Post by Dave Dangerously on Apr 30, 2011 14:33:08 GMT -6
We're sorry, this week's edition of Monday Mayhem was pre-empted by The Royal Wedding. So all you douchebags who watch that, I hope you enjoyed it. Now, here's a special 1 hour edition of Massive(ly condensed)Monday Night Mayhem!
The scene opens up abruptly inside the arena for ICW MASSIVE MAYHEM!
It's a shot of Lou E. Dangerously sitting in a makeshift office-like desk inside his locker room.
Lou E. Dangerously: Bills...bills...bills...penis enlargement...bills...Fingerhut...bills...Long John Silvers coupons...USELESS! ALL OF THIS MAIL IS USELESS!!!
Lou picks up the last envelope in the stack...
Lou E. Dangerously: ...now...this...THIS may be useful.
cut to another shot, at another point in the backstage area, next to some pipes and cables...
Hawk: I'm telling you, when I find that mother-
Dove:Hawk...relax. When we find Dangerously you can have a nice talk with him.
Hawk: TALK? TALK? I want to MAIM. DESTROY.
Dove: Just calm down...and we'll save it for when we see him.
Suddenly, Calvin Constantine walks by.
Constantine: Well. Hello tits ass and vajeen.
Hawk: EXCUSE ME???
Dove: HAWK...
Constantine: Don't mind me, Silver Fox. I've got some important business to attend to.
Dove: Oh really. And what's that?
Constantine: Oh, you know. Becoming ICW World Champion again...
Constantine struts off as Hawk looks enraged.
Cut to another backstage area, where we see Johnny Q. Public talking to some random backstage people. You know, the random backstage people.
The Ox walks up and taps him on the shoulder.
QPublic: OH! X-Dude. Sorry, my talent-sense wasn't tingling, so I didn't notice you.
The Ox: Funny. And it's The Ox, now.
QPublic: The Ox, huh? What, are you into Chinese Astrology?
The Ox: Listen...I just wanted to congratulate you on a job well done in the Rumble. And, your advancement to Death and Taxes, at the Insanity Cell.
QPublic: Oh really?
The Ox: That's right.
QPublic: Well, I appreciate it, it means a lot...
The Ox: You're welcome.
QPublic: ...coming from an EFWO has-been. Tell me, X-Dude...when was the last time you accomplished anything great?
The Ox: Well, I won the Insane Rumble...
QPublic: True. But I'm a former ICW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION. Can you say that? Can you say you publicly took a piss on the EFWO World Title? We all took pisses on that title. It was great. Cheerio piss. You don't even know.
The Ox: You sure do run your mouth for someone who's yet to ever get in the ring with me.
QPublic: That's true. Here's the thing, I'm the king of cleancore. And you innovated EFWO with a purest wrestling style. The way I see it, two great technical wrestlers, two strong blood ties to their companies...it's inevitable that we lock up.
The Ox: Well, you'll get your chance when you face me and the others in the Insanity Cell. The only thing is you'll have to take the ICW World Title from me, after I win it later tonight.
QPublic: ...haha, true...true...you know, I do hope you win. Because there's no one I'd rather give a PUBLIC DISGRACE to you than you, X-Dude.
The Ox: The only disgrace will be your battered and bruised face, "Phreak".
The two stare each other down at this point...
Cut to O'Malley and Murdoch, drinking Guinness in another backstage area.
O'Malley: I am already drunk.
Murdoch: Shit, me too.
O'Malley: I was looking forward to beating someone's ass tonight.
Murdoch: Shit, me too.
O'Malley: ...we just might have to fix that.
Murdoch: Shit, me too.
Murdoch falls over, stone cold stoonky drunk.
cut to another area in the back, where we see ICW WORLD CHAMP The Gladiator Tommy Harrison walking towards the Gorilla Position. He has the ICW World Title around his waist, and is mentally preparing. A man walks up.
Man: Five minutes, champ!
Harrison: Thanks.
