Post by Dave Dangerously on May 18, 2008 0:11:55 GMT -6
"Spit" by Kittie plays...
Insane Championship Wrestling.
In only 1 country.
In one language.
To about 15 homes each week.
The ICW, the worldwide PINNACLE in Sports Entertainment!
Highlights of ICW's historical groundbreaking matches are shown, as the Saturday Night Insanity intro rolls. A cut-up version of "Zam The Assassin and The Chase Through Coruscant" by John Williams and the London Symphony Orchestra plays in the background.
The camera opens in a dark set, to reveal the host of Saturday Night Insanity, Joel Gertner.
The lights open up,a nd we're greeted with Joel's...uh...not so pretty face.
Joel Gertner: Hello wrestling fans, and welcome to the first installment of Insane Championship Wrestling's Saturday Night Insanity. I am your host for the evening, "The Quintessential Muffstuffer", oops, I mean "Studmuffin", "The Quintessential Studmuffin", Joel 'You cant have your pudding if you don't eat your meat', Gertner.
And well, well, well. If you've got an hour, I've got the power. Tonight boys and girls we have a treat for you. No, not my big bad beef stick, oh no. Tonight we have a match between two former Icons in the sport, Scottie vs. Joseph Johnson. Thats right, ScottiePP7 vs. JPac. And speaking of big bad beef sticks, if you had to compare mine to Scottie's well there is no question, that the Studmuffin holds up, and that Scottie's is nothing but a Slim Jim.
That being said, it is my privledge to show you, at this time...we were going to show clips of Hoyakillah at this moment, but we werent allowed to show black and white footage on television. So instead, we'll jump right in to our special interview of the week. Our beloved owner and ICW multi-champ, and my personal hero, The Hardcore Icon Mr. David Dudley sat down yesterday with Good Ol' JR Jim Ross, for an exclusive interview. Take it away, fatass! I mean...JR.
Footage rolls of Dave Dudley's achievments, blah, you get the idea right? You watched the Goldust and Mick Foley interviews in 97.
Jim Ross: Dave, I'd like to take this time and thank you for the opportunity for this interview, I know you've not only got a lot on your mind, but there are a lot of unanswered questions to be taken care of.
Dave Dudley: No problem, Jim. Always glad to appease my ICW fans. Smiles.
Jim Ross: Well, let me start with the most obvious of questions...as I'm sure everyone knows, on Thursday you revealed your alignment with the new ICW Commissioner, Myst...eh, what is the reasoning on this? This was a shocker to all of us.
Dave Dudley: Of course it was a shocker, I mean that's what we intended it to be, Jim. But as far as my reasoning? Well, Myst had contacted me from his cell-
Jim Ross: Speaking of that, how exactly did Myst end up in a prison cell?
Dave Dudley: Do I look like his publicist? I dont think that's any of your business until he chooses to reveal it, JR. And dont interrupt me again. We talked, about a possible role in ICW. He said he'd like to come back as some sort of non-wrestling role. I've been wanting to do away with the ICW Executive Committee for some time now, even back when ScottiePP7 was running this place. So I decided to take out the Committee so that I would be the total power here in ICW. It's good business, JR. But to do so I needed to appoint a commissioner, an unbiased one that made it seem that my power was limited. Me and Myst planned it out, and it was a done deal. Why did I join up with Myst? Who better? Can you think of a man who gave me more of a challenge more than Myst?
Jim Ross: Amalek. Vassago. Dan Hampton. Healius. Hell, even Flate.
Dave Dudley: Shut your damn mouth, JR. The point is that everything came together at the right time, and as it stands I am in control of ICW and Myst is right there with me.
Jim Ross: So, will Myst be an honest, unbiased commissioner?
Dave Dudley: As he sees fit, sure. He has the power to book matches now, and that's about it. He has a certain clause or two in his contract regarding his power limits and firing issues, but those dont need to be addressed at this time. We dont want any skeletons out of the closet, as it were.
Jim Ross: So you took the ICW belt off of yourself, and designed this tournament. Tell me about that.
Dave Dudley: It was Myst's idea, mostly. What better way to shake up ICW, and give myself some more competition? The belt is mine, anyhow. I'll get it back come next week.
Jim Ross: Dont be so sure of yourself, Dave. You have challenges coming at you from every angle.
Dave Dudley: True, but you know better than anyone, that's how I like it.
Jim Ross: Always one for controversy, you are. Let's talk about one of those threats, ScottiePP7...now going by just Scottie. How do you feel about his...drastic transformation?
Dave Dudley: I think it's disgusting. The man is a junkie, and he's a raving lunatic. I thought I had gone crazy for a while there in EWA, but this guy takes the cake. He was once the top wrestling promoter in the WORLD. The WORLD, JR. He beat LWN in the ratings, he was the first guy to do that! With the help of me, of course. But he makes it seem like I seized the throne in ICW. Like I took it away from him. The man became TOO INCOMPETANT TO CONTROL ICW. I TOOK ADVANTAGE AND BECAME THE MAN. Ratings were sagging, and I brought the mother fuckers up, JR! You were there! To Hell And Back. Triple Threat. The Insane Rumble 3. RolePlayMania II. WinterWar2001. These events are the greatest in wrestling history, and look who was responsible for them? Me. Scottie had his run with Red Alert, Carnage 2000, and RolePlayMania. And He'll always have that to his name. But now and forever, I am ICW. There is no other name synonymous with ICW, than Dave Dudley. And that's a FACT.
Dave, excited from yelling sits back in his chair...the camera fades out and cuts back to Joel Gertner.
Joel Gertner: Folks, we'll have more of the Dave Dudley interview later in the show. But when we come back, we'll have an exclusive look at the circumstances regarding the night where ICW superstars defected to EWA!!!!
Commercial Break:
Akira3K1: What are you doing, butt muncher
Auto response from DaVE DuDLeY 632: I woke up today...
to find myself in the other place
with a trail of my footprints
From where I ran away.
Seems everything I've heard
just might be true
and you know me,
(well, you think you do.)
In a dream, I'm a different me
with a perfect you
we fit perfectly
for once in my life I feel complete
and I still wanna ruin it
afraid to look
as clear as day
this plan has long been underway
I hear them call, I cannot stay
the voice inviting me away
Sometimes, I have everything...
Yet I wish I felt something
Akira3K1: Dave, you know I love NIN
Akira3K1: I have a tattoo of the logo on my back for chrissakes
Akira3K1: But Dave
Akira3K1: PUTTING PANSY NIN LYRICS IN YOUR AWAY MESSAGE IS GOLF-ALPHA-YANKEE GAY!
Akira3K1: DO YOU SUCK DICKS?
