Post by Dave Dangerously on Mar 15, 2013 22:54:13 GMT -6
Cut to inside The Paramount, next door to Madison Square Garden.
JS: Well, fans, it's time for our extravaganza special challenge here in KITCHEN STADIUM, we're broadcasting from the Paramount RIGHT NEXT DOOR to MSG and we've brought to you KITCHEN STADIUM, all the way from Chelsea Market here in New York City.
camera pans over KITCHEN STADIUM
HARDCORE Iron Chef Battle: Gordon Ramsay vs. Myst
JS: I'll try to do my best Alton Brown impression here, folks. So bear with me. THE RULES ARE SIMPLE. Ramsay will take on Myst in a ten minute battle to determine who is THE MOST HARDCORE IRON CHEF. They will have to prepare an entree and a dessert, with a special ingredient. At the end of ten minutes, they will present their dishes to be judged by our illustrious panel of Judges...and THEY ARE:
GUY FIERI: YO IT'S MONEY!
ISSAC MIZRAHI: LOVVVVVVVVVVVVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST...
YOKOZUNA X: WERRRRRRRRRRRRRRD LYFEEEEEE JOBBER STYLEE!
And now, welcome to kitchen stadium...CHAIRMAN DACASCOS!!!!!!!!!
Chairman Dacascos enters kitchen stadium, shrouded in a fine mist. He turns towards the camera, looking as stern as always...
The Chairman: The time has come to once again answer life's most savory question...
WHO'S CUISINE, REIGNS SUPREME?
takes bite of apple
The Chairman: Chef Ramsay, step up.
Gordon Ramsay steps up
Chairman: You have proven yourself, as the executive chef of Hell's Kitchen. But tonight, Hell comes to Earth, in Kitchen Stadium. Are you ready?
Gordon Ramsay; I'M DAMN READY, MR. CHAIRMAN. FUCKING THROW IT OUT.
Chairman: Then, which Iron Chef do you wish to challenge?
GR: I CHALLENGE...IRON CHEF MYST!!!!!!
Myst comes out on a pedestal
Myst: Dude, what the fuck?
He steps up next to Ramsay, as Ramsay stands still, confident.
Chairman: Excellent choice. NOW....
LET THE BATTLE BEGIN!!!!!!!!!
JS: Well, naturally Ramsay has challenged Myst, but...yeah.
RAMSAY VS. MYST
25 years experience Likes to eat
Classic french cooking style microwave oven
150-0 battle record once lost to a brick wall
JS: Well, there is the tale of the tape. Man, we've sunk to new levels. Thanks Mr. Dangerously. Thanks a lot.
The Chairman: But, there is one more ingrediant to this battle...our SECRET ingrediant...THE THEME OF WHICH OUR CHEFS WILL OFFER THEIR...succulent variations.
Today's secret ingrediant is...
RITZ CRACKERS AND CORN FLAKES!!!!!!!!!!!
JS: The fuck?
The Chairman: SO NOW, AMERICA...WITH AN OPEN HEART AND AN EMPTY STOMACH, I SAY UNTO YOU THE WORDS OF MY UNCLE...
JS: Well, we're officially underway here, Chef Ramsay scrambling to prepare his dishes and well, Myst looking confused.
Myst: What the fuck?
GR: COME ON, FAT BOY! AHAHAHAHA!!!!
Myst: Fat boy?
a vein bulges out in Myst's forehead.
JS: We've seen this rivalry over the past few weeks here in ICW. These two men have pure hatred for one another. Hopefully, this will settle the score between the two...hmm. Can anyone remember why they even started fighting, in the first place? One thing is for sure, Myst is looking VERY frustrated.
10 minutes pass, as Myst frantically tries to prepare his dishes. Ramsay has finished early, and has cleaned the entire Kitchen Stadium and filmed an episode of "Kitchen Nightmares".
The time is up, and The Chairman calls for them to prepare their dishes.
The Chairman: Now, judges, you will taste test, and decide who is TRULY, IRON CHEF!
