Post by Dave Dangerously on Mar 22, 2013 19:22:52 GMT -6
The camera opens up inside the sold out Crisler Center in Ann Arbor, Michigan, the selected, oddly enough, home of EWA when the
EVOLUTIONARY WRESTLING ALLIANCE GOES...
OLD SCHOOL!
Cut to the announce table, where our announcers are about to smile and glad-hand the hell out of you.
Cichael Mole: Hello wrestling fans welcome to the EWA Special as EWA goes..."OLD SCHOOL" for one night only here in conjunction with ICW. I'm Cichael Mole, and I am the only person they could find that would announce this thing for the little pay but I'm joined by some special guests who surely will last the entire evening and not get attacked at ringside, founder of PUMPHANDLESLAM.COM, MINI-MATT, MATT BENSON!
Benson: Yes, make sure to visit pumphandleslam.com for all your wrestling needs...hmm...DNS unavailable. That's weird!
Mole: Not really! And of course I am joined by our other special announcer, and even though it’s not on PPV, MR. PPV!
Mr. PPV: YO IT’S ME IT’S ME IT’S THAT P…P…V. BRING THE NOIZE!!!!!!
Mole: And of course here at ringside our time keeper for tonight…finally living up to the name…CLOCKWATCHER!!!
Cut to Clockwatcher. The crowd cheers for Clockwatcher. Said no one, ever.
Mole: And our special matchmaker selectors for tonight, EWA Commisioners, EDGE AND CHRISTIAN!!!!
Stock footage of Edge and Christian circa 2000 is shown. They obviously aren’t affiliated with this crap.
INSERT PICTURE HERE.
Mole: Well fans the idea behind tonight is a good ol’ 30 person royal rumble style battle royal to celebrate the mediocrity of EWA. Invites were sent. And declined! We managed to scrape together 30 names, and this is what you got! Every 2 minutes another one enters, eliminations occur when an individual is tossed over the top rope and both feet touch the floor. After all 30 individuals have entered and 29 have been eliminated, the last one standing will be the winner. Of nothing!
PPV: NAH MAN…THEY ARE THE WINNER OF BEING COOL! BLAZE IT UP!!!!!
Benson: Can’t seem to get this page to load…hmm…and the PHP email addresses aren’t working…I’m calling AngelFire and Geocities support right now, I guess!
Mole: Whatever that means! Okay, time for the EWA Old School Rumble!!!
Ding, ding
Darryl Buffer(Larry Buffer’s cousin, Larry Buffer is the nephew of Michael Buffer’s dog sitter): LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO BECAUSE THE BIT YOU WERE EXPECTING IS COPYRIGHTED…LET’S GET READY TO……..HAVE AN EVENTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
IT IS TIME FOR THE EWA…
Checks his cards..
…TUMBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
INTRODUCING THE INDIVIDUALS WHO DREW NUMBER ONE AND TWO …
PPV: BLAZE SMOKE BLAZE
Mole: Who will it be???
”Dead Bodies Everywhere” by KoRn hits, signaling the arrival of The Most Dangerous Man in Wrestling Today, Dave Dangerously as the fans in attendance cheer.
Mole: DANGERO-wait, it’s Old School, and his look is reflecting that!!!
Mole is right, as Dave has on his glasses, jean shorts, and tye dye shirt, tonight he’s THE HARDCORE ICON, DAVE DUDLEY!!!!!!!
And right behind him…
SIGN GUY DUDLEY!!!!
PPV: DO YOU EVEN LIFT BRO? SMOKE BLAZE SMOKE HIGH REFERENCES TO MARIJUANA
Dudley enters the ring as Sign Guy has a sign that reads:
“DUDLEY IS OLD SCHOOL”
He flips it over –
“DUDLEY IS EWA!”
Dave grabs a mic, as a hush over takes the crowd…
DaveDangerously Dudley: Tonight EWA goes “old school” for a special event. The way I see it, it’s IN MEMORIAM. RIP, EWA. We should be letting it be. Let the old bones rest. Look at this guy, calling the match.
Dave points to Matt Benson
Benson: Okay, pumphandleslam.com is BACK up with a new commentary by Andrew Lei-wait…error 404. Oh shoot.
Dave comes to the outside
Dave Dudley: You. That’s right you you Plano lacross mother fucker.
Dudley hits Benson with a superkick right to the face, knocking him down and out.
Mole: OH MY GOD!
PPV: BLAZE BLAZE THAT’S THE GLAZE SON!
Dudley rolls back into the ring.
Dave Dudley You know since it’s “old school” there’s nothing more “old school” than pulling a shoot and guess what I’m gonna SHOOT.
EWA, aka LWN Lite. You know the past is the past and by gones have gone by but sometimes I get a little soured about it. It was this big savior of wrestling, breaking away from the clutches of J. J. McDerrick, a new era that promised change in wrestling. Except that it was the same old same old. You know, I thought things would have been different when I was brought in and made the first ever EWA World Heavyweight Champion. But that was just a ruse like the rest of them as I lost the strap a week later. You had your Healiuses and your Hoyakillahs and all the rest, bogging the place down and at the heart of it was a simple lackey named Evolution, who was much a McDerrick ass kisser as he was a buffoon in the ring. EWA tried to take over ICW and tried to capitalize on what made ICW great – it’s superstars. It tried to take me, ScottiePP7, QPublic, Dan Farrell, Amalek, Jeff Watson….further cementing it’s place as a rehash. The way I saw it, they could have Amalek and Watson, been there done that, both 4D’d. ICW was breaking new ground. After EWA folded, I allowed a select few to join the ranks of ICW where they ended up being recognized as ICW stars, not LWN or EWA stars. Morrigan. Hampton. Lone Wolf.
EWA had it’s moments but none of them will endure. None like ICW’s moments. So tonight, I’ll put on the Dave Dudley hat, and I’ll show the world how old school EWA I am. I was the first and the last EWA champion and there’ll never be another.
So we celebrate EWA and it’s second rate stars. And it’s second rate job at putting first rate talent over. In their minds, second rate talent Dave Dudley won their very first championship and it just stuck in their craw. They thought they could take out ICW but they were wrong again. ICW prevails, and tonight is merely the death knell for the Evolutionary Wrestling Alliance. Amen.
Sign Guy grabs the microphone
Sign Guy Dudley: OHHHHHHH TESTIFY!!!!!!
Dave Dudlerously?: And speaking of second rate stars…
Dave comes to the ringside area, walking in front of Matt Benson
Dave Dudley: Hey, I got a pumphandleslam.com newsflash, straight outta Plano Texas –
SUPERKICK RIGHT TO BENSON’S FACE! HE’S OUT COLD!
MR. PPV: WHO DADDY! PUFF PUFF PASS PASS!
Mole: MY LORD!!!
Dave gets into the ring, and tells the referees on the outside to get the show on the road.
Mole: And here comes entrant number two…
”Tin Soldiers” by The Mighty Mighty Bosstones hits, and out comes Dan Hampton as this ever-lovin EWA crowd goes nuts.
Mole: HAMPTON! DAN HAMPTON IS HERE! THE EWA LEGEND! THE BIGGEST ICON OF EWA!!!
Dave looks highly surprised, but soon looks ready for a fight. Hampton runs to the ring, and looks to hit it head on with Dave, but he stops, and the two circle each other.
Ding, Ding
Mole: The bell sounds, and this Old School Rumble is on it’s way. Every 108 seconds, a new competitor will hit the ring. Eliminations occur when a competitor is thrown OVER the top rope and both feet touch the floor. The last person standing in the ring after all other 29 competitors have been eliminated WILL be the winner!
Dave and Dan collar elbow lockup, Dan with the armbar.
Dan whips Dave into the ropes, shoulderblock by Dave. Dave runs over Dan who has fallen to the ring, leaping over him off the rebound. Dan up, with a leapfrog over the running Dave. Dave into the ropes, JAPANESE ARM DRAG by Hampton. DAVE BACK UP ON HIS FEET! Dan charges at Hampton, DROP TOE HOLD ONTO HAMPTON! Dave rolls through with a chinlock on Hampton, Hampton wriggles free. Hampton reverses into a reverse arm bar, Dave spins out of it, Hampton to his feet, Dave with a kick to Hampton’s thigh, Hampton with a punch to Dave’s face.
Mole: It’s starting to break down!
MR.PPV: That’s good cuz it’s time for THE FUCKIN SHOW!!!!!!!!
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“Some crappy Nu-Metal” plays and Mr. PPV stands up from the announce table.
Mole: What???
Mr.PPV: SMOKE EM IF YOU GOT EM!!!!!
PPV enters the ring, and looks at Dave and Dan, who are watching him. PPV with the arms in the air-
P…
P…
V!!!!!
Dave with a superkick to Mr. PPV, PPV goes over the top rope to the floor.
Eliminated, MR. PPV
From behind, Hampton tries to eliminate Dave as he is smiling after the elimination, Dave holds onto the ropes.
Mole: PPV is gone!
EMTs come to drag PPV to the backstage area, because he sucks.
Mole: Well, I guess I’m out here by myself now…oh wait, look who it is, former EWA founder, Evolution to join me on commentary!
Evo: Glad to be here Mole, you were one of my favorite creations, don’tcha know.
Mole: I forgot for a second I’m made up! I also forgot that you’re Canadian, and that all Canadiens sound like Minnesoteans!
Evo: Well gee whiz, they certainly do now!
Hampton still trying to eliminate Dave, but Dave fights off...they start to stare each other down again, circling the ring…
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”Weak ass Tribal Music” hits, and out comes perennial loser that was somehow overbooked, DJBOUTI DAN!!!
When I was 16 I had no idea how to pronounce Djbouti.