Akira3K1: ARE YOU A PETER PUFFER?
Akira3K1: Bullshit! I bet you could suck a golfball through a garden hose!
DaVE DuDLeY 632: Blow me
Akira3K1: Well, if you insist.
DaVE DuDLeY 632: Faggot, I knew it.
DaVE DuDLeY 632: You go and die, and be gay.
Akira3K1: lol
Back to television...
Joel Gertner: Welcome back, you night owls. In our next sexy, delicious, rambuncious segment, we'll discuss the night that EWA put a deathblow into Insane Championship Wrestling...
Footage is shown, but I the almighty announcer will break it down for you.
EWA was overtaking ICW in the ratings game. Even as The Hardcore Icon himself, Dave Dudley was main eventing (if not the EWA champ) there, ICW sagged. Before a Monday Mayhem one evening, 4 ICW Superstars who were also in EWA were talking about possibily quitting Insane Championship Wrestling.
They had been no-showing at house shows, and not showing up to record promos.
These men were Amalek, Vassago Arcturus/Raziel/Pyro/Jeff Watson, Myst, and Johnny Q Public.
In the back, they had all apparently formed a kliq of sorts. They thought they were too good for ICW, and that the EWA was the new place to be.
They talked all day about how Dave Dudley's ICW booking was poor, and ScottiePP7's shoddy running of the company was starting to bore and anger them.
So, Dudley and PP7 talked it out before the show, that these 4 men were going to get fired, and Scottie delivered his now infamous speech.(written by Dudley).
They were all 4 fired, and banned from ever setting foot in ICW again. They all seemingly had major problems with this, and caused major waves.
They stayed gone for the remainder of that incarnation of ICW's tenure, which was only a few weeks longer.
Only Johnny Q Public remained around, lurking in the ICW crowds. He eventually got a contract after being involved in a brutal feud with ScottiePP7.
of course, ICW offically died when it lost it's television contract before a Inferno taping was to air...due to booker Andrew Leigh's failure to deliver the tape.
Myst was reinstated when Dudley gained full power, as it is rumored the two share a strong off-camera friendship.
Dudley and Amalek came back to good terms business-wise, but still share a strong hatred for each other.
Only Jeff Watson has turned down invitations after invitations to rejoin ICW. His EWA stint was lackluster, and he is believed to have retired from the sport alltogether. Fans have clamored for this cult icon's return, but there has been no word of his whereabouts...or his current status...
Regardless...ICW lives on.
Joel Gertner: There you have it folks. And now look at where that shitty EWA is. In the shitter. Where my @#%$ is. And I cant believe I actually broadcast on their shows. Sickening. Well, it's time for this week's
EFWO DISS OF THE WEEK!
BROUGHT YOU YOU BY CASTROL...I KNOW I ALWAYS DRIVE HARD!
What? Ethan Prophet? Hoyakillah? Flate? Jacobs? These guys are in EFWO? I thought they died.
that was this weeks EFWO DISS OF THE WEEK!
Brought to you by the only motor oil you can depend on, Castrol. Drive Hard!
Joel Gertner: And now...well, take a look for yourself.
The Following Is A Paid Announcement By The E. W. O.
Simeon: Well, well, well. ICW. How things come full circle. It's a shawdow of its former self, but it's ICW nonetheless.
Just a little over two years ago, almost to the day, there was a little event called ICW: To Hell and Back. I wrestled DKnoch or Matt Dawg or some other pisspoor excuse for a human being, but that's not what's important. What's important is what happened later.
On that show, Dave Dudley was beaten within an inch of his life, and within an inch of his career. He dissapeared, and that was the beginning of the end. Sure, ICW puttered on for another couple of months, but it was running on fumes.
Then, there were a series of half assed comebacks. Nobody really cared anymore.
But now, there's something different. There's an energy not felt since Dave Dudley was taking on Vassago and Amalek was dominating the place. And it's pretty easy to pinpoint just where that energy is coming from.
A hatred of EFWO.
Hell yes, EFWO sucks. Anybody with a functioning brain cell can see that. And if that's bringing in fans, well that's just terrific.
But...
Too all you fans excited by a war against EFWO, I ask you, where the hell were you when we couldn't even fill arenas like the Hoboken Colleisium or the Tallahasse Field House? And to you newcomers in the back, where the hell where you when we had a grand total of ten guys busting their asses every night? Two of whom were Kram @#%$ and Don the Death Dealer Sampson. THAT'S RIGHT, DON THE DEATH DEALER SAMPSON.
You may think that you're with ICW, but I don't quite agree. The line has been drawn. Those who are ICW for life, and those who are just hanging around for a cheap thrill. I've chosen my side. I'll stand by Dave Dudley so long as this two bit operation is still open. He lives, breathes, eats, and sleeps ICW...something most of you probably don't understand, and never will.
Commercial Break:
A Man is walking up to Babydoll Bradley.
Man: Hey...arent you babydoll bradley?
BDB: Why yes hun, I am. Straight out of the trailer. Arent you...
Man: Yes, I'm Matt Dawg. Boy, you are fucken beautiful!
BDB: Why, thanks...you cant even see the moustache?
Matt Dawg: Nope. Cant fucken see it. Let's go bang.
....impared judgement?
A side-effect of hunger.
We recommend: Snickers.
Chock full of caramel, peanuts and creamy nougat, it has what you need to get back your mental faculties.
Snickers. Don't let hunger happen to YOU.
back to live tv...
Joel Gertner: It's now time for this week's Question of the week. It was sent into us by Daniel Knoch, of East Whateverthefuck, Anytown USA.
Dear ICW Question of the week: Who is Kallista, and what happened to her?
Joel Gertner: Well Daniel, that's a good question. You see, Kallislutty Silverfag Bagan(for sex) is probably the greatest woman to ever wrestle in our neck of the woods. Speaking of necking, I have a story about me and Kallista. Once, back in EWA, she approached me in the hall. She asked me "How are you doing, Joel?" and yours truely replied "A lot better, if you were sitting on my face." 3 minutes later I was parking the beefbus in tuna town, if you know what I mean. Dont tell Healius, though. Anyway, what happened to her? Well after the birth of their 50th child, Damian, I heard she got laid up in the hospital with a bad case of the gout, syphilis, and a ruptured rectum. I mean...a deviated septum. That, and a kidney stone.
Thanks for sending in your question, Daniel!! We'll accept your questions via email for next week's show, folks. Send your wrestling questions to "ICW Question OF The Week" c/o DaveDudley632@AOL.com
Joel Gertner: And now part two of the Dave Dudley interview. Bitches. Hungry? Why wait. Grab a Gertner.
