Post by Dave Dangerously on May 18, 2008 0:19:43 GMT -6
A white limosine pulls up, outside of the First Union Center.
The driver gets out, and opens one of the passgenger doors. Out steps The Hardcore Icon Dave Dudley, with all of his title belts in tow...
Joey Styles: The ICW World Champion, and OWNER is here!
Tony Soprano: No @#%$?
The camera cuts to film footage...
"Spit" by Kittie plays.
Highlights of ICW history is shown.
This can mean only one thing.
INSANE CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING IS BACK!!!!!!!
We see footage of ScottiePP7 in the ring bossing people around...
Amalek setting fires and laughing maniacally...
Dave Dudley putting people through tables and hitting them with chairs...
The Inmates double teaming some jabronis...
QPublic rushing the ring to beat on his foes...
Vassago dominating a ring full of ICW superstars...
The footage then shows the ICW logo, and the Friday Inferno intro. The camera then cuts to an outside shot of the FU Center, followed by a inside shot, where we see a sold out crowd, holding up such signs as:
"I DID IT ALL FOR THE NOOKIE"
"HE DID...I SAW HIM"
"DAVE DUDLEY IS YOUR GOD"
"WHERE'S LEIGH?"
"WHO CARES?"
"DAMN, THE GUY IN FRONT OF ME LOOKS A LOT LIKE HAGAN. FEMININE, HAIRY, AND SMELLS LIKE PANDCAKE SYRUP."
The camera then shows the announcers position, where our memorable announcers' lovely faces are shown...
Joey Styles: This...is EXTREME! Err...INSANE!
The camera shows more of the crowd...
Joey Styles: Welcome fans to Insane Championship Wrestling's presentation of Friday Inferno, and guys, it feels DAMN good to be back in ICW!
Tony Soprano: You damn right, Joe-eee, s'gonna be one ballbusting night, and if you dont agree with dat, you can take your mutha fuckin' ass to the meat factory, tell em Todd-O.
Todd Pettengill: Wrestling fans! We've got a special episode of WWF Mania! for you this morning! Today, we have....ABE 'KNUCKLEBALL' SCHWARTZ!
Styles: Jesus Christ...and just after my therapy finished...
"Closer" by Nine Inch Nails hits, as the fans cheer for what they know to be The Hardcore Icon, Dave Dudley, who steps out onto the Inferno stage.
Dave is carrying two belts: The ICW World Heavyweight Championship, and the LWN World HeavyPost Title. He's also carrying a mic, let's see what he has to say, shall we?
Dave Dudley: Greetings, greetings...my fellow Philadelphians. How ya'll been?
the crowd roars, because....well, all you have to do is say the name of the city.
Dave Dudley: It's been a long, long time since I've been at an ICW event. It feels incredible to be back. But, it doesnt feel good to be back in Philadelphia with all of you morons.
The crowd boos...those simpletons.
Dave Dudley: You simpletons. You see, I feel ashamed to say that I share this city with white trash like all of you.
Styles: Wow, the bozz is certainly laying it on thick tonight!
Dave Dudley: You see, I've discovered a new smell tonight. It's a combination of foot...ass...and plain old body odor.
The crowd starts an "@#%$" chant.
Dave Dudley: WASH YOURS!
The crowd boos...
Dave Dudley: But tonight wouldnt be complete...without some important announcements. First off, let me announce the very next ICW Event, live on Pay-Per-View. Which, by the way, will be availiable on DirecTV...
Soprano: Fuckin' WWF cocksuckers.
Dave Dudley: But I am pleased to announce...that on Sunday, December 23rd, ICW will Present.... LWN WINTERWAR!
The crowd erupts!
Styles: WOW, LWN WINTERWAR!!!
Soprano: Hey...did youse guys notice that there are a bunch of people painted up like ITR here, tonight?
Styles: Yeah...I just figured that it was gay/lesbian night here at the FU center, or something.
Pettengill: Speaking of Survivor Series...CHUCK NORRIS WILL BE THE GUEST INFORCER! CHUCK BY GOD NORRIS!!! STAR OF THE BRAND NEW SHOW, WALKER, TEXAS RANGER!! YES!!!
Dave Dudley: And at WinterWar, there will be a double main event. The first, being for my ICW World Heavyweight Title. The second, being for my LWN World HeavyPost title. These two titles, are the only two singles titles that ICW will recognize, until I deem otherwise. As for the TransContinental and Hardcore Titles, they will be up for grabs in some fashion, at a later date. And the tag team titles will be introduced in the weeks leading up to WinterWar.
So yes, there will be LWN WinterWar this year, but it will have definete ICW flavor. Now...I know you're all wondering... who gets the title shots at WinterWar?
Well, it's simple really. There will be a tournament, for a shot at the ICW title. Now, I might not be champion at WinterWar. Highly unlikely. However, if I were to lose the belt, I would assume the man who beat me's spot in the tournament. Simple as pie. As for when the tournament will commence...I havent decided. But I'll let you know. As for the LWN title shot...I havent decided what I want to do with that, either. But as always, I will keep you updated. Now, enough talking, let's kick off ICW's return, with a night for "getting the feel of things", as these matches serve as rust-shakers. Enjoy the show, and...remember, here in Philadelphia, it's normal to marry a stranger, but to marry your mother, HELL, THAT'S TRADITION!
the crowd boos as "Closer" hits once again, and Dave Dudley blows kisses out at the audience. He turns and heads to the back, as the camera cuts back to the announce position.
Styles: Well, there you have it folks, what else needs to be said?
Soprano: Ey, Joe-yyyy, what do you get when you cross Osama Bin Laden with that bastard FBI prick who's always hounding me?
Styles: I dunno, what?
Soprano: Nuffin cause I shot the mutha fuckas!
Styles: Sigh...
Pettengill: Dont go away kids, ask your parents to stay up so you can watch MONDAY NIGHT RAW LIVE, on the USA Network, and coming up we have...PAPA SHANGO VS. DAMIAN DEMENTO!! TWO HEELS, FIGHTING EACH OTHER!!! THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED!!!!!!!!
Commercial Break:
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There you have it folks...another stupid commercial, for another stupid show.
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Ask for it by name, EARTH KILL.
Back to live action
Styles: Well, folks, we're back, and...wait, there's something going on backstage.
Ethan Prophet is walking backstage, when suddenly he is jumped by Lone Wolf and Smokey Green!
The two immediately knock him down, and start kicking and stomping Prophet.
Soprano: Whoa, it's a gangbang!
Wolf and Green stomp Prophet some more. Wolf lets up to go grab a piece of equipment, a type of box/trunk...and when he turns to go get it, Prophet gets to his feet and hiptosses Green onto a nearby wooden pallet.
Styles: Oh my...well, it wasnt that bad.
Wolf turns around to hit Prophet, but Prophet blocks the box/trunk, and kicks Wolf in the gut. Prophet grabs the box and throws it down, as Wolf runs off, helping up Smokey along the way...Wolf turns around and goads Prophet, causing Prophet to follow them.
Styles: I guess Wolf wants to have this match right now!
Prophet starts making his way down the hall that Lone Wolf and Green went down...when suddenly from out of nowhere Dave Dudley appears with a steel chair, and cracks Prophet RIGHT IN THE SKULL!!
Styles: OH....MY....GOD!
Prophet falls flat on his back. Dudley stands over Prophet, and speaks:
Dave Dudley: Welcome to ICW, punk.
Wolf reappears and starts to stomp Prophet some more. Dave glances over at Wolf, and BUSTS HIM IN THE SKULL WITH THE CHAIR!
Soprano: HOLY LORD!
Pettengill: THATS A DISQUALIFICATION!
Wolf falls down right next to Prophet. Dudley stands over the two...
Dave Dudley: Who are they kidding? Thinking they're hardcore, or something?
Dave drops the chair and walks away, as the camera fixes on the two fallen men...
Styles: What the hell was that all about? Wolf and Prophet were scheduled to have a match!
EMTs arrive, and tend to the two men, as we go to commercial...
Commercial Break:
No time for love, Dr. Jones.
Name the movie the quote came from, and email it to DaveDudley632@AOL.com
Return from break:
Styles: Well folks, we're back here on ICW Inferno, and Prophet and Lone Wolf were just taken to the hospital. They're believed to have concussions from two of the most brutal chairshots I've ever seen...we'll have more information on that later.
"DANGER" by Mystikal hits and down saunters ScottiePP7, yes you heard me, saunter.
Styles: What the hell does he want?
Tony: Hey show some respect for dis guy.
Styles: Oh come off it, this yokel doens't
own the place.
Scottie slies into the ring, and asks for a mic
Styles: Great now he wants to speak.
Scottie: Well Philidelphia ICW is back in
house are you having fun so far?
the crowd chants out Hell Yea!
Scottie: That's good, that's good but I'm
looking high and low and I see one person in that
audience that didn't say anything. You know who I'm
talking about, that ex-ICW susperstar who cuurrently
collects unemployment Johnny Q Public!!
the crods gives a massive pop at the mention of
Johnny
Scottie: I guess you like him maybe I should
ask him to down to the ring? What do you think?
Styles: Why is he giving orders? He has no
power, he's just a damn wrestler, now.
The crowd screams out it's response Hell Yea!
Scottie: Well, tough @#%$, there is no way
hell Johnny Q Public will ever set foot in one of
ICW's rings again. That guy couldn't wrestle his way
out of a box. Plain and Simple He doesn't have the
tools for the job. So he will never...ever..set foot
in this ring...
Tony: Dis guy done gone off the deep end. He
keeps forgetting he has no pull here. Reminds me of
some wise guys I once new who got to big for there
shoes, so we had to give them some new ones, made outta cemet.
Scottie's mic cuts off and the lights go out and
"For Whom The Bell Tolls" begins to play
Styles: What the hell?
Tony: Ehh if da feds show up you didn't see
nothing.
the lights come up and in the ring stands Johnny Q
Public, a look of intense determination on his face,
he stands toe-to-toe with Scottie, miracusously looks
as though he couldn't care less
Scottie: Ohh I'm supposed to be scared right?
Yea that's it, I'm supposed to be scared. THe big
Johnny Q Public, who has been around forever, like I
care I'm Scottie PP7 dammit! I don't care about you,
your not even a has been Johnny, your a never was,
years from now when people look back on this fed, they won't look to Johnny Q Public's accomplishments, they will look to me! Why? Because I'm Scottie PP7
Dammit!
Styles: What the hell is he talking about?
With that last dammit, Scottie PP7 slaps the
sunglasses off of Johnny's face
StyleS: Did you see that? Scottie just slapped
the taste out of Johnny.
Tony: Like I said..maybe I can find out what
size shoe he wears?
Johnny grabs Scottie and looks like he is about to
do something
Scottie: Touch me and you'll never wrestle
again period.
Styles: Empty threat, he has no power.
Johnny stops and turns and starts to leave the
ring
Scottie: That's right Johnny boy walk away
like you've done all your life when the pressure's on.
Hell, when I fired you, you didn't even put up a
fight. Face it boy, you will never surpass me, and
you will always be a pathetic little jobber.
Styles: I think Johnny just realized that
Scottie has no power, look!
Witht the last statement Johnny stops and looks out
at the fans, and then back at Scottie, he turns and
without warning connects with a superkick knocking
Scottie to the ground. The fans give a massive
pop!