A woman comes up, with a cell phone.
woman: Call for you, Tommy.
Harrison: What is it, I'm very busy.
voice on the other line: {It's coming...*ominous voice*}
Harrison: What the hell? {scared, throwing the phone}
Cut once again to Dave Dangerously, who passes the following in the hallway - Shogun and Nate Sharp.
Dave Dangerously: You boys better get to work, eh?
They scowl at Dave. He is stopped in his tracks by Dove.
Dove: You'd better be careful.
Dave Dangerously: What the hell? Why is that?
Dove: Because...Hawk is ruthless. Listen, he's going to hurt you. I don't want him to hurt anyone, anymore...
Dave Dangerously: Oh yeah? Got a soft spot for the ol' Hardcore Icon, do ya?
Dove: What? No...
Dave Dangerously: Come on, now. It can be our secret...I won't tell Hawk...
Dave grabs Dove but she pushes him away. Then slaps him. Dave is angry and he charges towards Dove, but she hits him with a spinning heel kick! Dave goes down.
Dove: I warned you, at least...
Dave gets up, holding his jaw. SUDDENLY, FROM THE RIGHT, HE IS SPEARED!!!!!!!!!!
A man spears Dangerously into a wall, putting cracks in it. Dangerously is completely laid out. The spear has occured so fast, we can't see who actually did it, and the man runs off before the camera can catch him. Dangerously writhes in pain.
Joey Styles: WELCOME EVERYONE TO MASSIVE INSANITY! IT'S MASSIVE MONDAY NIGHT MAYHEM! I'm your host, Joey Styles and I'm proud to introduce to you the NEW ICW announce team...ICW legends SCOTTIEPP7 and MYST!!!
Myst: I WILL NOT BE A PART OF THIS.
Myst storms off as we are presented with a shot of the announce table. Scottie has a room service plate, and Myst has his arms crossed.
JS: Uh...
ScottiePP7: I guess Myst was too PYST to commentate! HAHA!
JS: Well, I guess it's just you and I, Scottie!
PP7: Hey, we're a better combination than Nonz and adult acne!
JS: Haha, Nonz...how obscure.
"You Got The Touch" by Stan Bush hits, and ICW announcer David Penzer introduces The Ox to a great reaction from the crowd! He comes down to the ring with fellow T.O.P. member The One True Warrior. They enter the ring, and the crowd gives massive pops. Warrior heads back to the backstage area, as a show of respect that Ox needs no assistance here.
JS: Well it's time for the ICW World Title match here, Scottie!
PP7: This ICW title belt has been coveted by many, wanted by all, but truely held by few. The most prestigious LWN-related title belt in history, this is what it all boils down to.
JS: The Ox went through almost 20 other competitors to win the right for this title shot. And remember, no matter who wins here tonight, both The Ox and the Gladiator will be in the Insanity Cell match at the Pay-Per-View.
PP7: Ah, but who will be the champion, Joey? That's the question. Will it be the Ox, or this man...
"Mexicola" by Queens of the Stone Age hits, and out comes The ICW World Heavyweight Champion, Tommy "The Gladiator" Harrison to a mixed reaction from the fans. Fireworks go off on the ramp, as he slowly walks down the aisle.
JS: These fans here both love and hate the Gladiator, I think he hasn't still redeemed himself in the eyes of the fans from when he was aligned with Healius.
PP7: Well, Joey, as you know, everything Healius touches turns to crap.
JS: cough EWA cough
Harrison enters the ring, and gives the title belt to the referee...
JS: Here we go!
DING, DING
The Ox and The Gladiator stare each other down in the center of the ring. The Ox is like a stone, and Harrison is talking trash. Harrison pushes The Ox, but the Ox counters with a kick to the midsection, and a headlock on Harrison.
Harrison pushes The Ox into the ropes, and then breaks the headlock, whipping the Ox into the far ropes. The Ox bounces off the ropes-
Leapfrog by Harrison!
PP7: Whoa! The big man with the skills!
