Post by Dave Dangerously on May 18, 2008 0:24:18 GMT -6
"Spit" by Kittie plays...
In one country...
In one language...
Are you even reading this?
Done by a lazy guy, and another not-so-lazy guy...
And looking for a few good other lazy guys...
Insane Championship Wrestling.
The worldwide PINNACLE, in Sports-Entertainment.
We see a limo arriving, outside the erm ah errr Convention Center, in Asbury Park, New Jersey....
The black limo(of course) has a I.C.W. license plate.
The camera comes up to the door, as it opens...and out steps...
SCOTTIEPP7?
Scottie gets up, and dusts off his very nice armani-ish suit. He then sighs, smiles, and walks off camera...
The Inferno opener plays, as does "Firestarter" by Prodigy.
The camera cuts to an interior shot of the Convention center. No pyro. Was this show taped???
Yeah, sure...that's why it's late. Or something.
Signs in the crowd are seen:
"HEY, YOU PEOPLE, THAT DONT RP..."
"YEAH, YOU, THE ONE THATS READING THIS."
"SUCK didit-MY dick."
"AND THEN RP, YOU SHITS."
The camera cuts to the announce table:
Jim Ross: Hello everyone, and welcome to ICW INFERNO!! I'm Good Ol' JR alongside my broadcast colleage Jerry The King Lawler, and we'll be joined shortly by James Elmo, who has in his contract, a live entrance each week.
Jerry "The King" Lawler: That's right, JR...and tonight we have a ICW World Title Match between Hexane and Dave Dudley!! And its under Dudleyville Street Fight Rules! AHHHHHHHH!
A voice is heard over the PA system
MAKE SUM NOIIIIIIIIIZE!!!
As Emcee Elmo comes out to his own rap stylings...and he sings:
Emcee Elmo: AY YO, ITS INFERNO TIME.
AND ALL THE MOTHER FUCKERS HERE KNOW ITR WAS A MIME.
AND WE ALL KNOW THAT HOYAKILLAH IS JUST A TRICK.
AND WE ALL KNOW ITR HAD A BIG SMELLY GREEN ASS DICK.
NOW IT'S TIME TO GET DOWN, AND TIME TO GET BUSY.
AND IT'S TIME TO BUST THIS @#%$ OUT THE HEEZIE.
AND TIMES NOT SHORT, HELL WE GOTS ALL DAMN DAY.
TO KICK CHRISTIAN UNDERWOOD'S ASS, BECAUSE HE'S FUCKIN GAY!
I ONCE MET A MAN FROM NANTUCKET.
HIS NAME WAS DAVE AND HE SAT ON A BUCKET.
AND WHEN HE WENT TO EFWO TO TRY TO LUCK IT,
HE GOT KICKED OUT, SO HE GOTS TO SAY F*UCK IT!
YO YO YO LET ME SPEAK ON DIS...
EFWO STANDS FOR Every Faggot Went Over
AND THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED AT THEIR PAY PER VIEW.
WUZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!!!
Elmo sits down at the announce table
Emcee James Elmo: Sup crackas?
JR: What the hell?
Lawler: You speak english at this table, son.
JR: Yeah, James.
Lawler: I was talking to you JR, HAHAHA!
"Closer" hits and out walks Dave Dudley from the back...pyro goes off a-la the Big Show. He walks out, alone, in a power suit. And he wastes no time, as he enters the ring, and asks for the mic...
JR: Looks like the boss has something to say!
Dave Dudley: Cut the damn music! Cut it! Now all of you white trash bastards listen up. I dont know what that damn junkie is doing here, but YOU ARENT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.
Lawler: Is he talking about Scottie?
Dave Dudley: Yes, I'm talking about Scottie. I'm going to have security escort you out of the arena, pal. You think you can just show up to MY shows? You've got another thing comi-
Dudley is interrupted by "Danger" by Mystikal, and the arrival of ScottiePP7! The fans cheer wildly, as PP7 comes to the ring, all proper ScottiePP7 looking.
JR: Look at Scottie! He looks a little more like the Scottie of old!
Scottie enters the ring, and snatches the mic from Dudley's hand.
ScottiePP7: Correction, my dear friend. Because you see, this is in fact, MY show. Because a lot of things have happened this past week...let me explain.
Dave grabs another mic, as Scottie continues...
Scottie: You see, first off, I hit a lucky streak, by winning a small cash payoff in the Philadelphia State Lottery. And well, let's just say that I can have a limited taste for the finer things in life, once again. And I checked into a clinic...I met some new friends there, Robert Downey Jr, and Daryl Strawberry. And this nice, nice man named Dwight was so kind to me there. But anyway, I'm accepting responsibility for my problems. But thats not even the best part. I talked to one Clee Tarus, you all remember her. Well, I managed to buy her share of Insane Championship Wrestling from her. Yes, the measily 10 percent or so you left her.
Dave Dudley: What's your point, crack whore? 10 percent means dick. You cant do @#%$ with that. I'm in charge here, SECURITY!
Scottie: Not so fast, Dave. Because you are...right. I cant do anything with that. You have all the power in ICW. That's why I'm going to take it from you, forcefully. I have a guaranteed ICW Contract. Remember? You gave it to me. And with this guaranteed ICW Contract, that means I'm a ICW Superstar. And I'm hereby declaring that I'm going to go to war with you, Dave Dudley.
Dave Dudley: What the @#%$ are you talking about?
Scottie: I will destroy your power the good old fashioned way. I'm going to take your talent roster from you, and then they'll follow me, the true ICW legend, the true ICW President. And I will reclaim my company.
Dave Dudley: What? Listen, you arrogant piece of gutter trash: No one is going to follow a two bit, washed up, cuntbasket like you.
Scottie: You're wrong, because you see, most of ICW is grown tired of working for you, you're manipulative, ego-maniacal, and a downright @#%$. And I already have some men loyal to me.
Dave Dudley: What?
Scottie: You may know them...one is the former ICW Commissioner, Myst, the other is none other than the ICW World Heavyweight Champion, and the man you'll be facing tonight, Hexane.
JR: Oh MY!
Dave Dudley: What are you getting at exactly, Scott?
Scottie: IT's simple. I'm going to build an army of men, to counter you and your reign of ICW terror. You've destroyed this company! You've done nothing but drag it down! And you need to be removed. You're a cancer. Who was it that made ICW the franchise of all franchises? Who was the first man to take it to LWN? Who was the first man to beat LWN in the ratings? Who single-handedly built the greatest wrestling promotion in the world, in a matter of months, on a low budget?
Dave Dudley: There's no question you're all responsible for that, Scott. But who was it that helped you get those ratings, who was it that made all the hype on your shows? Who was your most valuable asset? Me. The Hardcor-
Scottie: I MADE THE HARDCORE ICON. And I'm going to shut you DOWN! They will all join me, you'll see. The war is coming, prepare yourself.
Scottie drops the mic, and exits the ring as his music plays again...the fans go nuts!
JR: I cant believe this, Scottie is back and he says he's going to go to war with Dudley?
Lawler: THis is crazy!
Elmo: No guys, this is INSANE. BONG.
Commercial Break:
A man walks up to a woman...
Man: Hey, arent you...
Woman: Yes, yes I'm Linda! You know...Babydoll Bradley...Jackal...that goth bitch...
Man: Who the @#%$ are they? I thought you were Gilbert Gottfried.
Impared Judgement?
A side effect of hunger.
We suggest: Snickers.
Snickers...dont let hunger HAPPEN TO YOU!
Back to live tv
We see the same black limo as before. Scottie gets in it, and starts talking to a sillhouette of a man, we cant see his face.
Scottie: Well, phase one is complete.
Unknown guy: Well...I'd say phases one and two are complete. We've instilled FEAR and PARANOIA into his mind.
Scottie: True, but its not hard to do that to him. The guy is a piece of work.
Unknown guy: That he is.
Scottie: Either way, we're one step closer to achieving our goals.
Unknown guy: Excellent. He thought he could pursue a new piece of talent and not expect to give anything in return? Mr. Dudley, now is the time.
The camera cuts to backstage at the Convention Center.
The entire ICW roster is back there, as Dave Dudley stands all in front of them.
Dave Dudley: Now listen, guys. Insane Championship Wrestling is, was, and always will be a family. Now, you guys cant just up and follow this guy. I mean, he's a @#%$ drug addict. Who was always there for you? As much @#%$ as I've been through with ALL of you, who always opened the door for you to wrestle when no one else would take you? Not the EFWO. Who welcomed you after LWN, EWA and the others died? ICW. We've been through tough times, but you all know that I am the true man in charge of ICW. So, are you all with me?