Styles: Johnny Q just leveled Scottie PP7!!
Tony: He gonna pay for dat.
Johnny doesn't stop he picks up Scottie and throws
him against the ring post, and proceeds to lay into
him with flurry of punches and kicks Scottie doesn't
know where he is, as Scottie staggers Johnny Q
executes a varaiation of a stunner, only instead of
falling backwards Scottie falls face forward, Johnny
rolls over Scottie, and flips him off, and leaves the
ring, exiting throgh the crowd as security swarms down to the ring
Styles: It's utter pandemonium here in the
ring! Who the hell sent the cops down to the ring..I thought Scottie had no power...and where the hell did Pettengill go?
Soprano: I dunno, but it looks as dough it's time for PP7's match, because here comes da ref, and here comes Dude Hate!
"Fade To Black" hits the PA, as Dude Hate strolls down the aisle, pointing at Scottie, and laughing, as the crowd gives a decent pop.
Hate slides into the ring as Scottie slides out. Hate stands in the ring and poses.
Scottie stands on the outside and looks up at Dude Hate...
Styles: PP7 is such a coward...look at him, cowering...like a coward. That coward. Who cowers.
Soprano: Fuckin A!
Dude Hate steps over the top rope and goes to the floor, as he starts approaching PP7. Scottie backs up, but trips over the ring steps. Hate leans over and grabs Scottie by the neck!
Styles: Oh no...this cant be good.
Hate puts Scottie in the position for a big chokeslam!
He picks Scottie up...but suddenly, from under the ring, comes Ms. Clee Tarus!!! And she's armed with a SHOE, A @#%$ SHOE...OH GOD, A SHOE.
She raises it and hits the Dude in the back of the neck with the heel...
The Dude drops Scottie, and turns his attention on Clee...
Styles: Ut-oh...Clee picked the wrong time to make an impression!
Dude grabs Clee by the throat...lifts her up.... CHOKE SLAM ON THE FLOOR!!!
The crowd goes nuts!
Styles: Holy GOD!
Soprano: Ey, I saw up her skirt!
Hate stands over Clee after he brutally planted her on the floor. Scottie turns around, and hits Dude with a low blow! Dude turns around, somewhat affected, and PP7 drills him with the Martini DDT! on the floor! Hate goes down!!
Styles: Oh...my...
Soprano: JUMPIN JEHOSEPHAT!
Scottie rolls into the ring, and jumps up in celebration.
Soprano: Ey, he didnt even check on Clee, to see if she was all right!
Styles: What a bitch!
Scottie celebrates as "For Whom The Bell Tolls" hits and Johnny Q Public runs down to the ring, steel chair in hand!
Styles: WHAT THE @#%$?
QPublic slides into the ring and gives a running leaping Shane-O-Mac-esque chair shot to PP7, knocking him down. He rolls out of the ring, and hops over the barricade, leaving through the crowd.
Dude Hate slides into the ring, as the bell FINALLY sounds!
Ding, Ding
Hate makes the cover on PP7!
1...
2...
3!!!!!
Winner, Dude Hate
Scottie lies in the middle of the ring, out of it, as the Dudester makes his way up the ramp, as the crowd cheers.
Styles: QPublic just screwed PP7!
Soprano: S'a fuckin tragedy.
Styles: What a chaotic situation...AND WHERE DID PETTENGILL GO? ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH
Commercial Break:
Todd Pettengill: Hey folks. Todd Pettengill for Super Ultra Mega Wacky Scooters. See, these scooters are Super, Ultra, Mega, and Wacky. And if you ride them, well, you'll be super ultra mega and wacky too. Yep. I really need money...I have no home...PLEASE, PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR SPARE CHANGE. I'LL EMCEE YOUR KID'S BIRTHDAY PARTIES IF THEY BUY THESE SCOOTERS. COME ON. BUY ONE. BUY A SCOOTER! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Back to show:
Styles: Welcome back...and, we're being rejoined by Todd Pettengill. Todd, where were you?
Pettengill: I had a...business matter to attend to. HERE COMES DOINK!
Soprano: Heh, Doink. Kinda like Uncle Junior. Sometimes the ladys call his wanger a dink.
Styles: Erm...well, folks...like I reported earlier, Lone Wolf and Ethan Prophet have been taken to the hospital...more on that story later, when we check in at the hospital.
"Pain for Pleasure" hits the ICW PA for the first time ever, as newcomer Shigeru Amano steps out onto the ramp to a mixed crowd reaction.
Pentengill: MEEEESTA YAMAGACHI-SAN! And here comes Kaentai!
Styles: Ugh�Shigeru Amano makes his ICW debut here tonight, this is Amano's first North American match, but if his performances in New Japan are any indication, he's quite a talent.
Soprano: I done business wid da Japs a few times, make a nice audomobile, dey do.
As Amano enters the ring and removes his jacket, the slow guitar chords of "Timelessness" pick up, bringing the entire arena to their feet, some cheering wildly, some booing voraciously, as the Dark Machine himself, Myst, saunters out of the back. Keeping his eyes trained on Amano, he methodically makes his way down to the ring.
Styles: But if I were a betting man, my money would be on this individual! Myst, after a brief retirement, returns to the ring tonight, and he looks as though he's going to pick up right where he left off in EWA!
Soprano: Ey, wud's wid dis guy? I fix him up wid some nice girls from Newark, take da edge off, capiche?
Pentengill: Hunter Hearst Helmesly, the only blue blooded degenerate!
Myst slides into the ring, and removes his long black trenchcoat, tossing it to the outside of the ring. A cruel smile crosses his lips as he stares down Amano, as the bell rings. The two immediately begin to circle around the ring. Amano lunges for a quick lockup, but Myst sidesteps, and begins to fire right hands to the face of Amano!
Styles: Myst showing Amano what he thinks of tradition!
After taking three successive rights, Amano manages to block the fourth, and after throwing Myst's hand to the side, delivers an open-hand chop the the chest of Myst, soliciting the obligatory "whooooooooo" from the crowd, despite the fact that the move performed was not a knife edge chop. Amano follows up with another chop, and then hits a quick forearm to Myst's head, causing him to stagger backward. Amano follows up with a quick Irish whip to the near side, and hits a swift kick to Myst's midsection on the way back, and following that up with a quick spinning neckbreaker
Styles: Amano taking the early advantage! He's clearly not intimidated by Myst!
Myst is quickly back up to his feet, and is met with knife edge chops from Amano, once again drawing a "whooooooooooo". He looks for another Irish whip, but is reversed by Myst, who catches him with a back elbow, snapping Amano's head back. Amano hits the ground, and Myst immediately follows with a running leg drop across the throat. He hooks Amano's leg, and the referre counts�
1�
Kickout by Amano!
Styles: Myst is way too early! It seems that he's underestimated Amano!
Pentengill: He kicked out! He kicked out! He kicked out of the Leg Drop of Doom! Hogan is in shock!
Styles: Jesus, shut the @#%$ up already! We're going to be out here for another good hour, and I'm not gonna put up with your WWF @#%$!
Soprano: Fellas, fellas, calms down, calms down. Youse guys is makin' me ne'vous
Myst, realizing that Amano is no pushover, pulls him up and whips him to the far side and hits an arm drag, NO, Amano lands on his feet! He quickly back waistlocks Myst, and looks for a German suplex, but Myst performs a midair flip, landing on his feet! Myst takes advantage of Amano's mistake, hooks his arms, and backslides him! However, Amano uses his leg strength and flexibility to wrench Myst off of him, and into a pinning predicament of his own! But Myst quickly rolls through, positioning Amano in a reverse jackknife! Amano immediately rolls out, and both men pop to their feet, to a pop!
Styles: Excellent display of wrestling! These two may be more evenly matched than we thought!
Pettengill: You never know what will happen in a�SINGLES match.
Styles: Where the hell did they FIND you?
Amano and Myst lock up in the middle of the ring, with Amano quickly clamping down with a side headlock. Myst fires several elbows to the midsection of Amano, and looks for a whip, however, Amano reverses and pulls Myst in toward him, racking him up for the Burning Hammer, but Myst manages to slip off of Amano's shoulders, and land on his feet! As Amano turns to face him, Myst delivers the Call to Ashley superkick to the heart!
Styles: The Call to Ashley! Myst dropped Amano like a rock!
Soprano: He dropped fasta' den dat back stabbin' thug Big @#%$ in da East riva'!
Myst stands over Amano, catching his breath, then continues. A whip into the corner is followed by the Raging Storm front flip, and as Amano staggers out, Myst hits the ropes and delivers a flying head scissors! Myst then sets Amano on his shoulders�
Styles: Myst looking for the Healius Complexion! It's all over!
Petengill: Razor's Edge! We've got new tag team champs!
However, Amano manages to slip back down from Myst's shoulder's! With all this strength, Amano leaps and delivers a jumping back kick to Myst's head! Both men are down!
Styles: Amano hits the jumping back kick! But that took a lot out of him! Can he capitalize?
With both men showing no signs of moving, the referee starts the count.
1�
2�
3�
4�
5�
Amano begins to stir!
6�
Myst begins to stir!
7�
8�
Amano gets to his feet!
9�
Myst gets to his feet!
The two exchange a series of punches, until Amano manages to gain the upper hand! He hits two in succession, and follows with a kick to the gut. Amano positions Myst between his knees, and hooks his arms!
Styles: Amano looking for the Tiger Driver, the tribute to Misawa!
Soprano: Johnny Misawa? I had him whacked! Who das dis Amano tink he is?
Styles: No, Mitsuahru Misawa.
Pentengill: Michinoku Driver?
Soprano: Who da @#%$ is dis guy?
Styles: I've been asking that for the past 8 months.
Amano tries for the pickup, but Myst counters! He backdrops Amano over�but Amano lands on his feet! Before Myst can turn around, Amano pulls his leg out, steps over, and locks in the inverted figure four!
Styles: Amano Lock! Amano Lock! Myst is gonna tap! We've got a huge upset!
Pentengill: Sharpshooter! Sharpshooter! Austin's gonna tap! We've got a huge upset!
Styles: That wouldn't have been an upset! And weren't you fired by then, anyway?
Locked in the submission hold, Myst begins to grimace, but he refuses to tap. Slowly, he begins to crawl toward the rope. He extends his arm, reaching as far as he can�closer�closer�he manages to grab the rope! The referee makes the count, and Amano breaks the hold at 4.
Styles: Myst couldn't have held out much longer! Had he been farther from the ring rope, Amano would have had him!
Amano stays on the offensive, whipping Myst to the far side, and back body dropping him on the way back! Myst is quickly back up, and walks into a belly to belly suplex from Amano! Amano rolls into a cover! 1�
2�
Myst kicks out at two!
Pettengill: Nailz just kicked out of the Bossman Slam! Are you guys watching this stuff?
Amano scoops Myst up, then drops him with a slam. He ascends to the top rope of the far left corner and flies off, looking for an elbow�but Myst rolls out of the way!
Styles: Huge mistake by Amano! That could be the turning point of the match!
Myst slowly rises to his feet, and begins to stomp at Amano. He pulls him up, throws his arm over his near shoulder, and picks him up in the vertical suplex position. He holds Amano in that position for several seconds, then drops him with a stiff suplex.