Myst is all frazzled, and covered with flour and shit, while Gordon looks stunning as always. A second vein bulges in Myst's head.
JS: Well, let's see what Chef Ramsay has produced...RITZ ENCRUSTED SALMON STEAK WITH RIZZOTO AND ENDIVE, AND FOR DESSERT, FLAME BROILED CORNFLAKE COVERED CANDIED BANANAS AND CHOCOLATE SOUFFLE!
Guy Fieri: Mmmm, it's money, yo.
Issac Mizrahi: LOVED IT!!!!!
Yokozuna X: I'd job this for dinner every jobbing night. MMM, BEEFY!
A third vein bulges in Myst's forehead.
JS: ....sigh....and now, CHEF MYST PRESENTS...MINI RITZ...PIZZAS? AND A TUB OF COOL WHIP WITH SOME CORN FLAKES POURED IN?
Guy Fieri: ...hmmm...it's...different.
Issac Mizrahi: ...yeah...it's...different...
Yokozuna X: FEED ME I'M STARVING.
Myst is sweating, he can't believe he's produced such crap.
Gordon Ramsay: HAHA, MYSTIE! YOUR TIME IS UP! THE MEAT IS FUCKING RAW! THROW IT OUT! SHUT IT DOWN!
JS: Poor Myst.
Guy Fieri: It is different...AND I LOVE IT! MY KIDS WOULD LOVE THIS!
Issac Mizrahi: LOOOOOOOOOOOOVED IT! FABULOUS GRRRRRRRRL!!! MS THAAAAAAANG EEEEEEEEEE AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Yokozuna X: I'M DYING OF A HEART ATTACK!!!!!!
Chairman: THEN IT IS DECIDED!
WINNER, AND NEW IRON CHEF...MYST!
chef ramsay is PISSED.
JS: YEAH! GO MYST!
GR: NO NO NO! THROW IT OUT! SHUT IT DOWN! NOT GOOD ENOUGH!
Ramsay charges towards Myst with a SOUFFLE KNIFE but MYST DEFLECTS!!! HE TOSSES RAMSAY ONTO A COUNTER TOP!
Chairman: NO! NO! NOT IN MY KITCHEN STADIUM. KEEEEEEEEEEE YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
the chairman flips towards Myst, and UNLOADS TONS OF MARTIAL ART PROWESS UPON HIM!
BUT MYST BLOCKS! HE COUNTERS EVERY BLOW, BUT THE CHAIRMAN COUNTER-COUNTERS MYST'S COUNTERS!!!!
JS: IT'S A REGULAR MATRIX OVA HERE!
Myst finally breaks the series of moves, and connects to The Chairman with THE CALL TO ASHLEY SUPERKICK!!!!
MYST RIPS OFF HIS SHIRT!!!!!!!!!
From behind, Ramsay hits Myst with a frying pan, cast iron. Myst just shrugs it off, and HOWLS!
JS: NO...NOT AGAIN...LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...MYST IS PYST!!!!!!!
MYST SPEARS GORDON INTO AN OVEN!!!!! GORDON GETS STUFFED IN THERE!!!!!
THE CHAIRMAN GETS TO HIS FEET, AND CHARGES MYST, BUT MYST JAPANESE ARM DRAGS HIM ONTO A BURNING GRILL!!!!!!!
Myst howls at the moon!!!!!!!!!
JS: OH MY GOD! MYST IS IN THE MIDDLE OF A BERSERKER RAGE!!!!!!
Myst turns around AND RAMSAY THROWS THREE STEAK KNIVES INTO MYST'S GUT!!!!!
MYST GOES DOWN, AS RAMSAY GETS UP AND RUNS AWAY!!!
JS: NO NO NO WE NEED HELP FOR MYST!!! HELP!!! HELP!!!!
Myst pulls the knives out, as EMTs arrive. he throws them off, but they force their help upon him.
JS: Ramsay, that evil weasel, has RUN OFF TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY! AS CHARLES BRONSON ONCE SAID, THIS AINT OVER!