He hits the ring, runs to Dave and Dan, Dave and Dan attempt a double clothesline, but Djbouti ducks. Djbouti off the ropes, Hampton grabs him by the hair and TOSSES HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE!
Eliminated, Djbouti Dan
Dave and Dan continue to square off in the ring, circling it.
Evo: The two original stars of my EWA are goin at it for the love of Pete.
Mole: Didn’t you die in a RP once?
Evo: Come now there young lad then there now. You know that we Canadiens don’t die, we just have great affordable heathcare don’tcha know.
Dave pushes Dan. Dan pushes Dave. Dave charges Dan, lou thesz press, and PISTON LIKE FIRE, PISTON LIKE FIRE!
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“The Strokes or Interpol or The Hives or strangely sometimes Stone Temple Pilots” plays and out comes Carter Wilson as the fans cheer!
Evo: Oh jeez! He was the cousin of Dan Wilson, don’tcha know.
Mole: Who the hell is Dan Wilson?
Evo; …good question!
Carter Wilson hits the ring, and picks Dave up off of Dan. Dave spins around and hits Carter with THE 4D!!!!!! THE DAVE DUDLEY DEATH DROP!!!!!!
Wilson springs back up only to be clotheslined OVER THE TOP ROPE BY DAVE!
Eliminated, Carter Wilson
Hampton and Dave look at each other, and look at Wilson on the outside.
Mole: Dave with another elimination. That’s 2!
Evo: If I couldn’t tell any better, it seems like these two boyos right here are in competition againnnnnnnnne.
Mole: Perhaps a challenge to see who can eliminate the most individuals?
Dave and Dan retreat to corners, and look at the clock up on the ScottieTron™.
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“Fuddruckers, Inc” plays and out walks Chuck Finn as the fans boo and throw trash at him down the aisle.
Mole: Chuck Finn, what a douche!
Evo: That’s true, Cichael. He is a giant douche by golly.
Chuck Finn enters the ring, and Hampton hits Finn with a STFUPLEX OVER THE TOP ROPE AND ONTO THE FLOOR!!!!
Eliminated, Chuck Finn
Hampton immediately gets in Dave’s face, and it seems like there is a elimination competition going on, afterall.
Mole: Finn is gone, and I hope they throw his ass out, too.
Dave and Dan stare each other down…AND START TO BRAWL!
LEFTS!
RIGHTS!
DAVE!
DAN!
COKE!
PEPSI!
AMERICA!
AMERCIA!!!
Mole: These two wrestling legends and bitter rivals are going back and forth! This is Insane!
Evo: No, it’s EWA!!!
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“Blood Money” by Noreaga hits, and out comes Archangel EWA’s much, much better version of Reno Starr.
Evo: Archangel is here! Have mercy!
Mole: Full House Faction?
Evo: OH GEEZ come on Mole, you know I have no idea about anything other than the 5 minutes I was actually involved in Efed!
Archangel hits the ring, clothesline to Dave. Then a running ENZIGURI to Hampton!
Mole: Archangel with some serious offense here!
Archangel looking great, plays up to the crowd, but from behind is grabbed by Dave, and tossed OVER THE TOP ROPE AND TO THE FLOOR!
Eliminated, Archangel
The fans boo, as Dave gets in Dan’s face! He can be heard saying “How about that now, huh?”
Mole: Archangel has been eliminated but the bigger story here is that Dave Dangerously…or Dudley for tonight and Dan Hampton have made this rumble a personal showcase of one-upsmanship.
Evo at this point grabs a mic and stands up
Evolution: Now wait a dog gone cotton picking minute here now. You two reckless hosers need to give these guys a chance. I can’t go having you be better than everyone else, don’t cha know. I mean gee whiz guys. You were the first and second EWA champions, respectively. What else do you have to prove for the love of pete?
The crowd boos the hell out of Evo.
Evolution: Now as this is my show I’m gonna say againnnnnnnnnne, take it easy out there then yet now don’tcha know. Golly!
Sign Guy runs over and CRACKS EVOLUTION IN THE HEAD, WITH ONE OF HIS SIGNS! HE IS OUT COLD!!!!
Mole: YIKES!!!!!!
The fans cheer as Dave and Dan applaud Sign Guy, and then circle around each other in the ring once more.
EMTS come to remove Evolution.
Mole: It’s a bad night be an announcer…GULP!
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“La Bamba” hits, and out comes Jose Ramirez, former EWA star, manager of former ICW Tag Team Champions Los Conquistadors, and former ally of Dan Hampton.
Jose hits the ring, as the fans cheer away. Hampton extends a hand, RAMIREZ SHAKES IT! THEY’RE GONNA DOUBLE TEAM DUDLEY!
Mole: No love loss between Ramirez and Dudley…they had a bitter war over the EWA Hardcore Title the last few months of EWA!!!
Dan and Jose close in on Dave….HAMPTON BETRAYS RAMIREZ, TOSSING HIM BY HIS GREASY HAIR OVER THE TOP ROPE AND ONTO THE FLOOR!
Eliminated, Jose Ramirez Dave and Dan continue to intensly stare and talk trash to one another.
Mole: This is the Dave and Dan show! A battle of competition, who can eliminate the most men in this rumble?? So far they’re tied at 3 a piece!
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“Earache My Eye” hits, and out comes the Welfare – Havin, Pinto Drivin, Baby stealing Kiss Unreceiving Son of a Beaner El Bastarde to a great SI SI SI chant from the crowd
Mole: Here comes a former EWA World Champion!
El Bastarde hits the ring, and Dave throws him RIGHT over the top rope and to the floor!
Eliminated, El Bastarde
Bastarde can be heard saying “SHEET, SHEET, SHEET” all the way down.
Mole: And there goes a former EWA World Champion!
As Bastarde limps to the back, Dangerously and Hampton start to punch away at each other once again.
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“You Got The Touch” hits, and out comes EFWO Legend X-Dude to a mixed response from the fans.
Mole: X-Dude, former EFWO and ICW World Heavyweight Champion. He had great success in all 3 companies…the only other guy to do that was Dave Dudley!!!
X-Dude hits the ring, DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE BY DAVE AND DAN, SENDING X-DUDE OVER THE TOP ROPE!!!!!
Eliminated, X-Dude
Dave and Dan square each other down yet again, talking trash.
The camera cuts to backstage where EWA backstage interviewer Union2Sweeeeeeeet stands, beside him stands ICW Icon, Johnny Q Public and his ever present friend and trainerDarren Diolasa, Union speaks
Union2Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet: Fans were backstage live at the EWA Old School Rumble, and with me now is ICW Legend some would say the icon of ICW, one Johnny Q Public. Johnny, you’ve been around ever fed in the 5 rings, and now twitter is abuzz with the possibility of ICW reemerging from its’ self-imposed hiatus. Now we have the first of two special Rumbles, occurring. What is your take from this Johnny?
Johnny: Well it’s funny ya know ICW was always the bad boy of the five feds, we were the rebels, I mean it was the first insane rumble, where I came within breathing distance of the ICW world title. So I’ve seen rumbles, before, now it’s only fitting that I’m here at the EWA old school rumble. I look forward to the rumble.
Union2SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET: Johnny, let us focus on the future, as of late you have been blasted as being old fashioned out dated, that you and the rest of the old guard need to step aside, and let the new blood take center stage. What do you think?
Johnny: Well it look like your referring this Ace guy? Well I can’t say I blame him, a young hungry talent, he looks like he has potential. But he needs to respect the old school, I helped build this house, I am the master of cleancore, I am the man.
AS if on cue, on camera we see Ace. He has a look of utter contempt on his face, and a evil glint in his eye. Johnny is unfazed, Darren gives Ace a cold stare.
Ace: Bold words old man, you talk about respect from your high and mighty perch, if you are the man in ICW then ICW is dire need of some new blood like myself. I look at you and I don't see the face of ICW, I see a washed up has been who is living on his past to keep his spot. Best make way old timer, and let the new blood take there spot, or else the new blood will run over you.
Johnny is seemingly unfazed by this, and just stares as Ace. His face devoid of emotion, he then lets loose a chuckle, this only infuriates Ace as he spits on Johnny's face. For a brief moment there is a flash of anger in Johnny's face, the it returns to normal.
Johnny: Now listen here sonny...
Johnny is then interrupted by a figure flying into the scene brandishing a chair with a resounding CRACK!, he hits Johnny in the back of the head, the camera then focus on Warrior who gives a nod to Ace, before Warrior can speak Darren springs into action and immediately begins letting loose with a flurry of punches and Warrior staggers and falls. Darren checks on Johnny who stands undeterred, and both men turn their attention on Ace who backs away slowly with sick grin on his face, before disappearing.
Ace: Sorry, old man your too slow, I'm Ace and that is the killer case.
From off camera, X-Dude pushes Ace out of the way, and goes after Warrior, hitting him with a steel chair!
X-Dude: You’re MINE, Warrior…NOW…AND FOREVER!
Security and ring crew are back to separate the action, as the attention turns back to the ring…
Mole: That was a lot to fit into 108 seconds!!!
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“Number One” by Premarital Sax hits, and out comes Eclypse as the fans cheer!
Mole: Eclypse is here!!!
She hits the ring and immediately sides with Hampton, as they START TO DOUBLE TEAM DAVE DUDLEYROUSLY!
Mole: Dangerousdley…or Dudleyrously…DAVE is getting wailed on by ACTION FACTION!!!
Hampton whips Dave into the ropes…HURRICANRANA by ECLYPSE! SHE GOES TO TOSS DAVE OVER THE TOP ROPE-
BUT DAVE HANGS ON!!!
Dave slides back in, and Eclypse and Hampton start to stomp away. Eclypse picks Dave up, DOUBLE SUPLEX TO DAVE!