The Ox keeps running, and Harrison, off the rebound, hits The Ox with a Japanese arm drag. Harrison springs up and immediately plays to the crowd...
JS: Harrison feeling confident here!
PP7: He'd better not get too cocky!
The Ox gets right up, and as Harrison showboats and turns around, he gets hit with a DROPKICK right to the face! Harrison goes up and over the top rope. Now The OX with the showboating to the fans, and the fans cheer him!
JS: TURNABOUT IS FAIR PLAY!
PP7: No, I believe that's "what's good for the goose is good for the gander".
JS: What the hell is a "gander", anyway?
The Gladiator is up and slaps his hands on the ring apron in frustration. He rolls back into the ring, where The Ox greets him with a forearm to the back. He clubs Harrison a few more times before picking him up. He locks up in a grapple, and then into a hammerlock. Harrison counters with a snapmare, and a kick RIGHT TO THE BACK OF THE OX!
JS: Nice reversal by the champ!
PP7: Oooh! What a kick!
The Ox writhes in pain, as Harrison picks him up, kicks him with a boot to the midsection, and puts him between his legs, locking his arms...
JS: Harrison going for THE ENLIGHTENMENT!
PP7: PEDIGREE?? DO NOT WANT!
But the Ox reverses into a back drop! As The Gladiator gets to his feet, The Ox runs into the turnbuckle, running climbs to the top rope! He flies off with a reverse elbow to Harrison's face! The Ox makes the cover!!!
1...
2...
kickout, by The Gladiator.
JS: Nearfall there by The Ox!
PP7: The Ox definitely wants this win! Just like I want more champagne. WAITER!!!
The Ox picks Harrison up and whips him into the turnbuckle. Harrison goes crashing face first into the turnbuckle, and the impact causes him to bounce backward towards the middle of the ring.
The Ox runs into the ropes, bounces off, and as The Gladiator is walking backwards, the Ox nails him with a leaping clothesline. The Ox makes the cover!
1...
2....
Kickout, by Harrison.
PP7: The Ox going with the frequent covers here in an attempt to wear down The Glad...damn this is some good ass cheese.
JS: Come on, Scottie. This isnt a dinner table. Quit having food and drinks brought over!
PP7: Joey. Why didn't you tell me about this cheese? THIS IS SOME GOOD ASS CHEESE.
The Ox rolls over The Gladiator and locks in a STF, A STEP OVER TOE HOLD!
The referee moves in and asks The Gladiator if he wants to submit.
JS: STF by The Ox here! Will Harrison submit??? He's got it locked in!!!
The referee asks, but Harrison crawls towards the ropes...
The Ox tightens the hold...
Harrison crawls...
and crawls...
but finally his hand goes up...
and comes down...
ON THE BOTTOM ROPE! The referee calls for The Ox to break the hold.
1...
2...
The Ox breaks the hold well before the count of four.
PP7: What kind of cheese is this? Yeah, I know it's good. What kind of cheese is it? No, I KNOW IT'S GOOD. WHAT KIND OF CHEESE IS THIS? THIS CHEESE RIGHT HERE. IN MY HANDS. WHAT KIND IS IT? I KNOW IT'S GOOD!!!
JS: Scottie, it's gouda.
PP7: I KNOW IT'S GOOD, DAMNIT! I'M SCOTTIEPP7, DAMNIT!!!
The Ox picks up Harrison, and sets him up for a suplex.
Harrison powers out, and pushes The Ox into the corner. Harrison then WHIPS THE OX back towards the middle of the ring, but THE OX GOES CRASHING RIGHT INTO THE REFEREE, KNOCKING HIM DOWN!
PP7: The referee is out!!!
JS: Was that an accident on the part of Harrison? The referee was behind him, he may not have known.
The Ox crashes into the ref, and then stops dead in his tracks. The ref hits the floor, but The Ox is still standing. From behind, Harrison hits a LOW BLOW ON THE OX!!!
JS: COME ON!!! THE REFEREE IS DOWN!!!!