JS: Well, fans, it's time for our extravaganza special challenge here in KITCHEN STADIUM, we're broadcasting from the Paramount RIGHT NEXT DOOR to MSG and we've brought to you KITCHEN STADIUM, all the way from Chelsea Market here in New York City.
camera pans over KITCHEN STADIUM
HARDCORE Iron Chef Battle: Gordon Ramsay vs. Myst
JS: I'll try to do my best Alton Brown impression here, folks. So bear with me. THE RULES ARE SIMPLE. Ramsay will take on Myst in a ten minute battle to determine who is THE MOST HARDCORE IRON CHEF. They will have to prepare an entree and a dessert, with a special ingredient. At the end of ten minutes, they will present their dishes to be judged by our illustrious panel of Judges...and THEY ARE:
GUY FIERI: YO IT'S MONEY!
ISSAC MIZRAHI: LOVVVVVVVVVVVVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST...
YOKOZUNA X: WERRRRRRRRRRRRRRD LYFEEEEEE JOBBER STYLEE!
And now, welcome to kitchen stadium...CHAIRMAN DACASCOS!!!!!!!!!
Chairman Dacascos enters kitchen stadium, shrouded in a fine mist. He turns towards the camera, looking as stern as always...
The Chairman: The time has come to once again answer life's most savory question...
WHO'S CUISINE, REIGNS SUPREME?
takes bite of apple
The Chairman: Chef Ramsay, step up.
Gordon Ramsay steps up
Chairman: You have proven yourself, as the executive chef of Hell's Kitchen. But tonight, Hell comes to Earth, in Kitchen Stadium. Are you ready?
Gordon Ramsay; I'M DAMN READY, MR. CHAIRMAN. FUCKING THROW IT OUT.
Chairman: Then, which Iron Chef do you wish to challenge?
GR: I CHALLENGE...IRON CHEF MYST!!!!!!
Myst comes out on a pedestal
Myst: Dude, what the fuck?
He steps up next to Ramsay, as Ramsay stands still, confident.
Chairman: Excellent choice. NOW....
LET THE BATTLE BEGIN!!!!!!!!!
JS: Well, naturally Ramsay has challenged Myst, but...yeah.
RAMSAY VS. MYST
25 years experience Likes to eat
Classic french cooking style microwave oven
150-0 battle record once lost to a brick wall
JS: Well, there is the tale of the tape. Man, we've sunk to new levels. Thanks Mr. Dangerously. Thanks a lot.
The Chairman: But, there is one more ingrediant to this battle...our SECRET ingrediant...THE THEME OF WHICH OUR CHEFS WILL OFFER THEIR...succulent variations.
Today's secret ingrediant is...
RITZ CRACKERS AND CORN FLAKES!!!!!!!!!!!
JS: The fuck?
The Chairman: SO NOW, AMERICA...WITH AN OPEN HEART AND AN EMPTY STOMACH, I SAY UNTO YOU THE WORDS OF MY UNCLE...
ALLEZ CUISINE!
JS: Well, we're officially underway here, Chef Ramsay scrambling to prepare his dishes and well, Myst looking confused.
Myst: What the fuck?
GR: COME ON, FAT BOY! AHAHAHAHA!!!!
Myst: Fat boy?
a vein bulges out in Myst's forehead.
JS: We've seen this rivalry over the past few weeks here in ICW. These two men have pure hatred for one another. Hopefully, this will settle the score between the two...hmm. Can anyone remember why they even started fighting, in the first place? One thing is for sure, Myst is looking VERY frustrated.
10 minutes pass, as Myst frantically tries to prepare his dishes. Ramsay has finished early, and has cleaned the entire Kitchen Stadium and filmed an episode of "Kitchen Nightmares".
The time is up, and The Chairman calls for them to prepare their dishes.
The Chairman: Now, judges, you will taste test, and decide who is TRULY, IRON CHEF!
