Post by The Ox on Apr 25, 2011 0:53:30 GMT -6
Before the internet, there were two ways most people got their news. One was a daily newpaper. Usually found on the doorstep as people woke, it was a great synopsis of the previous day's events throughout the world as well as the local area.
The other way was the evening news. National News in the evening with familiar names such as Croncite, Brokaw and Jennings. Then your local late night news. Afterall who isnt familiar with that prime time spot in between your favorite shows.. the local news anchor telling you about some major headline and following up by saying "story at 11"
The scene is the main studio of channel 69. Various personel are rushing around, preparing for what appears to be the next newscast. Camera are moving around. Lighting tested. At the anchor desk, a man that looks suspiciously like The Ox is sitting there as someone applies some powdery makeup to his face. Next to him sits a woman with an artificial smile that looks like its been painted on her face.
The newscast director is running around with a clipboard in his hand, making the final checks of everything before the show goes live. Finally he points toward the anchorman and starts counting down.
Director: Five... four... three... two...
He holds up one finger and then points at the anchorman to let him know that they are live.
Anchorman that looks very much like The Ox: Good Evening Folks. Welcome to the Evening Wrestling News. Im Timmy Whorison. Our newscast tonight will be a bit different. We have realized that we dont have any talent of our own so instead our telecast tonight will show us watching the taped recording of our competitors.
He turns in the anchor chair toward a large monitor that sits behind the desk. Up pops the intro to another show.. on which there is another anchorman that looks suspiciously like The Ox... just in a different suit.
Anchorman on Monitor: Good evening folks. This is Pro Wrestling Tonight. In our lead story tonight... we preview the ICW title match that is coming up this Monday night between Tommy "The Gladiator" Harrison and The Ox. The Ox is coming off a stunning win in his comeback match at the Insane Rumble and now gets his chance at the champ.
Analyst: Yes and this should be a very interesting match. Harrison hasnt had to defend his title in a long time due to ICW's closure. And the Ox is coming in hot from the rumble. But will is his conditioning up to it?
Anchorman on Monitor: I think it is. He proved in the rumble he could take on all comers. And he stared straight in the eyes of Dave Dangerously.
Analyst: But Dangerously is no Harrison. And dont forget Harrison chose Ox to be his opponent by taking out Genesis.
Anchorman on Monitor: Well we have Harrison's latest video here. Why dont we go through and analyze it?
Analyst: Thats why they call me the analyst.
The tape starts up... which means you folks are now watching live anchors watching taped anchors watch a videotape. In the tape Harrison starts talking
Analyst: See here Jim. Harrison starts off by talking about the fact that he knows the Ox. Trying to get in his head that he has studied him and knows everything about him.
Anchorman on Monitor: That wont work. Harrison is just trying to convince himself here i believe. He says he studied The Ox.. that its his job to do so. I guess since it is ICW and they have like no budget for even unpaid interns, it does have to be his job.
The restart the tape and let it run a few more secs before pausing again.
Analyst: Here he is talking about a list. Any idea who is on this list?
Anchorman on Monitor: Well he makes it sound like its anyone of importance.. But if these people are so important I wonder why he needs a list to remember them.
Again the tape starts.. which shows Harrison watching the tape of old Ox promos. Which means folks we are now watching an anchorman, watching a tapes anchorman, watching a man watching a videotape. Confused yet?
Anchorman on Monitor: See.. this right here shows Harrison is just not at top quality right now. He used the old Ox promos to like triple the length of his own promo. He knew he doesnt have the talent to keep a promo entertaining for a long period of time, so he used someone else's talent to do it.
Analyst: I dont think thats what
The anchorman cuts off the analyst.
Anchorman on Monitor: I mean seriously.. Could you imagine if a news show decided that instead of being live they would just show their competitions work as they watched? That would just be asinine.
At the moment both commentators go silent and look straight into the camera.
Analyst: I just feel like we are in the middle of an awkward moment and dont know why.
Anchorman on Monitor: Lets finish the tape.
They unpause and listen to the end of Harrison's spiel.
Analyst: I think the most surprising and entertaining part of the end of that tape was the news that Harrison is bringing Triple H to ICW!
Anchorman on Monitor: What?
Analyst: He said hes bringing the game if Ox brings his A game.
The anchorman looks at the analyst and shakes his head.
Anchorman on Monitor: Moving on... the comment I found interesting was that he said he was bred for this. Really? I can just imagine his parents... Mrs Harrison: You gonna do me tonight Hunny? We need to make ourselves a wrestler! Mr Harrison: Aw hunny. You know Im no good at making wrasslers. Look what happened when I knocked up that Dangerously woman down the street!
Analyst: There is a image we just didnt need.
Just then the taped recording of the wrestling news show ends and on the screen flashes.