Camera cuts to the interview again
Jim Ross: Now Dave, it's no secret you've been embroiled in a 3 year feud with the E-Federation World Order. And recently you joined, made a HUGE impact there, and were subsequently banned and fired for your backstage behavior, and your attacks on their world champion, The Jackal. What really went on?
Dave Dudley: Brian Oxenreider called me up one evening at home. We went over a plan that would bring me into EFWO, who's ratings were sagging. Hell, Dawsons Creek was beating the EFWO.
Jim Ross: Damn...that's pitiful.
Dave Dudley: I was excited. I was going to get a shot at the EFWO World Title belt, the only one I've never held. I debuted at Shockwave, and beat Jackal's ass. Backstage, me and him...who I believe is a she...so we'll call it a shim, or a he-she. Anyway, me and shim got into an argument, because he-she didnt want to deal with me, because he-she thought he-she was so much better than me. So he-she went to the bookers and the prez himself X-Dude, and attempted to get out of the match with me, but no, X-Dude was behind me 100%, because I shook things up in EFWO, and gave them a giant kickstart. Hell, I even took away from Hoyakillah's sorry ass "unmasking", in shock-value. The last place people expected to see The Hardcore Icon was in the EFWO.
So, what happened was I was too extreme, for EFWO essentially. The bookers, the high officers, they thought I was too foul mouthed, too hardcore, too everything. Hell, the EFWO wrestlers cant even hang with the hardcore icon when it comes to TECHNICAL wrestling. I was going to get fired, undoubtebly. The bastards didnt have the balls to let me know, though. In the back at one of the shows, Christian Underwood was prancing around in a speedo, with his unit all hanging out and his well-oiled freakish body. I passed him in the hall and his weiner touched my leg. THIS IS DISGUSTING, JR. I cant believe the EFWO superstars are involved in such a gay orgy as they are. But in any event, I pushed him and said "Watch it, you @#%$ faggot." He went and told a bunch of people, and before you knew it, I was being escorted out of the arena before a house show. The EFWO not only fears me, they need me. And someday I will be the real EFWO world champ, and someday I will enact my revenge on them.
Jim Ross: Now Dave, it has been said that one of the main goals of ICW is to take out EFWO from it's pedestal. It's been rumored that this is ICW's last run...and after it's closed this time, ti will be permanetly closed. What's the deal?
Dave Dudley: True. That is one of the main goals. We're all united under a common bond of EFWO hatred. We want to do better than them, and I want my ICW superstars to do better than them. EFWO is the worst thing to ever happen to ewrestling, and it amazes me that they're still in business three years running. As far as ICW closing it's doors after this time for good...more than likely...yes. Maybe some day after its all said and done, there will be a reunion PPV or something...but ICW cant go through another run after this last one. It just cant. Plain and simple. The legend has to stop somewhere. And when it stops, we'll all shed a tear. Because we all participated in something special. ICW transcends EFWO...LWN...EWA...everything. It is the greatest e-wrestling promotion of all time. And people will remember the name Dave Dudley...and more importantly, the name ICW...forever.
Camera cuts back to Joel Gertner:
Joel Gertner: Strong words from MY favorite Icon, Dave Dudley. When we come back, we'll have Scottie vs Joseph Johnson, it's this week's INSANE MATCHUP!! But first, a message from The Jaded E-Fed Icon himself...Y2AMAZING!
Scene cuts to JR, who is standing in front of the stupid backdrop of a fence and the ICW logo with some other assorted badass paraphernalia usually associated with a dark alley, alongside Andrew Leigh. JR points the dumb microphone up into Leigh�s face
Jim Ross- So, Andrew, in your first match back with ICW, you fell victim to a tough loss at the hands of Joseph Johnson and Johnny Q. Public, with some outside involvement from The Hardcore Icon Dave Dudley. Where do you go from here now that your shot at the ICW Title that you once held is gone?
Andrew Leigh-say JR, did you know that Kayfabe has some sort of freaky homoerotic fascination with you? He walks around backstage just screaming at the top of his longs mocking your voice, about the dumbest things. "MY GOD! MY GOD! THIS COFFEE IS GREAT! BY GOD, COFFEE! COFFEE!"
Jim Ross- Well, that�s just lovely, I�ll be sure to send him an autographed bottle of my Good Ole Bar-B-Q sauce. Anyway, the question is at hand: what now?
Leigh- Well, I figured I�d just linger around and make fun of some more dorks that think they�ve got talent, crack a few skulls, and then eventually win the World Title and quit. This whole loss in the Tag Tournament is just a minor set back. I mean, really, if the belt ends up anyone that is still in the tournament, I�ll have a cakewalk back to the top of this company.
JR- I tell ya, the companies and faces have changed over the years, but you�re still the same cocky bastard from your Y2A days!
Leigh- Wow JR, I never knew you felt that way about me. Really, I appreciate it. Regardless, I just hope to beat the s*hit out of as many people as possible in my time in ICW. And, also, make fun of EFWO as much as possible.
JR- Anyone in particular on your list of people you�d like to defeat?
Leigh- Well, no. I don�t like anyone in this place really, but then again none of them even remember how great I was, so they all deserve to be beaten, and beaten badly by moi in order to re-install my dominance and sheer greatness into their feeble lives and weak minds.
JR- Well, no one remembers good ole Y2A because he took years at a time off from the business. You didn�t have the longevity like a Healium or a Dave Dudley, because you always were goin� off and disappearin�!
Leigh- Jesus Christ JR, I didn�t come here for a speech about how I should have run my career. The bottom line is this: no one remembers the dominant force that was Andrew Leigh, and my goal will be to change that, along with making fun of people�s mothers and saying that EFWO sucks. That�s all I�m here to do, and possibly find some loose women around the country via the ICW�s drawing power of whores. I mean, you know all about that, you dirty pimp you.
JR- Hey now, I�m a happily married man with 2 kids.
Leigh- I�m sure you tell them all about the Danza Slaps you give to members of the ring crew.. male members of the ring crew, no less.
JR- Er.ah..well, that�s all the time we have, Andrew I thank you kindly for joining us this evening!
Leigh- Hah, punch out while you still can, JR. Don�t want anyone to hear about your experience with hamsters, a Coke bottle, a leather dildo, Kallista, and Myst�s mother...
Commercial Break:
"sung to the tune of "Norweigian Wood" by The Beatles"
I...once had a girl
or should I say
she once had me.
We @#%$ until 2
and then she said
give me some head.
I took off her pants, and then I went down there
And I looked around, and noticed there wasnt no hair
So, I did my thing, taking my time, it tasted like slime.
When she woke up, no one was home, she was alone.
She, went to the bathroom, and when she peed...it burned real good.
