Post by Dave Dangerously on May 21, 2008 21:28:54 GMT -6
Sign Guy presents...EFWO Thursday Fagfest!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The following is merely cheap laughs.
Live!!! From the sold out EWA New York in downtown...Calgary, Alberta Canada. What, you thought it would be in New York? Haha, no just kidding, it is in New York. You damn idiot.
The camera pans around the raucous crowd here, as they're ready for a night of...hell, we dont know what's gonna happen tonight!
The camera fixes on your host, Sign Guy Dudley.
Sign Guy Dudley: Hello everyone, and happy Thanksgiving!
the crowd cheers, because Thanksgiving rules.
Sign Guy Dudley: Hello everyone, and welcome to this special Thanksgiving parody of EFWO Thursday Fagfest! We're live here in the great city of New York, from EWA New York! I'm the one, the only, Sign Guy Dudley. Are you people ready for one Hardcore evening?
The crowd chants DUD-LEE, DUD-LEE, DUD-LEE
Sign Guy Dudley: But first, it wouldnt be right if I didnt introduce to you our special co-host for the evening. EFWO's own... PILL FALTE!!!
"The Returning Sound" comes up as Pill Falte walks out onto the stage. The crowd boos and shouts obscene gestures pertaining to Falte's sexual preference. On the big screen is footage of Pill Falte's tenure in ICW, urinating on the EFWO belt, as he and ScottiePP7 laugh maniacally.
Pill Falte: Thank you, Sign Guy. But the name is Phil Flate, and-
Sign Guy: What the @#%$ ever. Shut up, I'm the bozz around here.
Pill Falte: No, THAT GUY IS THE BOZZ!
EFWO's own Bozz comes out to a round of crickets chirping. Who the hell?
Bozz: WE'RE THE BOZZ
Sign Guy: Ok, I've seen that bit done before, and let me tell you, it was a LOT funnier when the other guy did it.
Pill Falte: Haha, true enough Lou.
Sign Guy: Shut up, I didnt say you could talk.
Pill Falte: Sorry, it's just that-
Sign Guy: SHUT UP!
Pill Falte: Ok, I'm-
Sign Guy: SHUT UP!
Sign guy rushes Falte and spears him. Falte is knocked unconcious because he sucks ass. Sign Guy slaps him around a little and speaks:
Sign Guy: Get this efed killer out of here. And dont pull that @#%$ "Yeah, I am the efed killer." You dont kill efeds because you're evil, you kill them because you suck and nobody likes you. Be gone, you Communist wanna-be!
Falte is helped off stage by security. He cries the whole time. Did I mention he sucks?
Sign Guy: And now, we have two guys who have reunited in the EFWO. Let's hear it for, HEE-LEE-US, AND HOYASPILLAH!
The Southern Genitalmen come out to a chorus of "YEEE HAWS."
Sign Guy: Hey guys, what's up? Long time no see.
HoyaSpillah: yes sign guy we have not been around for a while
Hee-Lee-Us: yes that is true
Sign Guy: Uh...you guys sound funny. Not to mention look funny. Well, funnier than normal.
HoyaSpillah: what nothing is ronge
Hee-Lee-Us: yes we are fyne
HoyaSpillah: donut make us mad
Hee-Lee-Us: we will have to use exreme measures
Sign Guy: Extreme Measures...hmm...wait a minute...
Sign Guy grabs both their faces and rips them off!! BRUTAL!!!!!!!! no wait, they're just masks...worn by EXTREME MEASURES, TIMSTER AND NEO!!
Sign Guy: No, it's Extreme Measures, Timster and nEo!
nEo: that's right HAHAHA
Timster: yes
nEo: we will now use EXREME MEASURER
Sign Guy: Noooo, NOT THE YARDSTICK OF DEATH!
From behind, a man clubs them with a steel chair. Both men go down. The camera cuts to show the man, in his entirety...
Sign Guy: Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce to you, the ICW Triple Crown Champion, the EWA World Heavyweight Hardcore Champion, and the LWN World HeavyPost Champion, the one, the only, The Hardcore Icon, Dave Dudley!
the fans go nuts, as Dave Dudley raises the steel chair above his head. He grabs a mic:
Dave Dudley: New York City....WUZZZZZZZZZUUUUUU?
Crowd: WUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZUUUUUUU?
Dave Dudley: Sign Guy...WUZZZZZZZZZZZUUUUUUU?
Sign Guy: WUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZUUUUUU?