Styles: OUCH! That could be all for Amano!
Myst covers�1
2�
Amano rolls his shoulder!
Styles:Amano might be on his last legs, that was about two and seven eights!
Myst pulls Amano up, however, Amano catches him in the stomach with a right hand! He hits a forearm across Myst's chest, then drops him with a spin kick!
Pettengill: The 1-2-3 Kid never quits!
Myst pops back up, and is met with knife edge chops from Amano, pushing him backward! Amano whips Myst to the far side, and hits him on the way back with a high leg clothesline, once again dropping Myst! Myst is back to his feet once again, and gets superkicked! Amano covers�1�
2�
Myst kicks out!
Styles: Now Myst is on the defensive!
As Myst gets back up, Amano looks for another spin kick, but Myst ducks under! He grabs Amano's near arm, takes him down, and locks in the Eternal Pain crossface!
Styles: The Eternal Pain! Middle of the ring! That's gotta be it!
Soprano: Dat dere is putting direct pressure on da third and fourth vertebrae.
Styles: How do you know that?
Soprano: In my business, youse got to know dese tings.
Styles: And what business might that be?
Soprano: Waste management.
About thirty seconds pass, but Amano still hasn't tapped out�one minute, Amano still holds, but Myst, becoming frustrated, applies even more pressure. A minute and a half, Amano still refuses to tap!
Styles: Amano has to tap! Myst will break his neck!
Two minutes, still nothing�two and a half, Amano doesn't tap�three minutes, Amano still refuses to tap, but suddenly, the bell rings.
Styles: What the hell?
Pettengill: HBK has won!
Ring announcer Howard Finkel grabs a mic and stands up.
Finkel: Ladies and gentleman, as a result of time expiring, this match has been declared a draw!
Styles: What the @#%$? Since when does ICW have time limits?
Myst, with an enraged look on his face, slides out of the ring, and gets in Finkel's face.
Myst: Time limit? What the @#%$ is this?
Finkel, looking a lot like he did when Ken Shamrock was about to dismantle him, nervously responds.
Finkel: Mi-Mister Dudley said time has expired.
Myst stares at Finkel for a second, then decks him! He slides Finkel into the ring, lifts him onto his shoulders, and hits the Healius Complexion!
Styles: OH�MY�GAWD, Myst just DEMOLISHED Howard Finkel!
As Myst stares down at Finkel's limp carcass, he doesn't see Amano get up behind him! Amano wheels Myst around, boots him in the gut, and hits the Rising Sun DDT to a HUGE pop! Myst rolls out of the ring, clutching his head!
Styles: Rising Sun! Rising Sun! Amano just taught Myst a lesson!
As Myst heads up the ramp, still holding his head, he stares a hole through Amano, who returns the gaze
Styles: I have a feeling we haven't seen the end of this rivalry! But the question is, would Amano have tapped? We've got to take a break, but we'll be right back!
Commercial:
The ripe decayed souls of wretched death ridden corpses who lived evil meaningless lives...
...it's what's for dinner�
This commercial brought to you by Lucas Shehola Enterprises.
back to tv, jerky...
Styles: Well, folks...thanks for sticking with us through this crazy, yet mildly entertaining show...up next, I believe we have a match between two ICW newcomers...however, one, Carter Wilson, is a former EWA superstar...
Soprano: Yeah, he was Dan Wilson's brudder.
Styles: Cousin, actually.
Soprano: Shutuppa you face. @#%$, that was bad, even for ME!
Pettengill: I like to poop
Styles: Right.
Orgy's "Blue Monday" hits, as Calvin Seraphim comes out to somewhat of a mediocre response from the crowd.
Styles: Here's a newbie, in ICW. The mysterious Seraphim. He looks good in the ring, though.
Seraphim enters the ring, and awaits his opposition.
"Get Born Again" by Alice In Chains hits the PA, and out comes Carter Wilson...or does he?
Styles: We're awaiting the arrival of Carter Wilson, former EWA star. Where is he?
Pettengill: CROSSFACE CHICKENWING.
Soprano: Hmm...maybe someone whacked him.
Styles: I doubt that.
Soprano: Well mebbe someone oughta.
A few minutes go by, and Wilson doesnt show up. Seraphim gets impatient, and begins to pace around the ring.
Styles: Well damn, where is Carter Wilson?
Howard Finkel comes out from the back, sporting a black eye, considering he didnt really even get hit in the face, and grabs the mic from the backup announcer, Boob Raider herself, Angelina Jolie. He speaks:
Finkel: I have been informed that Calvin Seraphim is the winner, by forefit on account of Carter Wilson not showing up.
Styles: Wow, I wonder where Wilson is?
Soprano: Calvin and Hobbes looks pissed off.
Seraphim exits the ring, and storms off to the back, angrily, as Inferno goes to commercial...
Commercial break:
ICW apologizes for the match you just read. Or, lack of match. The match was supposed to be written, but that didnt fall through. In lieu of having time to write the match, we the bookER opted to go with what you read above, since Carter Wilson didnt RP anyway. To the wrestlers, involved, dont look at this as a devestating loss, or anything. We'll make up for it next time. And if not, well, we'll have free pie.
Get back, get back, get back to live tv...
Styles: Well...we're going to check in back at the hospital, where Lone Wolf and Ethan Prophet were taken earlier, after a cruel attack by Dave Dudley and a steel chair. Isnt that kind of a @#%$ reason to go to the hospital? I mean come on, that is some bad writing.
The camera cuts to the hospital...
We see Lone Wolf sitting on a hospital bed, rubbing his head...
Lone WolfThat damn Dudley...he'll get his.
Another hospital bed is shown, as it is just being wheeled in. On it, lays Ethan Prophet, who is holding his forehead, and just now starting to get up...
LWWell I'll be damned...
Wolf leaps off of the bed, as Prophet rolls off onto the floor, narrowly escaping the pouncing Wolf. YES, HOW MANY OF YOU DAMN WRITERS HAVE SAID THAT LONE WOLF POUNCED, AND IT REALLY APPLIED? IM SURE SOMEONE HAS SAID "THE WOLF POUNCES", BUT IT WAS PROBABLY GAY BECAUSE HE DIDNT REALLY POUNCE. OH LORD, I AM SO MUCH BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU.
Wolf regains his composure as Prophet gets up, and hits Wolf right in the head with a medical chart!
Styles: What? It's like a hardcore match...AT THE HOSPITAL!
Soprano: Mama-mia!
Pettengill: Thats why they call him THE BAD GUYYYYYYYYYY!
Prophet punches Wolf in the back, and then picks him up, throwing him into a cart of utensils. Wolf knocks the cart over, but then picks up a pair of foreceps.
Wolf lunges at Prophet with the forceps, and stabs him in the forehead!
The foreceps bounce off, and Prophet grabs his head.
Ethan Prophet: Ow. THAT REALLY HURT, YOU SON OF A BITCH.
Prophet clotheslines Wolf, Wolf goes down hard on the floor. Prophet picks up a heart monitor machine and slams it down hard on Lone Wolf.
Prophet picks up Wolf, and slams him onto a hospital bed.
Styles: This is...INSANE! Ha, that line rules.
Prophet picks up the controls to the bed, and pushes the close button.
The two ends of the bed fold up, trapping Lone Wolf in there!
LWNo!!! THIS BED HAS PEE! UNCLEAN, UNCLEANNNNNN!
Soprano: Hol-ee @#%$!
Pettengill: The WWF New Generation. UNBELIEVEABLE!
Ethan Prophet walks out of the room...the camera follows him down a corridor. We see doctors and nurses pass him by...
Styles: Looks like Prophet is taking a powder, and leaving Wolf, to fight another day.
Prophet is still walking away, when suddenly from behind, Wolf comes back, hitting Prophet in the back of the head with a bedpan!
Prophet hits the floor rolling, as Wolf tosses the bedpan away. Wolf eyes a man on crutches, and he swipes one. The man falls flat on his ass, from the loss of a crutch.
Styles: He took the man's crutch! How low!
Soprano: No respect.
Wolf busts the crutch over Prophets back, and then proceeds to kick Prophet in the ribs, not once, not twice, but thrice.
By this time, they're in the emergency room lobby. There's all kinds of sick and injured people waiting around.
Wolf picks up Prophet and slams his head into the receptionist's desk. The phone rings, and Wolf answers it:
LW Heloo? Oh, yeah one moment please. Hey Ethan, it's for you.
Wolf slams the phone reciever right into Prophet's skull.
Prophet retaliates by punching Wolf square in the crotch. Wolf's eyes bug out, as he clutches himself, in his most private area.
Prophet throws a guy who has been itching himself all over into Wolf.
Guy: Watch out! I have Poison Ivy!
LW AIEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Wolf pushes the man back into Prophet, and Prophet shoves him away. Prophet and Wolf tie up...and they manage to make their way out the doors, into the parking lot. We see an ambulance parked out there, probably the one that brought them to the hospital.
The two step outside, and the automatic doors close. They step back closer, and the doors open. The doors begin to close again, and Wolf throws Ethan into the doors, smashing his shoulder/arm in the door.
Styles: BRUTAL!
Ethan gets out of the door, and kicks Wolf right in the face! Ethan then proceeds to go around the side of the ambulance...and he climbs in the drivers seat.
Wolf follows him in through the rear of the ambulance. Ethan hits him with a steel box of gauze, and climbs into the back with him. In the narrow space, Prophet manages to hook Wolf up, and drop him with the Champion Driver! He then rolls Wolf out the back. Wolf manages to get to his hands and knees..
Prophet re-assumes the drivers seat position, and begins to drive off...
Styles: This is freaking crazy!
Soprano: Werd bitch crazy like a mutha.
Pettengill: YOKOZUNA EATS 22 BOWLS OF RICE A DAY!
Prophet speeds off, but then does a u-turn, and slowly, about 15 MPH, comes back towards Wolf. Wolf manages to get out of the way, just in time.
Styles: Prophet was gonna run him over!
Prophet stops the ambulance, and goes to see if he actually hit Wolf. Wolf starts to stir, and Prophet backs off...Wolf grabs Prophet's leg, but Prophet shakes him off.
Prophet climbs up the side of the Ambulance, and goes to the top to hide from Wolf, but Wolf follows him up there.
Wolf and Prophet trade a few punches, and Wolf goes down, being the worse for wear. Prophet tries to start climbing down the ambulance roof, but Wolf hits him with a low blow!
Styles: Only in ICW, will you see this kind of @#%$.
Wolf locks him up in a Kryptonite Krunch! Prophet's head leaves a dent in the roof!
Styles: Wolf just hit the HIBERNATION!
Soprano: That'l do it...is this even a match?
Suddenly, a taxi pulls out, and out runs referee Charles Robinson, that little bastard. He scurries up the ambulance, and makes the count, as Wolf makes the cover!
1...
2...
3!!!
Winner, by pinfall, Lone Wolf
Wolf slides down the hood and windshield of the ambulance, and keels over once on the ground, exhausted.
Styles: That might be one of the most craziest things I've ever seen in my LIFE!
Pettengill: What about Orville Redenbacher's birthday bash?
Styles: Good point. I never knew how much popcorn oil you could put on a naked playmate...
Soprano: What the @#%$?
Styles: Eh...I suppose it's time for the main event. This one is going to be for the undisputed ICW World Heavyweight Title, and it's going to be Healius vs. Dave Dudley.
