDLeY 632 (10:33:30 PM): Most of the crew is ready, but I havent been
dan wilkes booth (10:42:48 PM): i have no clue if i'll be ready for anything, to be honest
DaVE DuDLeY 632 (10:43:01 PM): Well if you do, I got some hairbrain schemes cooked up
dan wilkes booth (10:46:07 PM): hairbrained, you say?
DaVE DuDLeY 632 (10:46:28 PM): Yes, hairbrained. TO THE EXTREME...
dan wilkes booth (10:46:37 PM): OH JEEZ
That's a lot to put on a sign, huh?
Pettengill: ALL RIGHT, FAGGOTS. IT'S TIME FOR YOUR NEXT QUEER AS FOLK MOTHERFUCKER TO BE INDUCTED IN THE ICW HALL OF FAME. DC WAS GOING TO BE HERE TO INDUCT HIS ASS, BUT HE GOT DRUNK AND RAN OFF A FUCKING CLIFF, SO HE'S DEAD NOW. SO ANYWAY, THEY GOT ME, AGAIN. TODD FUCKING PETTENGILL, ADDICTED TO XANAX AND GOLDSCHLAGER. SO ROLL THE FUCKING CLIP, YOU NANCY MOTHER FUCKER.
The clip package rolls.
Titles. Fame. Fortune. Money. Wealth. Pussy. Dick. Cocaine. Back to pussy. Cocaine fucking sucks.
Pettengill: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN LET ME INTRODUCE TO YOU...
THE ONE...THE ONLY...
HOYAKILLAH!
Cut to satellite feed, because Hoyakillah is currently serving a term in D.C. State Penitentary. Remember? He shares a cell with Healius/The Emperor Maximus. Remember???
Pettengill: What? WHERE IS THE MOTHERFUCKER? THE JAILCELL IS EMPTY? THAT'S HORSE SHIT. PURE HORSE SHIT!!!!!
SUDDENLY, THE LIGHTS GO OUT!!!!WTF!!!!!!!
When they come back on, Pettengill is taken out, there is a steel chair laying there next to him. EMTs on the scene to try to revive him, there is a GASP amongst the crowd!
He gets to his feet...
Pettengill: Oh...wow-wee. Jeez guys. Man that was like a POWER RANGER kicked me right in the head. Those guys are so FAST! Where's Sunny and the Body Donnas? DARN-TOOTIN'!
Todd looks back to his old self. Touche, Dave...touche...
Pettengill: Well, I guess ol' Hoyakillah can't accept his award. It will be waiting for you, Mr. Killah!
"Non-Entity" by Nine Inch Nails hits, and out comes The Hardcore Icon, The Most Dangerous Man in Wrestling, the one, the only, Dave Dangerously. The fans pop their balls off!!!
Dave Dangerously: Actually, Todd...he won't. Because as you all surely know, Hoyakilah is...Hoyakilled.
The fans lol
Dave Dangerously: Now scram, Pettengill, while I induct our final inductee of the evening.
Pettengill skips away.
Dave Dangerously: Tonight, we honor the legacy of one of our own good friends. This is a man who in life warmed the hearts of all he knew. And professionally, helped pave the way for people like me.
Our lives parallel each others, mine and Joseph Johnson.
We both defied the odds in LWN.
We both sought refuge in upstart companies, determined to defeat the competion, and eventually taking the reigns of that company.
And we both became excellent ICW Champions, establishing our legacies for all time.
Tonight, we honor, in remembrance, the Bad Boy, JPAC!!!
"Hate Me Now" by Nas plays
Dave Dangerously: Accepting this for JPac is none other than Stoned Cold Stoonky!
The crowd waits for Stoonky to arrive...
...but doesn't. Dangerously looks worried.
Dave Dangerously: ...Uh...
SUDDENLY, FROM BEHIND, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STAGE, DANGEROUSLY IS ATTACKED BY NONE OTHER THAN CALVIN CONSTANTINE!!!! CONSTANTINE IS BRANDISHING A BASEBALL BAT, AS IT STRIKES DANGEROUSLY IN THE BACK OF THE NECK!
The fans are stunned, as ICW's benefactor goes down hard!
Constantine, with the rage, puts the boots to Dangerously.
From the otherside of the stage, comes Lone Wolf, clutching Stoonky by the throat. He tosses him aside, as he directs Constantine putting the boots to him. He motions for Constantine to set up the bat on the stage. Constantine picks up Dangerously, and passes him off to Wolf, who DROPS DANGEROUSLY WITH THE JUGULAR CRUSH PEDIGREE, DANGEROUSLY'S THROAT GETS SMASHED BY THE BASEBALL BAT!!!!!
Constantine looks frustrated throughout all of this, as if he didn't want it to happen. Wolf looks up at him and laughs, as if he has some sort of control over him.
Dangerously is out cold, as suddenly JOHNNY Q. PUBLIC RUNS OUT FROM THE BACK!
HE CHASES CONSTANTINE AND WOLF TO THE BACKSTAGE AREA!!! OUR CAMERAS ARE FOLLOWING!!!!!!
We cut to the back, where Wolf and Constantine are running away. WOLF PUSHES CONSTANTINE OUT OF THE WAY, and separates from him. QPublic is close behind, chasing Constantine out into the parking lot. Constantine stops to try to reason with him, but QPublic is out for some revenge. CLEAN CORE REV-
SUDDENLY!!!! A CAR APPROACHES FROM OFF SCREEN, IT RUNS DOWN QPUBLIC, SMASHING HIM INTO A TRAILER AT A HIGH SPEED VELOCITY!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!
Constantine cannot BELIEVE IT!!!! He looks STUNNED!!!!
LONE WOLF gets out of the car, pleased! Constantine says "WHAT THE HELL MAN, THIS WASN'T PART OF THE DEAL!!!!"
Wolf says "IT'S A NEW DEAL, MY GOOD MAN CALVIN. A NEW DEAL FOR A NEW DAY."
Camera cuts to QPublic, who has suffered some major injuries, and a laceration on the side of his face. EMTs attend to him.
Camera cuts back to the arena, where on the stage, Dangerously is on his hands and knees, trying to get up. He holds his throat.
SUDDENLY, FROM OFF CAMERA, MYST IS RUNNING TOWARDS DANGEROUSLY, HITTING HIM WITH THE SHINING WIZARD KICK/ORTON PUNT, UNCONCIOUS INCARNATE!!!!! DANGEROUSLY IS DOWN!!!!!
Myst looks down at Dangerously, no expression. The fans are going wild. Myst takes off his ICW World Heavyweight Championship belt. The cameras follow him to the back, as he is leaving the arena. Before he stops, he tosses the ICW World Title into a trash can. He swings the door open, and exits the arena as the camera fades...
...to black.