Post by O'Malley on Apr 6, 2011 22:21:01 GMT -6
Scene opens in the cab of a 1967 Chevrolet truck in the midst of a conversation between Seamus O'Malley and Murdoch MacArthur.
O'Malley: So, how long before the law comes callin' this time, genius?
Murdoch: Don't point the finger at me, ya leprachaun! Lest ya forget, YOU'RE the one who killed the midget!
O'Malley: As much as it kills me to say this, that actually made since...So, any ideas? I know I could use a drink and a bite to eat...that lil' guy got me goin'. Taco Bell it is?
Murdoch: Aye!!!
Seamus puts on the turn signal and pulls the pickup truck into the drivethrough at the local Taco Bell on Mustang Road in Yukon, OK...
O'Malley: So what'll it be, MacArthur?
Murdoch: I'll go with the n....(a voice comes over the drivethrough speaker)
Mysterious Taco Vendor #1: Hola irlandés...
O'Malley: Oh fuck...it's them again...
Murdoch: Aye, they been followin' us since we got back to this wretched country! If I didn't know any better, I'd think they wanna fuck!
O'Malley: I'm still not gonna rule that out as an option, my friend.(speaking to mexican through speaker) What'da ya want mexican? Can't a man order a chalupa without ya givin' him shit?
Mysterious Taco Vendor #2: Consigue no chalupa heere, mang. Onlee..EL DOLOR
Murdoch: I'm pretty sure that beaner just said he wanted to fuck. This is startin' to freak me the fuck out...
Mysterious Taco Vendor #1: Geeve me your order, mang. Stop fuckeeng around.
O'Malley: You know what? Fuck chalupas and fuck these mexican assholes.
Seamus proceeds to put the truck back into drive and speeds away from the drivethrough speaker. Another mile or so down the road, he notices what appears to be a nice looking drinking establishment on the side of the road. Albeit, a drinking establishment with a very peculiar name...
O'Malley: Does that sign say...BIG DICK'S?!? What kinda name is Big Dick's for a pub?!?
Murdoch: Aye!! 'Tis Big Dick's Roadhouse!! The finest drinkin' in all of Yukon is what I hear!!
O'Malley: You would know everything about a place with the words big dick in the name, wouldn't ya? You Scots are all the same, as soon as you run out of sheep you go straight for the arse...
Murdoch: Oh, is that so ya Mick? Or could it be that you're only jealous of my knowledge of big dicks only because it's what I have in me trousers?(reaches over and bitch-slaps Seamus)
O'Malley: The only big dick ever to go into your trousers belonged to the man who shoved his in your arse!!(hits Murdoch in the face with a nice back-hand)
The duo continue to fight inside the cab of the truck...Without realizing it in their combined drunken stupor, the duo are fighting whilst still traveling straight toward Big Dick's Roadhouse and neither seems to realize that no one is steering the truck...
The truck crashes through the side of the establishment, killing countless douchebag bikers who think they're better than everyone...
When the truck finally comes to a halt, the two look around to assess their situation...
O'Malley: Now see what ya did!! We've killed thirty more people and we've only been here two fuckin' days!! Not to mention, the truck is useless now...How we gonna evade the cops?!?
Murdoch: Listen to ya...always worried about the cops. How'd ya know that they're even searchin' for u....(a voice interrupts Murdoch over the television which came to a rest on the hood of the truck after the crash)
News Anchor: ...and now, breaking news out of Lincoln, Nebraska. A local farmer found dead this evening in a ditch beside the road just a mile from his farm. The man was reported to have been so severely beaten that he is yet to be identified...updates to follow.
O'Malley/Murdoch(in unison): Fuck...
Seamus and Murdoch quickly pull themselves from the destroyed pickup and run from the pub as fast as they can
O'Malley: If we keep up this pace, we're never gonna make it to the rumble!! I saw a motel only a half mile or so back. We can make it before the law shows up if we hurry!!