The ICW roster starts to talk back and forth...
Hexane steps up, and gets in Dudley's face
Hexane: THe only way I'll be with you is in the ring tonight. Where I plan on keeping this. {points to the ICW title} And Kay here is with me, right Kay?
Camera pans over to Kayfabe.
Kayfabe: Oh, uh...sure.
Hexane: You're with me, right?
Kayfabe: Yeah, of course I am man, we're brothers. You want to side with Scottie, we'll side with him.
Hexane: I believe you're going to go down, Dudley.
Hex and Kay walk off camera...
Dave Dudley: INGRATES, IF YOU WERENT THE ICW CHAMP, I'D FIRE YOUR ASS!
Andrew Leigh steps up to Dudley
Andrew Leigh: Count me in with Scottie, you piece of s*hit.
Andrew Leigh walks off camera
Dave Dudley: I see how it is, you're all going to desert me!
Simeon: Not me, Dave.
Joseph Johnson: Nor will I. I despise that ScottiePP7...with a vengeance!
El Bastarde: Heeey Dave. I theenk Scott is right, I think you are full of sheet, mang.
Dave becomes angry
Dave Dudley: You pieces of garbage, I cant believe I hired your asses! You wont all have the chance to leave me...if Scottie wants a war, I'll build my own army to fight his ass. And I'll split the god damned roster if I have to do it! You'll see, you'll all see. ICW IS MINE, NOW AND FOREVER. And tonight, you'll all want to side with me, because I'm going to become 4 TIME, 4 TIME, 4 TIME, 4 TIME ICW WORLD CHAMPION!
Dave leaves, as the ICW superstars talk and argue amongst theirselves...
JR: Looks like business is about to pick up! THe backstage area is becoming very viotle!!
Lawler: Who's on who's side? AHHHHHH!!!
Elmo: We'll be RIGHT back.
Commercial Break:
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back to live action
JR: Fans, it�s time now for our main event.
Lawler: Of course it�s the main event JR, it�s the only match, idiot.
JR: Regardless, this match is an immensely important contest that could very well decide the balance of power here in ICW!
L-Mo: Werd, dawg. Ima go in some bushes with Tom Berrenger�s daughter and smoke a c*ock...I mean, smoke some pot...werd...cuz Ima thug.
JR: Stares blankly at L-Mo...anyway, Hexane just captured the undisputed ICW World Heavyweight Title on the last Mayhem, and his first title defense is against none other then the owner of the company and The Hardcore Icon, Dave Dudley!
Lawler: Not only that, JR, but it�s going to be a Dudleyville Street Fight, where anything goes. The deck is severely stacked against the defending champion, this may go down as one of the shortest title reigns in ICW history!
L-Mo: Almost as short as my penis, dawg...er, I mean...werd.
JR: The rules stipulate that if a person is down for a 10 count administered by senior referee Earl Hebner, they lose the match. No disqualifications, no count outs, no pinfalls, no submissions...the last man standing walks out of the arena with the ICW Title to his name!
Lawler: These animals in Asbury Park I don�t think appreciate the fact that they�re about to witness the re-crowning of the greatest ICW Champion of all time!
L-Mo: Werd, Wickit aint here yo.
Lawler: Not Wickit, Dave Dudley! The only reason you still have a job, you babbling idiot!
JR: Hexane is no slouch, mind you, King. Dudley thinks, as well do you, that he has an advantage, but I wouldn�t be so sure!
Lawler: Whatever JR, let�s just get to the damn match already, you�ve gotten enough air time you egomaniac.
JR: Look whose talking about air time, I swear you�re almost as hypocritical as every member of EFWO.
L-Mo: Shyt yo, J-to-da-R just laid it down on ya, Law.
The announcer spiel is cut off by Nine Inch Nails "Closer" hitting over the PA system in the Convention Center, and the crowd�s murmur turns to complete boos and disgust as ICW owner and The Hardcore Icon, Dave Dudley, makes his way out into the arena. He�s got a shopping cart filled with all weapons and what not, as is fitting for the type of match about to occur. Sign Guy is right in tow as usual, but no Joel Gertner once again. Regardless, Dave and SG stroll down the ramp, Dave looking extremely focused and not changing his expression at all even as the fans boo mercilessly.
Lawler: Dudley looks all business tonight, JR, Hexane might need to use his chemical expertise to whip up some anthrax or something to slow down The Boss here tonight!
L-Mo: Yo, the �thrax aint no jokin matter...my cat got it, yo, cuz she tried to hump some Pakistani�s leg...so me and Kareem decided to grill the sucka alive to cure its �thrax.
JR: You�re just a sad individual, James. To think, someone once thought you were talented.
Lawler: Well, no one ever really said it, JR, it was just sort of, come to think of it, he wasn�t talented at all. What a dork.
Dudley hops up into the ring, leaving his cart of toys on the outside. Dave circles the ring then heads over to the ropes nearest to Sign Guy, leans over and shouts some orders to the Guy of Sign, who nods in appeasement. Dave backs off and begins to pace around the ring just as Ludacris�s "Saturday (Ooooh Oooh!)" begins to play over the PA system, and the crowd mostly pops and cheers as current ICW Champion Hexane steps out, with his arms outstretched and the aforementioned ICW Title hanging from his right hand. He stops for a moment to pose with the belt, then turns to acknowledge the appreciative fans.
JR: Hexane really soaking in this warm ovation from the New Jersey crowd.
Lawler: Look whose cheering for him. These are the same people that would cheer on a rape if they saw someone else doing it!
JR: Jeez King, come on now, this is no place for tha--
Lawler: Shut up JR, Dave Dudley is starting this match right...now!
JR: My God, look out!
Just as JR and the King eluded to, Dudley has grabbed a hold of a flat metal cafeteria tray, similar to the ones appearing in a school near you, and has taken off at a full sprint towards the gloating champ Hexane. The crowd has murmured of such an event, but Hex has continued to prance around and showboat and is unaware of Dave heading towards him...then, as if Tiger Woods just connected on the sweet spot of his driver at the British Open, a PING heard round Asbury Park occurs when Dudley bends the metal tray in half on the back of Hexane�s rather bulbous skull!
JR: My God! Just a sick thud of metal-on-matter, Hexane is down hard before the match has even officially started!
Hexane tumbles down face-first on the stage, lab coat still on and all, and the World Title falls haplessly to the side as well. The ref has rushed over and is ready to begin to administer the 10-count, but Dudley will have none of that, as he pulls Hexane up off the stage. A few closed-hand tomahawk chops to Hexane�s chest later, Dudley coils up and flattens Hexane back down onto the stage, this time on his back, with a vicious standing super kick! The ref starts his count...
1...
2...
3...
4...
5...
Dudley pulls Hexane up once again, back onto his feet again, and now drags him off the slightly-raised stage area and towards the steel guard rails that keep the fans huddled in and away from the paid professionals. Once they�re within about 3 feet of the guard rails, Dave hunches Hex over, takes the back of his head and rams him forward, head-first into the middle of the steel railing! Hex drops back slightly and lands face down on the cold, unforgiving concrete.
L-Mo: Day-am, Dave is makin Hex his bizatch, werd.
JR: For God�s sake son, you�re a white boy from Connecticut, the blackest person you know is named Kareem and says kakalakakakakakakaklalkakakalkalkalka, you�re about as far from being able to speak Ebonics as me!
Dave once again refuses any 10 count, as he pulls Hexane back up to his feet and drapes his wobbly body across the steel barrier. Dave turns in time to see Sign Guy come strolling over, having left ringside a short time ago, and he�s conveniently brought Dave�s cart full of weapons over to where Hex has been laid out and Dave has been doing his damage. Dave nods at Signie, and then reaches into the cart and comes out with...a broom. Dave examines the broom briefly, then heads over to Hexane...lines him up...lifts the broom up, and is just about to bring it down across the forehead of Hexane when he reaches up and grabs a hold of the broom, suddenly rising back to life!
Lawler: What the hell, he was just dead on his feet. He must be taking performance-enhancing drugs that he whipped up in his Communist chemical lab!
L-Mo: Yo, duz that mean he gotz a limp d*ick?!
JR: The champ is right back in this thing!