Soprano: Werd on the street, Healius has been cooped up in his locker room all night, mentally preparing for the match.
Todd Pettengill: CHUCK NORRIS.
Styles: Maybe Dudley should have done the same...he might go into this thing being too cocky?
Soprano: Der's no such thing as being too cocky, my paisan David is gonna whack this pinko @#%$ Healius, and dump em off in da guttah.
Styles: Stupid words, from a stupid man.
Soprano: Are you talkin to me?
Sanctum Nocturna's "Harm" hits the pa. The crowd doesnt respond, because no one has ever heard Sanctum's shitty music, cause Sanctum is a fag and he sucks. Haha, that's right, he sucks. Out steps Healius, with the old ICW title belt across his shoulder. The crowd cheers, for Healius, who isnt being accompanied by his partner, Hoyakillah.
Styles: Healius is getting a pretty good response from the crowd, tonight.
Healius walks into the ring, focused. He doesnt play to the crowd, or anything, he just takes a corner.
The lights go dim, and pulse with a red strobe, as Nine Inch Nails' "Closer" starts to play.
The fans immediately start to boo...but after a few moments some cheers are mixed in. Out from the curtains steps the ICW World Heavyweight Champion, Dave Dudley. He is carrying only the ICW title belt. He's also carrying a steel chair.
Styles: And here comes the boss, the champ, the @#%$...
Soprano: EY!
Pettengill: I should have been the host for livewire. Sunny, sure she's hot...but she cant announce for @#%$! I'M THE WHOLE FN SHOW. I RAN WWF MANIA. WWF MANIA > LIVEWIRE. GLARG.
Dave climbs into the ring, and hands his belt to referee Nick Patrick. Patrick also takes Healius' belt, and holds them both in the air, before he gives them to the ring attendant.
Ding, ding
The bell sounds, and the match is underway, Dave drops his steel chair over the top rope, it lands on the outside with a clang. Healius and Dudley circle around the ring, like two predators, ready for the kill.
They lock up, and Healius gets the first advantage, catching Dudley in an armbar. Dudley tries to wriggle free, but Healius cranks it more, increasing the tension.
Dudley manages to reverse the hold,only to have Healius flip him over.
Styles: Healius showing that he has the early strength advantage.
Dudley gets right back to his feet, and gets up in Healius' face. Healius pushes Dudley away, and Dudley responds with a left to the side of the face.
The two immediately start brawling it out, with back and forth punches. Healius wins the slugfest, and punches Dudley back into the corner. Dudley rests up against the turnbuckle, as Healius begins to punch:
1....
2....
3....
4....
5....
6....
7....
8....
9....
10!
The fans count along, as Healius pummles Dudley.
Dudley walks out of the corner, and falls face first on the canvas. He then rolls out of the ring, as Healius starts to raise his arms up, riling up the crowd.
Soprano: Dudley is on the run, Healius has the advanatage here. Dis shizznity shnizzle is off the hizzle.
Styles: WTF?
Dudley, on the outside, grabs Healius' legs and trips him in the ring, and pulls him to the outside floor. He grabs Healius by the hair and slams him head first into the announce table.
Healius bounces off, as Dudley rears back and levels him with a clothesline. Dudley then takes a step back and shakes off the assault of punches given to him just a few moments ago.
Dudley then walks back over to Healius and picks him up in a bear hug position, driving him back first into the ring apron. Referee Nick Patrick tells Dave to get back into the ring but Dave just yells at him, and Patrick shuts up.
Dudley rolls Healius back into the ring, and follows him in. Dudley picks Healius up by the hair and whips him into the ropes, picking him up in a spinebuster type hold, but Healius counters into a DDT!
Styles: Oooh, what a thunderous DDT!
Healius picks up Dudley, but Dudley starts to punch Healius in the gut. Dudley, on his knees, hits Healius with an uppercut.
He then motions for Nick Patrick to look the other way, and Patrick the retard, obliges, and looks the other way, and Dave Dudley seizes the moment, and gives Healius a Chyna-esque low blow.
Styles: Oh, cheap shot!
Pettengill: THE GOLOTA!
Soprano: Ey, da ref didnt see it, it's legal.
Healius, keeled over, is easy pickings for a Dave Bomb. Healius gets planted! Dudley positions Healius, and begins to climb the turnbuckle...
Styles: What is Dudley attempting here? He's not a known high-flyer.
But Dudley wastes his time, and Healius gets up, knocking Dave off-balance, causing him to straddle the top rope. Healius joins Dudley up on the top turnbuckle, and throws him off with a T-Bone Suplex!! He rolls into a crucifix armbar!!
Styles: Oh damn, CRASH AND BURN!
Soprano: Look at Dudley writhe in pain. S'a shame.
Patrick asks Dudley if he wants to quit, but he doesnt quit, as apparently, the pain is not enough.
Dudley rolls around, and manages to break the hold. He springs to his feet, and rops a knee to the stomach of Healius, who hadnt gotten up yet.
Dudley then picks up Healius, and hoists him across his shoulders, possibly attempting a Death Valley Driver, but Healius frees himself, and catches Dudley in the SAXA BOTTOM! Dudley is down, Healius could have the win, he goes for the cover!
1...
2...
Healius pulls Dudley up!
Styles: What the hell is he doing?
Healius shakes his finger no as the crowd pops. Healius pulls Dudley to his feet, as he sets Dave up, for his version of the Pedigree, known as The Enlightenment!
Soprano: He's going to end it, right here!
Styles: If Healius hits this, it's all over...
Pettengill: CHUUUUUUUCK NORRISSSSS
Suddenly, "Sick Of Life" by Godsmack hits, as the crowd cheers, for the arrival of Sylver Morrigan . She walks out on the ramp, stops, and then proceeds to walk quite fast to the ring.
Styles: What the hell? What is she doing here?
Soprano: SHe's come to screw Healius, or Dudley!
Styles: Uh...I'm not going to get all Freudian on you, Tony...but...that didnt sound right.
Healius sees Sylver hop up on the ring apron, and he drops Dudley from the Enlightenment position. Healius walks over towards Sylver, and shakes his head, and starts motioning with his hands for her to leave.
From behind, Dave Dudley gets back to his feet. He walks up behind Healius, spins him around, and drops him with the 4D!!!!!! THE DAVE DUDLEY DEATH DROP! Healius is OUT!
Styles: 4D, 4D, 4D, OH MY GOD!
Soprano: YEAH!
Pettengill: DIESEL POWER!
As Healius lies on the mat, Sylver looks down at him, but soon looks up at Dave Dudley, who is looking at her. He walks over to the ropes, while she is still on the ring apron...grabs her by the hair...and KISSES HER!
Styles: WHOA!
The crowd goes nuts, as Dave turns away, and slides to the outside of the ring. Meanwhile Sylver turns around, with a smile on her face, and faces towards the ramp. She turns around to see Dave Dudley back in the ring, weilding a steel chair. Dave raises the chair, and BRINGS IT DOWN UPON SYLVERS HEAD, KNOCKING HER OFF OF THE APRON!
The crowd gives a chorus of boos.
Soprano: HOL-EE @#%$!
Styles: OHMYGOD!
The camera shows Sylver lying on the floor, unconcious. Nick Patrick comes up and tries to take the chair away from Dudley, but he shoves it into Patrick's face, and he goes down.
Styles: Now we have no ref!
Dave walks over to Healius, and rolls him onto his back. He puts him in the Sharpshooter, or Oh, Canada as Dave likes to call it.
Styles: Now Dave's got the Sharpshooter on Healius, with no referee!
Dave cranks on the Sharpshooter, as Healius remains passed out. Dave, facing towards the ramp and entrance, sees himself up on the formerly-known-as-ScottieTRON, DaveTRON�. He likes what he sees, as he gives a giant grin, as the sweat runs down his face.
Suddenly, "Knocking On Heaven's Door" hits, and lights cue up on the entrance ramp.
Styles: What now?
Dave perks up, but keeps on the sharpshooter, as he looks towards the entrance ramp, waiting for someone to run down.
He waits, but no one comes out, he starts to say something, but unless you can read lips, you dont really know what Dudley is saying.
Styles: Wait, look, through the crowd! It's
Hoyakillah! comes running through the crowd. He leaps over the security wall, holding a steel chair. He slides into the ring, behind Dudley.
Soprano: Dave! Look up at the screen!
Styles: He's focused on the ramp!
Dave notices and drops the hold, turns around only to turn into a chair shot from Hoya!
Styles: THAT WAS AN ASSAULT!
Dave staggers, but doesnt fall. Hoya tosses away the chair, kicks Dave in the midsection, hooks him up, and hits the HoyaBomb! a reverse powerbomb! Dave hits the canvas face first!
Styles: Oh damn, that's got to do it for Dudley! If Healius can get up, and if the ref can get up, we have a new champ!
Hoya wakes up Healius, and leaves the ring, stepping over Sylver as he walks up the ramp. Healius flops over Dudley, who is out for the time being. But there is no count, as Nick Patrick is still out!
Styles: Damnit, Patrick is still out, we would have a new champ!
Soprano: HOLY MACARONI!
Suddenly, "Timelessness" hits, and out comes Myst! The fans cheer, for the dark machine.
Pettengill: TIME TO TAKE A RIDE...ON THE DARK SIDE...HERE COMES THE DEAD MAN.
Myst steps over Sylver as well, who is just now stirring. He enters the ring, and picks up the chair that Dave once used. Healius gets to his feet but Myst LEVELS HIM WITH THE CHAIR!
Healius goes down!
Styles: What...the...HELL is going on?
Myst climbs out of the ring, and stands there watching, as Healius, Dudley, and Patrick are all down. After a moment, Patrick starts to regain his composure, followed by Dudley.
Soprano: Look, Dudley's gonna makea the cover!
Dudley puts an arm across Healius' chest, as Patrick slowly begins to count:
1....
2.......
3!!!!!!!!!!!
Winner, and still ICW World Heavyweight Champion, Dave Dudley
Patrick calls for the bell, as he falls back down. Dudley manages to get to his feet, as the ring announcer Howard Finkel slides in the two ICW title belts. Dave wearily grabs both belts, and holds them up in the air, as the fans boo.
Soprano: Booyah!
Styles: I cant believe Dudley managed to squeak out the victory!
Pettengill: Yep.
Dudley, celebrating, doesnt take the time to see that Myst has re-entered the ring, still holding the steel chair. Dudley turns around, and gets CRUSHED by Myst's chair shot! Dave drops both of his belts, and hits the mat.
Styles: OH MY GOD!!!!!!
Myst looks over Dudley, and points down at him, kinda like Kane does. He does the same to Healius, throws down the chair, raises his arms to the crowd, and leaves the ringside area.
Styles: What the hell just happened?
Soprano: I dun know, Joe-yyyy, but I know that Dave Dudley is still THE ICW World Heavyweight Champ, and we just saw one crazy ass match.
Styles: It looked like Myst was going to help Dudley! But he got him too, in the end! Where does he stand? And where does Sylver stand? And Hoya attacked Dudley! This is madness! This is craziness, this is....INSANE CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING! GOOD NIGHT, EVERYONE!
The camera shows Dave Dudley laying, semi-unconcious, with his belts draped over him, as the camera fades...to black.