Mole: Can The Hardcore Icon handle this two-on-one assault???
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“Bitch” by Meredith Brooks hits, and out comes the first lady of efed(as in everyone’s first), Kallista Silverhair to a chorus of boos from this crowd.
Mole: The ex-wife of Healius! Kallista!
She hits the ring, and with no love loss for the Action Faction, stares down Eclypse, before standing next to Dave.
Mole: COULD SHE BE SIDING WITH DAVE HERE??? AFTER ALL THESE YEARS?
Ha, you idiots. No way in hell. Dave Dudley hits that bitch with the 4D!!!!!!!! THE DAVE DUDLEY DEATH DROP! He throws Kallista over the top rope, and onto the floor.
Eliminated, Kallista
Action Faction then tries to doubly eliminate Dave from behind.
Mole: Now Action Faction going to work on Dave once more!
Dave hangs on, as Action Faction tries to eliminate him…
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“Winning It All” by The Outfield hits, and here comes Kayfabe, representing the MDF – The Most Dangerous Faction in Wrestling.
Kayfabe hits the ringside area, and goes over to Clockwatcher, fellow MDF member, and whisper’s in clock’s ear. Kayfabe then hits the ring and starts to attack Hampton, causing Dave to wiggle free.
Just then, the clock starts to go off again.
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Mole: Wait, what the hell? It’s not time for another yet!!
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The buzzer goes off, and it’s Amarantha coming out to “Starfuckers, Inc.” representing the MDF.
She hits the ring and immediately goes after Eclypse. Kayfabe duking it out with Hampton, in the other corner. Dave slumps down and hides in a corner.
Mole: Kind of jumping the gun there don’t you think? It’s MDF vs. Action Faction in the ring now!
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Mole: NOW WAIT A MINUTE WHATS GOING ON?
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It’s THE ICE! He has been a member of both Action Faction, and the MDF, which side will he choose tonight???
Mole: IT’S THE ICE, HE HAS BEEN A MEMBER OF BOTH ACTION FACTION AND THE MDF, WHICH SIDE WILL HE CHOOSE TONIGHT?
WTF, Mole?
Anyway, The Ice SIDES WITH THE MDF, HE GOES AFTER ECLYPSE HIS FORMER PARTNER!!!! IT’S THE ICE AND AMARANTHA VS ECLYPSE AND HAMPTON VS KAYFABE. DAVE STILL WATCHING FROM THE CORNER!
Mole: What the…IT’S CLOCKWATCHER, THE TIME KEEPER! CLOCKWATCHER IS RIGGING THE CLOCK!!! IN THE FAVOR OF THE MDF! WHAT THE HELL???
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“Fuddruckers, Inc” hits and out comes Sirius, former EWA World Champ and member of the MDF. Sirius hits the ring, and joins Kayfabe in the fight against Hampton
Mole: COME ON! THIS IS GANG WARFARE HERE!
Dave gets to his feet, and attacks SIRIUS! THE 4D!!!!! THE DAVE DUDLEY DEATH DROP!!!!!! HE TOSSES SIRIUS TO THE FLOOR!!!!
Eliminated, Sirius
Dave helps out Hampton here, as Hampton throws off Kayfabe.
Mole: DAVE SENDING A MESSAGE TO THE ORIGINAL MDF – I STOLE YOUR GIMMICK!!!
But from behind Hampton THROWS DAVE OVER THE TOP ROPE!!!!!
Eliminated, Dave Dudley/Dangerously
Dave is SHOCKED, as are the wrestling fans!
Hampton laughs, but is beat from behind by Kay. The clock starts to count down again.
Mole: Dave is out! I can’t believe it!!!!!
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“Enjoy The Silence” by Depeche Mode hits, and out comes Hexane, one time leader of the MDF and one of the few ICW AND EWA World Champions. He hits the ring, and starts to double team Dan Hampton along with Kayfabe.
Mole: Dan Hampton got the last laugh on Dave but now he’s paying for it! THE MDF HAS DOMINATED THIS RUMBLE!!!
Just then, ScottiePP7 comes to the ringside area, and confronts Clockwatcher.
ScottiePP7: And what in the BLUE HELL are you doing?
Clockwatcher: Well…see…I was watching the clock.
ScottiePP7: And are you a die hard EWAer, MDFer for ever and ever?
Clockwatcher: Well..yeah!
ScottiePP7: Well guess what?
Clockwatcher: What?
ScottiePP7: …I’M SCOTTIEPP7, DAMNIT!!!!!!
Scottie with the PP7DDT ON CLOCK WATCHER ON THE BELL!!! The fans chant
ICW,
ICW,
ICW
Mole: SCOTTIE IS A HONEY BADGER. HE DON’T GIVE A SHIT!!!
In the ring, Amarantha and The Ice work together to throw Eclypse over the top rope!
Eliminated, Eclypse
And the four remaining MDF members all work together to eliminate Dan Hampton!
But he goes THROUGH THE SECOND rope and onto the floor. The referees try to assist Hampton to get him back in the ring. The MDF celebrates.
Mole: Well, Hampton not eliminated, but the MDF showing that they are STILL a force to be reckoned with, as the greatest EWA Faction of all time!
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“Timelessness” by Fear Factory hits. Out comes the Icon, The Angry One…MYST!!!!! THE FANS GO WILD!
Mole: IT’S MYST! IT’S MYST! BUT IS HE PYST? I INSYST!
Myst hits the ring, SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR TO AMARANTHA!
GORE GORE GORE TO THE ICE!
TACKLE TACKLE TACKLE TO KAYFABE!!!
POUNCE POUNCE POUNCE TO HEXANE!!!!
Myst in the middle of the ring, yelling, SCREAMING!!!
Mole: MYST TAKES DOWN THE MDF!!!
Myst picks up The Ice, OVER THE TOP ROPE HE GOES!
Eliminated, The Ice
Next up is Kayfabe,
Eliminated, Kayfabe
Followed by Amarantha,
Eliminated, Amarantha
And lastly, Hexane, as Hexane puts up a struggle, but is not enough for the Dark Machine!
Eliminated, Hexane
MYST YELLS OUT TO THE FANS!
Myst: YEEEEEEEEEEEEARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Mole: MYST – THE MOST DOMINATE FORCE WRESTLING HAS EVER SEEN! WHAT A MACHINE!!!
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The lights go dim.
”THERE IS JUST ONE IMPORTANT QUESTION THAT ANYONE EVER NEEDS TO ASK IN LIFE…
AND THAT QUESTION IS…
WHO’S…
YOUR…
DADDY!!!!!!!”
The lights come back on, as the Hoosier theme hits, and Hoosier Daddy Dances out onto the stage and down the aisle.
Mole: HOOSIER DADDY HAS COME FOR MYST…gee Dave, we’re really breaking the fourth wall here aren’t we?
Damn right Mole. Meta? Dave’s got it covered.
Hoosier hits the ring,and dances on the apron. He enters the ring and MYST ANGRILY GORES HOOSIER AND HIMSELF OVER THE TOP ROPE AND ONTO THE FLOOR!!!!!!!
Eliminated, Hoosier Daddy
Eliminated, Myst
At this point, Hampton rolls back into the ring, having not been eliminated.
Mole: WE’RE BACK TO SQUARE ONE HERE WITH HAMPTON IN THE RING ALONE…THE MDF IS GONE, MYST AND HOOSIER IS GONE, WHO’S NEXT?
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“Rebel Yell” hits, that’s the cue for the arrival of Hoyakillah!!!!!!!!
Mole: JAY Z! JAY Z IS HERE!!!
No, you idiot, that’s HOYA, not HOVA. GOD!!!
But yeah, he’s in PRISON. REMEMBER?
Mole: Oh, right. Well Hampton will get a chance to recover then, cuz I guess Hoya isn’t showing up!!!
This is where Hampton does nothing.
Dead air.
Come on, get this show on the road.
Right?
At least do a Snickers commercial, Dave.
We didn’t have those in EWA, did we?
Nope.
Oh well.
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“Duel of the Fates” hits, and that’s the arrival for HEALIUS! THE FANS POP!
Mole: HEALIUS! THE EMPEROR HIMSELF HE’S HERE HE’S oh wait he’s in Prison too.
Well, kind of. He broke out of prison. But we’re probably never picking that storyline up again, cuz Healius quit. So basically he’s just not showing up, but I fooled you anyway.
So Hampton is still recovering, catching his breath…
Working in a record shop will do that to you.
But his girlfriend is hot, so that’s cool.
Chances are he’s not reading this…
But if he or his family is, I say take the compliment…
You did turn into a fine young hipster much like The Hardcore Icon did.
I was worried about you and your flute.
That’s a saxophone, not the skin variety.
Or was it a trumpet?
SKA is gay, basically is what I’m saying..
Are these jokes doing anything for you?
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“Duel of the Fates” plays once again.
Mole: What? Healius again???
From the otherside of the arena, through the crowd, and into the ring it’s SUPER HERO!!!!!!!
Mole: WHAT? SUPER HERO??? BUT THAT’S-
A SUPERKICK TO HAMPTON’S FACE AS HE TURNS AROUND AND TUMBLES OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR!!!
Eliminated, Dan Hampton
SUPER HERO runs around crazy as the fans go wild!
Mole: THAT’S – SUPER HERO IS DAVE DUDLEY! ALL EWA FANS KNOW THAT!!! HE GOT HIS REVENGE AFTER ALL ON HAMPTON! AND THAT ELIMINATION PUT DAVE 1 ELIMINATION OVER HAMPTON, SO HE CAN FURTHER STICK IT TO HIM!!!
See what I did there??
Mole: Super Hero…or Dave or whatever you want to call him had a grueling match before, and slumps in the corner.