Hex rises to alertness, with the broom still raised in his hand, and he reacts to Dudley by delivering a swift kick to Dave�s midsection! Dave hunches over a bit, but it takes a 2nd kick to the same area to fully double over The Hardcore Icon. Dave drops the broom, and when the on looking Sign Guy sees this turn of events, he makes a wild run towards Hexane...but as he closes in, Hex simply side-steps out of the way and Sign Guy runs directly into the steel barricade, then tumbles over and lands face first on the cold concrete amongst the unwashed tens of people that showed up.
Lawler: Hah, what a dork! Almost as pathetic as you, L-Mo!
L-Mo: Werd, Ima not one tah fah-uck wit, Queen Lawla.
Anyway, Sign Guy is out of the mix, and Dudley is back out of the altered state he was in from getting kicked in the gut twice and is making a rush towards Hexane. Dave goes for a stiff clothesline, but Hexane ducks out of the way and manages to hook Dudley. Hex takes a few steps closer to the ever-present metal guard rail, and hoists Dave up in the air, then bringing him crashing down neck-first, having the top edge of the steel rail jut directly into Dudley�s throat and wind pipe! Dave hits the ground hard, but Hexane isn�t going to relent. He drags Dudley away now, out of the actual main open area of the Convention Center and back behind the draped black curtain that separates the arena from backstage. The camera is able to follow, as the first stop is sort of an open corridor with random equipment boxes and the few rooms that make up dressing rooms. Hex doesn�t waste any time once he�s got himself and Dudley behind the curtain (they�re gunna start making out, hah), as he picks Dave up off his feet, leads him over towards a strip of cardboard boxes, and hooks him... Inverted Russian leg sweep that Hexane likes to call The AAD, right into the row of cardboard boxes filled with...stuff!!!!
JR: My God, my God, Dave Dudley has been flattened by Hexane! This thing could be over!
Lawler: Not a chance, JR. Even a minor setback like this can�t stop Mr. Dudley! Look, he�s already stirring...sort of...
Dudley is pretty dazed and confused (for so long it�s not true, one little woman never bargained for you...great song), as the referee begins to administer a ten count!
1...
2...
3...
4...
5...Dave has gotten back up on his hands and knees...
6...
JR: No sir, damnit, this isn�t over yet! Dudley is back up on his feet, albeit a bit shaken!
Hexane shakes his head as Dave does one of those bleery-eyed-punches that is meant for Hex but doesn�t even come close, and then stumbles back into the body of Hexane. Hexane pauses, then reaches down and locks on a waist lock and sends Dave flying down the corridor with a vicious belly-to-belly overhead suplex! Dave tumbles along and comes to rest right next to a condom machine conveniently placed right outside the door to the women�s bathroom.
Lawler: Hah, with the heathens that come from this sad state, I�m sure that machine hardly gets any customers! Just look at all the illegitimate children that have been conceived in women�s bathrooms here in the crowd today!
JR: Yeah, we�re sitting next to one.
L-Mo: Damn yo Lawla, Jimmy-to-da-Ross be getting on ya tonite!
JR: No you little burnt out wigger, I was talking about you.
L-Mo: Oh...wellz my momz be sayin that it was the parking lot at Denny�s, not a bathroom, beeyotch.
JR: Fair enough.
Hexane heads over to where Dave has been rested, and Dave has once again groggily tried to rise back to his feet using the condom machine for leverage. He�s up about half way when Hexane reaches down to try and lock on for another maneuver, but Dave will have none of it. Since Hex is so tall, Dave on his knees is right at the perfect level for...a closed-fist shot right to Hexane�s nether region! A wicked low blow that sends Hexane grasping for air and clutching at his two friends!
Lawler: Dear Lord, that�s just inhumane. Now Hex knows how I feel after a long night of banging the hell out of Ethan Prophet�s mother, Myst�s mother and sister and Baby Doll Bradley...just numb and in serious pain.
JR: You left out your other lovers.
L-Mo: Who dat?
JR: Hoyakillah, Ethan Prophet, Christian Underwood and X-Dude.
L-mo: Oh shyt, no he dih-uhnt.
Lawler: Those are just rumors, damnit, none of its true.
Hex is still reeling heavily after taking one for the team, but Dave is back on the offensive. Showing off his brute strength, he reaches over and rips the condom machine right out of socket, and hoists it up over his head. Hexane conveniently turns towards Dave right in time to have the machine dropped directly on his upper back and neck region, sending him down hard to the concrete floor! The crowd can be heard booing, and Dave isn�t through. He takes a moment to regain his strength, and then lifts Hexane slightly off the floor, just enough to drape his upper body atop the now laying down condom machine. Dave takes a step back, and then rises up and brings his big leg crashing down on the back and neck of Hexane, further helping the impact is the hard unforgiving metal of the condom machine beneath. And, strangely enough, the jolt from Dudley�s legdrop and Hexane�s rather large back and neck is enough to send a short stream of wrapped condoms out of the machine�s depository!
JR: My goodness, Dudley has made such an impact on Hexane that the condom machine..well, it...
Lawler: It shot its load, JR, you know you wanted to say it.
Hex is down, and Dave circles his motionless body for a moment, and then, although not visible on TV, the proverbial light bulb clicks in his somewhat thick head. Dudley reaches down and picks up one of the wrapped condoms, examines it for a moment, and then, to the jeers and laughter from the crowd, removes the wrapper and tosses it aside, leaving Dave with the actual hot pink neon-colored condom in his hand...
Lawler: That must be one out of your personal collection, L-Mo. Specifically small and of course, hot pink. It must really turn on those fine looking Cheshire animals.
L-Mo: Werd...I mean...yeah...
...Dave looks at the condom for a moment, then places his right index finger into the...uh...opening, and slides it on much like, well, a person using it would on their wang. Then, with his free and un-condomized hand, Dudley turns Hexane over onto his back, reaches down and elevates his head and then...
JR: Oh no, he wouldn�t. Dear God, no! NO!
... plunges the condom-coated finger into Hexane�s mouth, and down his throat, applying the Dave Dudley version of the Mandible Claw/Mr. Socko thing made famous by Mick Foley!
Lawler: EWWWWWWWWW!
JR: Dear God almighty, just SICK!
Dudley holds the maneuver for a good 2 minutes or so, until the ref finally comes to his senses and rushes in and tells Dave to break it! The one thing going for Hexane is that he�s been unwillingly returned from his unconscious state thanks to having a condom-wrapped finger shoved down his throat, and now he�s gagging and spitting up most likely pieces of his lungs and intestines all over the corridor�s floor! Dave awkwardly removes the moist and pretty grimy-looking condom from his finger, then reaches into his pocket, takes out a quarter, and mockingly tosses the used condom and quarter towards Hexane!
L-Mo: Hahahah, Dudley just made Hex out to be a bigga slut den Kallista...werd!
Lawler: Well Hexane can look on the bright side, at least it wasn�t Dudley�s di--.
JR:...well, what? We�re waiting...
Lawler: ...Nevermind.
Dave has started laughing somewhat at Hexane, and now he does the old "this guy is done, let me just turn around and start heading back to the ring to collect the World Title" bit. The ref is starting to count, and Dave is walking back up the corridor towards the ring entrance area as if he�s got the match won! Regardless, here�s the ref counting...
1...
2...
3...
4...
5...
JR: Dudley is leaving the scene like this match is all over, but he better watch his back, because Hexane is up!
Hexane has indeed recovered to his feet and wiped the bad taste out of his mouth, and now he�s figured out exactly where Dudley was and was heading. He�s steadied himself, and now he�s taking off at a full sprint down the hall after Dudley! He�s closed in to a step behind him, and the much larger Hexane goes airborne! He catches the back of Dave�s head, latches and in one motion brings Dudley crashing down extremely hard onto the concrete floor with a running/flying bulldog! The crowd pops bigtime in the distance!
Lawler: Damnit! That bastard is going to pay for that one, you can mark my words!
JR: The Mad Chemist is back in this thing, by God! Dudley is down in a heap of s*hit, and his face must be feeling mighty rotten!
Hexane hops back up after he completes the move, as Dave wriggles around on the concrete grasping at his pretty face in serious anguish! Hexane continues to pour it on, though, as he reaches down and pulls Dave off the floor once again. Now, with this recent rush up the corridor, Hexane and Dave have found themselves close to the exit of the Convention Center and right at the end of all the dressing rooms, where the curtain leads out into the arena. Along the wall closest to Dave and Hexane is a long table covered with dessert cakes and assorted other dessert items, as well as some fruit concoctions and a nice piping hot glass pot of coffee.
Lawler: Hey they better watch it there, that�s our post-show dessert buffet! I�ve been looking forward to that all show, why the hell do you think I showed up?!