Anchorman that looks very much like The Ox: We interupted our taped competitor's broadcast to bring you this news flash!
He looks sternly into the camera.
Anchorman that looks very much like The Ox: Q Public wants to expose to the world that The Ox is an egotistical Bastard.
He looks at the card. Turns it around to see if there is anything on the back. Looks again as if in disbelief.
Anchorman that looks very much like The Ox: This is the breaking news? You gotta be kidding me. Everyone knew I err I mean Ox was an egotistical bastard years ago.
The woman to his left just nods but doesnt say anything.
Anchorman that looks very much like The Ox: Too much botox again, hun Sandy?
She nods. He just shakes his head
Anchorman that looks very much like The Ox: So Q Public thinks this is news? It seems he is living in a vacuum. Has anyone told him yet that the world trade center fell bcause thats about the last time anyone didnt think Ox was an egotistical bastard.
He starts to chuckle.. not able to control his laughter and finally breaks out of the anchorman charade.
The Ox: Im sorry I just couldnt keep going. Seriously Q Public? I could find hundreds, no thousands of people that will attest to me being an egotistical bastard. Chad Hartl, Sanctum Nocturna, Just to name a few... so go ahead and tell the world what they already know.
Ox takes off the fake hair he had on and looks into the camera.
The Ox: You talk about me being a washed up wrestler trying to resurrect a career... at least I had a decent career. You couldnt beat Phil Flate. Its better to have been someone once then to never have been anyone.. and thats whats gotten you all upset. But you are small potatoes for now... I have another I need to focus on. Mr Harrison.
The long pause... then he continues
The Ox: Harrison.. Im so glad you showed the world you can watch a couple old promos of mine. Wow.. so fucking impressed. You say you know all about me.. Fine.. name anything at all about my EFWO career. Who were my tag partners. Who put me through the top of a steel cage. how many titles did I hold? Looking over two old promos from the ICW vault means nothing. On Monday.. history isnt going to matter. Its in the past. You need to be worried about the present.. because your future looks bleak.
Ox signals to someone off camera suddenly
pops up.
The Ox: Here is the true breaking news. Everyone in ICW seems to be talking about one person... me. Sheamus, Omalley, Qpublic, Harrison... all have me on their mind. EFWO president The Ox has taken over the collective minds of ICW. All of them are worried. All of them know what im capable of... and the man that scares the most... is Dave Dangerously.
Ox makes a cut sign with his hand and the newscast scene fades out
The other way was the evening news. National News in the evening with familiar names such as Croncite, Brokaw and Jennings. Then your local late night news. Afterall who isnt familiar with that prime time spot in between your favorite shows.. the local news anchor telling you about some major headline and following up by saying "story at 11"
The scene is the main studio of channel 69. Various personel are rushing around, preparing for what appears to be the next newscast. Camera are moving around. Lighting tested. At the anchor desk, a man that looks suspiciously like The Ox is sitting there as someone applies some powdery makeup to his face. Next to him sits a woman with an artificial smile that looks like its been painted on her face.
The newscast director is running around with a clipboard in his hand, making the final checks of everything before the show goes live. Finally he points toward the anchorman and starts counting down.
Director: Five... four... three... two...
He holds up one finger and then points at the anchorman to let him know that they are live.
Anchorman that looks very much like The Ox: Good Evening Folks. Welcome to the Evening Wrestling News. Im Timmy Whorison. Our newscast tonight will be a bit different. We have realized that we dont have any talent of our own so instead our telecast tonight will show us watching the taped recording of our competitors.
He turns in the anchor chair toward a large monitor that sits behind the desk. Up pops the intro to another show.. on which there is another anchorman that looks suspiciously like The Ox... just in a different suit.
Anchorman on Monitor: Good evening folks. This is Pro Wrestling Tonight. In our lead story tonight... we preview the ICW title match that is coming up this Monday night between Tommy "The Gladiator" Harrison and The Ox. The Ox is coming off a stunning win in his comeback match at the Insane Rumble and now gets his chance at the champ.
Analyst: Yes and this should be a very interesting match. Harrison hasnt had to defend his title in a long time due to ICW's closure. And the Ox is coming in hot from the rumble. But will is his conditioning up to it?
Anchorman on Monitor: I think it is. He proved in the rumble he could take on all comers. And he stared straight in the eyes of Dave Dangerously.
Analyst: But Dangerously is no Harrison. And dont forget Harrison chose Ox to be his opponent by taking out Genesis.
Anchorman on Monitor: Well we have Harrison's latest video here. Why dont we go through and analyze it?
Analyst: Thats why they call me the analyst.