End Transmission
The driver gets out, and opens one of the passgenger doors. Out steps The Hardcore Icon Dave Dudley, with all of his title belts in tow...
Joey Styles: The ICW World Champion, and OWNER is here!
Tony Soprano: No @#%$?
The camera cuts to film footage...
"Spit" by Kittie plays.
Highlights of ICW history is shown.
This can mean only one thing.
INSANE CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING IS BACK!!!!!!!
We see footage of ScottiePP7 in the ring bossing people around...
Amalek setting fires and laughing maniacally...
Dave Dudley putting people through tables and hitting them with chairs...
The Inmates double teaming some jabronis...
QPublic rushing the ring to beat on his foes...
Vassago dominating a ring full of ICW superstars...
The footage then shows the ICW logo, and the Friday Inferno intro. The camera then cuts to an outside shot of the FU Center, followed by a inside shot, where we see a sold out crowd, holding up such signs as:
"I DID IT ALL FOR THE NOOKIE"
"HE DID...I SAW HIM"
"DAVE DUDLEY IS YOUR GOD"
"WHERE'S LEIGH?"
"WHO CARES?"
"DAMN, THE GUY IN FRONT OF ME LOOKS A LOT LIKE HAGAN. FEMININE, HAIRY, AND SMELLS LIKE PANDCAKE SYRUP."
The camera then shows the announcers position, where our memorable announcers' lovely faces are shown...
Joey Styles: This...is EXTREME! Err...INSANE!
The camera shows more of the crowd...
Joey Styles: Welcome fans to Insane Championship Wrestling's presentation of Friday Inferno, and guys, it feels DAMN good to be back in ICW!
Tony Soprano: You damn right, Joe-eee, s'gonna be one ballbusting night, and if you dont agree with dat, you can take your mutha fuckin' ass to the meat factory, tell em Todd-O.
Todd Pettengill: Wrestling fans! We've got a special episode of WWF Mania! for you this morning! Today, we have....ABE 'KNUCKLEBALL' SCHWARTZ!
Styles: Jesus Christ...and just after my therapy finished...
"Closer" by Nine Inch Nails hits, as the fans cheer for what they know to be The Hardcore Icon, Dave Dudley, who steps out onto the Inferno stage.
Dave is carrying two belts: The ICW World Heavyweight Championship, and the LWN World HeavyPost Title. He's also carrying a mic, let's see what he has to say, shall we?
Dave Dudley: Greetings, greetings...my fellow Philadelphians. How ya'll been?
the crowd roars, because....well, all you have to do is say the name of the city.
Dave Dudley: It's been a long, long time since I've been at an ICW event. It feels incredible to be back. But, it doesnt feel good to be back in Philadelphia with all of you morons.
The crowd boos...those simpletons.
Dave Dudley: You simpletons. You see, I feel ashamed to say that I share this city with white trash like all of you.
Styles: Wow, the bozz is certainly laying it on thick tonight!
Dave Dudley: You see, I've discovered a new smell tonight. It's a combination of foot...ass...and plain old body odor.
The crowd starts an "@#%$" chant.
Dave Dudley: WASH YOURS!
The crowd boos...
Dave Dudley: But tonight wouldnt be complete...without some important announcements. First off, let me announce the very next ICW Event, live on Pay-Per-View. Which, by the way, will be availiable on DirecTV...
Soprano: Fuckin' WWF cocksuckers.
Dave Dudley: But I am pleased to announce...that on Sunday, December 23rd, ICW will Present.... LWN WINTERWAR!
The crowd erupts!
Styles: WOW, LWN WINTERWAR!!!
Soprano: Hey...did youse guys notice that there are a bunch of people painted up like ITR here, tonight?
Styles: Yeah...I just figured that it was gay/lesbian night here at the FU center, or something.
Pettengill: Speaking of Survivor Series...CHUCK NORRIS WILL BE THE GUEST INFORCER! CHUCK BY GOD NORRIS!!! STAR OF THE BRAND NEW SHOW, WALKER, TEXAS RANGER!! YES!!!
Dave Dudley: And at WinterWar, there will be a double main event. The first, being for my ICW World Heavyweight Title. The second, being for my LWN World HeavyPost title. These two titles, are the only two singles titles that ICW will recognize, until I deem otherwise. As for the TransContinental and Hardcore Titles, they will be up for grabs in some fashion, at a later date. And the tag team titles will be introduced in the weeks leading up to WinterWar.
So yes, there will be LWN WinterWar this year, but it will have definete ICW flavor. Now...I know you're all wondering... who gets the title shots at WinterWar?
Well, it's simple really. There will be a tournament, for a shot at the ICW title. Now, I might not be champion at WinterWar. Highly unlikely. However, if I were to lose the belt, I would assume the man who beat me's spot in the tournament. Simple as pie. As for when the tournament will commence...I havent decided. But I'll let you know. As for the LWN title shot...I havent decided what I want to do with that, either. But as always, I will keep you updated. Now, enough talking, let's kick off ICW's return, with a night for "getting the feel of things", as these matches serve as rust-shakers. Enjoy the show, and...remember, here in Philadelphia, it's normal to marry a stranger, but to marry your mother, HELL, THAT'S TRADITION!
the crowd boos as "Closer" hits once again, and Dave Dudley blows kisses out at the audience. He turns and heads to the back, as the camera cuts back to the announce position.
Styles: Well, there you have it folks, what else needs to be said?
Soprano: Ey, Joe-yyyy, what do you get when you cross Osama Bin Laden with that bastard FBI prick who's always hounding me?
Styles: I dunno, what?
Soprano: Nuffin cause I shot the mutha fuckas!
Styles: Sigh...
Pettengill: Dont go away kids, ask your parents to stay up so you can watch MONDAY NIGHT RAW LIVE, on the USA Network, and coming up we have...PAPA SHANGO VS. DAMIAN DEMENTO!! TWO HEELS, FIGHTING EACH OTHER!!! THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED!!!!!!!!
Commercial Break:
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And our spokesperson: Hexane! The master of chemicals.
Here's what he had to say:
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There you have it folks...another stupid commercial, for another stupid show.
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Ask for it by name, EARTH KILL.
Back to live action
Styles: Well, folks, we're back, and...wait, there's something going on backstage.
Ethan Prophet is walking backstage, when suddenly he is jumped by Lone Wolf and Smokey Green!
The two immediately knock him down, and start kicking and stomping Prophet.
Soprano: Whoa, it's a gangbang!
Wolf and Green stomp Prophet some more. Wolf lets up to go grab a piece of equipment, a type of box/trunk...and when he turns to go get it, Prophet gets to his feet and hiptosses Green onto a nearby wooden pallet.
Styles: Oh my...well, it wasnt that bad.
Wolf turns around to hit Prophet, but Prophet blocks the box/trunk, and kicks Wolf in the gut. Prophet grabs the box and throws it down, as Wolf runs off, helping up Smokey along the way...Wolf turns around and goads Prophet, causing Prophet to follow them.
Styles: I guess Wolf wants to have this match right now!
Prophet starts making his way down the hall that Lone Wolf and Green went down...when suddenly from out of nowhere Dave Dudley appears with a steel chair, and cracks Prophet RIGHT IN THE SKULL!!
Styles: OH....MY....GOD!
Prophet falls flat on his back. Dudley stands over Prophet, and speaks:
Dave Dudley: Welcome to ICW, punk.
Wolf reappears and starts to stomp Prophet some more. Dave glances over at Wolf, and BUSTS HIM IN THE SKULL WITH THE CHAIR!
Soprano: HOLY LORD!
Pettengill: THATS A DISQUALIFICATION!
Wolf falls down right next to Prophet. Dudley stands over the two...
Dave Dudley: Who are they kidding? Thinking they're hardcore, or something?
Dave drops the chair and walks away, as the camera fixes on the two fallen men...
Styles: What the hell was that all about? Wolf and Prophet were scheduled to have a match!
EMTs arrive, and tend to the two men, as we go to commercial...
Commercial Break:
No time for love, Dr. Jones.
Name the movie the quote came from, and email it to DaveDudley632@AOL.com
Return from break:
Styles: Well folks, we're back here on ICW Inferno, and Prophet and Lone Wolf were just taken to the hospital. They're believed to have concussions from two of the most brutal chairshots I've ever seen...we'll have more information on that later.
"DANGER" by Mystikal hits and down saunters ScottiePP7, yes you heard me, saunter.
Styles: What the hell does he want?
Tony: Hey show some respect for dis guy.
Styles: Oh come off it, this yokel doens't
own the place.
Scottie slies into the ring, and asks for a mic
Styles: Great now he wants to speak.
Scottie: Well Philidelphia ICW is back in
house are you having fun so far?
the crowd chants out Hell Yea!
Scottie: That's good, that's good but I'm
looking high and low and I see one person in that
audience that didn't say anything. You know who I'm
talking about, that ex-ICW susperstar who cuurrently
collects unemployment Johnny Q Public!!
the crods gives a massive pop at the mention of
Johnny
Scottie: I guess you like him maybe I should
ask him to down to the ring? What do you think?
Styles: Why is he giving orders? He has no
power, he's just a damn wrestler, now.
The crowd screams out it's response Hell Yea!
Scottie: Well, tough @#%$, there is no way
hell Johnny Q Public will ever set foot in one of
ICW's rings again. That guy couldn't wrestle his way
out of a box. Plain and Simple He doesn't have the
tools for the job. So he will never...ever..set foot
in this ring...
Tony: Dis guy done gone off the deep end. He
keeps forgetting he has no pull here. Reminds me of
some wise guys I once new who got to big for there
shoes, so we had to give them some new ones, made outta cemet.
Scottie's mic cuts off and the lights go out and
"For Whom The Bell Tolls" begins to play
Styles: What the hell?
Tony: Ehh if da feds show up you didn't see
nothing.
the lights come up and in the ring stands Johnny Q
Public, a look of intense determination on his face,
he stands toe-to-toe with Scottie, miracusously looks
as though he couldn't care less
Scottie: Ohh I'm supposed to be scared right?
Yea that's it, I'm supposed to be scared. THe big
Johnny Q Public, who has been around forever, like I
care I'm Scottie PP7 dammit! I don't care about you,
your not even a has been Johnny, your a never was,
years from now when people look back on this fed, they won't look to Johnny Q Public's accomplishments, they will look to me! Why? Because I'm Scottie PP7
Dammit!
Styles: What the hell is he talking about?
With that last dammit, Scottie PP7 slaps the
sunglasses off of Johnny's face
StyleS: Did you see that? Scottie just slapped
the taste out of Johnny.
Tony: Like I said..maybe I can find out what
size shoe he wears?
Johnny grabs Scottie and looks like he is about to
do something
Scottie: Touch me and you'll never wrestle
again period.
Styles: Empty threat, he has no power.
Johnny stops and turns and starts to leave the
ring
Scottie: That's right Johnny boy walk away
like you've done all your life when the pressure's on.
Hell, when I fired you, you didn't even put up a
fight. Face it boy, you will never surpass me, and
you will always be a pathetic little jobber.
Styles: I think Johnny just realized that
Scottie has no power, look!
Witht the last statement Johnny stops and looks out
at the fans, and then back at Scottie, he turns and
without warning connects with a superkick knocking
Scottie to the ground. The fans give a massive
pop!