PP7: KILL HIM!!!! Seriously, this cheese, Joey...
The Gladiator then hits The Ox with THE SAXA BOTTOM! Harrison goes for the cover, but the referee is still down!
JS: The Gladiator knocked the ref out, now he regrets it!
PP7: It was clearly an accident, Joey! He could have the win here now if it wasn't for that stupid referee!
Harrison gets up, and starts to shake the referee.
Suddenly, from backstage, come THE IRA, O'Malley and Murdoch! They hit the ring, and immediately start attacking The Gladiator!
PP7: LOOK! THEY'RE SO DRUNK!
JS: The IRA has arrived and they're carbombing Harrison right here, Scottie! Someone get them out of here!
O'Malley and Murdoch start to kick away on Harrison, and then they pick him up. Murdoch holds Harrison, and O'Malley gets ready to give him a knockout punch, when suddenly, THE GLADIATOR DUCKS, O'MALLEY CLOBBERS MURDOCH!!!
PP7: LOOK OUT, DAMNIT!
JS: The IRA's attempt to soften up Harrison before the PPV have backfired!
From behind, THE OX CLOTHESLINES MURDOCH over the top rope! The Ox then falls to his knees, as he witnesses Harrison SPEAR O'MALLEY IN THE CENTER OF THE RING!!! The crowd goes nuts!!!
JS: The IRA have been POTATO FAMISHED!
PP7: What?
JS: Well..that was a leftover from Gordon's script. GET WELL SOON GORDON!
PP7: Dude...lame.
O'Malley rolls out of the ring, as a fired up Harrison stares down The Ox. The fans are going crazy now, as Ox, who is down on one knee, looks at Harrison, who is standing in the middle of the ring. Harrison raises his arms in the air...
THUMBS DOWN!!!!!!!
JS: The Gladiator calling to the audience here! This is the end!
PP7: But the Ox is going to be ready for whatever Harrison throws at him, I think! Especially if it was fucking CHAMPAGNE AND CHEESE WTF?
The Gladiator stares at The Ox, when suddenly...
THE LIGHTS GO OUT!!!
JS: WHAT THE HELL?
PP7: NO ONE TAKE THIS CHEESE!
The lights remain out for a moment, as only the flicker of camera flashes fill the arena.
JS: What's going on? I guess we're having technical difficulties here...
PP7: BRRRRRRRRR Joey do you feel that?
JS: I do, Scottie!
PP7: It just got real cold here. I got the shivers!
JS: Like someone walked over my grave! SOMEONE GET THESE LIGHTS ON, COME ON!
Just then, the lights go back on, and The Ox, is still in the corner, on one knee, but THE GLADIATOR LIES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING, OUT COLD! THE FANS GO WILD !!!
JS: OH my god! What the hell happened to Harrison?
PP7: He is OUT COLD, Joey! Just like this cold sliced cheese. Yumm!
The Ox looks around in disbelief. He stands up, over Harrison, looking down. He then looks over at the referee, who is starting to get up. He looks around at the fans...
JS: Someone took out Harrison! What the hell happened?
PP7: What are you waiting for, Ox???
The Ox follows Scottie's advice, and lays over Harrison, hooking the leg. The referee moves in...
1...
2...
3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE WINNER, AND NEW ICW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION - THE OX!
The fans go wild!
JS: WE HAVE A NEW ICW WORLD CHAMPION! THE OX HAS DONE IT!
PP7: The Gladiator is STILL out, Joey!
The ref hands the ICW title belt to The Ox, as the bewildered look previously turns into joy, and excitement, as "You Got The Touch" hits again, and The Ox celebrates with the title, as the fans applaud.
JS: Someone HAD to take out Harrison during that darkness. But WHO? WHY???
PP7: That's not the important thing, Joey! A new ICW champion! The Ox has joined the history books! That's all that matters!
