Post by Dave Dangerously on May 21, 2008 21:30:41 GMT -6
Wednesday, October 31, 2001
Dave Dudley.
The Hardcore Icon.
Sitting at a table.
In Chevy's Fresh Mex.
In Staten Island, New York.
Seated across from him, The Jaded E-fed Icon, Andrew Leigh.
It's as simple as that:
Andrew Leigh: So I guess all we need now is maybe Scottie, and Nonz, and maybe that fat @#%$ Myst, and we'll have the circle of retired wrestling legends.
Dave Dudley: I dunno man...it feels pretty good. To be free from it all, for real. I dont feel...attached, anymore. Even though its only officially been a day.
Andrew Leigh: I know what you mean. I kinda faded into obscurity, and man, I tell you, I couldnt ask for anything else, it's great. Except for lugging this piece of @#%$ around all the time for the few public appearances I do at the local Applebee's.
Andrew pulls out the LWN World HeavyPost Championship belt. He lays it on the table.
Dave Dudley: So you carry around that thing?
Andrew Leigh: Hell yeah, you never know when someone might want to take a picture with me. Hey, 15 bucks is 15 bucks. Don't you carry around your titles still?
Dave Dudley: Well, yeah. I have the EWA World Heavyweight Hardcore Championship, and the ICW Triple Crown out in the limo.
Andrew Leigh: Ohhh, big man, riding around in a limo now!
Dave Dudley: Shut up, you know I've rode around in a limo for the past two years, I just use that Yugo @#%$ for comedy.
Andrew Leigh: I know man, I know. I'm just busting your balls. But anyway...you being retired...is this for certain?
Dave Dudley: You know, I have no real idea. I just...have no real incentive or driving force for a return, really.
Andrew Leigh: So EFWO is still around, those stupid shits. What kind of offer are they making you?
Dave Dudley: I dunno...their @#%$ is all hazy, and they kinda go back on their word a lot, or change their mind...it's real hard to get a good picture on what they want to do. But they've offered me some big time money. More than that worthless bastard Hagan would have ever paid me.
Andrew Leigh: Haha, yeah, he should have just hired elephants if he expected us to work for peanuts. Either that or he should have just hired kids for him to touch.
Dave Dudley: Yeah, considering he IS a kid toucher...
Dave eyes the LWN title laying on the table.
Andrew Leigh: You've been looking at this belt ever since I brought it out...
Dave Dudley: Well yeah, I always wanted it.
Andrew Leigh: ...tell you what. I'm pretty sick of this thing weighing me down...I cant even get a steady job, because people always see me as "The LWN Champ" so they want me to play "The LWN Champ" or be "The LWN Champ". I tried getting a job here! And they wanted me to just greet people at the door as "THe LWN Champ." and I said hell no, not for 7.15 an hour. Not that I need the money, cause I'm bloody rich from the days of being Healius' ass all the time. But anyway, what I'm trying to get to is...you want the belt?
Dave Dudley: What?
Andrew Leigh: Do you want the belt? Do you want to be the LWN Champion?
Dave Dudley: Are you serious?
Andrew Leigh: Yeah, there's a stipulation in the contract, because hey, I wrote it, that says if the federation folds, the belt can change hands by the current champion relinquishing the belt and then giving it to someone else. Hell, I think it was a valid rule back when the fed was open. So it's as valid as an actual title change from a match. And I figure it means a lot to you, I WON the title last, and hey, you deserve it, what better way to look back at all of the LWN @#%$ you went through than to say you were the LWN Champion?
Dave Dudley: Wow...I dont know what to say.
Andrew Leigh: Here, take the belt. I'll get the actual contract to you at a later date, the belt is yours, you ARE the LWN World HeavyPost Champion. Anyway, I've got a thing to get to...gotta go beat up some fishermen...anyway man, you take it easy, and congratulations on your belt, at least someone appreciates it still. Seeya around.
Andrew gets up with his part of the check, and leaves the table, as Dave picks up the LWN title...
Dave Dudley: The LWN World HeavyPost Title...
The camera zooms in over Dave's shoulder to show his reflection off of the belt...
Dave Dudley: This could be interesting...
End Transmission
Andrew Leigh, a great man and enemy of pants, was used with permission. Testify.
Edited by: Dave Dudley at: 11/11/01 10:17:36 pm
Nonz
Secretary of Nachos
Posts: 150
(11/14/01 10:38:03 am)
What in the hell?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, at the same Chevy's Fresh Mex restaurant, in the smoking section on the other side of the restaurant are two men.
One is Deion Nonz Arelli.
The other is.........ABVP???
Well, ByrdX and Jeremy Knipe have disappeared off the face of the planet, and ABVP doesn't check out the damn fed so I can use him without permission and nobody would care. Glarg.
They are enjoying a big fucken plate of nachos. Can I say fucken? I guess I'll know in a second if the bastards replace it with $^$%!#$.
ABVP: So why in the hell are we here instead of the Burger King behind my house?
Nonz: Because Elise Arelli has the Chevy's hookup, and dude, think about all the catastrophes that happen in EMMF, GA.
ABVP: Like the tornado that took out the gym of Hardaway High School? Or the hurricane that destroyed your mom's house?
Nonz: Right. 2 fucken disasters in 5 years. Whereas New York has had 2 plane crashes in the past 3 months.
ABVP: Disturbing. What about all the people that died?