Herpes. ONLY YOU, CANT PREVENT CROTCH FIRES.
in a related story:
RockyBYW: You suck. You All Suck.
RockyBYW: That's my interview.
RockyBYW: there, I got it done. I suspect I don't have to email it to you
When we return, we're greeted from a shot inside the famous ICW Arena, in Philadelphia Pennsylvania.
A large crowd is on hand, and we see signs such as:
"THIS SHOW=RULES."
"DUDLEY IS HERPES-FREE"
"To continue the rhyme scheme. R. Kelly had to pee."
"Had to pee, on me"
" ^^^^^^ HAGAN ^^^^^^^^^"
"Danger!" hits, and out comes Scottie to a mixed reaction from the crowd. The bell sounds, as Scottie comes out in a nicer shirt. This one only has 2 holes.
Michael Cole: Hello everyone, and welcome to this week's INSANE MATCH OF THE WEEK! I'm Michael Cole, and will I be here next week?
Dave Dudley: Depends. I know I will be! This is my show! BONGGGGGGG!
Todd Pettengill: And so will I. I have a guaranteed contract with WWF MANIA!!!!!!! SATURDAY MORNINGS ON USA!!
Scottie stands in the ring and points his finger at Dave Dudley. Dave stands up from his chair and flips Scottie off, as the fans cheer.
"Hail To The Chief" plays, and out comes Joseph Johnson, alongside the Homeland Security. The security lines the entrance way, as Joseph walks out. He slides into the ring, and gets on the mic:
Joseph Johnson: Remember folks...put away those Hustler mags, and those Cuban cigars...THE HOMELAND SECURITY IS WATCHING YOU!
Scottie jumps Johnson before he can finish, and the bell sounds again, signalling the beginning of the match. Scottie whips Johnson into the corner, and runs, follwing him with a clothesline.
Scottie then begins to stomp away on Johnson, until he is slumped over in the corner. Scottie then rolls to the outside, and walks up to the announce position, getting in Dave Dudley's face
Dave Dudley: Oh what now? What do you want, you piece of trash? ICW is yours? Ok, my mistake, I thought I put all of this together for you. It'll never be yours again, you wasted piece of @#%$.
Cole: Look from behind! Johnson!
Johnson hits Scottie in the back. As the ref comes to pull Johnson off, Dudley slams Scottie's head into the announce table. Johnson then slides Scottie into the ring...
Pettengill: Wow there Dave, you showed him that you are the true "King" of Memphis.
Dudley: Uh...you mean...Jerry Lawler.
Pettengill: Backlund has a DEVASTATING...CROSSFACE CHICKENWING!
Cole: Haha, now you sound like me on Smackdown! Just Bring it!
Johnson cranks on a headlock on Scottie, as the camera zooms in on Scottie's unshaven face. Scottie struggles, but gets to his feet when the fans start to chant his name.
Scottie delivers two elbows to Johnsons' gut, and whips him into the ropes. On the rebound, Scottie catches him with a forearm to the face. Scottie then runs off the ropes, and he and Johnson collide with a double shoulderblock.
None of them budge, and they immediately engage in fisticuffs.
Johnson gets his rabbit punches in, as Scottie does some hobo-style boxing.
Dudley: Haha, look! Scottie is HOBO BOXING!
Pettengill: Reminds me of a young Brooklyn Brawler Steve Lombardi...
Cole: You know, Todd...we look alot alike.
Pettengill: Yeah. Do you work for the WWF or something?
Cole: You mean WWE. Get the F out.
Pettengill: You cant say that on TV!!
Dudley: SHUT THE @#%$ UP! Look at this action in the ring!
Scottie and Johnson exchange blows, as Scottie does a drop toe hold to Johnson, and delivers a leg drop to the back of his head. Scottie then runs to the outside and attempts to get in Dudley's face again, but referee Mike Chioda restrains him.
Dudley: Bring it on, you ballsac busting bitch.
Cole: Boy, Dave, Scottie is angry at you!
Dudley: No @#%$?
On the otherside, Johnson sneaks to the outside, and grabs a steel chair!!!
Cole: What the hell? Johnson grabs a steel chair...but...what a damn hypocrite! He stands up for all the good stuff, but what a hypocrite!!!!!
Pettengill: I think we have a babysitter in the crowd from Alaska, who saved her money to come all the way here to the Royal Rumble, here in San Antonio. Let's talk to her.
Cole: What a hypocrite!!! THIS IS DISGUSTING!!!!!!
Johnson enters the ring, and sneaks up behind Scottie. He swings the chair, but Scottie ducks! Johnson hits the referee, and drops the chair. He turns around, and Scottie delivers a kick to the gut that resembles that of a low blow, Johnson is stunned! Scottie sets Johnson up for the Martini DDT! he points at Dave and says this one is for you.
Dudley: That's it. I cant take any more of his @#%$. I'm going to beat his raggedy-andy ass, guys. Be back in a second.
Dave gets up, but before he can make it past the announce table, a man in a hooded sweatshirt jumps over the rail! The man spits beer into the face of Dudley! Then the man picks up Dave's chair he was sitting in and HITS HIM IN THE FACE!!! He takes off the hood, to reveal himself to be SEAMUS O'HAGAN! He grabs a beer from a fan in the crowd and begins to chug it!!
Cole: Oh man, Seamus O'Hagan just beat Dave up again!! look in the ring!!
Scottie prepares to deliver the martini DDT. He folds his arms out and says "I...C...W!!" But Johnson hits Scottie with a low-blow, hooks him up, and delivers THE DEFENSE MISSILE(rock bottom) on the steel chair dropped by him earlier!!!!!! he makes the cover, as a revived Mike Chioda is ready to count...
1...
2...
3!!!!
Winner by pinfall, Joseph Johnson
Johnson slides out of the ring, as "Hail to the chief" plays again. He heads to the back, with the homeland security flanking his sides.
Seamus, on the other hand, leaves via through the crowd.
Dudley gets up, angry, and sees Scottie in the ring. He goes into the ring, helps Scottie to his feet, flips him off, and delivers a 4D!!! THE DAVE DUDLEY DEATH DROP!!! Scottie goes out cold, as Dave walks over to the turnbuckle, and raises his hands as the fans give a mixed reaction.
Cole: What a bunch of Mayhem!!! And folks, we'll see you at Mayhem Monday night!! It's going to be the quarter finals of the tournament! Hexane and Kayfabe will take on QPublic and Joseph Johnson, and Supa Sky and El Bastarde will take on Amalek and Dave Dudley!!! And its all about the ICW world title! For Dave Dudley, Todd Pettengill, Joel Gertner, this is Michael Cole, saying so long everybody!!!
end transmission
Insane Championship Wrestling.