Styles: Johnny Q just leveled Scottie PP7!!
Tony: He gonna pay for dat.
Johnny doesn't stop he picks up Scottie and throws
him against the ring post, and proceeds to lay into
him with flurry of punches and kicks Scottie doesn't
know where he is, as Scottie staggers Johnny Q
executes a varaiation of a stunner, only instead of
falling backwards Scottie falls face forward, Johnny
rolls over Scottie, and flips him off, and leaves the
ring, exiting throgh the crowd as security swarms down to the ring
Styles: It's utter pandemonium here in the
ring! Who the hell sent the cops down to the ring..I thought Scottie had no power...and where the hell did Pettengill go?
Soprano: I dunno, but it looks as dough it's time for PP7's match, because here comes da ref, and here comes Dude Hate!
"Fade To Black" hits the PA, as Dude Hate strolls down the aisle, pointing at Scottie, and laughing, as the crowd gives a decent pop.
Hate slides into the ring as Scottie slides out. Hate stands in the ring and poses.
Scottie stands on the outside and looks up at Dude Hate...
Styles: PP7 is such a coward...look at him, cowering...like a coward. That coward. Who cowers.
Soprano: Fuckin A!
Dude Hate steps over the top rope and goes to the floor, as he starts approaching PP7. Scottie backs up, but trips over the ring steps. Hate leans over and grabs Scottie by the neck!
Styles: Oh no...this cant be good.
Hate puts Scottie in the position for a big chokeslam!
He picks Scottie up...but suddenly, from under the ring, comes Ms. Clee Tarus!!! And she's armed with a SHOE, A @#%$ SHOE...OH GOD, A SHOE.
She raises it and hits the Dude in the back of the neck with the heel...
The Dude drops Scottie, and turns his attention on Clee...
Styles: Ut-oh...Clee picked the wrong time to make an impression!
Dude grabs Clee by the throat...lifts her up.... CHOKE SLAM ON THE FLOOR!!!
The crowd goes nuts!
Styles: Holy GOD!
Soprano: Ey, I saw up her skirt!
Hate stands over Clee after he brutally planted her on the floor. Scottie turns around, and hits Dude with a low blow! Dude turns around, somewhat affected, and PP7 drills him with the Martini DDT! on the floor! Hate goes down!!
Styles: Oh...my...
Soprano: JUMPIN JEHOSEPHAT!
Scottie rolls into the ring, and jumps up in celebration.
Soprano: Ey, he didnt even check on Clee, to see if she was all right!
Styles: What a bitch!
Scottie celebrates as "For Whom The Bell Tolls" hits and Johnny Q Public runs down to the ring, steel chair in hand!
Styles: WHAT THE @#%$?
QPublic slides into the ring and gives a running leaping Shane-O-Mac-esque chair shot to PP7, knocking him down. He rolls out of the ring, and hops over the barricade, leaving through the crowd.
Dude Hate slides into the ring, as the bell FINALLY sounds!
Ding, Ding
Hate makes the cover on PP7!
1...
2...
3!!!!!
Winner, Dude Hate
Scottie lies in the middle of the ring, out of it, as the Dudester makes his way up the ramp, as the crowd cheers.
Styles: QPublic just screwed PP7!
Soprano: S'a fuckin tragedy.
Styles: What a chaotic situation...AND WHERE DID PETTENGILL GO? ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH
Commercial Break:
Todd Pettengill: Hey folks. Todd Pettengill for Super Ultra Mega Wacky Scooters. See, these scooters are Super, Ultra, Mega, and Wacky. And if you ride them, well, you'll be super ultra mega and wacky too. Yep. I really need money...I have no home...PLEASE, PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR SPARE CHANGE. I'LL EMCEE YOUR KID'S BIRTHDAY PARTIES IF THEY BUY THESE SCOOTERS. COME ON. BUY ONE. BUY A SCOOTER! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Back to show:
Styles: Welcome back...and, we're being rejoined by Todd Pettengill. Todd, where were you?
Pettengill: I had a...business matter to attend to. HERE COMES DOINK!
Soprano: Heh, Doink. Kinda like Uncle Junior. Sometimes the ladys call his wanger a dink.
Styles: Erm...well, folks...like I reported earlier, Lone Wolf and Ethan Prophet have been taken to the hospital...more on that story later, when we check in at the hospital.
"Pain for Pleasure" hits the ICW PA for the first time ever, as newcomer Shigeru Amano steps out onto the ramp to a mixed crowd reaction.
Pentengill: MEEEESTA YAMAGACHI-SAN! And here comes Kaentai!
Styles: Ugh�Shigeru Amano makes his ICW debut here tonight, this is Amano's first North American match, but if his performances in New Japan are any indication, he's quite a talent.
Soprano: I done business wid da Japs a few times, make a nice audomobile, dey do.
As Amano enters the ring and removes his jacket, the slow guitar chords of "Timelessness" pick up, bringing the entire arena to their feet, some cheering wildly, some booing voraciously, as the Dark Machine himself, Myst, saunters out of the back. Keeping his eyes trained on Amano, he methodically makes his way down to the ring.
Styles: But if I were a betting man, my money would be on this individual! Myst, after a brief retirement, returns to the ring tonight, and he looks as though he's going to pick up right where he left off in EWA!
Soprano: Ey, wud's wid dis guy? I fix him up wid some nice girls from Newark, take da edge off, capiche?
Pentengill: Hunter Hearst Helmesly, the only blue blooded degenerate!
Myst slides into the ring, and removes his long black trenchcoat, tossing it to the outside of the ring. A cruel smile crosses his lips as he stares down Amano, as the bell rings. The two immediately begin to circle around the ring. Amano lunges for a quick lockup, but Myst sidesteps, and begins to fire right hands to the face of Amano!
Styles: Myst showing Amano what he thinks of tradition!
After taking three successive rights, Amano manages to block the fourth, and after throwing Myst's hand to the side, delivers an open-hand chop the the chest of Myst, soliciting the obligatory "whooooooooo" from the crowd, despite the fact that the move performed was not a knife edge chop. Amano follows up with another chop, and then hits a quick forearm to Myst's head, causing him to stagger backward. Amano follows up with a quick Irish whip to the near side, and hits a swift kick to Myst's midsection on the way back, and following that up with a quick spinning neckbreaker
Styles: Amano taking the early advantage! He's clearly not intimidated by Myst!
Myst is quickly back up to his feet, and is met with knife edge chops from Amano, once again drawing a "whooooooooooo". He looks for another Irish whip, but is reversed by Myst, who catches him with a back elbow, snapping Amano's head back. Amano hits the ground, and Myst immediately follows with a running leg drop across the throat. He hooks Amano's leg, and the referre counts�
1�
Kickout by Amano!
Styles: Myst is way too early! It seems that he's underestimated Amano!
Pentengill: He kicked out! He kicked out! He kicked out of the Leg Drop of Doom! Hogan is in shock!
Styles: Jesus, shut the @#%$ up already! We're going to be out here for another good hour, and I'm not gonna put up with your WWF @#%$!
Soprano: Fellas, fellas, calms down, calms down. Youse guys is makin' me ne'vous
Myst, realizing that Amano is no pushover, pulls him up and whips him to the far side and hits an arm drag, NO, Amano lands on his feet! He quickly back waistlocks Myst, and looks for a German suplex, but Myst performs a midair flip, landing on his feet! Myst takes advantage of Amano's mistake, hooks his arms, and backslides him! However, Amano uses his leg strength and flexibility to wrench Myst off of him, and into a pinning predicament of his own! But Myst quickly rolls through, positioning Amano in a reverse jackknife! Amano immediately rolls out, and both men pop to their feet, to a pop!
Styles: Excellent display of wrestling! These two may be more evenly matched than we thought!
Pettengill: You never know what will happen in a�SINGLES match.
Styles: Where the hell did they FIND you?
Amano and Myst lock up in the middle of the ring, with Amano quickly clamping down with a side headlock. Myst fires several elbows to the midsection of Amano, and looks for a whip, however, Amano reverses and pulls Myst in toward him, racking him up for the Burning Hammer, but Myst manages to slip off of Amano's shoulders, and land on his feet! As Amano turns to face him, Myst delivers the Call to Ashley superkick to the heart!
Styles: The Call to Ashley! Myst dropped Amano like a rock!
Soprano: He dropped fasta' den dat back stabbin' thug Big @#%$ in da East riva'!
Myst stands over Amano, catching his breath, then continues. A whip into the corner is followed by the Raging Storm front flip, and as Amano staggers out, Myst hits the ropes and delivers a flying head scissors! Myst then sets Amano on his shoulders�
Styles: Myst looking for the Healius Complexion! It's all over!
Petengill: Razor's Edge! We've got new tag team champs!
However, Amano manages to slip back down from Myst's shoulder's! With all this strength, Amano leaps and delivers a jumping back kick to Myst's head! Both men are down!
Styles: Amano hits the jumping back kick! But that took a lot out of him! Can he capitalize?
With both men showing no signs of moving, the referee starts the count.
1�
2�
3�
4�
5�
Amano begins to stir!
6�
Myst begins to stir!
7�
8�
Amano gets to his feet!
9�
Myst gets to his feet!
The two exchange a series of punches, until Amano manages to gain the upper hand! He hits two in succession, and follows with a kick to the gut. Amano positions Myst between his knees, and hooks his arms!
Styles: Amano looking for the Tiger Driver, the tribute to Misawa!
Soprano: Johnny Misawa? I had him whacked! Who das dis Amano tink he is?
Styles: No, Mitsuahru Misawa.
Pentengill: Michinoku Driver?
Soprano: Who da @#%$ is dis guy?
Styles: I've been asking that for the past 8 months.
Amano tries for the pickup, but Myst counters! He backdrops Amano over�but Amano lands on his feet! Before Myst can turn around, Amano pulls his leg out, steps over, and locks in the inverted figure four!
Styles: Amano Lock! Amano Lock! Myst is gonna tap! We've got a huge upset!
Pentengill: Sharpshooter! Sharpshooter! Austin's gonna tap! We've got a huge upset!
Styles: That wouldn't have been an upset! And weren't you fired by then, anyway?
Locked in the submission hold, Myst begins to grimace, but he refuses to tap. Slowly, he begins to crawl toward the rope. He extends his arm, reaching as far as he can�closer�closer�he manages to grab the rope! The referee makes the count, and Amano breaks the hold at 4.
Styles: Myst couldn't have held out much longer! Had he been farther from the ring rope, Amano would have had him!
Amano stays on the offensive, whipping Myst to the far side, and back body dropping him on the way back! Myst is quickly back up, and walks into a belly to belly suplex from Amano! Amano rolls into a cover! 1�
2�
Myst kicks out at two!
Pettengill: Nailz just kicked out of the Bossman Slam! Are you guys watching this stuff?
Amano scoops Myst up, then drops him with a slam. He ascends to the top rope of the far left corner and flies off, looking for an elbow�but Myst rolls out of the way!
Styles: Huge mistake by Amano! That could be the turning point of the match!
Myst slowly rises to his feet, and begins to stomp at Amano. He pulls him up, throws his arm over his near shoulder, and picks him up in the vertical suplex position. He holds Amano in that position for several seconds, then drops him with a stiff suplex.
Styles: OUCH! That could be all for Amano!