Dave Dudley: Well, let me tell you, it's great to be here on the EFWO's Thursday Fagfest. That word reminds me of some great EFWO legends... Andrew Attitude...Dala Ref...Toy Machine...Lightning Bolt...Mad Dog...Doppleganger Jay...X-Dude...Just Jessica Hagan...and her entire family...El Bastarde...
Sign Guy: El Bastarde! Now there's a real competitor. But, the way I hear it, Dave, is that he's afraid of you.
Dave Dudley: Well, Lou. That's exactly right. He knows I'd completely decimate him. He knows it, the entire EFWO knows it, and that other guy knows it.
Sign Guy: Oh...that OTHER guy. What do you think of the LWN/EWA related people taking residence in EFWO? You were once in EFWO, but that was long before EWA. In fact, you kicked a lot of ass there, didnt you?
Dave Dudley: Well, I am The Hardcore Icon. But yeah, seems like everyone from EWA has joined the EFWO. They all had to leave because I simply kept being their asses too much. Right people?
People: right, Dave!
Dave Dudley: Will I join the EFWO? Who knows? Seeing as how JPac came back, and Amarantha, and Archangel, and Hoyakillah...I guess this opens the door for other great legends, such as...L-Mo. And...The Gambler. And we cant forget DKnoch, Mercury, Hacksaw, and Don "The Death Dealer." These are legends. Legends such as myself. All bound together with a common bond...
Crowd: ICW, ICW, ICW
Sign Guy: Well Dave, if you do join EFWO, I'm sure it will be a suprise, and they wont know what hit them.
Dave Dudley: Yeah, but probably not. Because they'll probably put me in a mid-card match with someone like Scrotum Noxema.
Sign Guy: Probably, probably. Well, we're almost out of time. And we've hopefully humiliated the EFWO without pissing them off too much.
Dave Dudley: And that's a hard thing to do!
Sign Guy: Any closing words?
Dave Dudley: Yeah. Don't think for a second when I begin my wrath on the EFWO, that I'll be light-hearted and humorous as I am now. There will be plenty of chair shots, kidney punches, tables, low-blows, and 4D's!!!!!! THE DAVE DUDLEY DEATH DROP! for everyone. And you can Testify to that.
Sign Guy: OHHHHHHHHH TESTIFY!
Dave Dudley: I thank you very much.
The show closes with Dave Dudley's fun disposition turning into something far worse, as we see his crazed stare, and disturbing grin, as the camera fades into obscurity, just like ITR did...
End Transmission
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The following is merely cheap laughs.
Live!!! From the sold out EWA New York in downtown...Calgary, Alberta Canada. What, you thought it would be in New York? Haha, no just kidding, it is in New York. You damn idiot.
The camera pans around the raucous crowd here, as they're ready for a night of...hell, we dont know what's gonna happen tonight!
The camera fixes on your host, Sign Guy Dudley.
Sign Guy Dudley: Hello everyone, and happy Thanksgiving!
the crowd cheers, because Thanksgiving rules.
Sign Guy Dudley: Hello everyone, and welcome to this special Thanksgiving parody of EFWO Thursday Fagfest! We're live here in the great city of New York, from EWA New York! I'm the one, the only, Sign Guy Dudley. Are you people ready for one Hardcore evening?
The crowd chants DUD-LEE, DUD-LEE, DUD-LEE
Sign Guy Dudley: But first, it wouldnt be right if I didnt introduce to you our special co-host for the evening. EFWO's own... PILL FALTE!!!
"The Returning Sound" comes up as Pill Falte walks out onto the stage. The crowd boos and shouts obscene gestures pertaining to Falte's sexual preference. On the big screen is footage of Pill Falte's tenure in ICW, urinating on the EFWO belt, as he and ScottiePP7 laugh maniacally.
Pill Falte: Thank you, Sign Guy. But the name is Phil Flate, and-
Sign Guy: What the @#%$ ever. Shut up, I'm the bozz around here.
Pill Falte: No, THAT GUY IS THE BOZZ!
EFWO's own Bozz comes out to a round of crickets chirping. Who the hell?
Bozz: WE'RE THE BOZZ
Sign Guy: Ok, I've seen that bit done before, and let me tell you, it was a LOT funnier when the other guy did it.
Pill Falte: Haha, true enough Lou.
Sign Guy: Shut up, I didnt say you could talk.
Pill Falte: Sorry, it's just that-
Sign Guy: SHUT UP!
Pill Falte: Ok, I'm-
Sign Guy: SHUT UP!
Sign guy rushes Falte and spears him. Falte is knocked unconcious because he sucks ass. Sign Guy slaps him around a little and speaks:
Sign Guy: Get this efed killer out of here. And dont pull that @#%$ "Yeah, I am the efed killer." You dont kill efeds because you're evil, you kill them because you suck and nobody likes you. Be gone, you Communist wanna-be!