L-Mo: Werd, I just rocked da gong a few minutes ago, I gotz da munchies lyk a mothafucka, so they best keep way from my food, represent.
Hexane lifts Dave off his feet now, and after a quick closed-fist shot to the stomach to help Dave hunch down some more, Hexane hooks him and hoists him up..
JR: My God, look out here!...
And Hexane sends Dudley crashing through the pot of steaming hot coffee, through the assorted dessert cakes, through the assorted other desserts, through the fruit concoctions and right through the center of the buffet table with a HUGE jackhammer he likes to call The Pipetter!!!!
JR: GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! Dave Dudley should be broken into damn near 5 pieces!
Lawler: Oh no! Someone needs to help the damn boss!
Dudley is down, and covered with a nasty mix of hot coffee, icing and other gooey s*hit that the table had to offer. Hexane won�t let him rest for the ten count, either! In what could be a tactical error, Hex picks Dave up out of the mass of dessert mania he was plunged into, and rams his head directly into the door of the final corner dressing room...not once...not twice...but thrice, three whole times Dudley�s head gets slammed into the door! Dave is still on his feet, but severely woozy, and he stumbles back between the door and the destroyed buffet table. Hexane has noticed a pattern start to form, and so he positions himself right behind Dudley and starts to sort of mock the way he�s wobbling around..
L-Mo: Haha Hex be shyttin all up Dudley�s nose man, dis is sum funny shyt.
Hex and Dudley are both wobbling around (only one seriously), and they are now both facing the last dressing room door...when suddenly, the door swings open and out pops Kayfabe, Hexane�s partner in crime, of course carrying one of those wicked, hard-ass aluminum Louisville Slugger baseball bats...
JR: Oh boy, things are not looking good at all now for Dudley! The Champ and his partner are about to give Dave a little taste of his own wicked medicine!
Dudley is directly in front of him when he burst through the door, and Kay is lining things up for a crowning blow...he cocks the bat and unleashes a wicked swing...
but of course, Dave Dudley ducks out of the way just in the nick of time, and since Hexane was behind Dave mocking him, he ends up taking the barrel of a loaded Louisville Slugger right to the front of his head at the hands of his own tag team partner!!!!! Hexane goes down, faster then Rocky�s mother at a truck stop!!!!!!
JR: Damnit! DAMNATION!
Lawler: HAHAH! Way to go Kayfabe!
Kay looks down at Hexane is disbelief, then turns to Dudley who is still trying to straighten himself out. Kay turns the bat to where its knob is facing Dave, and then jams it into Dudley�s gut causing him to hunch over, then reloads, pulls the bat back over his head and brings it crashing down onto the back of Dave�s head, sending him down to the floor, laying as motionless as his opponent Hexane!
JR: Dear God, Kayfabe has completely cleaned house! First he accidentally took out his own teammate, and then he finished the job by knocking the guy he meant to take out in the first place flat on his no-good ass!
Kay looks around a few times, shrugs his shoulders, then drops the now-dented Louisville Slugger and walks off in the opposite direction from which he came, presumably out of the arena. Both competitors are completely out cold, I mean no movement at all. Senior ref Earl Hebner stands above the two guys, looking down at them and obviously seeing what we see: nothing going on, both guys pretty much out cold.
Lawler: Well what the hell now? Shouldn�t the ref start counting? I think Dave has got his eye twitching, that means he�s up, so Hex should be counted out or something!
JR: Please King, this might come down to a double knockout, I don�t know!
Hebner looks around and then decides to stand back and wait for both guys to come back to their senses...
JR: I tell you what, senior ref Earl Hebner is making the right decision here in not counting both men out, but waiting till they both get back to their feet so they can settle this thing the even way!
Lawler: Damn this thing should be over, Dudley wins by default!
L-Mo: Yo I just wanna get outta here already, I gotz peoples to see, niggaz.
JR: What did you just say?
L-Mo: Nothin you white honkys would understand, crackas.
Lawler: You�re a white boy who sounds like he�s 10, who are you calling cracker?
So both Dave and Hexane are down for a good 5-10 minutes each, and after that time both of them start to ever-so-slowly and ever so deliberately rise back to consciousness. They both take a good amount of time to regain their composure, but finally both men are back on their feet. Hexane is the first to really regain his senses, and he takes a quick run at Dave who is still appearing somewhat groggy. Hexane goes for a big flying elbow, but Dave is able to duck underneath the attack! Hex flies by and manages to land on his feet, but Dave is now in attack mode as he rushes at Hex. Hex turns towards Dave, but Dave is able to duck underneath, hook him and hoist him up...and then bring him crashing down onto the concrete floor with his version of Kurt Angle�s Olympic Slam, which he calls The Super Hero Slam!!!!
JR: Damn Dudley, damn him! Hexane is down! This one might be over!
Hex hits hard on his side and reaches over immediately to try and clutch at it, as he�s in obvious pain. Still though, Dave won�t let him rest for any more then a second, as he reaches down and pulls Hex up once again off the cold floor. This time, Dave stands back, and crouches down into sort of a "lying in wait" position and does that two-handed flap thing implying for Hexane to "bring it on" and make a run towards Dave.
Lawler: Oh yes, here it comes folks! The title is about to be restored to its rightful owner! Oh happy day!
Hexane, still a bit groggy but mad as hell, sees Dave egging him on and unwisely decides to take Dave up on his offer and make a run at him! Hexane takes off across the room towards Dave...just as he does this, though, the door that leads to outside the Convention Center swings open, and a man in a somewhat familiar suit steps into the camera�s furthest view...Hexane is about to reach Dave, when now it�s obvious who the man coming through the door is, as he�s also approaching the Dudley/Hexane area...
JR: By God, wait a minute, that�s THAT�S Scottie! Former owner and big shot Scottie PP7 is back, by god, by god!
Lawler: I guess he never left!
Hexane swings at Dave, who ducks through his swipe and sets him up...the toss up into the air, the flapjack if you will...and the 4---...NO, Scottie rushes in before Dave can finish Hexane off with the 4D, and manages to completely blindside Dudley with a WICKED steel chair shot to the side of his head! Dudley is obviously stunned, as he relinquishes his grasp on Hexane who tumbles back out of the picture for the moment! Dave is woozy but not yet down, but Scottie tries to change that with ANOTHER wicked hard chair shot this time to the direct front of Dave�s head!
Lawler: DAMNIT PP7, he�s going to pay for that, JR! Rest assured!
JR: Like HELL he will, Scottie�s cleaning house, BY GOD! LOOK, HE�S NOT DONE KING, HERE IT COMES!
Scottie drops the chair to his side, and then grabs a hold of Dave Dudley in a side lock... BAM, Scottie drives Dave right down head-first onto the steel chair and concrete floor with his ridiculously hurtful MARTINI DDT! Dudley is OUT!
JR: OH HELL YES!
Scottie takes one more moment to survey the damage, and then he brushes his suit off a bit, turns and walks out the same door he came in from, back out of the Convention Center into the mean streets of Asbury Park, as we see the black limo, through the doors as they open. Meanwhile, Dave Dudley is down, and Hexane is still standing!...
JR: HERE IT COMES, THE REF WILL START HIS COUNT!...
1...
2...
3...
4...
5...
6...
7...
8...
9...Dudley murmurs a bit, reaches his hand upwards as if to try and regain some kind of strength, but it is all too little too late and about 2 chair shots too many...
10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Winner, and STILL ICW World Heavyweight Champion, HEXANE!!!
JR: Oh hell yes! HELL YES! Hexane has won it, he�s still the champ! No thanks to his partner Kayfabe�s misguided interference, but he can thank Mr. Scottie PP7, who further heated his rivalry with Dudley by costing him the World Title!
Lawler: Damnit, there will be serious hell to pay for all this, mark my words!
JR: Regardless, folks we�re fresh out of time! For Jerry Lawler and James Elmo, to whom I don�t know what happened, I�m Jim Ross, we�ll see you this coming Monday for what promises to be a hugely important Monday Night Massive! Good night!
The last shot is of Earl Hebner handing a wobbling and somewhat hazy-looking Hexane his ICW World Title, and of Dave Dudley trying to claw his way up off the concrete floor and off the chair which he�s been planted to. Then, things fade out.
end transmission
OOC: Hey, guys, we're going with a new direction here, as you can see. RP, but understand, more will be revealed in the next show(s). The question is should i do a Monday Mayhem, Tuesday Mayhem, or a special Wednesday Wreck? Let me know, and let me know what you think of the show.