Super Hero sits in the corner, and adjusts his ring gear, as the timer counts down…
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“Asian shit” plays and out comes Yokozuna X, the largest man in Efed history!
Mole: YOKO X! He was once undefeated in LWN!!! Superhero – Dave looks stunned!!!
Yoko takes his time getting to the ring… in fact, by the time he gets there, it’s time for another count down.
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“Behind Space” by In Flames hits, and out comes Omega X to a great pop from the fans!
He hits the ring BEFORE YOKO X, and starts to go after Super Hero!
Yoko enters the ring behind him, and immediately snatches up Omega X. BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! Omega goes down hard to the mat.
Super Hero up, and tries to hit the SUPER HERO SLAM, but Yoko is way too big. BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX, SUPER HERO HITS HARD!
Mole: Yoko taking both individuals out here!
Yoko off the ropes. BIG GIANT LEG DROP TO SUPER HERO! THE FANS GO SILENT!
Mole: …OH MY GOD!!!
Super Hero rolls to the outside, seemingly out. Yoko picks up Omega as the counter goes off…
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“Sabotage” by the Beastie Boys hits, and out comes wrestling icon No Gimmicks Needed Dan Farrell to a great pop from the audience.
Farrell hits the ring, and immediately starts going after Yoko X, but Yoko hits Farrell with the big BELLY TO BELLY! Farrell goes down. Yoko is sweating a lot at this point. Omega up and a flying dropkick to Yoko, but he doesn’t go down!
Mole: YOKO X is unstoppable! (why wasn’t he ever booked right. OH, right..it’s EWA.)
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“Sick of Life” by Godsmack comes out, and out comes Sylver Morrigan to a rauckus crowd response!!!
She hits the ring, immediately teaming up with Omega to punch and kick away at Yoko X.[/i]
Mole: Morrigan punching away at Yoko but he’s only down to one knee!
Yoko swats off Omega, and then hits Morrigan with a brutal rock bottom/choke slam, before kneeling back down to one knee.
Mole: Yoko’s heart will give out before his mass will!!!
We see Super Hero on the outside, as through the audience, Dan Hampton is back out…SUMMER IN THE HAMPTONS ONTO SUPER HERO THROUGH THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE!!!!
Mexico: SHEET, SHEET, SHEET!!!
Hampton spits on Super Hero, and leaves back through the audience. Super Hero is OUT In a wreckage of tables.
Mole: SUPER HERO TAKEN OUT HERE!!!
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“For Whom The Bell Tolls” hits, and out comes Johnny Q. Public with Darren Diolosa in tow. Darren stops at the ramp, but QPublic, shaken from earlier makes his way to the ring. He starts to box with Yoko X, right jabs to the jaw…A KNOCKOUT PUNCH TO YOKO! It staggers Yoko!
QPublic off the ropes, running clothesline! YOKO still standing!
QPublic to the top rope… FLYING AXEHANDLE! STILL STANDING!
Back to the top…THRUST JUDO KICK ONTO QPUBLIC BY YOKO, UNBELIEVABLE!!!
Mole: CAN ANYONE STOP YOKOZUNA X??
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“Battery” by Metallica hits, and out comes Lone Wolf to a chorus of boos!!! He is carrying a baseball bat.
Mole: Here comes THE most sadistic man in wrestling history – Lone Wolf! And he has that bat!!!
Wolf in, CRUSHES YOKO WITH A BAT SHOT TO THE GUT!!!! Yoko drops to his knees!!!
Mole: THAT DID THE TRICK!!!!!!
Wolf drops the bat on the mat, and with the help of Farrell and Omega X, delivers the JUGULAR CRUSH, THE PEDIGREE ONTO THE BAT! YOKO IS DOWN!!!
ICW,
ICW,
ICW!!!
Mole: WOLF TOOK DOWN YOKO!
And with the help of Omega, Farrell, QPublic, and Morrigan, Lone Wolf and the gang succeeds in throwing Yoko over the top rope in a group effort!!!
Eliminated, Yokozuna X
Immediately afterward, QPublic kicks the baseball bat out of the ring, and gets in Lone Wolf’s face.
Mole: Wolf and QPublic going at it…hardcore vs cleancore here! These two have had a storied history!!!
And they start to throw down, Wolf first, but QPublic having to brawl here to defend himself!!!
Meanwhile on the other side of the ring, Omega charges Farrell, who side steps and Omega goes over the top rope!!!
Eliminated, Omega X
Farrell and Morrigan now begin to brawl.
On the outside, Omega hits the floor next to Super Hero, who has half crawled under the ring apron.
Mole: The X’s are gone, as there are two spots left in this rumble!!!
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“Eye of the Tiger” hits, and out comes The Old School Icon, Tommy Jacobs!
The fans cheer! Jacobs hits the ring, goes after Wolf, and then goes after QPublic! IT’s A THREE WAY BRAWL!!!
Mole: Who better on Old School night than the Old School Icon himself, the original innovator of offense, Tommy Jacobs!
QPublic throws Jacobs off of Wolf, saying “I’M OLD SCHOOL. I’M CLEAN CORE!!!” Jacobs shoves QPublic, and they begin to brawl.
Mole: A fight between the purveyors of Old school here! Well it’s time for the last competitor…number 30!!! Who is it???
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“Oops, I Did It Again” begins to play…and out comes PHIL FLATE TO BOOS AND TRASH FROM THE FANS!!!!!!
Mole: OH NO! IT’S THE RUMBLE KILLER, THE EFED KILLER PHIL FLATE! THAT’S IT IT’S OVER!!!
Flate hits the ring awkwardly to avoid the trash, obviously shaken up by the fan’s boos. Morrigan, Farrell, Wolf, QPublic, and Jacobs all rush Flate, and work together to throw him over the top rope!!!!!
Eliminated, Phil Flate
The fans go wild!!!!!
EWA,
EWA,
EWA!!!
Mole: THERE WILL BE NONE OF YOUR NONSENSE HERE TONIGHT, FLATESTER!!!!!!!
Jacobs and QPublic are still going at it, as Morrigan and Farrell try to eliminate each other.
Wolf grabs Jacobs from behind, and throws him into the corner, choking Jacobs with his boot.
QPublic leans on the ropes to catch a breather,
Suddenly from the ramp area, ACE is back and he pulls QPublic towards the ropes from the outside apron!
Mole: ACE IS PULLING A SID VICIOUS HERE!!!
QPublic with a BIG FIST TO ACE’S HEAD, KNOCKING HIM OFF THE APRON!!!
Mole: THE VETERAN DENIES THE UPSTART!!!
From behind, Lone Wolf sneaks in, and THROWS QPUBLIC OVER THE TOP ROPE!!!
Eliminated, Johnny Q. Public
Security down with the referees to separate QPublic and Ace on the outside as they are escorted to the back!
Mole: ACE cost QPublic a win and bragging rights here in this Rumble! I can’t believe it! What an impact!
From behind him, Tommy Jacobs with a dropkick to Lone Wolf’s back, sending him up and OVER the top rope to the floor!
Eliminated, Lone Wolf
Jacobs celebrates, but he turns around to see Super Hero/Dave Dudley with a STEEL CHAIR WRAPPED IN BARBED WIRE, AND A CHAIRSHOT TO THE HEAD, SENDING THE OLD SCHOOL ICON OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR!!!!
Eliminated, Tommy Jacobs
The fans go wild!
DAVE IS-HARD-CORE!
DAVE IS-HARD-CORE!
DAVE IS-HARD-CORE!
Mole: Superhero grabbed that steel chair underneath the ring! We’re down to our final three!
Superhero/Dave turns around, MORRIGAN and FARRELL WITH A DOUBLE DROPKICK TO THE STEEL CHAIR TO SUPERHERO’S FACE! HE GOES OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR!!!!!
Eliminated, Super Hero
The fans cheer, as Morrigan and Farrell circle each other and size each other up, as the final two.
Mole: THIS ISN’T ABOUT TITLES. THIS ISN’T ABOUT MONEY. IT’S ABOUT RESPECT, AND SHOWING THAT EWA MEANT SOMETHING TO EVERYONE INVOLVED! AND ONE OF THESE COMPETITORS WILL BE A PART OF THAT ENDURING EWA LEGACY!!!!
Morrigan and Farrell lock up, collar and elbow. They both walk into the corner. Morrigan lifts Farrell up onto the turnbuckle, and then climbs.
Farrell with the headbutt to the midsection of Morrigan, Morrigan a step down, but a kick to the side of the head allows her to regain her footing, as she joins Farrell on the top turnbuckle.
Mole: Morrigan setting up Farrell for that top rope hurricanrana!!!!!!
Farrell blocks it! He punches away on Morrigan! They are both perched precariously on the top rope!!! Euro uppercut to Morrigan!
Knee to Farrell’s midsection!
They lock up in a suplex combination, BUT THEY BOTH FALL, CROTCHING THEMSELVES ON THE ROPES, AND SPILLING TO THE OUTSIDE AND TO THE FLOOR!
THE BELL SOUNDS!!!
Mole: What??? WHAT???
Morrigan and Farrell lay out on the floor, as the ring announcer makes the announcement…
Eliminated, Dan Farrell
The fans cheer!!!
Mole: Morrigan wins!!!
The fans cheer as the ring announcer speaks again…
Eliminated, Sylver Morrigan
The fans boo!!!!!!!!
Mole: What? WHAT?
The fans booing as the referees help up Morrigan and Farrell…
This match has been declared…NO CONTEST!!!!!!
The fans are going wild in a negative way!!!
Mole: WHAT? WHAT? THIS IS TOTALLY AN EWA FINISH! WE HAVE NO WINNER HERE FOLKS!!! FOR MATT BENSON, UNION2SWEEEEEEEEEEEET, EVOLUTION, MR. PPV, AND THE REST OF THE EWA CREW, WE THANK YOU, AND ICW WILL SEE YOU BACK SOON FOR THE ICW OLD SCHOOL RUMBLE…GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!!