In only 1 country.
In one language.
To about 15 homes each week.
The ICW, the worldwide PINNACLE in Sports Entertainment!
Highlights of ICW's historical groundbreaking matches are shown, as the Saturday Night Insanity intro rolls. A cut-up version of "Zam The Assassin and The Chase Through Coruscant" by John Williams and the London Symphony Orchestra plays in the background.
The camera opens in a dark set, to reveal the host of Saturday Night Insanity, Joel Gertner.
The lights open up,a nd we're greeted with Joel's...uh...not so pretty face.
Joel Gertner: Hello wrestling fans, and welcome to the first installment of Insane Championship Wrestling's Saturday Night Insanity. I am your host for the evening, "The Quintessential Muffstuffer", oops, I mean "Studmuffin", "The Quintessential Studmuffin", Joel 'You cant have your pudding if you don't eat your meat', Gertner.
And well, well, well. If you've got an hour, I've got the power. Tonight boys and girls we have a treat for you. No, not my big bad beef stick, oh no. Tonight we have a match between two former Icons in the sport, Scottie vs. Joseph Johnson. Thats right, ScottiePP7 vs. JPac. And speaking of big bad beef sticks, if you had to compare mine to Scottie's well there is no question, that the Studmuffin holds up, and that Scottie's is nothing but a Slim Jim.
That being said, it is my privledge to show you, at this time...we were going to show clips of Hoyakillah at this moment, but we werent allowed to show black and white footage on television. So instead, we'll jump right in to our special interview of the week. Our beloved owner and ICW multi-champ, and my personal hero, The Hardcore Icon Mr. David Dudley sat down yesterday with Good Ol' JR Jim Ross, for an exclusive interview. Take it away, fatass! I mean...JR.
Footage rolls of Dave Dudley's achievments, blah, you get the idea right? You watched the Goldust and Mick Foley interviews in 97.
Jim Ross: Dave, I'd like to take this time and thank you for the opportunity for this interview, I know you've not only got a lot on your mind, but there are a lot of unanswered questions to be taken care of.
Dave Dudley: No problem, Jim. Always glad to appease my ICW fans. Smiles.
Jim Ross: Well, let me start with the most obvious of questions...as I'm sure everyone knows, on Thursday you revealed your alignment with the new ICW Commissioner, Myst...eh, what is the reasoning on this? This was a shocker to all of us.
Dave Dudley: Of course it was a shocker, I mean that's what we intended it to be, Jim. But as far as my reasoning? Well, Myst had contacted me from his cell-
Jim Ross: Speaking of that, how exactly did Myst end up in a prison cell?
Dave Dudley: Do I look like his publicist? I dont think that's any of your business until he chooses to reveal it, JR. And dont interrupt me again. We talked, about a possible role in ICW. He said he'd like to come back as some sort of non-wrestling role. I've been wanting to do away with the ICW Executive Committee for some time now, even back when ScottiePP7 was running this place. So I decided to take out the Committee so that I would be the total power here in ICW. It's good business, JR. But to do so I needed to appoint a commissioner, an unbiased one that made it seem that my power was limited. Me and Myst planned it out, and it was a done deal. Why did I join up with Myst? Who better? Can you think of a man who gave me more of a challenge more than Myst?
Jim Ross: Amalek. Vassago. Dan Hampton. Healius. Hell, even Flate.
Dave Dudley: Shut your damn mouth, JR. The point is that everything came together at the right time, and as it stands I am in control of ICW and Myst is right there with me.
Jim Ross: So, will Myst be an honest, unbiased commissioner?
Dave Dudley: As he sees fit, sure. He has the power to book matches now, and that's about it. He has a certain clause or two in his contract regarding his power limits and firing issues, but those dont need to be addressed at this time. We dont want any skeletons out of the closet, as it were.
Jim Ross: So you took the ICW belt off of yourself, and designed this tournament. Tell me about that.
Dave Dudley: It was Myst's idea, mostly. What better way to shake up ICW, and give myself some more competition? The belt is mine, anyhow. I'll get it back come next week.
Jim Ross: Dont be so sure of yourself, Dave. You have challenges coming at you from every angle.
Dave Dudley: True, but you know better than anyone, that's how I like it.
Jim Ross: Always one for controversy, you are. Let's talk about one of those threats, ScottiePP7...now going by just Scottie. How do you feel about his...drastic transformation?
Dave Dudley: I think it's disgusting. The man is a junkie, and he's a raving lunatic. I thought I had gone crazy for a while there in EWA, but this guy takes the cake. He was once the top wrestling promoter in the WORLD. The WORLD, JR. He beat LWN in the ratings, he was the first guy to do that! With the help of me, of course. But he makes it seem like I seized the throne in ICW. Like I took it away from him. The man became TOO INCOMPETANT TO CONTROL ICW. I TOOK ADVANTAGE AND BECAME THE MAN. Ratings were sagging, and I brought the mother fuckers up, JR! You were there! To Hell And Back. Triple Threat. The Insane Rumble 3. RolePlayMania II. WinterWar2001. These events are the greatest in wrestling history, and look who was responsible for them? Me. Scottie had his run with Red Alert, Carnage 2000, and RolePlayMania. And He'll always have that to his name. But now and forever, I am ICW. There is no other name synonymous with ICW, than Dave Dudley. And that's a FACT.
Dave, excited from yelling sits back in his chair...the camera fades out and cuts back to Joel Gertner.
Joel Gertner: Folks, we'll have more of the Dave Dudley interview later in the show. But when we come back, we'll have an exclusive look at the circumstances regarding the night where ICW superstars defected to EWA!!!!
Commercial Break:
Akira3K1: What are you doing, butt muncher
Auto response from DaVE DuDLeY 632: I woke up today...
to find myself in the other place
with a trail of my footprints
From where I ran away.
Seems everything I've heard
just might be true
and you know me,
(well, you think you do.)
In a dream, I'm a different me
with a perfect you
we fit perfectly
for once in my life I feel complete
and I still wanna ruin it
afraid to look
as clear as day
this plan has long been underway
I hear them call, I cannot stay
the voice inviting me away
Sometimes, I have everything...
Yet I wish I felt something
Akira3K1: Dave, you know I love NIN
Akira3K1: I have a tattoo of the logo on my back for chrissakes
Akira3K1: But Dave
Akira3K1: PUTTING PANSY NIN LYRICS IN YOUR AWAY MESSAGE IS GOLF-ALPHA-YANKEE GAY!
Akira3K1: DO YOU SUCK DICKS?
Akira3K1: ARE YOU A PETER PUFFER?