Myst covers�1
2�
Amano rolls his shoulder!
Styles:Amano might be on his last legs, that was about two and seven eights!
Myst pulls Amano up, however, Amano catches him in the stomach with a right hand! He hits a forearm across Myst's chest, then drops him with a spin kick!
Pettengill: The 1-2-3 Kid never quits!
Myst pops back up, and is met with knife edge chops from Amano, pushing him backward! Amano whips Myst to the far side, and hits him on the way back with a high leg clothesline, once again dropping Myst! Myst is back to his feet once again, and gets superkicked! Amano covers�1�
2�
Myst kicks out!
Styles: Now Myst is on the defensive!
As Myst gets back up, Amano looks for another spin kick, but Myst ducks under! He grabs Amano's near arm, takes him down, and locks in the Eternal Pain crossface!
Styles: The Eternal Pain! Middle of the ring! That's gotta be it!
Soprano: Dat dere is putting direct pressure on da third and fourth vertebrae.
Styles: How do you know that?
Soprano: In my business, youse got to know dese tings.
Styles: And what business might that be?
Soprano: Waste management.
About thirty seconds pass, but Amano still hasn't tapped out�one minute, Amano still holds, but Myst, becoming frustrated, applies even more pressure. A minute and a half, Amano still refuses to tap!
Styles: Amano has to tap! Myst will break his neck!
Two minutes, still nothing�two and a half, Amano doesn't tap�three minutes, Amano still refuses to tap, but suddenly, the bell rings.
Styles: What the hell?
Pettengill: HBK has won!
Ring announcer Howard Finkel grabs a mic and stands up.
Finkel: Ladies and gentleman, as a result of time expiring, this match has been declared a draw!
Styles: What the @#%$? Since when does ICW have time limits?
Myst, with an enraged look on his face, slides out of the ring, and gets in Finkel's face.
Myst: Time limit? What the @#%$ is this?
Finkel, looking a lot like he did when Ken Shamrock was about to dismantle him, nervously responds.
Finkel: Mi-Mister Dudley said time has expired.
Myst stares at Finkel for a second, then decks him! He slides Finkel into the ring, lifts him onto his shoulders, and hits the Healius Complexion!
Styles: OH�MY�GAWD, Myst just DEMOLISHED Howard Finkel!
As Myst stares down at Finkel's limp carcass, he doesn't see Amano get up behind him! Amano wheels Myst around, boots him in the gut, and hits the Rising Sun DDT to a HUGE pop! Myst rolls out of the ring, clutching his head!
Styles: Rising Sun! Rising Sun! Amano just taught Myst a lesson!
As Myst heads up the ramp, still holding his head, he stares a hole through Amano, who returns the gaze
Styles: I have a feeling we haven't seen the end of this rivalry! But the question is, would Amano have tapped? We've got to take a break, but we'll be right back!
Commercial:
The ripe decayed souls of wretched death ridden corpses who lived evil meaningless lives...
...it's what's for dinner�
This commercial brought to you by Lucas Shehola Enterprises.
back to tv, jerky...
Styles: Well, folks...thanks for sticking with us through this crazy, yet mildly entertaining show...up next, I believe we have a match between two ICW newcomers...however, one, Carter Wilson, is a former EWA superstar...
Soprano: Yeah, he was Dan Wilson's brudder.
Styles: Cousin, actually.
Soprano: Shutuppa you face. @#%$, that was bad, even for ME!
Pettengill: I like to poop
Styles: Right.
Orgy's "Blue Monday" hits, as Calvin Seraphim comes out to somewhat of a mediocre response from the crowd.
Styles: Here's a newbie, in ICW. The mysterious Seraphim. He looks good in the ring, though.
Seraphim enters the ring, and awaits his opposition.
"Get Born Again" by Alice In Chains hits the PA, and out comes Carter Wilson...or does he?
Styles: We're awaiting the arrival of Carter Wilson, former EWA star. Where is he?
Pettengill: CROSSFACE CHICKENWING.
Soprano: Hmm...maybe someone whacked him.
Styles: I doubt that.
Soprano: Well mebbe someone oughta.
A few minutes go by, and Wilson doesnt show up. Seraphim gets impatient, and begins to pace around the ring.
Styles: Well damn, where is Carter Wilson?
Howard Finkel comes out from the back, sporting a black eye, considering he didnt really even get hit in the face, and grabs the mic from the backup announcer, Boob Raider herself, Angelina Jolie. He speaks:
Finkel: I have been informed that Calvin Seraphim is the winner, by forefit on account of Carter Wilson not showing up.
Styles: Wow, I wonder where Wilson is?
Soprano: Calvin and Hobbes looks pissed off.
Seraphim exits the ring, and storms off to the back, angrily, as Inferno goes to commercial...
Commercial break:
ICW apologizes for the match you just read. Or, lack of match. The match was supposed to be written, but that didnt fall through. In lieu of having time to write the match, we the bookER opted to go with what you read above, since Carter Wilson didnt RP anyway. To the wrestlers, involved, dont look at this as a devestating loss, or anything. We'll make up for it next time. And if not, well, we'll have free pie.
Get back, get back, get back to live tv...
Styles: Well...we're going to check in back at the hospital, where Lone Wolf and Ethan Prophet were taken earlier, after a cruel attack by Dave Dudley and a steel chair. Isnt that kind of a @#%$ reason to go to the hospital? I mean come on, that is some bad writing.
The camera cuts to the hospital...
We see Lone Wolf sitting on a hospital bed, rubbing his head...
Lone WolfThat damn Dudley...he'll get his.
Another hospital bed is shown, as it is just being wheeled in. On it, lays Ethan Prophet, who is holding his forehead, and just now starting to get up...
LWWell I'll be damned...
Wolf leaps off of the bed, as Prophet rolls off onto the floor, narrowly escaping the pouncing Wolf. YES, HOW MANY OF YOU DAMN WRITERS HAVE SAID THAT LONE WOLF POUNCED, AND IT REALLY APPLIED? IM SURE SOMEONE HAS SAID "THE WOLF POUNCES", BUT IT WAS PROBABLY GAY BECAUSE HE DIDNT REALLY POUNCE. OH LORD, I AM SO MUCH BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU.
Wolf regains his composure as Prophet gets up, and hits Wolf right in the head with a medical chart!
Styles: What? It's like a hardcore match...AT THE HOSPITAL!
Soprano: Mama-mia!
Pettengill: Thats why they call him THE BAD GUYYYYYYYYYY!
Prophet punches Wolf in the back, and then picks him up, throwing him into a cart of utensils. Wolf knocks the cart over, but then picks up a pair of foreceps.
Wolf lunges at Prophet with the forceps, and stabs him in the forehead!
The foreceps bounce off, and Prophet grabs his head.
Ethan Prophet: Ow. THAT REALLY HURT, YOU SON OF A BITCH.
Prophet clotheslines Wolf, Wolf goes down hard on the floor. Prophet picks up a heart monitor machine and slams it down hard on Lone Wolf.
Prophet picks up Wolf, and slams him onto a hospital bed.
Styles: This is...INSANE! Ha, that line rules.
Prophet picks up the controls to the bed, and pushes the close button.
The two ends of the bed fold up, trapping Lone Wolf in there!
LWNo!!! THIS BED HAS PEE! UNCLEAN, UNCLEANNNNNN!
Soprano: Hol-ee @#%$!
Pettengill: The WWF New Generation. UNBELIEVEABLE!
Ethan Prophet walks out of the room...the camera follows him down a corridor. We see doctors and nurses pass him by...
Styles: Looks like Prophet is taking a powder, and leaving Wolf, to fight another day.
Prophet is still walking away, when suddenly from behind, Wolf comes back, hitting Prophet in the back of the head with a bedpan!
Prophet hits the floor rolling, as Wolf tosses the bedpan away. Wolf eyes a man on crutches, and he swipes one. The man falls flat on his ass, from the loss of a crutch.
Styles: He took the man's crutch! How low!
Soprano: No respect.
Wolf busts the crutch over Prophets back, and then proceeds to kick Prophet in the ribs, not once, not twice, but thrice.
By this time, they're in the emergency room lobby. There's all kinds of sick and injured people waiting around.
Wolf picks up Prophet and slams his head into the receptionist's desk. The phone rings, and Wolf answers it:
LW Heloo? Oh, yeah one moment please. Hey Ethan, it's for you.
Wolf slams the phone reciever right into Prophet's skull.
Prophet retaliates by punching Wolf square in the crotch. Wolf's eyes bug out, as he clutches himself, in his most private area.
Prophet throws a guy who has been itching himself all over into Wolf.
Guy: Watch out! I have Poison Ivy!
LW AIEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Wolf pushes the man back into Prophet, and Prophet shoves him away. Prophet and Wolf tie up...and they manage to make their way out the doors, into the parking lot. We see an ambulance parked out there, probably the one that brought them to the hospital.
The two step outside, and the automatic doors close. They step back closer, and the doors open. The doors begin to close again, and Wolf throws Ethan into the doors, smashing his shoulder/arm in the door.
Styles: BRUTAL!
Ethan gets out of the door, and kicks Wolf right in the face! Ethan then proceeds to go around the side of the ambulance...and he climbs in the drivers seat.
Wolf follows him in through the rear of the ambulance. Ethan hits him with a steel box of gauze, and climbs into the back with him. In the narrow space, Prophet manages to hook Wolf up, and drop him with the Champion Driver! He then rolls Wolf out the back. Wolf manages to get to his hands and knees..
Prophet re-assumes the drivers seat position, and begins to drive off...
Styles: This is freaking crazy!
Soprano: Werd bitch crazy like a mutha.
Pettengill: YOKOZUNA EATS 22 BOWLS OF RICE A DAY!
Prophet speeds off, but then does a u-turn, and slowly, about 15 MPH, comes back towards Wolf. Wolf manages to get out of the way, just in time.
Styles: Prophet was gonna run him over!
Prophet stops the ambulance, and goes to see if he actually hit Wolf. Wolf starts to stir, and Prophet backs off...Wolf grabs Prophet's leg, but Prophet shakes him off.
Prophet climbs up the side of the Ambulance, and goes to the top to hide from Wolf, but Wolf follows him up there.
Wolf and Prophet trade a few punches, and Wolf goes down, being the worse for wear. Prophet tries to start climbing down the ambulance roof, but Wolf hits him with a low blow!
Styles: Only in ICW, will you see this kind of @#%$.
Wolf locks him up in a Kryptonite Krunch! Prophet's head leaves a dent in the roof!
Styles: Wolf just hit the HIBERNATION!
Soprano: That'l do it...is this even a match?
Suddenly, a taxi pulls out, and out runs referee Charles Robinson, that little bastard. He scurries up the ambulance, and makes the count, as Wolf makes the cover!
1...
2...
3!!!
Winner, by pinfall, Lone Wolf
Wolf slides down the hood and windshield of the ambulance, and keels over once on the ground, exhausted.
Styles: That might be one of the most craziest things I've ever seen in my LIFE!
Pettengill: What about Orville Redenbacher's birthday bash?
Styles: Good point. I never knew how much popcorn oil you could put on a naked playmate...
Soprano: What the @#%$?
Styles: Eh...I suppose it's time for the main event. This one is going to be for the undisputed ICW World Heavyweight Title, and it's going to be Healius vs. Dave Dudley.