End transmission
2013 ©The Hanso Foundation
EVOLUTIONARY WRESTLING ALLIANCE GOES...
OLD SCHOOL!
Cut to the announce table, where our announcers are about to smile and glad-hand the hell out of you.
Cichael Mole: Hello wrestling fans welcome to the EWA Special as EWA goes..."OLD SCHOOL" for one night only here in conjunction with ICW. I'm Cichael Mole, and I am the only person they could find that would announce this thing for the little pay but I'm joined by some special guests who surely will last the entire evening and not get attacked at ringside, founder of PUMPHANDLESLAM.COM, MINI-MATT, MATT BENSON!
Benson: Yes, make sure to visit pumphandleslam.com for all your wrestling needs...hmm...DNS unavailable. That's weird!
Mole: Not really! And of course I am joined by our other special announcer, and even though it’s not on PPV, MR. PPV!
Mr. PPV: YO IT’S ME IT’S ME IT’S THAT P…P…V. BRING THE NOIZE!!!!!!
Mole: And of course here at ringside our time keeper for tonight…finally living up to the name…CLOCKWATCHER!!!
Cut to Clockwatcher. The crowd cheers for Clockwatcher. Said no one, ever.
Mole: And our special matchmaker selectors for tonight, EWA Commisioners, EDGE AND CHRISTIAN!!!!
Stock footage of Edge and Christian circa 2000 is shown. They obviously aren’t affiliated with this crap.
INSERT PICTURE HERE.
Mole: Well fans the idea behind tonight is a good ol’ 30 person royal rumble style battle royal to celebrate the mediocrity of EWA. Invites were sent. And declined! We managed to scrape together 30 names, and this is what you got! Every 2 minutes another one enters, eliminations occur when an individual is tossed over the top rope and both feet touch the floor. After all 30 individuals have entered and 29 have been eliminated, the last one standing will be the winner. Of nothing!
PPV: NAH MAN…THEY ARE THE WINNER OF BEING COOL! BLAZE IT UP!!!!!
Benson: Can’t seem to get this page to load…hmm…and the PHP email addresses aren’t working…I’m calling AngelFire and Geocities support right now, I guess!
Mole: Whatever that means! Okay, time for the EWA Old School Rumble!!!
Ding, ding
Darryl Buffer(Larry Buffer’s cousin, Larry Buffer is the nephew of Michael Buffer’s dog sitter): LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO BECAUSE THE BIT YOU WERE EXPECTING IS COPYRIGHTED…LET’S GET READY TO……..HAVE AN EVENTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
IT IS TIME FOR THE EWA…
Checks his cards..
…TUMBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
INTRODUCING THE INDIVIDUALS WHO DREW NUMBER ONE AND TWO …
PPV: BLAZE SMOKE BLAZE
Mole: Who will it be???
”Dead Bodies Everywhere” by KoRn hits, signaling the arrival of The Most Dangerous Man in Wrestling Today, Dave Dangerously as the fans in attendance cheer.
Mole: DANGERO-wait, it’s Old School, and his look is reflecting that!!!
Mole is right, as Dave has on his glasses, jean shorts, and tye dye shirt, tonight he’s THE HARDCORE ICON, DAVE DUDLEY!!!!!!!
And right behind him…
SIGN GUY DUDLEY!!!!
PPV: DO YOU EVEN LIFT BRO? SMOKE BLAZE SMOKE HIGH REFERENCES TO MARIJUANA
Dudley enters the ring as Sign Guy has a sign that reads:
“DUDLEY IS OLD SCHOOL”
He flips it over –
“DUDLEY IS EWA!”
Dave grabs a mic, as a hush over takes the crowd…
Dave
Dave points to Matt Benson
Benson: Okay, pumphandleslam.com is BACK up with a new commentary by Andrew Lei-wait…error 404. Oh shoot.
Dave comes to the outside
Dave Dudley: You. That’s right you you Plano lacross mother fucker.
Dudley hits Benson with a superkick right to the face, knocking him down and out.
Mole: OH MY GOD!
PPV: BLAZE BLAZE THAT’S THE GLAZE SON!
Dudley rolls back into the ring.
Dave Dudley You know since it’s “old school” there’s nothing more “old school” than pulling a shoot and guess what I’m gonna SHOOT.
EWA, aka LWN Lite. You know the past is the past and by gones have gone by but sometimes I get a little soured about it. It was this big savior of wrestling, breaking away from the clutches of J. J. McDerrick, a new era that promised change in wrestling. Except that it was the same old same old. You know, I thought things would have been different when I was brought in and made the first ever EWA World Heavyweight Champion. But that was just a ruse like the rest of them as I lost the strap a week later. You had your Healiuses and your Hoyakillahs and all the rest, bogging the place down and at the heart of it was a simple lackey named Evolution, who was much a McDerrick ass kisser as he was a buffoon in the ring. EWA tried to take over ICW and tried to capitalize on what made ICW great – it’s superstars. It tried to take me, ScottiePP7, QPublic, Dan Farrell, Amalek, Jeff Watson….further cementing it’s place as a rehash. The way I saw it, they could have Amalek and Watson, been there done that, both 4D’d. ICW was breaking new ground. After EWA folded, I allowed a select few to join the ranks of ICW where they ended up being recognized as ICW stars, not LWN or EWA stars. Morrigan. Hampton. Lone Wolf.
EWA had it’s moments but none of them will endure. None like ICW’s moments. So tonight, I’ll put on the Dave Dudley hat, and I’ll show the world how old school EWA I am. I was the first and the last EWA champion and there’ll never be another.
So we celebrate EWA and it’s second rate stars. And it’s second rate job at putting first rate talent over. In their minds, second rate talent Dave Dudley won their very first championship and it just stuck in their craw. They thought they could take out ICW but they were wrong again. ICW prevails, and tonight is merely the death knell for the Evolutionary Wrestling Alliance. Amen.
Sign Guy grabs the microphone
Sign Guy Dudley: OHHHHHHH TESTIFY!!!!!!
Dave Dudlerously?: And speaking of second rate stars…
Dave comes to the ringside area, walking in front of Matt Benson
Dave Dudley: Hey, I got a pumphandleslam.com newsflash, straight outta Plano Texas –
SUPERKICK RIGHT TO BENSON’S FACE! HE’S OUT COLD!
MR. PPV: WHO DADDY! PUFF PUFF PASS PASS!
Mole: MY LORD!!!
Dave gets into the ring, and tells the referees on the outside to get the show on the road.
Mole: And here comes entrant number two…
”Tin Soldiers” by The Mighty Mighty Bosstones hits, and out comes Dan Hampton as this ever-lovin EWA crowd goes nuts.
Mole: HAMPTON! DAN HAMPTON IS HERE! THE EWA LEGEND! THE BIGGEST ICON OF EWA!!!
Dave looks highly surprised, but soon looks ready for a fight. Hampton runs to the ring, and looks to hit it head on with Dave, but he stops, and the two circle each other.
Ding, Ding
Mole: The bell sounds, and this Old School Rumble is on it’s way. Every 108 seconds, a new competitor will hit the ring. Eliminations occur when a competitor is thrown OVER the top rope and both feet touch the floor. The last person standing in the ring after all other 29 competitors have been eliminated WILL be the winner!
Dave and Dan collar elbow lockup, Dan with the armbar.
Dan whips Dave into the ropes, shoulderblock by Dave. Dave runs over Dan who has fallen to the ring, leaping over him off the rebound. Dan up, with a leapfrog over the running Dave. Dave into the ropes, JAPANESE ARM DRAG by Hampton. DAVE BACK UP ON HIS FEET! Dan charges at Hampton, DROP TOE HOLD ONTO HAMPTON! Dave rolls through with a chinlock on Hampton, Hampton wriggles free. Hampton reverses into a reverse arm bar, Dave spins out of it, Hampton to his feet, Dave with a kick to Hampton’s thigh, Hampton with a punch to Dave’s face.
Mole: It’s starting to break down!
MR.PPV: That’s good cuz it’s time for THE FUCKIN SHOW!!!!!!!!
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“Some crappy Nu-Metal” plays and Mr. PPV stands up from the announce table.
Mole: What???
Mr.PPV: SMOKE EM IF YOU GOT EM!!!!!
PPV enters the ring, and looks at Dave and Dan, who are watching him. PPV with the arms in the air-
P…
P…
V!!!!!
Dave with a superkick to Mr. PPV, PPV goes over the top rope to the floor.
Eliminated, MR. PPV
From behind, Hampton tries to eliminate Dave as he is smiling after the elimination, Dave holds onto the ropes.
Mole: PPV is gone!
EMTs come to drag PPV to the backstage area, because he sucks.
Mole: Well, I guess I’m out here by myself now…oh wait, look who it is, former EWA founder, Evolution to join me on commentary!
Evo: Glad to be here Mole, you were one of my favorite creations, don’tcha know.
Mole: I forgot for a second I’m made up! I also forgot that you’re Canadian, and that all Canadiens sound like Minnesoteans!
Evo: Well gee whiz, they certainly do now!
Hampton still trying to eliminate Dave, but Dave fights off...they start to stare each other down again, circling the ring…
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”Weak ass Tribal Music” hits, and out comes perennial loser that was somehow overbooked, DJBOUTI DAN!!!
When I was 16 I had no idea how to pronounce Djbouti.
He hits the ring, runs to Dave and Dan, Dave and Dan attempt a double clothesline, but Djbouti ducks. Djbouti off the ropes, Hampton grabs him by the hair and TOSSES HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE!
Eliminated, Djbouti Dan
Dave and Dan continue to square off in the ring, circling it.