The camera cuts to The Gladiator, Harrison, still laying out cold in the middle of the ring. It then cuts to The Ox, who is exiting the ring with the ICW title, going up the ramp. He is met halfway by The Warrior, who continues the celebration...
end transmission.
©2011 The Hanso Foundation.
The scene opens up abruptly inside the arena for ICW MASSIVE MAYHEM!
It's a shot of Lou E. Dangerously sitting in a makeshift office-like desk inside his locker room.
Lou E. Dangerously: Bills...bills...bills...penis enlargement...bills...Fingerhut...bills...Long John Silvers coupons...USELESS! ALL OF THIS MAIL IS USELESS!!!
Lou picks up the last envelope in the stack...
Lou E. Dangerously: ...now...this...THIS may be useful.
cut to another shot, at another point in the backstage area, next to some pipes and cables...
Hawk: I'm telling you, when I find that mother-
Dove:Hawk...relax. When we find Dangerously you can have a nice talk with him.
Hawk: TALK? TALK? I want to MAIM. DESTROY.
Dove: Just calm down...and we'll save it for when we see him.
Suddenly, Calvin Constantine walks by.
Constantine: Well. Hello tits ass and vajeen.
Hawk: EXCUSE ME???
Dove: HAWK...
Constantine: Don't mind me, Silver Fox. I've got some important business to attend to.
Dove: Oh really. And what's that?
Constantine: Oh, you know. Becoming ICW World Champion again...
Constantine struts off as Hawk looks enraged.
Cut to another backstage area, where we see Johnny Q. Public talking to some random backstage people. You know, the random backstage people.
The Ox walks up and taps him on the shoulder.
QPublic: OH! X-Dude. Sorry, my talent-sense wasn't tingling, so I didn't notice you.
The Ox: Funny. And it's The Ox, now.
QPublic: The Ox, huh? What, are you into Chinese Astrology?
The Ox: Listen...I just wanted to congratulate you on a job well done in the Rumble. And, your advancement to Death and Taxes, at the Insanity Cell.
QPublic: Oh really?
The Ox: That's right.
QPublic: Well, I appreciate it, it means a lot...
The Ox: You're welcome.
QPublic: ...coming from an EFWO has-been. Tell me, X-Dude...when was the last time you accomplished anything great?
The Ox: Well, I won the Insane Rumble...
QPublic: True. But I'm a former ICW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION. Can you say that? Can you say you publicly took a piss on the EFWO World Title? We all took pisses on that title. It was great. Cheerio piss. You don't even know.
The Ox: You sure do run your mouth for someone who's yet to ever get in the ring with me.
QPublic: That's true. Here's the thing, I'm the king of cleancore. And you innovated EFWO with a purest wrestling style. The way I see it, two great technical wrestlers, two strong blood ties to their companies...it's inevitable that we lock up.
The Ox: Well, you'll get your chance when you face me and the others in the Insanity Cell. The only thing is you'll have to take the ICW World Title from me, after I win it later tonight.
QPublic: ...haha, true...true...you know, I do hope you win. Because there's no one I'd rather give a PUBLIC DISGRACE to you than you, X-Dude.
The Ox: The only disgrace will be your battered and bruised face, "Phreak".
The two stare each other down at this point...
Cut to O'Malley and Murdoch, drinking Guinness in another backstage area.
O'Malley: I am already drunk.
Murdoch: Shit, me too.
O'Malley: I was looking forward to beating someone's ass tonight.
Murdoch: Shit, me too.
O'Malley: ...we just might have to fix that.
Murdoch: Shit, me too.
Murdoch falls over, stone cold stoonky drunk.
cut to another area in the back, where we see ICW WORLD CHAMP The Gladiator Tommy Harrison walking towards the Gorilla Position. He has the ICW World Title around his waist, and is mentally preparing. A man walks up.
Man: Five minutes, champ!
Harrison: Thanks.
A woman comes up, with a cell phone.
woman: Call for you, Tommy.