-Dave
In one country...
In one language...
Are you even reading this?
Done by a lazy guy, and another not-so-lazy guy...
And looking for a few good other lazy guys...
Insane Championship Wrestling.
The worldwide PINNACLE, in Sports-Entertainment.
We see a limo arriving, outside the erm ah errr Convention Center, in Asbury Park, New Jersey....
The black limo(of course) has a I.C.W. license plate.
The camera comes up to the door, as it opens...and out steps...
SCOTTIEPP7?
Scottie gets up, and dusts off his very nice armani-ish suit. He then sighs, smiles, and walks off camera...
The Inferno opener plays, as does "Firestarter" by Prodigy.
The camera cuts to an interior shot of the Convention center. No pyro. Was this show taped???
Yeah, sure...that's why it's late. Or something.
Signs in the crowd are seen:
"HEY, YOU PEOPLE, THAT DONT RP..."
"YEAH, YOU, THE ONE THATS READING THIS."
"SUCK didit-MY dick."
"AND THEN RP, YOU SHITS."
The camera cuts to the announce table:
Jim Ross: Hello everyone, and welcome to ICW INFERNO!! I'm Good Ol' JR alongside my broadcast colleage Jerry The King Lawler, and we'll be joined shortly by James Elmo, who has in his contract, a live entrance each week.
Jerry "The King" Lawler: That's right, JR...and tonight we have a ICW World Title Match between Hexane and Dave Dudley!! And its under Dudleyville Street Fight Rules! AHHHHHHHH!
A voice is heard over the PA system
MAKE SUM NOIIIIIIIIIZE!!!
As Emcee Elmo comes out to his own rap stylings...and he sings:
Emcee Elmo: AY YO, ITS INFERNO TIME.
AND ALL THE MOTHER FUCKERS HERE KNOW ITR WAS A MIME.
AND WE ALL KNOW THAT HOYAKILLAH IS JUST A TRICK.
AND WE ALL KNOW ITR HAD A BIG SMELLY GREEN ASS DICK.
NOW IT'S TIME TO GET DOWN, AND TIME TO GET BUSY.
AND IT'S TIME TO BUST THIS @#%$ OUT THE HEEZIE.
AND TIMES NOT SHORT, HELL WE GOTS ALL DAMN DAY.
TO KICK CHRISTIAN UNDERWOOD'S ASS, BECAUSE HE'S FUCKIN GAY!
I ONCE MET A MAN FROM NANTUCKET.
HIS NAME WAS DAVE AND HE SAT ON A BUCKET.
AND WHEN HE WENT TO EFWO TO TRY TO LUCK IT,
HE GOT KICKED OUT, SO HE GOTS TO SAY F*UCK IT!
YO YO YO LET ME SPEAK ON DIS...
EFWO STANDS FOR Every Faggot Went Over
AND THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED AT THEIR PAY PER VIEW.
WUZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!!!
Elmo sits down at the announce table
Emcee James Elmo: Sup crackas?
JR: What the hell?
Lawler: You speak english at this table, son.
JR: Yeah, James.
Lawler: I was talking to you JR, HAHAHA!
"Closer" hits and out walks Dave Dudley from the back...pyro goes off a-la the Big Show. He walks out, alone, in a power suit. And he wastes no time, as he enters the ring, and asks for the mic...
JR: Looks like the boss has something to say!
Dave Dudley: Cut the damn music! Cut it! Now all of you white trash bastards listen up. I dont know what that damn junkie is doing here, but YOU ARENT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.
Lawler: Is he talking about Scottie?
Dave Dudley: Yes, I'm talking about Scottie. I'm going to have security escort you out of the arena, pal. You think you can just show up to MY shows? You've got another thing comi-
Dudley is interrupted by "Danger" by Mystikal, and the arrival of ScottiePP7! The fans cheer wildly, as PP7 comes to the ring, all proper ScottiePP7 looking.
JR: Look at Scottie! He looks a little more like the Scottie of old!
Scottie enters the ring, and snatches the mic from Dudley's hand.
ScottiePP7: Correction, my dear friend. Because you see, this is in fact, MY show. Because a lot of things have happened this past week...let me explain.
Dave grabs another mic, as Scottie continues...
Scottie: You see, first off, I hit a lucky streak, by winning a small cash payoff in the Philadelphia State Lottery. And well, let's just say that I can have a limited taste for the finer things in life, once again. And I checked into a clinic...I met some new friends there, Robert Downey Jr, and Daryl Strawberry. And this nice, nice man named Dwight was so kind to me there. But anyway, I'm accepting responsibility for my problems. But thats not even the best part. I talked to one Clee Tarus, you all remember her. Well, I managed to buy her share of Insane Championship Wrestling from her. Yes, the measily 10 percent or so you left her.
Dave Dudley: What's your point, crack whore? 10 percent means dick. You cant do @#%$ with that. I'm in charge here, SECURITY!
Scottie: Not so fast, Dave. Because you are...right. I cant do anything with that. You have all the power in ICW. That's why I'm going to take it from you, forcefully. I have a guaranteed ICW Contract. Remember? You gave it to me. And with this guaranteed ICW Contract, that means I'm a ICW Superstar. And I'm hereby declaring that I'm going to go to war with you, Dave Dudley.
Dave Dudley: What the @#%$ are you talking about?
Scottie: I will destroy your power the good old fashioned way. I'm going to take your talent roster from you, and then they'll follow me, the true ICW legend, the true ICW President. And I will reclaim my company.
Dave Dudley: What? Listen, you arrogant piece of gutter trash: No one is going to follow a two bit, washed up, cuntbasket like you.
Scottie: You're wrong, because you see, most of ICW is grown tired of working for you, you're manipulative, ego-maniacal, and a downright @#%$. And I already have some men loyal to me.
Dave Dudley: What?
Scottie: You may know them...one is the former ICW Commissioner, Myst, the other is none other than the ICW World Heavyweight Champion, and the man you'll be facing tonight, Hexane.
JR: Oh MY!
Dave Dudley: What are you getting at exactly, Scott?
Scottie: IT's simple. I'm going to build an army of men, to counter you and your reign of ICW terror. You've destroyed this company! You've done nothing but drag it down! And you need to be removed. You're a cancer. Who was it that made ICW the franchise of all franchises? Who was the first man to take it to LWN? Who was the first man to beat LWN in the ratings? Who single-handedly built the greatest wrestling promotion in the world, in a matter of months, on a low budget?
Dave Dudley: There's no question you're all responsible for that, Scott. But who was it that helped you get those ratings, who was it that made all the hype on your shows? Who was your most valuable asset? Me. The Hardcor-
Scottie: I MADE THE HARDCORE ICON. And I'm going to shut you DOWN! They will all join me, you'll see. The war is coming, prepare yourself.
Scottie drops the mic, and exits the ring as his music plays again...the fans go nuts!
JR: I cant believe this, Scottie is back and he says he's going to go to war with Dudley?
Lawler: THis is crazy!
Elmo: No guys, this is INSANE. BONG.
Commercial Break:
A man walks up to a woman...
Man: Hey, arent you...
Woman: Yes, yes I'm Linda! You know...Babydoll Bradley...Jackal...that goth bitch...
Man: Who the @#%$ are they? I thought you were Gilbert Gottfried.
Impared Judgement?
A side effect of hunger.
We suggest: Snickers.
Snickers...dont let hunger HAPPEN TO YOU!
Back to live tv
We see the same black limo as before. Scottie gets in it, and starts talking to a sillhouette of a man, we cant see his face.
Scottie: Well, phase one is complete.
Unknown guy: Well...I'd say phases one and two are complete. We've instilled FEAR and PARANOIA into his mind.
Scottie: True, but its not hard to do that to him. The guy is a piece of work.
Unknown guy: That he is.
Scottie: Either way, we're one step closer to achieving our goals.
Unknown guy: Excellent. He thought he could pursue a new piece of talent and not expect to give anything in return? Mr. Dudley, now is the time.
The camera cuts to backstage at the Convention Center.
The entire ICW roster is back there, as Dave Dudley stands all in front of them.
Dave Dudley: Now listen, guys. Insane Championship Wrestling is, was, and always will be a family. Now, you guys cant just up and follow this guy. I mean, he's a @#%$ drug addict. Who was always there for you? As much @#%$ as I've been through with ALL of you, who always opened the door for you to wrestle when no one else would take you? Not the EFWO. Who welcomed you after LWN, EWA and the others died? ICW. We've been through tough times, but you all know that I am the true man in charge of ICW. So, are you all with me?