Evo: The two original stars of my EWA are goin at it for the love of Pete.
Mole: Didn’t you die in a RP once?
Evo: Come now there young lad then there now. You know that we Canadiens don’t die, we just have great affordable heathcare don’tcha know.
Dave pushes Dan. Dan pushes Dave. Dave charges Dan, lou thesz press, and PISTON LIKE FIRE, PISTON LIKE FIRE!
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“The Strokes or Interpol or The Hives or strangely sometimes Stone Temple Pilots” plays and out comes Carter Wilson as the fans cheer!
Evo: Oh jeez! He was the cousin of Dan Wilson, don’tcha know.
Mole: Who the hell is Dan Wilson?
Evo; …good question!
Carter Wilson hits the ring, and picks Dave up off of Dan. Dave spins around and hits Carter with THE 4D!!!!!! THE DAVE DUDLEY DEATH DROP!!!!!!
Wilson springs back up only to be clotheslined OVER THE TOP ROPE BY DAVE!
Eliminated, Carter Wilson
Hampton and Dave look at each other, and look at Wilson on the outside.
Mole: Dave with another elimination. That’s 2!
Evo: If I couldn’t tell any better, it seems like these two boyos right here are in competition againnnnnnnnne.
Mole: Perhaps a challenge to see who can eliminate the most individuals?
Dave and Dan retreat to corners, and look at the clock up on the ScottieTron™.
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“Fuddruckers, Inc” plays and out walks Chuck Finn as the fans boo and throw trash at him down the aisle.
Mole: Chuck Finn, what a douche!
Evo: That’s true, Cichael. He is a giant douche by golly.
Chuck Finn enters the ring, and Hampton hits Finn with a STFUPLEX OVER THE TOP ROPE AND ONTO THE FLOOR!!!!
Eliminated, Chuck Finn
Hampton immediately gets in Dave’s face, and it seems like there is a elimination competition going on, afterall.
Mole: Finn is gone, and I hope they throw his ass out, too.
Dave and Dan stare each other down…AND START TO BRAWL!
LEFTS!
RIGHTS!
DAVE!
DAN!
COKE!
PEPSI!
AMERICA!
AMERCIA!!!
Mole: These two wrestling legends and bitter rivals are going back and forth! This is Insane!
Evo: No, it’s EWA!!!
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“Blood Money” by Noreaga hits, and out comes Archangel EWA’s much, much better version of Reno Starr.
Evo: Archangel is here! Have mercy!
Mole: Full House Faction?
Evo: OH GEEZ come on Mole, you know I have no idea about anything other than the 5 minutes I was actually involved in Efed!
Archangel hits the ring, clothesline to Dave. Then a running ENZIGURI to Hampton!
Mole: Archangel with some serious offense here!
Archangel looking great, plays up to the crowd, but from behind is grabbed by Dave, and tossed OVER THE TOP ROPE AND TO THE FLOOR!
Eliminated, Archangel
The fans boo, as Dave gets in Dan’s face! He can be heard saying “How about that now, huh?”
Mole: Archangel has been eliminated but the bigger story here is that Dave Dangerously…or Dudley for tonight and Dan Hampton have made this rumble a personal showcase of one-upsmanship.
Evo at this point grabs a mic and stands up
Evolution: Now wait a dog gone cotton picking minute here now. You two reckless hosers need to give these guys a chance. I can’t go having you be better than everyone else, don’t cha know. I mean gee whiz guys. You were the first and second EWA champions, respectively. What else do you have to prove for the love of pete?
The crowd boos the hell out of Evo.
Evolution: Now as this is my show I’m gonna say againnnnnnnnnne, take it easy out there then yet now don’tcha know. Golly!
Sign Guy runs over and CRACKS EVOLUTION IN THE HEAD, WITH ONE OF HIS SIGNS! HE IS OUT COLD!!!!
Mole: YIKES!!!!!!
The fans cheer as Dave and Dan applaud Sign Guy, and then circle around each other in the ring once more.
EMTS come to remove Evolution.
Mole: It’s a bad night be an announcer…GULP!
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“La Bamba” hits, and out comes Jose Ramirez, former EWA star, manager of former ICW Tag Team Champions Los Conquistadors, and former ally of Dan Hampton.
Jose hits the ring, as the fans cheer away. Hampton extends a hand, RAMIREZ SHAKES IT! THEY’RE GONNA DOUBLE TEAM DUDLEY!
Mole: No love loss between Ramirez and Dudley…they had a bitter war over the EWA Hardcore Title the last few months of EWA!!!
Dan and Jose close in on Dave….HAMPTON BETRAYS RAMIREZ, TOSSING HIM BY HIS GREASY HAIR OVER THE TOP ROPE AND ONTO THE FLOOR!
Eliminated, Jose Ramirez Dave and Dan continue to intensly stare and talk trash to one another.
Mole: This is the Dave and Dan show! A battle of competition, who can eliminate the most men in this rumble?? So far they’re tied at 3 a piece!
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“Earache My Eye” hits, and out comes the Welfare – Havin, Pinto Drivin, Baby stealing Kiss Unreceiving Son of a Beaner El Bastarde to a great SI SI SI chant from the crowd
Mole: Here comes a former EWA World Champion!
El Bastarde hits the ring, and Dave throws him RIGHT over the top rope and to the floor!
Eliminated, El Bastarde
Bastarde can be heard saying “SHEET, SHEET, SHEET” all the way down.
Mole: And there goes a former EWA World Champion!
As Bastarde limps to the back, Dangerously and Hampton start to punch away at each other once again.
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“You Got The Touch” hits, and out comes EFWO Legend X-Dude to a mixed response from the fans.
Mole: X-Dude, former EFWO and ICW World Heavyweight Champion. He had great success in all 3 companies…the only other guy to do that was Dave Dudley!!!
X-Dude hits the ring, DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE BY DAVE AND DAN, SENDING X-DUDE OVER THE TOP ROPE!!!!!
Eliminated, X-Dude
Dave and Dan square each other down yet again, talking trash.
The camera cuts to backstage where EWA backstage interviewer Union2Sweeeeeeeet stands, beside him stands ICW Icon, Johnny Q Public and his ever present friend and trainerDarren Diolasa, Union speaks
Union2Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet: Fans were backstage live at the EWA Old School Rumble, and with me now is ICW Legend some would say the icon of ICW, one Johnny Q Public. Johnny, you’ve been around ever fed in the 5 rings, and now twitter is abuzz with the possibility of ICW reemerging from its’ self-imposed hiatus. Now we have the first of two special Rumbles, occurring. What is your take from this Johnny?
Johnny: Well it’s funny ya know ICW was always the bad boy of the five feds, we were the rebels, I mean it was the first insane rumble, where I came within breathing distance of the ICW world title. So I’ve seen rumbles, before, now it’s only fitting that I’m here at the EWA old school rumble. I look forward to the rumble.
Union2SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET: Johnny, let us focus on the future, as of late you have been blasted as being old fashioned out dated, that you and the rest of the old guard need to step aside, and let the new blood take center stage. What do you think?
Johnny: Well it look like your referring this Ace guy? Well I can’t say I blame him, a young hungry talent, he looks like he has potential. But he needs to respect the old school, I helped build this house, I am the master of cleancore, I am the man.
AS if on cue, on camera we see Ace. He has a look of utter contempt on his face, and a evil glint in his eye. Johnny is unfazed, Darren gives Ace a cold stare.
Ace: Bold words old man, you talk about respect from your high and mighty perch, if you are the man in ICW then ICW is dire need of some new blood like myself. I look at you and I don't see the face of ICW, I see a washed up has been who is living on his past to keep his spot. Best make way old timer, and let the new blood take there spot, or else the new blood will run over you.
Johnny is seemingly unfazed by this, and just stares as Ace. His face devoid of emotion, he then lets loose a chuckle, this only infuriates Ace as he spits on Johnny's face. For a brief moment there is a flash of anger in Johnny's face, the it returns to normal.
Johnny: Now listen here sonny...
Johnny is then interrupted by a figure flying into the scene brandishing a chair with a resounding CRACK!, he hits Johnny in the back of the head, the camera then focus on Warrior who gives a nod to Ace, before Warrior can speak Darren springs into action and immediately begins letting loose with a flurry of punches and Warrior staggers and falls. Darren checks on Johnny who stands undeterred, and both men turn their attention on Ace who backs away slowly with sick grin on his face, before disappearing.
Ace: Sorry, old man your too slow, I'm Ace and that is the killer case.
From off camera, X-Dude pushes Ace out of the way, and goes after Warrior, hitting him with a steel chair!
X-Dude: You’re MINE, Warrior…NOW…AND FOREVER!
Security and ring crew are back to separate the action, as the attention turns back to the ring…
Mole: That was a lot to fit into 108 seconds!!!
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“Number One” by Premarital Sax hits, and out comes Eclypse as the fans cheer!
Mole: Eclypse is here!!!
She hits the ring and immediately sides with Hampton, as they START TO DOUBLE TEAM DAVE DUDLEYROUSLY!
Mole: Dangerousdley…or Dudleyrously…DAVE is getting wailed on by ACTION FACTION!!!
Hampton whips Dave into the ropes…HURRICANRANA by ECLYPSE! SHE GOES TO TOSS DAVE OVER THE TOP ROPE-
BUT DAVE HANGS ON!!!
Dave slides back in, and Eclypse and Hampton start to stomp away. Eclypse picks Dave up, DOUBLE SUPLEX TO DAVE!
Mole: Can The Hardcore Icon handle this two-on-one assault???
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“Bitch” by Meredith Brooks hits, and out comes the first lady of efed(as in everyone’s first), Kallista Silverhair to a chorus of boos from this crowd.