Harrison: What is it, I'm very busy.
voice on the other line: {It's coming...*ominous voice*}
Harrison: What the hell? {scared, throwing the phone}
Cut once again to Dave Dangerously, who passes the following in the hallway - Shogun and Nate Sharp.
Dave Dangerously: You boys better get to work, eh?
They scowl at Dave. He is stopped in his tracks by Dove.
Dove: You'd better be careful.
Dave Dangerously: What the hell? Why is that?
Dove: Because...Hawk is ruthless. Listen, he's going to hurt you. I don't want him to hurt anyone, anymore...
Dave Dangerously: Oh yeah? Got a soft spot for the ol' Hardcore Icon, do ya?
Dove: What? No...
Dave Dangerously: Come on, now. It can be our secret...I won't tell Hawk...
Dave grabs Dove but she pushes him away. Then slaps him. Dave is angry and he charges towards Dove, but she hits him with a spinning heel kick! Dave goes down.
Dove: I warned you, at least...
Dave gets up, holding his jaw. SUDDENLY, FROM THE RIGHT, HE IS SPEARED!!!!!!!!!!
A man spears Dangerously into a wall, putting cracks in it. Dangerously is completely laid out. The spear has occured so fast, we can't see who actually did it, and the man runs off before the camera can catch him. Dangerously writhes in pain.
Joey Styles: WELCOME EVERYONE TO MASSIVE INSANITY! IT'S MASSIVE MONDAY NIGHT MAYHEM! I'm your host, Joey Styles and I'm proud to introduce to you the NEW ICW announce team...ICW legends SCOTTIEPP7 and MYST!!!
Myst: I WILL NOT BE A PART OF THIS.
Myst storms off as we are presented with a shot of the announce table. Scottie has a room service plate, and Myst has his arms crossed.
JS: Uh...
ScottiePP7: I guess Myst was too PYST to commentate! HAHA!
JS: Well, I guess it's just you and I, Scottie!
PP7: Hey, we're a better combination than Nonz and adult acne!
JS: Haha, Nonz...how obscure.
"You Got The Touch" by Stan Bush hits, and ICW announcer David Penzer introduces The Ox to a great reaction from the crowd! He comes down to the ring with fellow T.O.P. member The One True Warrior. They enter the ring, and the crowd gives massive pops. Warrior heads back to the backstage area, as a show of respect that Ox needs no assistance here.
JS: Well it's time for the ICW World Title match here, Scottie!
PP7: This ICW title belt has been coveted by many, wanted by all, but truely held by few. The most prestigious LWN-related title belt in history, this is what it all boils down to.
JS: The Ox went through almost 20 other competitors to win the right for this title shot. And remember, no matter who wins here tonight, both The Ox and the Gladiator will be in the Insanity Cell match at the Pay-Per-View.
PP7: Ah, but who will be the champion, Joey? That's the question. Will it be the Ox, or this man...
"Mexicola" by Queens of the Stone Age hits, and out comes The ICW World Heavyweight Champion, Tommy "The Gladiator" Harrison to a mixed reaction from the fans. Fireworks go off on the ramp, as he slowly walks down the aisle.
JS: These fans here both love and hate the Gladiator, I think he hasn't still redeemed himself in the eyes of the fans from when he was aligned with Healius.
PP7: Well, Joey, as you know, everything Healius touches turns to crap.
JS: cough EWA cough
Harrison enters the ring, and gives the title belt to the referee...
JS: Here we go!
DING, DING
The Ox and The Gladiator stare each other down in the center of the ring. The Ox is like a stone, and Harrison is talking trash. Harrison pushes The Ox, but the Ox counters with a kick to the midsection, and a headlock on Harrison.
Harrison pushes The Ox into the ropes, and then breaks the headlock, whipping the Ox into the far ropes. The Ox bounces off the ropes-
Leapfrog by Harrison!
PP7: Whoa! The big man with the skills!
The Ox keeps running, and Harrison, off the rebound, hits The Ox with a Japanese arm drag. Harrison springs up and immediately plays to the crowd...
JS: Harrison feeling confident here!