The tape starts up... which means you folks are now watching live anchors watching taped anchors watch a videotape. In the tape Harrison starts talking
Analyst: See here Jim. Harrison starts off by talking about the fact that he knows the Ox. Trying to get in his head that he has studied him and knows everything about him.
Anchorman on Monitor: That wont work. Harrison is just trying to convince himself here i believe. He says he studied The Ox.. that its his job to do so. I guess since it is ICW and they have like no budget for even unpaid interns, it does have to be his job.
The restart the tape and let it run a few more secs before pausing again.
Analyst: Here he is talking about a list. Any idea who is on this list?
Anchorman on Monitor: Well he makes it sound like its anyone of importance.. But if these people are so important I wonder why he needs a list to remember them.
Again the tape starts.. which shows Harrison watching the tape of old Ox promos. Which means folks we are now watching an anchorman, watching a tapes anchorman, watching a man watching a videotape. Confused yet?
Anchorman on Monitor: See.. this right here shows Harrison is just not at top quality right now. He used the old Ox promos to like triple the length of his own promo. He knew he doesnt have the talent to keep a promo entertaining for a long period of time, so he used someone else's talent to do it.
Analyst: I dont think thats what
The anchorman cuts off the analyst.
Anchorman on Monitor: I mean seriously.. Could you imagine if a news show decided that instead of being live they would just show their competitions work as they watched? That would just be asinine.
At the moment both commentators go silent and look straight into the camera.
Analyst: I just feel like we are in the middle of an awkward moment and dont know why.
Anchorman on Monitor: Lets finish the tape.
They unpause and listen to the end of Harrison's spiel.
Analyst: I think the most surprising and entertaining part of the end of that tape was the news that Harrison is bringing Triple H to ICW!
Anchorman on Monitor: What?
Analyst: He said hes bringing the game if Ox brings his A game.
The anchorman looks at the analyst and shakes his head.
Anchorman on Monitor: Moving on... the comment I found interesting was that he said he was bred for this. Really? I can just imagine his parents... Mrs Harrison: You gonna do me tonight Hunny? We need to make ourselves a wrestler! Mr Harrison: Aw hunny. You know Im no good at making wrasslers. Look what happened when I knocked up that Dangerously woman down the street!
Analyst: There is a image we just didnt need.
Just then the taped recording of the wrestling news show ends and on the screen flashes.
BREAKING NEWS
Anchorman that looks very much like The Ox: We interupted our taped competitor's broadcast to bring you this news flash!
He looks sternly into the camera.
Anchorman that looks very much like The Ox: Q Public wants to expose to the world that The Ox is an egotistical Bastard.
He looks at the card. Turns it around to see if there is anything on the back. Looks again as if in disbelief.
Anchorman that looks very much like The Ox: This is the breaking news? You gotta be kidding me. Everyone knew I err I mean Ox was an egotistical bastard years ago.
The woman to his left just nods but doesnt say anything.
Anchorman that looks very much like The Ox: Too much botox again, hun Sandy?
She nods. He just shakes his head
Anchorman that looks very much like The Ox: So Q Public thinks this is news? It seems he is living in a vacuum. Has anyone told him yet that the world trade center fell bcause thats about the last time anyone didnt think Ox was an egotistical bastard.
He starts to chuckle.. not able to control his laughter and finally breaks out of the anchorman charade.
The Ox: Im sorry I just couldnt keep going. Seriously Q Public? I could find hundreds, no thousands of people that will attest to me being an egotistical bastard. Chad Hartl, Sanctum Nocturna, Just to name a few... so go ahead and tell the world what they already know.
Ox takes off the fake hair he had on and looks into the camera.
The Ox: You talk about me being a washed up wrestler trying to resurrect a career... at least I had a decent career. You couldnt beat Phil Flate. Its better to have been someone once then to never have been anyone.. and thats whats gotten you all upset. But you are small potatoes for now... I have another I need to focus on. Mr Harrison.
The long pause... then he continues
The Ox: Harrison.. Im so glad you showed the world you can watch a couple old promos of mine. Wow.. so fucking impressed. You say you know all about me.. Fine.. name anything at all about my EFWO career. Who were my tag partners. Who put me through the top of a steel cage. how many titles did I hold? Looking over two old promos from the ICW vault means nothing. On Monday.. history isnt going to matter. Its in the past. You need to be worried about the present.. because your future looks bleak.
Ox signals to someone off camera suddenly
BREAKING NEWS
pops up.
The Ox: Here is the true breaking news. Everyone in ICW seems to be talking about one person... me. Sheamus, Omalley, Qpublic, Harrison... all have me on their mind. EFWO president The Ox has taken over the collective minds of ICW. All of them are worried. All of them know what im capable of... and the man that scares the most... is Dave Dangerously.
Ox makes a cut sign with his hand and the newscast scene fades out