Mole: The ex-wife of Healius! Kallista!
She hits the ring, and with no love loss for the Action Faction, stares down Eclypse, before standing next to Dave.
Mole: COULD SHE BE SIDING WITH DAVE HERE??? AFTER ALL THESE YEARS?
Ha, you idiots. No way in hell. Dave Dudley hits that bitch with the 4D!!!!!!!! THE DAVE DUDLEY DEATH DROP! He throws Kallista over the top rope, and onto the floor.
Eliminated, Kallista
Action Faction then tries to doubly eliminate Dave from behind.
Mole: Now Action Faction going to work on Dave once more!
Dave hangs on, as Action Faction tries to eliminate him…
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“Winning It All” by The Outfield hits, and here comes Kayfabe, representing the MDF – The Most Dangerous Faction in Wrestling.
Kayfabe hits the ringside area, and goes over to Clockwatcher, fellow MDF member, and whisper’s in clock’s ear. Kayfabe then hits the ring and starts to attack Hampton, causing Dave to wiggle free.
Just then, the clock starts to go off again.
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Mole: Wait, what the hell? It’s not time for another yet!!
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The buzzer goes off, and it’s Amarantha coming out to “Starfuckers, Inc.” representing the MDF.
She hits the ring and immediately goes after Eclypse. Kayfabe duking it out with Hampton, in the other corner. Dave slumps down and hides in a corner.
Mole: Kind of jumping the gun there don’t you think? It’s MDF vs. Action Faction in the ring now!
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Mole: NOW WAIT A MINUTE WHATS GOING ON?
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It’s THE ICE! He has been a member of both Action Faction, and the MDF, which side will he choose tonight???
Mole: IT’S THE ICE, HE HAS BEEN A MEMBER OF BOTH ACTION FACTION AND THE MDF, WHICH SIDE WILL HE CHOOSE TONIGHT?
WTF, Mole?
Anyway, The Ice SIDES WITH THE MDF, HE GOES AFTER ECLYPSE HIS FORMER PARTNER!!!! IT’S THE ICE AND AMARANTHA VS ECLYPSE AND HAMPTON VS KAYFABE. DAVE STILL WATCHING FROM THE CORNER!
Mole: What the…IT’S CLOCKWATCHER, THE TIME KEEPER! CLOCKWATCHER IS RIGGING THE CLOCK!!! IN THE FAVOR OF THE MDF! WHAT THE HELL???
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“Fuddruckers, Inc” hits and out comes Sirius, former EWA World Champ and member of the MDF. Sirius hits the ring, and joins Kayfabe in the fight against Hampton
Mole: COME ON! THIS IS GANG WARFARE HERE!
Dave gets to his feet, and attacks SIRIUS! THE 4D!!!!! THE DAVE DUDLEY DEATH DROP!!!!!! HE TOSSES SIRIUS TO THE FLOOR!!!!
Eliminated, Sirius
Dave helps out Hampton here, as Hampton throws off Kayfabe.
Mole: DAVE SENDING A MESSAGE TO THE ORIGINAL MDF – I STOLE YOUR GIMMICK!!!
But from behind Hampton THROWS DAVE OVER THE TOP ROPE!!!!!
Eliminated, Dave Dudley/Dangerously
Dave is SHOCKED, as are the wrestling fans!
Hampton laughs, but is beat from behind by Kay. The clock starts to count down again.
Mole: Dave is out! I can’t believe it!!!!!
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“Enjoy The Silence” by Depeche Mode hits, and out comes Hexane, one time leader of the MDF and one of the few ICW AND EWA World Champions. He hits the ring, and starts to double team Dan Hampton along with Kayfabe.
Mole: Dan Hampton got the last laugh on Dave but now he’s paying for it! THE MDF HAS DOMINATED THIS RUMBLE!!!
Just then, ScottiePP7 comes to the ringside area, and confronts Clockwatcher.
ScottiePP7: And what in the BLUE HELL are you doing?
Clockwatcher: Well…see…I was watching the clock.
ScottiePP7: And are you a die hard EWAer, MDFer for ever and ever?
Clockwatcher: Well..yeah!
ScottiePP7: Well guess what?
Clockwatcher: What?
ScottiePP7: …I’M SCOTTIEPP7, DAMNIT!!!!!!
Scottie with the PP7DDT ON CLOCK WATCHER ON THE BELL!!! The fans chant
ICW,
ICW,
ICW
Mole: SCOTTIE IS A HONEY BADGER. HE DON’T GIVE A SHIT!!!
In the ring, Amarantha and The Ice work together to throw Eclypse over the top rope!
Eliminated, Eclypse
And the four remaining MDF members all work together to eliminate Dan Hampton!
But he goes THROUGH THE SECOND rope and onto the floor. The referees try to assist Hampton to get him back in the ring. The MDF celebrates.
Mole: Well, Hampton not eliminated, but the MDF showing that they are STILL a force to be reckoned with, as the greatest EWA Faction of all time!
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“Timelessness” by Fear Factory hits. Out comes the Icon, The Angry One…MYST!!!!! THE FANS GO WILD!
Mole: IT’S MYST! IT’S MYST! BUT IS HE PYST? I INSYST!
Myst hits the ring, SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR TO AMARANTHA!
GORE GORE GORE TO THE ICE!
TACKLE TACKLE TACKLE TO KAYFABE!!!
POUNCE POUNCE POUNCE TO HEXANE!!!!
Myst in the middle of the ring, yelling, SCREAMING!!!
Mole: MYST TAKES DOWN THE MDF!!!
Myst picks up The Ice, OVER THE TOP ROPE HE GOES!
Eliminated, The Ice
Next up is Kayfabe,
Eliminated, Kayfabe
Followed by Amarantha,
Eliminated, Amarantha
And lastly, Hexane, as Hexane puts up a struggle, but is not enough for the Dark Machine!
Eliminated, Hexane
MYST YELLS OUT TO THE FANS!
Myst: YEEEEEEEEEEEEARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Mole: MYST – THE MOST DOMINATE FORCE WRESTLING HAS EVER SEEN! WHAT A MACHINE!!!
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The lights go dim.
”THERE IS JUST ONE IMPORTANT QUESTION THAT ANYONE EVER NEEDS TO ASK IN LIFE…
AND THAT QUESTION IS…
WHO’S…
YOUR…
DADDY!!!!!!!”
The lights come back on, as the Hoosier theme hits, and Hoosier Daddy Dances out onto the stage and down the aisle.
Mole: HOOSIER DADDY HAS COME FOR MYST…gee Dave, we’re really breaking the fourth wall here aren’t we?
Damn right Mole. Meta? Dave’s got it covered.
Hoosier hits the ring,and dances on the apron. He enters the ring and MYST ANGRILY GORES HOOSIER AND HIMSELF OVER THE TOP ROPE AND ONTO THE FLOOR!!!!!!!
Eliminated, Hoosier Daddy
Eliminated, Myst
At this point, Hampton rolls back into the ring, having not been eliminated.
Mole: WE’RE BACK TO SQUARE ONE HERE WITH HAMPTON IN THE RING ALONE…THE MDF IS GONE, MYST AND HOOSIER IS GONE, WHO’S NEXT?
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“Rebel Yell” hits, that’s the cue for the arrival of Hoyakillah!!!!!!!!
Mole: JAY Z! JAY Z IS HERE!!!
No, you idiot, that’s HOYA, not HOVA. GOD!!!
But yeah, he’s in PRISON. REMEMBER?
Mole: Oh, right. Well Hampton will get a chance to recover then, cuz I guess Hoya isn’t showing up!!!
This is where Hampton does nothing.
Dead air.
Come on, get this show on the road.
Right?
At least do a Snickers commercial, Dave.
We didn’t have those in EWA, did we?
Nope.
Oh well.
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“Duel of the Fates” hits, and that’s the arrival for HEALIUS! THE FANS POP!
Mole: HEALIUS! THE EMPEROR HIMSELF HE’S HERE HE’S oh wait he’s in Prison too.
Well, kind of. He broke out of prison. But we’re probably never picking that storyline up again, cuz Healius quit. So basically he’s just not showing up, but I fooled you anyway.
So Hampton is still recovering, catching his breath…
Working in a record shop will do that to you.
But his girlfriend is hot, so that’s cool.
Chances are he’s not reading this…
But if he or his family is, I say take the compliment…
You did turn into a fine young hipster much like The Hardcore Icon did.
I was worried about you and your flute.
That’s a saxophone, not the skin variety.
Or was it a trumpet?
SKA is gay, basically is what I’m saying..
Are these jokes doing anything for you?
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“Duel of the Fates” plays once again.
Mole: What? Healius again???
From the otherside of the arena, through the crowd, and into the ring it’s SUPER HERO!!!!!!!
Mole: WHAT? SUPER HERO??? BUT THAT’S-
A SUPERKICK TO HAMPTON’S FACE AS HE TURNS AROUND AND TUMBLES OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR!!!
Eliminated, Dan Hampton
SUPER HERO runs around crazy as the fans go wild!
Mole: THAT’S – SUPER HERO IS DAVE DUDLEY! ALL EWA FANS KNOW THAT!!! HE GOT HIS REVENGE AFTER ALL ON HAMPTON! AND THAT ELIMINATION PUT DAVE 1 ELIMINATION OVER HAMPTON, SO HE CAN FURTHER STICK IT TO HIM!!!
See what I did there??
Mole: Super Hero…or Dave or whatever you want to call him had a grueling match before, and slumps in the corner.
Super Hero sits in the corner, and adjusts his ring gear, as the timer counts down…
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“Asian shit” plays and out comes Yokozuna X, the largest man in Efed history!
Mole: YOKO X! He was once undefeated in LWN!!! Superhero – Dave looks stunned!!!