The two run down the side of the road toward the motel. (Murdoch...still naked). Fade......to...black
O'Malley: So, how long before the law comes callin' this time, genius?
Murdoch: Don't point the finger at me, ya leprachaun! Lest ya forget, YOU'RE the one who killed the midget!
O'Malley: As much as it kills me to say this, that actually made since...So, any ideas? I know I could use a drink and a bite to eat...that lil' guy got me goin'. Taco Bell it is?
Murdoch: Aye!!!
Seamus puts on the turn signal and pulls the pickup truck into the drivethrough at the local Taco Bell on Mustang Road in Yukon, OK...
O'Malley: So what'll it be, MacArthur?
Murdoch: I'll go with the n....(a voice comes over the drivethrough speaker)
Mysterious Taco Vendor #1: Hola irlandés...
O'Malley: Oh fuck...it's them again...
Murdoch: Aye, they been followin' us since we got back to this wretched country! If I didn't know any better, I'd think they wanna fuck!
O'Malley: I'm still not gonna rule that out as an option, my friend.(speaking to mexican through speaker) What'da ya want mexican? Can't a man order a chalupa without ya givin' him shit?
Mysterious Taco Vendor #2: Consigue no chalupa heere, mang. Onlee..EL DOLOR
Murdoch: I'm pretty sure that beaner just said he wanted to fuck. This is startin' to freak me the fuck out...
Mysterious Taco Vendor #1: Geeve me your order, mang. Stop fuckeeng around.
O'Malley: You know what? Fuck chalupas and fuck these mexican assholes.
Seamus proceeds to put the truck back into drive and speeds away from the drivethrough speaker. Another mile or so down the road, he notices what appears to be a nice looking drinking establishment on the side of the road. Albeit, a drinking establishment with a very peculiar name...
O'Malley: Does that sign say...BIG DICK'S?!? What kinda name is Big Dick's for a pub?!?
Murdoch: Aye!! 'Tis Big Dick's Roadhouse!! The finest drinkin' in all of Yukon is what I hear!!
O'Malley: You would know everything about a place with the words big dick in the name, wouldn't ya? You Scots are all the same, as soon as you run out of sheep you go straight for the arse...
Murdoch: Oh, is that so ya Mick? Or could it be that you're only jealous of my knowledge of big dicks only because it's what I have in me trousers?(reaches over and bitch-slaps Seamus)
O'Malley: The only big dick ever to go into your trousers belonged to the man who shoved his in your arse!!(hits Murdoch in the face with a nice back-hand)
The duo continue to fight inside the cab of the truck...Without realizing it in their combined drunken stupor, the duo are fighting whilst still traveling straight toward Big Dick's Roadhouse and neither seems to realize that no one is steering the truck...
The truck crashes through the side of the establishment, killing countless douchebag bikers who think they're better than everyone...
When the truck finally comes to a halt, the two look around to assess their situation...
O'Malley: Now see what ya did!! We've killed thirty more people and we've only been here two fuckin' days!! Not to mention, the truck is useless now...How we gonna evade the cops?!?
Murdoch: Listen to ya...always worried about the cops. How'd ya know that they're even searchin' for u....(a voice interrupts Murdoch over the television which came to a rest on the hood of the truck after the crash)
News Anchor: ...and now, breaking news out of Lincoln, Nebraska. A local farmer found dead this evening in a ditch beside the road just a mile from his farm. The man was reported to have been so severely beaten that he is yet to be identified...updates to follow.
O'Malley/Murdoch(in unison): Fuck...
Seamus and Murdoch quickly pull themselves from the destroyed pickup and run from the pub as fast as they can
O'Malley: If we keep up this pace, we're never gonna make it to the rumble!! I saw a motel only a half mile or so back. We can make it before the law shows up if we hurry!!
The two run down the side of the road toward the motel. (Murdoch...still naked). Fade......to...black