The ICW roster starts to talk back and forth...
Hexane steps up, and gets in Dudley's face
Hexane: THe only way I'll be with you is in the ring tonight. Where I plan on keeping this. {points to the ICW title} And Kay here is with me, right Kay?
Camera pans over to Kayfabe.
Kayfabe: Oh, uh...sure.
Hexane: You're with me, right?
Kayfabe: Yeah, of course I am man, we're brothers. You want to side with Scottie, we'll side with him.
Hexane: I believe you're going to go down, Dudley.
Hex and Kay walk off camera...
Dave Dudley: INGRATES, IF YOU WERENT THE ICW CHAMP, I'D FIRE YOUR ASS!
Andrew Leigh steps up to Dudley
Andrew Leigh: Count me in with Scottie, you piece of s*hit.
Andrew Leigh walks off camera
Dave Dudley: I see how it is, you're all going to desert me!
Simeon: Not me, Dave.
Joseph Johnson: Nor will I. I despise that ScottiePP7...with a vengeance!
El Bastarde: Heeey Dave. I theenk Scott is right, I think you are full of sheet, mang.
Dave becomes angry
Dave Dudley: You pieces of garbage, I cant believe I hired your asses! You wont all have the chance to leave me...if Scottie wants a war, I'll build my own army to fight his ass. And I'll split the god damned roster if I have to do it! You'll see, you'll all see. ICW IS MINE, NOW AND FOREVER. And tonight, you'll all want to side with me, because I'm going to become 4 TIME, 4 TIME, 4 TIME, 4 TIME ICW WORLD CHAMPION!
Dave leaves, as the ICW superstars talk and argue amongst theirselves...
JR: Looks like business is about to pick up! THe backstage area is becoming very viotle!!
Lawler: Who's on who's side? AHHHHHH!!!
Elmo: We'll be RIGHT back.
Commercial Break:
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back to live action
JR: Fans, it�s time now for our main event.
Lawler: Of course it�s the main event JR, it�s the only match, idiot.
JR: Regardless, this match is an immensely important contest that could very well decide the balance of power here in ICW!
L-Mo: Werd, dawg. Ima go in some bushes with Tom Berrenger�s daughter and smoke a c*ock...I mean, smoke some pot...werd...cuz Ima thug.
JR: Stares blankly at L-Mo...anyway, Hexane just captured the undisputed ICW World Heavyweight Title on the last Mayhem, and his first title defense is against none other then the owner of the company and The Hardcore Icon, Dave Dudley!
Lawler: Not only that, JR, but it�s going to be a Dudleyville Street Fight, where anything goes. The deck is severely stacked against the defending champion, this may go down as one of the shortest title reigns in ICW history!
L-Mo: Almost as short as my penis, dawg...er, I mean...werd.
JR: The rules stipulate that if a person is down for a 10 count administered by senior referee Earl Hebner, they lose the match. No disqualifications, no count outs, no pinfalls, no submissions...the last man standing walks out of the arena with the ICW Title to his name!
Lawler: These animals in Asbury Park I don�t think appreciate the fact that they�re about to witness the re-crowning of the greatest ICW Champion of all time!
L-Mo: Werd, Wickit aint here yo.
Lawler: Not Wickit, Dave Dudley! The only reason you still have a job, you babbling idiot!
JR: Hexane is no slouch, mind you, King. Dudley thinks, as well do you, that he has an advantage, but I wouldn�t be so sure!
Lawler: Whatever JR, let�s just get to the damn match already, you�ve gotten enough air time you egomaniac.
JR: Look whose talking about air time, I swear you�re almost as hypocritical as every member of EFWO.
L-Mo: Shyt yo, J-to-da-R just laid it down on ya, Law.
The announcer spiel is cut off by Nine Inch Nails "Closer" hitting over the PA system in the Convention Center, and the crowd�s murmur turns to complete boos and disgust as ICW owner and The Hardcore Icon, Dave Dudley, makes his way out into the arena. He�s got a shopping cart filled with all weapons and what not, as is fitting for the type of match about to occur. Sign Guy is right in tow as usual, but no Joel Gertner once again. Regardless, Dave and SG stroll down the ramp, Dave looking extremely focused and not changing his expression at all even as the fans boo mercilessly.
Lawler: Dudley looks all business tonight, JR, Hexane might need to use his chemical expertise to whip up some anthrax or something to slow down The Boss here tonight!
L-Mo: Yo, the �thrax aint no jokin matter...my cat got it, yo, cuz she tried to hump some Pakistani�s leg...so me and Kareem decided to grill the sucka alive to cure its �thrax.
JR: You�re just a sad individual, James. To think, someone once thought you were talented.
Lawler: Well, no one ever really said it, JR, it was just sort of, come to think of it, he wasn�t talented at all. What a dork.
Dudley hops up into the ring, leaving his cart of toys on the outside. Dave circles the ring then heads over to the ropes nearest to Sign Guy, leans over and shouts some orders to the Guy of Sign, who nods in appeasement. Dave backs off and begins to pace around the ring just as Ludacris�s "Saturday (Ooooh Oooh!)" begins to play over the PA system, and the crowd mostly pops and cheers as current ICW Champion Hexane steps out, with his arms outstretched and the aforementioned ICW Title hanging from his right hand. He stops for a moment to pose with the belt, then turns to acknowledge the appreciative fans.
JR: Hexane really soaking in this warm ovation from the New Jersey crowd.
Lawler: Look whose cheering for him. These are the same people that would cheer on a rape if they saw someone else doing it!
JR: Jeez King, come on now, this is no place for tha--
Lawler: Shut up JR, Dave Dudley is starting this match right...now!
JR: My God, look out!
Just as JR and the King eluded to, Dudley has grabbed a hold of a flat metal cafeteria tray, similar to the ones appearing in a school near you, and has taken off at a full sprint towards the gloating champ Hexane. The crowd has murmured of such an event, but Hex has continued to prance around and showboat and is unaware of Dave heading towards him...then, as if Tiger Woods just connected on the sweet spot of his driver at the British Open, a PING heard round Asbury Park occurs when Dudley bends the metal tray in half on the back of Hexane�s rather bulbous skull!
JR: My God! Just a sick thud of metal-on-matter, Hexane is down hard before the match has even officially started!
Hexane tumbles down face-first on the stage, lab coat still on and all, and the World Title falls haplessly to the side as well. The ref has rushed over and is ready to begin to administer the 10-count, but Dudley will have none of that, as he pulls Hexane up off the stage. A few closed-hand tomahawk chops to Hexane�s chest later, Dudley coils up and flattens Hexane back down onto the stage, this time on his back, with a vicious standing super kick! The ref starts his count...
1...
2...
3...
4...
5...
Dudley pulls Hexane up once again, back onto his feet again, and now drags him off the slightly-raised stage area and towards the steel guard rails that keep the fans huddled in and away from the paid professionals. Once they�re within about 3 feet of the guard rails, Dave hunches Hex over, takes the back of his head and rams him forward, head-first into the middle of the steel railing! Hex drops back slightly and lands face down on the cold, unforgiving concrete.
L-Mo: Day-am, Dave is makin Hex his bizatch, werd.
JR: For God�s sake son, you�re a white boy from Connecticut, the blackest person you know is named Kareem and says kakalakakakakakakaklalkakakalkalkalka, you�re about as far from being able to speak Ebonics as me!
Dave once again refuses any 10 count, as he pulls Hexane back up to his feet and drapes his wobbly body across the steel barrier. Dave turns in time to see Sign Guy come strolling over, having left ringside a short time ago, and he�s conveniently brought Dave�s cart full of weapons over to where Hex has been laid out and Dave has been doing his damage. Dave nods at Signie, and then reaches into the cart and comes out with...a broom. Dave examines the broom briefly, then heads over to Hexane...lines him up...lifts the broom up, and is just about to bring it down across the forehead of Hexane when he reaches up and grabs a hold of the broom, suddenly rising back to life!
Lawler: What the hell, he was just dead on his feet. He must be taking performance-enhancing drugs that he whipped up in his Communist chemical lab!
L-Mo: Yo, duz that mean he gotz a limp d*ick?!
JR: The champ is right back in this thing!