Akira3K1: Bullshit! I bet you could suck a golfball through a garden hose!
DaVE DuDLeY 632: Blow me
Akira3K1: Well, if you insist.
DaVE DuDLeY 632: Faggot, I knew it.
DaVE DuDLeY 632: You go and die, and be gay.
Akira3K1: lol
Back to television...
Joel Gertner: Welcome back, you night owls. In our next sexy, delicious, rambuncious segment, we'll discuss the night that EWA put a deathblow into Insane Championship Wrestling...
Footage is shown, but I the almighty announcer will break it down for you.
EWA was overtaking ICW in the ratings game. Even as The Hardcore Icon himself, Dave Dudley was main eventing (if not the EWA champ) there, ICW sagged. Before a Monday Mayhem one evening, 4 ICW Superstars who were also in EWA were talking about possibily quitting Insane Championship Wrestling.
They had been no-showing at house shows, and not showing up to record promos.
These men were Amalek, Vassago Arcturus/Raziel/Pyro/Jeff Watson, Myst, and Johnny Q Public.
In the back, they had all apparently formed a kliq of sorts. They thought they were too good for ICW, and that the EWA was the new place to be.
They talked all day about how Dave Dudley's ICW booking was poor, and ScottiePP7's shoddy running of the company was starting to bore and anger them.
So, Dudley and PP7 talked it out before the show, that these 4 men were going to get fired, and Scottie delivered his now infamous speech.(written by Dudley).
They were all 4 fired, and banned from ever setting foot in ICW again. They all seemingly had major problems with this, and caused major waves.
They stayed gone for the remainder of that incarnation of ICW's tenure, which was only a few weeks longer.
Only Johnny Q Public remained around, lurking in the ICW crowds. He eventually got a contract after being involved in a brutal feud with ScottiePP7.
of course, ICW offically died when it lost it's television contract before a Inferno taping was to air...due to booker Andrew Leigh's failure to deliver the tape.
Myst was reinstated when Dudley gained full power, as it is rumored the two share a strong off-camera friendship.
Dudley and Amalek came back to good terms business-wise, but still share a strong hatred for each other.
Only Jeff Watson has turned down invitations after invitations to rejoin ICW. His EWA stint was lackluster, and he is believed to have retired from the sport alltogether. Fans have clamored for this cult icon's return, but there has been no word of his whereabouts...or his current status...
Regardless...ICW lives on.
Joel Gertner: There you have it folks. And now look at where that shitty EWA is. In the shitter. Where my @#%$ is. And I cant believe I actually broadcast on their shows. Sickening. Well, it's time for this week's
EFWO DISS OF THE WEEK!
BROUGHT YOU YOU BY CASTROL...I KNOW I ALWAYS DRIVE HARD!
What? Ethan Prophet? Hoyakillah? Flate? Jacobs? These guys are in EFWO? I thought they died.
that was this weeks EFWO DISS OF THE WEEK!
Brought to you by the only motor oil you can depend on, Castrol. Drive Hard!
Joel Gertner: And now...well, take a look for yourself.
The Following Is A Paid Announcement By The E. W. O.
Simeon: Well, well, well. ICW. How things come full circle. It's a shawdow of its former self, but it's ICW nonetheless.
Just a little over two years ago, almost to the day, there was a little event called ICW: To Hell and Back. I wrestled DKnoch or Matt Dawg or some other pisspoor excuse for a human being, but that's not what's important. What's important is what happened later.
On that show, Dave Dudley was beaten within an inch of his life, and within an inch of his career. He dissapeared, and that was the beginning of the end. Sure, ICW puttered on for another couple of months, but it was running on fumes.
Then, there were a series of half assed comebacks. Nobody really cared anymore.
But now, there's something different. There's an energy not felt since Dave Dudley was taking on Vassago and Amalek was dominating the place. And it's pretty easy to pinpoint just where that energy is coming from.
A hatred of EFWO.
Hell yes, EFWO sucks. Anybody with a functioning brain cell can see that. And if that's bringing in fans, well that's just terrific.
But...
Too all you fans excited by a war against EFWO, I ask you, where the hell were you when we couldn't even fill arenas like the Hoboken Colleisium or the Tallahasse Field House? And to you newcomers in the back, where the hell where you when we had a grand total of ten guys busting their asses every night? Two of whom were Kram @#%$ and Don the Death Dealer Sampson. THAT'S RIGHT, DON THE DEATH DEALER SAMPSON.
You may think that you're with ICW, but I don't quite agree. The line has been drawn. Those who are ICW for life, and those who are just hanging around for a cheap thrill. I've chosen my side. I'll stand by Dave Dudley so long as this two bit operation is still open. He lives, breathes, eats, and sleeps ICW...something most of you probably don't understand, and never will.
Commercial Break:
A Man is walking up to Babydoll Bradley.
Man: Hey...arent you babydoll bradley?
BDB: Why yes hun, I am. Straight out of the trailer. Arent you...
Man: Yes, I'm Matt Dawg. Boy, you are fucken beautiful!
BDB: Why, thanks...you cant even see the moustache?
Matt Dawg: Nope. Cant fucken see it. Let's go bang.
....impared judgement?
A side-effect of hunger.
We recommend: Snickers.
Chock full of caramel, peanuts and creamy nougat, it has what you need to get back your mental faculties.
Snickers. Don't let hunger happen to YOU.
back to live tv...
Joel Gertner: It's now time for this week's Question of the week. It was sent into us by Daniel Knoch, of East Whateverthefuck, Anytown USA.
Dear ICW Question of the week: Who is Kallista, and what happened to her?
Joel Gertner: Well Daniel, that's a good question. You see, Kallislutty Silverfag Bagan(for sex) is probably the greatest woman to ever wrestle in our neck of the woods. Speaking of necking, I have a story about me and Kallista. Once, back in EWA, she approached me in the hall. She asked me "How are you doing, Joel?" and yours truely replied "A lot better, if you were sitting on my face." 3 minutes later I was parking the beefbus in tuna town, if you know what I mean. Dont tell Healius, though. Anyway, what happened to her? Well after the birth of their 50th child, Damian, I heard she got laid up in the hospital with a bad case of the gout, syphilis, and a ruptured rectum. I mean...a deviated septum. That, and a kidney stone.
Thanks for sending in your question, Daniel!! We'll accept your questions via email for next week's show, folks. Send your wrestling questions to "ICW Question OF The Week" c/o DaveDudley632@AOL.com
Joel Gertner: And now part two of the Dave Dudley interview. Bitches. Hungry? Why wait. Grab a Gertner.