Yoko takes his time getting to the ring… in fact, by the time he gets there, it’s time for another count down.
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“Behind Space” by In Flames hits, and out comes Omega X to a great pop from the fans!
He hits the ring BEFORE YOKO X, and starts to go after Super Hero!
Yoko enters the ring behind him, and immediately snatches up Omega X. BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! Omega goes down hard to the mat.
Super Hero up, and tries to hit the SUPER HERO SLAM, but Yoko is way too big. BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX, SUPER HERO HITS HARD!
Mole: Yoko taking both individuals out here!
Yoko off the ropes. BIG GIANT LEG DROP TO SUPER HERO! THE FANS GO SILENT!
Mole: …OH MY GOD!!!
Super Hero rolls to the outside, seemingly out. Yoko picks up Omega as the counter goes off…
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“Sabotage” by the Beastie Boys hits, and out comes wrestling icon No Gimmicks Needed Dan Farrell to a great pop from the audience.
Farrell hits the ring, and immediately starts going after Yoko X, but Yoko hits Farrell with the big BELLY TO BELLY! Farrell goes down. Yoko is sweating a lot at this point. Omega up and a flying dropkick to Yoko, but he doesn’t go down!
Mole: YOKO X is unstoppable! (why wasn’t he ever booked right. OH, right..it’s EWA.)
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“Sick of Life” by Godsmack comes out, and out comes Sylver Morrigan to a rauckus crowd response!!!
She hits the ring, immediately teaming up with Omega to punch and kick away at Yoko X.[/i]
Mole: Morrigan punching away at Yoko but he’s only down to one knee!
Yoko swats off Omega, and then hits Morrigan with a brutal rock bottom/choke slam, before kneeling back down to one knee.
Mole: Yoko’s heart will give out before his mass will!!!
We see Super Hero on the outside, as through the audience, Dan Hampton is back out…SUMMER IN THE HAMPTONS ONTO SUPER HERO THROUGH THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE!!!!
Mexico: SHEET, SHEET, SHEET!!!
Hampton spits on Super Hero, and leaves back through the audience. Super Hero is OUT In a wreckage of tables.
Mole: SUPER HERO TAKEN OUT HERE!!!
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“For Whom The Bell Tolls” hits, and out comes Johnny Q. Public with Darren Diolosa in tow. Darren stops at the ramp, but QPublic, shaken from earlier makes his way to the ring. He starts to box with Yoko X, right jabs to the jaw…A KNOCKOUT PUNCH TO YOKO! It staggers Yoko!
QPublic off the ropes, running clothesline! YOKO still standing!
QPublic to the top rope… FLYING AXEHANDLE! STILL STANDING!
Back to the top…THRUST JUDO KICK ONTO QPUBLIC BY YOKO, UNBELIEVABLE!!!
Mole: CAN ANYONE STOP YOKOZUNA X??
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“Battery” by Metallica hits, and out comes Lone Wolf to a chorus of boos!!! He is carrying a baseball bat.
Mole: Here comes THE most sadistic man in wrestling history – Lone Wolf! And he has that bat!!!
Wolf in, CRUSHES YOKO WITH A BAT SHOT TO THE GUT!!!! Yoko drops to his knees!!!
Mole: THAT DID THE TRICK!!!!!!
Wolf drops the bat on the mat, and with the help of Farrell and Omega X, delivers the JUGULAR CRUSH, THE PEDIGREE ONTO THE BAT! YOKO IS DOWN!!!
ICW,
ICW,
ICW!!!
Mole: WOLF TOOK DOWN YOKO!
And with the help of Omega, Farrell, QPublic, and Morrigan, Lone Wolf and the gang succeeds in throwing Yoko over the top rope in a group effort!!!
Eliminated, Yokozuna X
Immediately afterward, QPublic kicks the baseball bat out of the ring, and gets in Lone Wolf’s face.
Mole: Wolf and QPublic going at it…hardcore vs cleancore here! These two have had a storied history!!!
And they start to throw down, Wolf first, but QPublic having to brawl here to defend himself!!!
Meanwhile on the other side of the ring, Omega charges Farrell, who side steps and Omega goes over the top rope!!!
Eliminated, Omega X
Farrell and Morrigan now begin to brawl.
On the outside, Omega hits the floor next to Super Hero, who has half crawled under the ring apron.
Mole: The X’s are gone, as there are two spots left in this rumble!!!
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“Eye of the Tiger” hits, and out comes The Old School Icon, Tommy Jacobs!
The fans cheer! Jacobs hits the ring, goes after Wolf, and then goes after QPublic! IT’s A THREE WAY BRAWL!!!
Mole: Who better on Old School night than the Old School Icon himself, the original innovator of offense, Tommy Jacobs!
QPublic throws Jacobs off of Wolf, saying “I’M OLD SCHOOL. I’M CLEAN CORE!!!” Jacobs shoves QPublic, and they begin to brawl.
Mole: A fight between the purveyors of Old school here! Well it’s time for the last competitor…number 30!!! Who is it???
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“Oops, I Did It Again” begins to play…and out comes PHIL FLATE TO BOOS AND TRASH FROM THE FANS!!!!!!
Mole: OH NO! IT’S THE RUMBLE KILLER, THE EFED KILLER PHIL FLATE! THAT’S IT IT’S OVER!!!
Flate hits the ring awkwardly to avoid the trash, obviously shaken up by the fan’s boos. Morrigan, Farrell, Wolf, QPublic, and Jacobs all rush Flate, and work together to throw him over the top rope!!!!!
Eliminated, Phil Flate
The fans go wild!!!!!
EWA,
EWA,
EWA!!!
Mole: THERE WILL BE NONE OF YOUR NONSENSE HERE TONIGHT, FLATESTER!!!!!!!
Jacobs and QPublic are still going at it, as Morrigan and Farrell try to eliminate each other.
Wolf grabs Jacobs from behind, and throws him into the corner, choking Jacobs with his boot.
QPublic leans on the ropes to catch a breather,
Suddenly from the ramp area, ACE is back and he pulls QPublic towards the ropes from the outside apron!
Mole: ACE IS PULLING A SID VICIOUS HERE!!!
QPublic with a BIG FIST TO ACE’S HEAD, KNOCKING HIM OFF THE APRON!!!
Mole: THE VETERAN DENIES THE UPSTART!!!
From behind, Lone Wolf sneaks in, and THROWS QPUBLIC OVER THE TOP ROPE!!!
Eliminated, Johnny Q. Public
Security down with the referees to separate QPublic and Ace on the outside as they are escorted to the back!
Mole: ACE cost QPublic a win and bragging rights here in this Rumble! I can’t believe it! What an impact!
From behind him, Tommy Jacobs with a dropkick to Lone Wolf’s back, sending him up and OVER the top rope to the floor!
Eliminated, Lone Wolf
Jacobs celebrates, but he turns around to see Super Hero/Dave Dudley with a STEEL CHAIR WRAPPED IN BARBED WIRE, AND A CHAIRSHOT TO THE HEAD, SENDING THE OLD SCHOOL ICON OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR!!!!
Eliminated, Tommy Jacobs
The fans go wild!
DAVE IS-HARD-CORE!
DAVE IS-HARD-CORE!
DAVE IS-HARD-CORE!
Mole: Superhero grabbed that steel chair underneath the ring! We’re down to our final three!
Superhero/Dave turns around, MORRIGAN and FARRELL WITH A DOUBLE DROPKICK TO THE STEEL CHAIR TO SUPERHERO’S FACE! HE GOES OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR!!!!!
Eliminated, Super Hero
The fans cheer, as Morrigan and Farrell circle each other and size each other up, as the final two.
Mole: THIS ISN’T ABOUT TITLES. THIS ISN’T ABOUT MONEY. IT’S ABOUT RESPECT, AND SHOWING THAT EWA MEANT SOMETHING TO EVERYONE INVOLVED! AND ONE OF THESE COMPETITORS WILL BE A PART OF THAT ENDURING EWA LEGACY!!!!
Morrigan and Farrell lock up, collar and elbow. They both walk into the corner. Morrigan lifts Farrell up onto the turnbuckle, and then climbs.
Farrell with the headbutt to the midsection of Morrigan, Morrigan a step down, but a kick to the side of the head allows her to regain her footing, as she joins Farrell on the top turnbuckle.
Mole: Morrigan setting up Farrell for that top rope hurricanrana!!!!!!
Farrell blocks it! He punches away on Morrigan! They are both perched precariously on the top rope!!! Euro uppercut to Morrigan!
Knee to Farrell’s midsection!
They lock up in a suplex combination, BUT THEY BOTH FALL, CROTCHING THEMSELVES ON THE ROPES, AND SPILLING TO THE OUTSIDE AND TO THE FLOOR!
THE BELL SOUNDS!!!
Mole: What??? WHAT???
Morrigan and Farrell lay out on the floor, as the ring announcer makes the announcement…
Eliminated, Dan Farrell
The fans cheer!!!
Mole: Morrigan wins!!!
The fans cheer as the ring announcer speaks again…
Eliminated, Sylver Morrigan
The fans boo!!!!!!!!
Mole: What? WHAT?
The fans booing as the referees help up Morrigan and Farrell…
This match has been declared…NO CONTEST!!!!!!
The fans are going wild in a negative way!!!
Mole: WHAT? WHAT? THIS IS TOTALLY AN EWA FINISH! WE HAVE NO WINNER HERE FOLKS!!! FOR MATT BENSON, UNION2SWEEEEEEEEEEEET, EVOLUTION, MR. PPV, AND THE REST OF THE EWA CREW, WE THANK YOU, AND ICW WILL SEE YOU BACK SOON FOR THE ICW OLD SCHOOL RUMBLE…GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!!
End transmission
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