PP7: He'd better not get too cocky!
The Ox gets right up, and as Harrison showboats and turns around, he gets hit with a DROPKICK right to the face! Harrison goes up and over the top rope. Now The OX with the showboating to the fans, and the fans cheer him!
JS: TURNABOUT IS FAIR PLAY!
PP7: No, I believe that's "what's good for the goose is good for the gander".
JS: What the hell is a "gander", anyway?
The Gladiator is up and slaps his hands on the ring apron in frustration. He rolls back into the ring, where The Ox greets him with a forearm to the back. He clubs Harrison a few more times before picking him up. He locks up in a grapple, and then into a hammerlock. Harrison counters with a snapmare, and a kick RIGHT TO THE BACK OF THE OX!
JS: Nice reversal by the champ!
PP7: Oooh! What a kick!
The Ox writhes in pain, as Harrison picks him up, kicks him with a boot to the midsection, and puts him between his legs, locking his arms...
JS: Harrison going for THE ENLIGHTENMENT!
PP7: PEDIGREE?? DO NOT WANT!
But the Ox reverses into a back drop! As The Gladiator gets to his feet, The Ox runs into the turnbuckle, running climbs to the top rope! He flies off with a reverse elbow to Harrison's face! The Ox makes the cover!!!
1...
2...
kickout, by The Gladiator.
JS: Nearfall there by The Ox!
PP7: The Ox definitely wants this win! Just like I want more champagne. WAITER!!!
The Ox picks Harrison up and whips him into the turnbuckle. Harrison goes crashing face first into the turnbuckle, and the impact causes him to bounce backward towards the middle of the ring.
The Ox runs into the ropes, bounces off, and as The Gladiator is walking backwards, the Ox nails him with a leaping clothesline. The Ox makes the cover!
1...
2....
Kickout, by Harrison.
PP7: The Ox going with the frequent covers here in an attempt to wear down The Glad...damn this is some good ass cheese.
JS: Come on, Scottie. This isnt a dinner table. Quit having food and drinks brought over!
PP7: Joey. Why didn't you tell me about this cheese? THIS IS SOME GOOD ASS CHEESE.
The Ox rolls over The Gladiator and locks in a STF, A STEP OVER TOE HOLD!
The referee moves in and asks The Gladiator if he wants to submit.
JS: STF by The Ox here! Will Harrison submit??? He's got it locked in!!!
The referee asks, but Harrison crawls towards the ropes...
The Ox tightens the hold...
Harrison crawls...
and crawls...
but finally his hand goes up...
and comes down...
ON THE BOTTOM ROPE! The referee calls for The Ox to break the hold.
1...
2...
The Ox breaks the hold well before the count of four.
PP7: What kind of cheese is this? Yeah, I know it's good. What kind of cheese is it? No, I KNOW IT'S GOOD. WHAT KIND OF CHEESE IS THIS? THIS CHEESE RIGHT HERE. IN MY HANDS. WHAT KIND IS IT? I KNOW IT'S GOOD!!!
JS: Scottie, it's gouda.
PP7: I KNOW IT'S GOOD, DAMNIT! I'M SCOTTIEPP7, DAMNIT!!!
The Ox picks up Harrison, and sets him up for a suplex.
Harrison powers out, and pushes The Ox into the corner. Harrison then WHIPS THE OX back towards the middle of the ring, but THE OX GOES CRASHING RIGHT INTO THE REFEREE, KNOCKING HIM DOWN!
PP7: The referee is out!!!
JS: Was that an accident on the part of Harrison? The referee was behind him, he may not have known.
The Ox crashes into the ref, and then stops dead in his tracks. The ref hits the floor, but The Ox is still standing. From behind, Harrison hits a LOW BLOW ON THE OX!!!
JS: COME ON!!! THE REFEREE IS DOWN!!!!
PP7: KILL HIM!!!! Seriously, this cheese, Joey...
The Gladiator then hits The Ox with THE SAXA BOTTOM! Harrison goes for the cover, but the referee is still down!