Hex rises to alertness, with the broom still raised in his hand, and he reacts to Dudley by delivering a swift kick to Dave�s midsection! Dave hunches over a bit, but it takes a 2nd kick to the same area to fully double over The Hardcore Icon. Dave drops the broom, and when the on looking Sign Guy sees this turn of events, he makes a wild run towards Hexane...but as he closes in, Hex simply side-steps out of the way and Sign Guy runs directly into the steel barricade, then tumbles over and lands face first on the cold concrete amongst the unwashed tens of people that showed up.
Lawler: Hah, what a dork! Almost as pathetic as you, L-Mo!
L-Mo: Werd, Ima not one tah fah-uck wit, Queen Lawla.
Anyway, Sign Guy is out of the mix, and Dudley is back out of the altered state he was in from getting kicked in the gut twice and is making a rush towards Hexane. Dave goes for a stiff clothesline, but Hexane ducks out of the way and manages to hook Dudley. Hex takes a few steps closer to the ever-present metal guard rail, and hoists Dave up in the air, then bringing him crashing down neck-first, having the top edge of the steel rail jut directly into Dudley�s throat and wind pipe! Dave hits the ground hard, but Hexane isn�t going to relent. He drags Dudley away now, out of the actual main open area of the Convention Center and back behind the draped black curtain that separates the arena from backstage. The camera is able to follow, as the first stop is sort of an open corridor with random equipment boxes and the few rooms that make up dressing rooms. Hex doesn�t waste any time once he�s got himself and Dudley behind the curtain (they�re gunna start making out, hah), as he picks Dave up off his feet, leads him over towards a strip of cardboard boxes, and hooks him... Inverted Russian leg sweep that Hexane likes to call The AAD, right into the row of cardboard boxes filled with...stuff!!!!
JR: My God, my God, Dave Dudley has been flattened by Hexane! This thing could be over!
Lawler: Not a chance, JR. Even a minor setback like this can�t stop Mr. Dudley! Look, he�s already stirring...sort of...
Dudley is pretty dazed and confused (for so long it�s not true, one little woman never bargained for you...great song), as the referee begins to administer a ten count!
1...
2...
3...
4...
5...Dave has gotten back up on his hands and knees...
6...
JR: No sir, damnit, this isn�t over yet! Dudley is back up on his feet, albeit a bit shaken!
Hexane shakes his head as Dave does one of those bleery-eyed-punches that is meant for Hex but doesn�t even come close, and then stumbles back into the body of Hexane. Hexane pauses, then reaches down and locks on a waist lock and sends Dave flying down the corridor with a vicious belly-to-belly overhead suplex! Dave tumbles along and comes to rest right next to a condom machine conveniently placed right outside the door to the women�s bathroom.
Lawler: Hah, with the heathens that come from this sad state, I�m sure that machine hardly gets any customers! Just look at all the illegitimate children that have been conceived in women�s bathrooms here in the crowd today!
JR: Yeah, we�re sitting next to one.
L-Mo: Damn yo Lawla, Jimmy-to-da-Ross be getting on ya tonite!
JR: No you little burnt out wigger, I was talking about you.
L-Mo: Oh...wellz my momz be sayin that it was the parking lot at Denny�s, not a bathroom, beeyotch.
JR: Fair enough.
Hexane heads over to where Dave has been rested, and Dave has once again groggily tried to rise back to his feet using the condom machine for leverage. He�s up about half way when Hexane reaches down to try and lock on for another maneuver, but Dave will have none of it. Since Hex is so tall, Dave on his knees is right at the perfect level for...a closed-fist shot right to Hexane�s nether region! A wicked low blow that sends Hexane grasping for air and clutching at his two friends!
Lawler: Dear Lord, that�s just inhumane. Now Hex knows how I feel after a long night of banging the hell out of Ethan Prophet�s mother, Myst�s mother and sister and Baby Doll Bradley...just numb and in serious pain.
JR: You left out your other lovers.
L-Mo: Who dat?
JR: Hoyakillah, Ethan Prophet, Christian Underwood and X-Dude.
L-mo: Oh shyt, no he dih-uhnt.
Lawler: Those are just rumors, damnit, none of its true.
Hex is still reeling heavily after taking one for the team, but Dave is back on the offensive. Showing off his brute strength, he reaches over and rips the condom machine right out of socket, and hoists it up over his head. Hexane conveniently turns towards Dave right in time to have the machine dropped directly on his upper back and neck region, sending him down hard to the concrete floor! The crowd can be heard booing, and Dave isn�t through. He takes a moment to regain his strength, and then lifts Hexane slightly off the floor, just enough to drape his upper body atop the now laying down condom machine. Dave takes a step back, and then rises up and brings his big leg crashing down on the back and neck of Hexane, further helping the impact is the hard unforgiving metal of the condom machine beneath. And, strangely enough, the jolt from Dudley�s legdrop and Hexane�s rather large back and neck is enough to send a short stream of wrapped condoms out of the machine�s depository!
JR: My goodness, Dudley has made such an impact on Hexane that the condom machine..well, it...
Lawler: It shot its load, JR, you know you wanted to say it.
Hex is down, and Dave circles his motionless body for a moment, and then, although not visible on TV, the proverbial light bulb clicks in his somewhat thick head. Dudley reaches down and picks up one of the wrapped condoms, examines it for a moment, and then, to the jeers and laughter from the crowd, removes the wrapper and tosses it aside, leaving Dave with the actual hot pink neon-colored condom in his hand...
Lawler: That must be one out of your personal collection, L-Mo. Specifically small and of course, hot pink. It must really turn on those fine looking Cheshire animals.
L-Mo: Werd...I mean...yeah...
...Dave looks at the condom for a moment, then places his right index finger into the...uh...opening, and slides it on much like, well, a person using it would on their wang. Then, with his free and un-condomized hand, Dudley turns Hexane over onto his back, reaches down and elevates his head and then...
JR: Oh no, he wouldn�t. Dear God, no! NO!
... plunges the condom-coated finger into Hexane�s mouth, and down his throat, applying the Dave Dudley version of the Mandible Claw/Mr. Socko thing made famous by Mick Foley!
Lawler: EWWWWWWWWW!
JR: Dear God almighty, just SICK!
Dudley holds the maneuver for a good 2 minutes or so, until the ref finally comes to his senses and rushes in and tells Dave to break it! The one thing going for Hexane is that he�s been unwillingly returned from his unconscious state thanks to having a condom-wrapped finger shoved down his throat, and now he�s gagging and spitting up most likely pieces of his lungs and intestines all over the corridor�s floor! Dave awkwardly removes the moist and pretty grimy-looking condom from his finger, then reaches into his pocket, takes out a quarter, and mockingly tosses the used condom and quarter towards Hexane!
L-Mo: Hahahah, Dudley just made Hex out to be a bigga slut den Kallista...werd!
Lawler: Well Hexane can look on the bright side, at least it wasn�t Dudley�s di--.
JR:...well, what? We�re waiting...
Lawler: ...Nevermind.
Dave has started laughing somewhat at Hexane, and now he does the old "this guy is done, let me just turn around and start heading back to the ring to collect the World Title" bit. The ref is starting to count, and Dave is walking back up the corridor towards the ring entrance area as if he�s got the match won! Regardless, here�s the ref counting...
1...
2...
3...
4...
5...
JR: Dudley is leaving the scene like this match is all over, but he better watch his back, because Hexane is up!
Hexane has indeed recovered to his feet and wiped the bad taste out of his mouth, and now he�s figured out exactly where Dudley was and was heading. He�s steadied himself, and now he�s taking off at a full sprint down the hall after Dudley! He�s closed in to a step behind him, and the much larger Hexane goes airborne! He catches the back of Dave�s head, latches and in one motion brings Dudley crashing down extremely hard onto the concrete floor with a running/flying bulldog! The crowd pops bigtime in the distance!
Lawler: Damnit! That bastard is going to pay for that one, you can mark my words!
JR: The Mad Chemist is back in this thing, by God! Dudley is down in a heap of s*hit, and his face must be feeling mighty rotten!
Hexane hops back up after he completes the move, as Dave wriggles around on the concrete grasping at his pretty face in serious anguish! Hexane continues to pour it on, though, as he reaches down and pulls Dave off the floor once again. Now, with this recent rush up the corridor, Hexane and Dave have found themselves close to the exit of the Convention Center and right at the end of all the dressing rooms, where the curtain leads out into the arena. Along the wall closest to Dave and Hexane is a long table covered with dessert cakes and assorted other dessert items, as well as some fruit concoctions and a nice piping hot glass pot of coffee.
Lawler: Hey they better watch it there, that�s our post-show dessert buffet! I�ve been looking forward to that all show, why the hell do you think I showed up?!