Falte is helped off stage by security. He cries the whole time. Did I mention he sucks?
Sign Guy: And now, we have two guys who have reunited in the EFWO. Let's hear it for, HEE-LEE-US, AND HOYASPILLAH!
The Southern Genitalmen come out to a chorus of "YEEE HAWS."
Sign Guy: Hey guys, what's up? Long time no see.
HoyaSpillah: yes sign guy we have not been around for a while
Hee-Lee-Us: yes that is true
Sign Guy: Uh...you guys sound funny. Not to mention look funny. Well, funnier than normal.
HoyaSpillah: what nothing is ronge
Hee-Lee-Us: yes we are fyne
HoyaSpillah: donut make us mad
Hee-Lee-Us: we will have to use exreme measures
Sign Guy: Extreme Measures...hmm...wait a minute...
Sign Guy grabs both their faces and rips them off!! BRUTAL!!!!!!!! no wait, they're just masks...worn by EXTREME MEASURES, TIMSTER AND NEO!!
Sign Guy: No, it's Extreme Measures, Timster and nEo!
nEo: that's right HAHAHA
Timster: yes
nEo: we will now use EXREME MEASURER
Sign Guy: Noooo, NOT THE YARDSTICK OF DEATH!
From behind, a man clubs them with a steel chair. Both men go down. The camera cuts to show the man, in his entirety...
Sign Guy: Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce to you, the ICW Triple Crown Champion, the EWA World Heavyweight Hardcore Champion, and the LWN World HeavyPost Champion, the one, the only, The Hardcore Icon, Dave Dudley!
the fans go nuts, as Dave Dudley raises the steel chair above his head. He grabs a mic:
Dave Dudley: New York City....WUZZZZZZZZZUUUUUU?
Crowd: WUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZUUUUUUU?
Dave Dudley: Sign Guy...WUZZZZZZZZZZZUUUUUUU?
Sign Guy: WUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZUUUUUU?
Dave Dudley: Well, let me tell you, it's great to be here on the EFWO's Thursday Fagfest. That word reminds me of some great EFWO legends... Andrew Attitude...Dala Ref...Toy Machine...Lightning Bolt...Mad Dog...Doppleganger Jay...X-Dude...Just Jessica Hagan...and her entire family...El Bastarde...
Sign Guy: El Bastarde! Now there's a real competitor. But, the way I hear it, Dave, is that he's afraid of you.
Dave Dudley: Well, Lou. That's exactly right. He knows I'd completely decimate him. He knows it, the entire EFWO knows it, and that other guy knows it.
Sign Guy: Oh...that OTHER guy. What do you think of the LWN/EWA related people taking residence in EFWO? You were once in EFWO, but that was long before EWA. In fact, you kicked a lot of ass there, didnt you?
Dave Dudley: Well, I am The Hardcore Icon. But yeah, seems like everyone from EWA has joined the EFWO. They all had to leave because I simply kept being their asses too much. Right people?
People: right, Dave!
Dave Dudley: Will I join the EFWO? Who knows? Seeing as how JPac came back, and Amarantha, and Archangel, and Hoyakillah...I guess this opens the door for other great legends, such as...L-Mo. And...The Gambler. And we cant forget DKnoch, Mercury, Hacksaw, and Don "The Death Dealer." These are legends. Legends such as myself. All bound together with a common bond...
Crowd: ICW, ICW, ICW
Sign Guy: Well Dave, if you do join EFWO, I'm sure it will be a suprise, and they wont know what hit them.
Dave Dudley: Yeah, but probably not. Because they'll probably put me in a mid-card match with someone like Scrotum Noxema.
Sign Guy: Probably, probably. Well, we're almost out of time. And we've hopefully humiliated the EFWO without pissing them off too much.
Dave Dudley: And that's a hard thing to do!
Sign Guy: Any closing words?
Dave Dudley: Yeah. Don't think for a second when I begin my wrath on the EFWO, that I'll be light-hearted and humorous as I am now. There will be plenty of chair shots, kidney punches, tables, low-blows, and 4D's!!!!!! THE DAVE DUDLEY DEATH DROP! for everyone. And you can Testify to that.
Sign Guy: OHHHHHHHHH TESTIFY!
Dave Dudley: I thank you very much.
The show closes with Dave Dudley's fun disposition turning into something far worse, as we see his crazed stare, and disturbing grin, as the camera fades into obscurity, just like ITR did...
End Transmission