Soprano: Werd on the street, Healius has been cooped up in his locker room all night, mentally preparing for the match.
Todd Pettengill: CHUCK NORRIS.
Styles: Maybe Dudley should have done the same...he might go into this thing being too cocky?
Soprano: Der's no such thing as being too cocky, my paisan David is gonna whack this pinko @#%$ Healius, and dump em off in da guttah.
Styles: Stupid words, from a stupid man.
Soprano: Are you talkin to me?
Sanctum Nocturna's "Harm" hits the pa. The crowd doesnt respond, because no one has ever heard Sanctum's shitty music, cause Sanctum is a fag and he sucks. Haha, that's right, he sucks. Out steps Healius, with the old ICW title belt across his shoulder. The crowd cheers, for Healius, who isnt being accompanied by his partner, Hoyakillah.
Styles: Healius is getting a pretty good response from the crowd, tonight.
Healius walks into the ring, focused. He doesnt play to the crowd, or anything, he just takes a corner.
The lights go dim, and pulse with a red strobe, as Nine Inch Nails' "Closer" starts to play.
The fans immediately start to boo...but after a few moments some cheers are mixed in. Out from the curtains steps the ICW World Heavyweight Champion, Dave Dudley. He is carrying only the ICW title belt. He's also carrying a steel chair.
Styles: And here comes the boss, the champ, the @#%$...
Soprano: EY!
Pettengill: I should have been the host for livewire. Sunny, sure she's hot...but she cant announce for @#%$! I'M THE WHOLE FN SHOW. I RAN WWF MANIA. WWF MANIA > LIVEWIRE. GLARG.
Dave climbs into the ring, and hands his belt to referee Nick Patrick. Patrick also takes Healius' belt, and holds them both in the air, before he gives them to the ring attendant.
Ding, ding
The bell sounds, and the match is underway, Dave drops his steel chair over the top rope, it lands on the outside with a clang. Healius and Dudley circle around the ring, like two predators, ready for the kill.
They lock up, and Healius gets the first advantage, catching Dudley in an armbar. Dudley tries to wriggle free, but Healius cranks it more, increasing the tension.
Dudley manages to reverse the hold,only to have Healius flip him over.
Styles: Healius showing that he has the early strength advantage.
Dudley gets right back to his feet, and gets up in Healius' face. Healius pushes Dudley away, and Dudley responds with a left to the side of the face.
The two immediately start brawling it out, with back and forth punches. Healius wins the slugfest, and punches Dudley back into the corner. Dudley rests up against the turnbuckle, as Healius begins to punch:
1....
2....
3....
4....
5....
6....
7....
8....
9....
10!
The fans count along, as Healius pummles Dudley.
Dudley walks out of the corner, and falls face first on the canvas. He then rolls out of the ring, as Healius starts to raise his arms up, riling up the crowd.
Soprano: Dudley is on the run, Healius has the advanatage here. Dis shizznity shnizzle is off the hizzle.
Styles: WTF?
Dudley, on the outside, grabs Healius' legs and trips him in the ring, and pulls him to the outside floor. He grabs Healius by the hair and slams him head first into the announce table.
Healius bounces off, as Dudley rears back and levels him with a clothesline. Dudley then takes a step back and shakes off the assault of punches given to him just a few moments ago.
Dudley then walks back over to Healius and picks him up in a bear hug position, driving him back first into the ring apron. Referee Nick Patrick tells Dave to get back into the ring but Dave just yells at him, and Patrick shuts up.
Dudley rolls Healius back into the ring, and follows him in. Dudley picks Healius up by the hair and whips him into the ropes, picking him up in a spinebuster type hold, but Healius counters into a DDT!
Styles: Oooh, what a thunderous DDT!
Healius picks up Dudley, but Dudley starts to punch Healius in the gut. Dudley, on his knees, hits Healius with an uppercut.
He then motions for Nick Patrick to look the other way, and Patrick the retard, obliges, and looks the other way, and Dave Dudley seizes the moment, and gives Healius a Chyna-esque low blow.
Styles: Oh, cheap shot!
Pettengill: THE GOLOTA!
Soprano: Ey, da ref didnt see it, it's legal.
Healius, keeled over, is easy pickings for a Dave Bomb. Healius gets planted! Dudley positions Healius, and begins to climb the turnbuckle...
Styles: What is Dudley attempting here? He's not a known high-flyer.
But Dudley wastes his time, and Healius gets up, knocking Dave off-balance, causing him to straddle the top rope. Healius joins Dudley up on the top turnbuckle, and throws him off with a T-Bone Suplex!! He rolls into a crucifix armbar!!
Styles: Oh damn, CRASH AND BURN!
Soprano: Look at Dudley writhe in pain. S'a shame.
Patrick asks Dudley if he wants to quit, but he doesnt quit, as apparently, the pain is not enough.
Dudley rolls around, and manages to break the hold. He springs to his feet, and rops a knee to the stomach of Healius, who hadnt gotten up yet.
Dudley then picks up Healius, and hoists him across his shoulders, possibly attempting a Death Valley Driver, but Healius frees himself, and catches Dudley in the SAXA BOTTOM! Dudley is down, Healius could have the win, he goes for the cover!
1...
2...
Healius pulls Dudley up!
Styles: What the hell is he doing?
Healius shakes his finger no as the crowd pops. Healius pulls Dudley to his feet, as he sets Dave up, for his version of the Pedigree, known as The Enlightenment!
Soprano: He's going to end it, right here!
Styles: If Healius hits this, it's all over...
Pettengill: CHUUUUUUUCK NORRISSSSS
Suddenly, "Sick Of Life" by Godsmack hits, as the crowd cheers, for the arrival of Sylver Morrigan . She walks out on the ramp, stops, and then proceeds to walk quite fast to the ring.
Styles: What the hell? What is she doing here?
Soprano: SHe's come to screw Healius, or Dudley!
Styles: Uh...I'm not going to get all Freudian on you, Tony...but...that didnt sound right.
Healius sees Sylver hop up on the ring apron, and he drops Dudley from the Enlightenment position. Healius walks over towards Sylver, and shakes his head, and starts motioning with his hands for her to leave.
From behind, Dave Dudley gets back to his feet. He walks up behind Healius, spins him around, and drops him with the 4D!!!!!! THE DAVE DUDLEY DEATH DROP! Healius is OUT!
Styles: 4D, 4D, 4D, OH MY GOD!
Soprano: YEAH!
Pettengill: DIESEL POWER!
As Healius lies on the mat, Sylver looks down at him, but soon looks up at Dave Dudley, who is looking at her. He walks over to the ropes, while she is still on the ring apron...grabs her by the hair...and KISSES HER!
Styles: WHOA!
The crowd goes nuts, as Dave turns away, and slides to the outside of the ring. Meanwhile Sylver turns around, with a smile on her face, and faces towards the ramp. She turns around to see Dave Dudley back in the ring, weilding a steel chair. Dave raises the chair, and BRINGS IT DOWN UPON SYLVERS HEAD, KNOCKING HER OFF OF THE APRON!
The crowd gives a chorus of boos.
Soprano: HOL-EE @#%$!
Styles: OHMYGOD!
The camera shows Sylver lying on the floor, unconcious. Nick Patrick comes up and tries to take the chair away from Dudley, but he shoves it into Patrick's face, and he goes down.
Styles: Now we have no ref!
Dave walks over to Healius, and rolls him onto his back. He puts him in the Sharpshooter, or Oh, Canada as Dave likes to call it.
Styles: Now Dave's got the Sharpshooter on Healius, with no referee!
Dave cranks on the Sharpshooter, as Healius remains passed out. Dave, facing towards the ramp and entrance, sees himself up on the formerly-known-as-ScottieTRON, DaveTRON�. He likes what he sees, as he gives a giant grin, as the sweat runs down his face.
Suddenly, "Knocking On Heaven's Door" hits, and lights cue up on the entrance ramp.
Styles: What now?
Dave perks up, but keeps on the sharpshooter, as he looks towards the entrance ramp, waiting for someone to run down.
He waits, but no one comes out, he starts to say something, but unless you can read lips, you dont really know what Dudley is saying.
Styles: Wait, look, through the crowd! It's
Hoyakillah! comes running through the crowd. He leaps over the security wall, holding a steel chair. He slides into the ring, behind Dudley.
Soprano: Dave! Look up at the screen!
Styles: He's focused on the ramp!
Dave notices and drops the hold, turns around only to turn into a chair shot from Hoya!
Styles: THAT WAS AN ASSAULT!
Dave staggers, but doesnt fall. Hoya tosses away the chair, kicks Dave in the midsection, hooks him up, and hits the HoyaBomb! a reverse powerbomb! Dave hits the canvas face first!
Styles: Oh damn, that's got to do it for Dudley! If Healius can get up, and if the ref can get up, we have a new champ!
Hoya wakes up Healius, and leaves the ring, stepping over Sylver as he walks up the ramp. Healius flops over Dudley, who is out for the time being. But there is no count, as Nick Patrick is still out!
Styles: Damnit, Patrick is still out, we would have a new champ!
Soprano: HOLY MACARONI!
Suddenly, "Timelessness" hits, and out comes Myst! The fans cheer, for the dark machine.
Pettengill: TIME TO TAKE A RIDE...ON THE DARK SIDE...HERE COMES THE DEAD MAN.
Myst steps over Sylver as well, who is just now stirring. He enters the ring, and picks up the chair that Dave once used. Healius gets to his feet but Myst LEVELS HIM WITH THE CHAIR!
Healius goes down!
Styles: What...the...HELL is going on?
Myst climbs out of the ring, and stands there watching, as Healius, Dudley, and Patrick are all down. After a moment, Patrick starts to regain his composure, followed by Dudley.
Soprano: Look, Dudley's gonna makea the cover!
Dudley puts an arm across Healius' chest, as Patrick slowly begins to count:
1....
2.......
3!!!!!!!!!!!
Winner, and still ICW World Heavyweight Champion, Dave Dudley
Patrick calls for the bell, as he falls back down. Dudley manages to get to his feet, as the ring announcer Howard Finkel slides in the two ICW title belts. Dave wearily grabs both belts, and holds them up in the air, as the fans boo.
Soprano: Booyah!
Styles: I cant believe Dudley managed to squeak out the victory!
Pettengill: Yep.
Dudley, celebrating, doesnt take the time to see that Myst has re-entered the ring, still holding the steel chair. Dudley turns around, and gets CRUSHED by Myst's chair shot! Dave drops both of his belts, and hits the mat.
Styles: OH MY GOD!!!!!!
Myst looks over Dudley, and points down at him, kinda like Kane does. He does the same to Healius, throws down the chair, raises his arms to the crowd, and leaves the ringside area.
Styles: What the hell just happened?
Soprano: I dun know, Joe-yyyy, but I know that Dave Dudley is still THE ICW World Heavyweight Champ, and we just saw one crazy ass match.
Styles: It looked like Myst was going to help Dudley! But he got him too, in the end! Where does he stand? And where does Sylver stand? And Hoya attacked Dudley! This is madness! This is craziness, this is....INSANE CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING! GOOD NIGHT, EVERYONE!
The camera shows Dave Dudley laying, semi-unconcious, with his belts draped over him, as the camera fades...to black.
End Transmission