Camera cuts to the interview again
Jim Ross: Now Dave, it's no secret you've been embroiled in a 3 year feud with the E-Federation World Order. And recently you joined, made a HUGE impact there, and were subsequently banned and fired for your backstage behavior, and your attacks on their world champion, The Jackal. What really went on?
Dave Dudley: Brian Oxenreider called me up one evening at home. We went over a plan that would bring me into EFWO, who's ratings were sagging. Hell, Dawsons Creek was beating the EFWO.
Jim Ross: Damn...that's pitiful.
Dave Dudley: I was excited. I was going to get a shot at the EFWO World Title belt, the only one I've never held. I debuted at Shockwave, and beat Jackal's ass. Backstage, me and him...who I believe is a she...so we'll call it a shim, or a he-she. Anyway, me and shim got into an argument, because he-she didnt want to deal with me, because he-she thought he-she was so much better than me. So he-she went to the bookers and the prez himself X-Dude, and attempted to get out of the match with me, but no, X-Dude was behind me 100%, because I shook things up in EFWO, and gave them a giant kickstart. Hell, I even took away from Hoyakillah's sorry ass "unmasking", in shock-value. The last place people expected to see The Hardcore Icon was in the EFWO.
So, what happened was I was too extreme, for EFWO essentially. The bookers, the high officers, they thought I was too foul mouthed, too hardcore, too everything. Hell, the EFWO wrestlers cant even hang with the hardcore icon when it comes to TECHNICAL wrestling. I was going to get fired, undoubtebly. The bastards didnt have the balls to let me know, though. In the back at one of the shows, Christian Underwood was prancing around in a speedo, with his unit all hanging out and his well-oiled freakish body. I passed him in the hall and his weiner touched my leg. THIS IS DISGUSTING, JR. I cant believe the EFWO superstars are involved in such a gay orgy as they are. But in any event, I pushed him and said "Watch it, you @#%$ faggot." He went and told a bunch of people, and before you knew it, I was being escorted out of the arena before a house show. The EFWO not only fears me, they need me. And someday I will be the real EFWO world champ, and someday I will enact my revenge on them.
Jim Ross: Now Dave, it has been said that one of the main goals of ICW is to take out EFWO from it's pedestal. It's been rumored that this is ICW's last run...and after it's closed this time, ti will be permanetly closed. What's the deal?
Dave Dudley: True. That is one of the main goals. We're all united under a common bond of EFWO hatred. We want to do better than them, and I want my ICW superstars to do better than them. EFWO is the worst thing to ever happen to ewrestling, and it amazes me that they're still in business three years running. As far as ICW closing it's doors after this time for good...more than likely...yes. Maybe some day after its all said and done, there will be a reunion PPV or something...but ICW cant go through another run after this last one. It just cant. Plain and simple. The legend has to stop somewhere. And when it stops, we'll all shed a tear. Because we all participated in something special. ICW transcends EFWO...LWN...EWA...everything. It is the greatest e-wrestling promotion of all time. And people will remember the name Dave Dudley...and more importantly, the name ICW...forever.
Camera cuts back to Joel Gertner:
Joel Gertner: Strong words from MY favorite Icon, Dave Dudley. When we come back, we'll have Scottie vs Joseph Johnson, it's this week's INSANE MATCHUP!! But first, a message from The Jaded E-Fed Icon himself...Y2AMAZING!
Scene cuts to JR, who is standing in front of the stupid backdrop of a fence and the ICW logo with some other assorted badass paraphernalia usually associated with a dark alley, alongside Andrew Leigh. JR points the dumb microphone up into Leigh�s face
Jim Ross- So, Andrew, in your first match back with ICW, you fell victim to a tough loss at the hands of Joseph Johnson and Johnny Q. Public, with some outside involvement from The Hardcore Icon Dave Dudley. Where do you go from here now that your shot at the ICW Title that you once held is gone?
Andrew Leigh-say JR, did you know that Kayfabe has some sort of freaky homoerotic fascination with you? He walks around backstage just screaming at the top of his longs mocking your voice, about the dumbest things. "MY GOD! MY GOD! THIS COFFEE IS GREAT! BY GOD, COFFEE! COFFEE!"
Jim Ross- Well, that�s just lovely, I�ll be sure to send him an autographed bottle of my Good Ole Bar-B-Q sauce. Anyway, the question is at hand: what now?
Leigh- Well, I figured I�d just linger around and make fun of some more dorks that think they�ve got talent, crack a few skulls, and then eventually win the World Title and quit. This whole loss in the Tag Tournament is just a minor set back. I mean, really, if the belt ends up anyone that is still in the tournament, I�ll have a cakewalk back to the top of this company.
JR- I tell ya, the companies and faces have changed over the years, but you�re still the same cocky bastard from your Y2A days!
Leigh- Wow JR, I never knew you felt that way about me. Really, I appreciate it. Regardless, I just hope to beat the s*hit out of as many people as possible in my time in ICW. And, also, make fun of EFWO as much as possible.
JR- Anyone in particular on your list of people you�d like to defeat?
Leigh- Well, no. I don�t like anyone in this place really, but then again none of them even remember how great I was, so they all deserve to be beaten, and beaten badly by moi in order to re-install my dominance and sheer greatness into their feeble lives and weak minds.
JR- Well, no one remembers good ole Y2A because he took years at a time off from the business. You didn�t have the longevity like a Healium or a Dave Dudley, because you always were goin� off and disappearin�!
Leigh- Jesus Christ JR, I didn�t come here for a speech about how I should have run my career. The bottom line is this: no one remembers the dominant force that was Andrew Leigh, and my goal will be to change that, along with making fun of people�s mothers and saying that EFWO sucks. That�s all I�m here to do, and possibly find some loose women around the country via the ICW�s drawing power of whores. I mean, you know all about that, you dirty pimp you.
JR- Hey now, I�m a happily married man with 2 kids.
Leigh- I�m sure you tell them all about the Danza Slaps you give to members of the ring crew.. male members of the ring crew, no less.
JR- Er.ah..well, that�s all the time we have, Andrew I thank you kindly for joining us this evening!
Leigh- Hah, punch out while you still can, JR. Don�t want anyone to hear about your experience with hamsters, a Coke bottle, a leather dildo, Kallista, and Myst�s mother...
Commercial Break:
"sung to the tune of "Norweigian Wood" by The Beatles"
I...once had a girl
or should I say
she once had me.
We @#%$ until 2
and then she said
give me some head.
I took off her pants, and then I went down there
And I looked around, and noticed there wasnt no hair
So, I did my thing, taking my time, it tasted like slime.
When she woke up, no one was home, she was alone.
She, went to the bathroom, and when she peed...it burned real good.