JS: The Gladiator knocked the ref out, now he regrets it!
PP7: It was clearly an accident, Joey! He could have the win here now if it wasn't for that stupid referee!
Harrison gets up, and starts to shake the referee.
Suddenly, from backstage, come THE IRA, O'Malley and Murdoch! They hit the ring, and immediately start attacking The Gladiator!
PP7: LOOK! THEY'RE SO DRUNK!
JS: The IRA has arrived and they're carbombing Harrison right here, Scottie! Someone get them out of here!
O'Malley and Murdoch start to kick away on Harrison, and then they pick him up. Murdoch holds Harrison, and O'Malley gets ready to give him a knockout punch, when suddenly, THE GLADIATOR DUCKS, O'MALLEY CLOBBERS MURDOCH!!!
PP7: LOOK OUT, DAMNIT!
JS: The IRA's attempt to soften up Harrison before the PPV have backfired!
From behind, THE OX CLOTHESLINES MURDOCH over the top rope! The Ox then falls to his knees, as he witnesses Harrison SPEAR O'MALLEY IN THE CENTER OF THE RING!!! The crowd goes nuts!!!
JS: The IRA have been POTATO FAMISHED!
PP7: What?
JS: Well..that was a leftover from Gordon's script. GET WELL SOON GORDON!
PP7: Dude...lame.
O'Malley rolls out of the ring, as a fired up Harrison stares down The Ox. The fans are going crazy now, as Ox, who is down on one knee, looks at Harrison, who is standing in the middle of the ring. Harrison raises his arms in the air...
THUMBS DOWN!!!!!!!
JS: The Gladiator calling to the audience here! This is the end!
PP7: But the Ox is going to be ready for whatever Harrison throws at him, I think! Especially if it was fucking CHAMPAGNE AND CHEESE WTF?
The Gladiator stares at The Ox, when suddenly...
THE LIGHTS GO OUT!!!
JS: WHAT THE HELL?
PP7: NO ONE TAKE THIS CHEESE!
The lights remain out for a moment, as only the flicker of camera flashes fill the arena.
JS: What's going on? I guess we're having technical difficulties here...
PP7: BRRRRRRRRR Joey do you feel that?
JS: I do, Scottie!
PP7: It just got real cold here. I got the shivers!
JS: Like someone walked over my grave! SOMEONE GET THESE LIGHTS ON, COME ON!
Just then, the lights go back on, and The Ox, is still in the corner, on one knee, but THE GLADIATOR LIES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING, OUT COLD! THE FANS GO WILD !!!
JS: OH my god! What the hell happened to Harrison?
PP7: He is OUT COLD, Joey! Just like this cold sliced cheese. Yumm!
The Ox looks around in disbelief. He stands up, over Harrison, looking down. He then looks over at the referee, who is starting to get up. He looks around at the fans...
JS: Someone took out Harrison! What the hell happened?
PP7: What are you waiting for, Ox???
The Ox follows Scottie's advice, and lays over Harrison, hooking the leg. The referee moves in...
1...
2...
3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE WINNER, AND NEW ICW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION - THE OX!
The fans go wild!
JS: WE HAVE A NEW ICW WORLD CHAMPION! THE OX HAS DONE IT!
PP7: The Gladiator is STILL out, Joey!
The ref hands the ICW title belt to The Ox, as the bewildered look previously turns into joy, and excitement, as "You Got The Touch" hits again, and The Ox celebrates with the title, as the fans applaud.
JS: Someone HAD to take out Harrison during that darkness. But WHO? WHY???
PP7: That's not the important thing, Joey! A new ICW champion! The Ox has joined the history books! That's all that matters!
The camera cuts to The Gladiator, Harrison, still laying out cold in the middle of the ring. It then cuts to The Ox, who is exiting the ring with the ICW title, going up the ramp. He is met halfway by The Warrior, who continues the celebration...
end transmission.
©2011 The Hanso Foundation.