Myst is all frazzled, and covered with flour and shit, while Gordon looks stunning as always. A second vein bulges in Myst's head.
JS: Well, let's see what Chef Ramsay has produced...RITZ ENCRUSTED SALMON STEAK WITH RIZZOTO AND ENDIVE, AND FOR DESSERT, FLAME BROILED CORNFLAKE COVERED CANDIED BANANAS AND CHOCOLATE SOUFFLE!
Guy Fieri: Mmmm, it's money, yo.
Issac Mizrahi: LOVED IT!!!!!
Yokozuna X: I'd job this for dinner every jobbing night. MMM, BEEFY!
A third vein bulges in Myst's forehead.
JS: ....sigh....and now, CHEF MYST PRESENTS...MINI RITZ...PIZZAS? AND A TUB OF COOL WHIP WITH SOME CORN FLAKES POURED IN?
Guy Fieri: ...hmmm...it's...different.
Issac Mizrahi: ...yeah...it's...different...
Yokozuna X: FEED ME I'M STARVING.
Myst is sweating, he can't believe he's produced such crap.
Gordon Ramsay: HAHA, MYSTIE! YOUR TIME IS UP! THE MEAT IS FUCKING RAW! THROW IT OUT! SHUT IT DOWN!
JS: Poor Myst.
Guy Fieri: It is different...AND I LOVE IT! MY KIDS WOULD LOVE THIS!
Issac Mizrahi: LOOOOOOOOOOOOVED IT! FABULOUS GRRRRRRRRL!!! MS THAAAAAAANG EEEEEEEEEE AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Yokozuna X: I'M DYING OF A HEART ATTACK!!!!!!
Chairman: THEN IT IS DECIDED!
WINNER, AND NEW IRON CHEF...MYST!
chef ramsay is PISSED.
JS: YEAH! GO MYST!
GR: NO NO NO! THROW IT OUT! SHUT IT DOWN! NOT GOOD ENOUGH!
Ramsay charges towards Myst with a SOUFFLE KNIFE but MYST DEFLECTS!!! HE TOSSES RAMSAY ONTO A COUNTER TOP!
Chairman: NO! NO! NOT IN MY KITCHEN STADIUM. KEEEEEEEEEEE YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
the chairman flips towards Myst, and UNLOADS TONS OF MARTIAL ART PROWESS UPON HIM!
BUT MYST BLOCKS! HE COUNTERS EVERY BLOW, BUT THE CHAIRMAN COUNTER-COUNTERS MYST'S COUNTERS!!!!
JS: IT'S A REGULAR MATRIX OVA HERE!
Myst finally breaks the series of moves, and connects to The Chairman with THE CALL TO ASHLEY SUPERKICK!!!!
MYST RIPS OFF HIS SHIRT!!!!!!!!!
From behind, Ramsay hits Myst with a frying pan, cast iron. Myst just shrugs it off, and HOWLS!
JS: NO...NOT AGAIN...LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...MYST IS PYST!!!!!!!
MYST SPEARS GORDON INTO AN OVEN!!!!! GORDON GETS STUFFED IN THERE!!!!!
THE CHAIRMAN GETS TO HIS FEET, AND CHARGES MYST, BUT MYST JAPANESE ARM DRAGS HIM ONTO A BURNING GRILL!!!!!!!
Myst howls at the moon!!!!!!!!!
JS: OH MY GOD! MYST IS IN THE MIDDLE OF A BERSERKER RAGE!!!!!!
Myst turns around AND RAMSAY THROWS THREE STEAK KNIVES INTO MYST'S GUT!!!!!
MYST GOES DOWN, AS RAMSAY GETS UP AND RUNS AWAY!!!
JS: NO NO NO WE NEED HELP FOR MYST!!! HELP!!! HELP!!!!
Myst pulls the knives out, as EMTs arrive. he throws them off, but they force their help upon him.
JS: Ramsay, that evil weasel, has RUN OFF TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY! AS CHARLES BRONSON ONCE SAID, THIS AINT OVER!