L-Mo: Werd, I just rocked da gong a few minutes ago, I gotz da munchies lyk a mothafucka, so they best keep way from my food, represent.
Hexane lifts Dave off his feet now, and after a quick closed-fist shot to the stomach to help Dave hunch down some more, Hexane hooks him and hoists him up..
JR: My God, look out here!...
And Hexane sends Dudley crashing through the pot of steaming hot coffee, through the assorted dessert cakes, through the assorted other desserts, through the fruit concoctions and right through the center of the buffet table with a HUGE jackhammer he likes to call The Pipetter!!!!
JR: GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! Dave Dudley should be broken into damn near 5 pieces!
Lawler: Oh no! Someone needs to help the damn boss!
Dudley is down, and covered with a nasty mix of hot coffee, icing and other gooey s*hit that the table had to offer. Hexane won�t let him rest for the ten count, either! In what could be a tactical error, Hex picks Dave up out of the mass of dessert mania he was plunged into, and rams his head directly into the door of the final corner dressing room...not once...not twice...but thrice, three whole times Dudley�s head gets slammed into the door! Dave is still on his feet, but severely woozy, and he stumbles back between the door and the destroyed buffet table. Hexane has noticed a pattern start to form, and so he positions himself right behind Dudley and starts to sort of mock the way he�s wobbling around..
L-Mo: Haha Hex be shyttin all up Dudley�s nose man, dis is sum funny shyt.
Hex and Dudley are both wobbling around (only one seriously), and they are now both facing the last dressing room door...when suddenly, the door swings open and out pops Kayfabe, Hexane�s partner in crime, of course carrying one of those wicked, hard-ass aluminum Louisville Slugger baseball bats...
JR: Oh boy, things are not looking good at all now for Dudley! The Champ and his partner are about to give Dave a little taste of his own wicked medicine!
Dudley is directly in front of him when he burst through the door, and Kay is lining things up for a crowning blow...he cocks the bat and unleashes a wicked swing...
but of course, Dave Dudley ducks out of the way just in the nick of time, and since Hexane was behind Dave mocking him, he ends up taking the barrel of a loaded Louisville Slugger right to the front of his head at the hands of his own tag team partner!!!!! Hexane goes down, faster then Rocky�s mother at a truck stop!!!!!!
JR: Damnit! DAMNATION!
Lawler: HAHAH! Way to go Kayfabe!
Kay looks down at Hexane is disbelief, then turns to Dudley who is still trying to straighten himself out. Kay turns the bat to where its knob is facing Dave, and then jams it into Dudley�s gut causing him to hunch over, then reloads, pulls the bat back over his head and brings it crashing down onto the back of Dave�s head, sending him down to the floor, laying as motionless as his opponent Hexane!
JR: Dear God, Kayfabe has completely cleaned house! First he accidentally took out his own teammate, and then he finished the job by knocking the guy he meant to take out in the first place flat on his no-good ass!
Kay looks around a few times, shrugs his shoulders, then drops the now-dented Louisville Slugger and walks off in the opposite direction from which he came, presumably out of the arena. Both competitors are completely out cold, I mean no movement at all. Senior ref Earl Hebner stands above the two guys, looking down at them and obviously seeing what we see: nothing going on, both guys pretty much out cold.
Lawler: Well what the hell now? Shouldn�t the ref start counting? I think Dave has got his eye twitching, that means he�s up, so Hex should be counted out or something!
JR: Please King, this might come down to a double knockout, I don�t know!
Hebner looks around and then decides to stand back and wait for both guys to come back to their senses...
JR: I tell you what, senior ref Earl Hebner is making the right decision here in not counting both men out, but waiting till they both get back to their feet so they can settle this thing the even way!
Lawler: Damn this thing should be over, Dudley wins by default!
L-Mo: Yo I just wanna get outta here already, I gotz peoples to see, niggaz.
JR: What did you just say?
L-Mo: Nothin you white honkys would understand, crackas.
Lawler: You�re a white boy who sounds like he�s 10, who are you calling cracker?
So both Dave and Hexane are down for a good 5-10 minutes each, and after that time both of them start to ever-so-slowly and ever so deliberately rise back to consciousness. They both take a good amount of time to regain their composure, but finally both men are back on their feet. Hexane is the first to really regain his senses, and he takes a quick run at Dave who is still appearing somewhat groggy. Hexane goes for a big flying elbow, but Dave is able to duck underneath the attack! Hex flies by and manages to land on his feet, but Dave is now in attack mode as he rushes at Hex. Hex turns towards Dave, but Dave is able to duck underneath, hook him and hoist him up...and then bring him crashing down onto the concrete floor with his version of Kurt Angle�s Olympic Slam, which he calls The Super Hero Slam!!!!
JR: Damn Dudley, damn him! Hexane is down! This one might be over!
Hex hits hard on his side and reaches over immediately to try and clutch at it, as he�s in obvious pain. Still though, Dave won�t let him rest for any more then a second, as he reaches down and pulls Hex up once again off the cold floor. This time, Dave stands back, and crouches down into sort of a "lying in wait" position and does that two-handed flap thing implying for Hexane to "bring it on" and make a run towards Dave.
Lawler: Oh yes, here it comes folks! The title is about to be restored to its rightful owner! Oh happy day!
Hexane, still a bit groggy but mad as hell, sees Dave egging him on and unwisely decides to take Dave up on his offer and make a run at him! Hexane takes off across the room towards Dave...just as he does this, though, the door that leads to outside the Convention Center swings open, and a man in a somewhat familiar suit steps into the camera�s furthest view...Hexane is about to reach Dave, when now it�s obvious who the man coming through the door is, as he�s also approaching the Dudley/Hexane area...
JR: By God, wait a minute, that�s THAT�S Scottie! Former owner and big shot Scottie PP7 is back, by god, by god!
Lawler: I guess he never left!
Hexane swings at Dave, who ducks through his swipe and sets him up...the toss up into the air, the flapjack if you will...and the 4---...NO, Scottie rushes in before Dave can finish Hexane off with the 4D, and manages to completely blindside Dudley with a WICKED steel chair shot to the side of his head! Dudley is obviously stunned, as he relinquishes his grasp on Hexane who tumbles back out of the picture for the moment! Dave is woozy but not yet down, but Scottie tries to change that with ANOTHER wicked hard chair shot this time to the direct front of Dave�s head!
Lawler: DAMNIT PP7, he�s going to pay for that, JR! Rest assured!
JR: Like HELL he will, Scottie�s cleaning house, BY GOD! LOOK, HE�S NOT DONE KING, HERE IT COMES!
Scottie drops the chair to his side, and then grabs a hold of Dave Dudley in a side lock... BAM, Scottie drives Dave right down head-first onto the steel chair and concrete floor with his ridiculously hurtful MARTINI DDT! Dudley is OUT!
JR: OH HELL YES!
Scottie takes one more moment to survey the damage, and then he brushes his suit off a bit, turns and walks out the same door he came in from, back out of the Convention Center into the mean streets of Asbury Park, as we see the black limo, through the doors as they open. Meanwhile, Dave Dudley is down, and Hexane is still standing!...
JR: HERE IT COMES, THE REF WILL START HIS COUNT!...
1...
2...
3...
4...
5...
6...
7...
8...
9...Dudley murmurs a bit, reaches his hand upwards as if to try and regain some kind of strength, but it is all too little too late and about 2 chair shots too many...
10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Winner, and STILL ICW World Heavyweight Champion, HEXANE!!!
JR: Oh hell yes! HELL YES! Hexane has won it, he�s still the champ! No thanks to his partner Kayfabe�s misguided interference, but he can thank Mr. Scottie PP7, who further heated his rivalry with Dudley by costing him the World Title!
Lawler: Damnit, there will be serious hell to pay for all this, mark my words!
JR: Regardless, folks we�re fresh out of time! For Jerry Lawler and James Elmo, to whom I don�t know what happened, I�m Jim Ross, we�ll see you this coming Monday for what promises to be a hugely important Monday Night Massive! Good night!
The last shot is of Earl Hebner handing a wobbling and somewhat hazy-looking Hexane his ICW World Title, and of Dave Dudley trying to claw his way up off the concrete floor and off the chair which he�s been planted to. Then, things fade out.
end transmission
OOC: Hey, guys, we're going with a new direction here, as you can see. RP, but understand, more will be revealed in the next show(s). The question is should i do a Monday Mayhem, Tuesday Mayhem, or a special Wednesday Wreck? Let me know, and let me know what you think of the show.
-Dave