Herpes. ONLY YOU, CANT PREVENT CROTCH FIRES.
in a related story:
RockyBYW: You suck. You All Suck.
RockyBYW: That's my interview.
RockyBYW: there, I got it done. I suspect I don't have to email it to you
When we return, we're greeted from a shot inside the famous ICW Arena, in Philadelphia Pennsylvania.
A large crowd is on hand, and we see signs such as:
"THIS SHOW=RULES."
"DUDLEY IS HERPES-FREE"
"To continue the rhyme scheme. R. Kelly had to pee."
"Had to pee, on me"
" ^^^^^^ HAGAN ^^^^^^^^^"
"Danger!" hits, and out comes Scottie to a mixed reaction from the crowd. The bell sounds, as Scottie comes out in a nicer shirt. This one only has 2 holes.
Michael Cole: Hello everyone, and welcome to this week's INSANE MATCH OF THE WEEK! I'm Michael Cole, and will I be here next week?
Dave Dudley: Depends. I know I will be! This is my show! BONGGGGGGG!
Todd Pettengill: And so will I. I have a guaranteed contract with WWF MANIA!!!!!!! SATURDAY MORNINGS ON USA!!
Scottie stands in the ring and points his finger at Dave Dudley. Dave stands up from his chair and flips Scottie off, as the fans cheer.
"Hail To The Chief" plays, and out comes Joseph Johnson, alongside the Homeland Security. The security lines the entrance way, as Joseph walks out. He slides into the ring, and gets on the mic:
Joseph Johnson: Remember folks...put away those Hustler mags, and those Cuban cigars...THE HOMELAND SECURITY IS WATCHING YOU!
Scottie jumps Johnson before he can finish, and the bell sounds again, signalling the beginning of the match. Scottie whips Johnson into the corner, and runs, follwing him with a clothesline.
Scottie then begins to stomp away on Johnson, until he is slumped over in the corner. Scottie then rolls to the outside, and walks up to the announce position, getting in Dave Dudley's face
Dave Dudley: Oh what now? What do you want, you piece of trash? ICW is yours? Ok, my mistake, I thought I put all of this together for you. It'll never be yours again, you wasted piece of @#%$.
Cole: Look from behind! Johnson!
Johnson hits Scottie in the back. As the ref comes to pull Johnson off, Dudley slams Scottie's head into the announce table. Johnson then slides Scottie into the ring...
Pettengill: Wow there Dave, you showed him that you are the true "King" of Memphis.
Dudley: Uh...you mean...Jerry Lawler.
Pettengill: Backlund has a DEVASTATING...CROSSFACE CHICKENWING!
Cole: Haha, now you sound like me on Smackdown! Just Bring it!
Johnson cranks on a headlock on Scottie, as the camera zooms in on Scottie's unshaven face. Scottie struggles, but gets to his feet when the fans start to chant his name.
Scottie delivers two elbows to Johnsons' gut, and whips him into the ropes. On the rebound, Scottie catches him with a forearm to the face. Scottie then runs off the ropes, and he and Johnson collide with a double shoulderblock.
None of them budge, and they immediately engage in fisticuffs.
Johnson gets his rabbit punches in, as Scottie does some hobo-style boxing.
Dudley: Haha, look! Scottie is HOBO BOXING!
Pettengill: Reminds me of a young Brooklyn Brawler Steve Lombardi...
Cole: You know, Todd...we look alot alike.
Pettengill: Yeah. Do you work for the WWF or something?
Cole: You mean WWE. Get the F out.
Pettengill: You cant say that on TV!!
Dudley: SHUT THE @#%$ UP! Look at this action in the ring!
Scottie and Johnson exchange blows, as Scottie does a drop toe hold to Johnson, and delivers a leg drop to the back of his head. Scottie then runs to the outside and attempts to get in Dudley's face again, but referee Mike Chioda restrains him.
Dudley: Bring it on, you ballsac busting bitch.
Cole: Boy, Dave, Scottie is angry at you!
Dudley: No @#%$?
On the otherside, Johnson sneaks to the outside, and grabs a steel chair!!!
Cole: What the hell? Johnson grabs a steel chair...but...what a damn hypocrite! He stands up for all the good stuff, but what a hypocrite!!!!!
Pettengill: I think we have a babysitter in the crowd from Alaska, who saved her money to come all the way here to the Royal Rumble, here in San Antonio. Let's talk to her.
Cole: What a hypocrite!!! THIS IS DISGUSTING!!!!!!
Johnson enters the ring, and sneaks up behind Scottie. He swings the chair, but Scottie ducks! Johnson hits the referee, and drops the chair. He turns around, and Scottie delivers a kick to the gut that resembles that of a low blow, Johnson is stunned! Scottie sets Johnson up for the Martini DDT! he points at Dave and says this one is for you.
Dudley: That's it. I cant take any more of his @#%$. I'm going to beat his raggedy-andy ass, guys. Be back in a second.
Dave gets up, but before he can make it past the announce table, a man in a hooded sweatshirt jumps over the rail! The man spits beer into the face of Dudley! Then the man picks up Dave's chair he was sitting in and HITS HIM IN THE FACE!!! He takes off the hood, to reveal himself to be SEAMUS O'HAGAN! He grabs a beer from a fan in the crowd and begins to chug it!!
Cole: Oh man, Seamus O'Hagan just beat Dave up again!! look in the ring!!
Scottie prepares to deliver the martini DDT. He folds his arms out and says "I...C...W!!" But Johnson hits Scottie with a low-blow, hooks him up, and delivers THE DEFENSE MISSILE(rock bottom) on the steel chair dropped by him earlier!!!!!! he makes the cover, as a revived Mike Chioda is ready to count...
1...
2...
3!!!!
Winner by pinfall, Joseph Johnson
Johnson slides out of the ring, as "Hail to the chief" plays again. He heads to the back, with the homeland security flanking his sides.
Seamus, on the other hand, leaves via through the crowd.
Dudley gets up, angry, and sees Scottie in the ring. He goes into the ring, helps Scottie to his feet, flips him off, and delivers a 4D!!! THE DAVE DUDLEY DEATH DROP!!! Scottie goes out cold, as Dave walks over to the turnbuckle, and raises his hands as the fans give a mixed reaction.
Cole: What a bunch of Mayhem!!! And folks, we'll see you at Mayhem Monday night!! It's going to be the quarter finals of the tournament! Hexane and Kayfabe will take on QPublic and Joseph Johnson, and Supa Sky and El Bastarde will take on Amalek and Dave Dudley!!! And its all about the ICW world title! For Dave Dudley, Todd Pettengill, Joel Gertner, this is Michael Cole, saying so long everybody!!!
end transmission