Nonz: Hey, it sucks that people had to die. But you still have to realize that destruction to property kicks much ass. Especially if you have no property of your own. Prezz.
ABVP: Unbelievable. I could be at home waiting for Hogan to show up in the WWF.
Nonz: Besides, I heard Hooooooyakillaaaaaaah has been hangin out up here a lot lately and.........holyyyyy @#%$, cherchez la fatass.
Nonz and ABVP look to the west siiiiiiiiiiide and see Dave fucken Dudley and Andrew fucken Leigh eating some chimi fucken changas. Man, I really hope they don't censor the word fucken. Nonz lights up a stoge because, hey, it's New York, and smoking sections are rare.
ABVP: I wouldn't say fatass too loud. Dave Dudley might kick your ass.
Nonz: LAWELL!
For those who didn't know, the EMMF now expresses laughter through pronouncing the internet "laughing" gestures. LOL = LAWELL, ROFLMAO = ROFFLEMOW, LMAO = LEMOW.
Andrew Leigh is handing the LWN HeavyPost Belt to Dave Dudley. Of course Nonz, having held the belt three times knows what it is, and ABVP, having stolen the belt once, also is familiar with it.
Nonz: That's disturbing. That belt belonged to some great legends.
ABVP: Like L-Mo.
Nonz: And now it's around the waist of Dave fucken Dudley. @#%$. He thinks he's all big cuz he's got a belt or two.
ABVP pulls out a box from underneath the table.
Nonz: Ahh, some memories. Here are the original LWN tag belts. I remember Jeremy winning the belts in his frst 2 weeks at LWN then promptly leaving with them.
ABVP: Or how about the ICW tag belts that the Insiders won and never got to defend since the damn fed closed? Flate can close any fed in 2 hours.
Nonz: Oh shyte, here's the CHF World Title, remember how Jeremy got that?
ABVP: Yeah, Healius's dumb ass threw it in the river and Jeremy dove in after it.
Nonz: ROFFLEMOW! Oh yeah, and here's the HCW title, how in the hell did I pull that off?
ABVP: ByrdX took over HCW and had JPac and the rest of the fed job to you.
Nonz: Classic. And here are like all the MWF titles, since it was my damn fed after all.....
ABVP: (holding up a string bikini) What the hell is this?
Nonz: Oh, I got that from Luscious Lynds. I sent her home that night with no underwear.
ABVP: Disturbing.
ABVP tosses the bikini away, but it happens to land right on Dave Dudley's head.
Nonz: Dude.....
ABVP: DAVE DUDLEY DON'T MEAN DAMN @#%$ TO ME!
Will Dave Dudley continue eating his chimi fucken changa without noticing the bikini on his head? Will Dave continue to blubber at the sight of the LWN title? Will Andrew Leigh even point out that Dave has a bikni on his head? Will Dave realize that Nonz's continuity sucks since Leigh has supposedly left? Or will Dave Dudley beat Nonz's ass for the 26453145 breaches of etiquette in this "RP"? To be continued, unless Dave doesn't mind having a bikini on his head......
Edited by: Nonz at: 11/14/01 10:43:13 am
El Bastarde
Look at me, I'm Mexican
Posts: 117
(11/15/01 12:33:47 am)
Popular Place...this Chevy's
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Awww....what the hell. The basketball game plays on the TV above the bar as the camera pans down. There seated at the two centermost seats are none other than the EWA/EFWO Star, El Bastarde and his manager, Cheech Marin. The bar is located in a circular sweep through the center of the restaurant, allowing the two wrestlers to catch a glimpse of the most of the general area around them. Chevy's sure is popular tonight.
BASTARDE: So...what are we doeeng on Stateen Island, Cheech?
Cheech scratches his head.
CHEECH: I don't really know, man...but this place is nice.
Bastarde takes a long swig, finishing his beer, before he orders another.
BASTARDE: Look over there...eet's Dave Dudley...that dumb bastard thought he could keep me from the EWA World Titeele before the Fed closed...
CHEECH: He's dressed fancy today...look at the bikini on the head...must be the new style.
BASTARDE: Leave eet to Dave Dudley to know of the best and newest fasheeons...
Cheech and Bastarde look on as Dudley grabs the LWN World Belt from the Jaded E-Fed Icon, Andrew Leigh and hugs it to his body in happiness. He looks up at Leigh...a glare of affection in his eyes, clearly touches by the kind gesture. Under the table, his hand slowly runs up Leigh's leg. Leigh smiles right back at him as he pulls his foot out of his shoe and extends it up into the fairly wide gap between Dudley's spread legs. Dudley smiles wider and his hand makes its way further up Leigh's leg...
The camera switches back to Cheech who quickly covers his eyes in horror then to Bastarde who looks to his beer in wonder, interested in what it was laced with.
CHEECH: Uhhh...did you see?
BASTARDE: Uh...sadly I deed!...and I hope eet's the beer...
Bastarde looks down at the beer again and, unable to imagine any other solution, takes a long swig. He looks back up to see Dudley playing with his own nipples with a lecherous grin on his face and quickly looks away again.
BASTARDE: Ug! Eet better be the beer!!
As he looks away to his right he sees none other than EMMF members, Nonz and ABVP chatting at a table in the smoking section.
CHEECH: I remember those guys from their, like, short time in EFWO, man! Nonz...and errr...some other guy...
BASTARDE: Yeah...and they've got a sheeetload of belts weeth them there. And Dudley just got the LWN Title there...
Bastarde mentions Dudley without looking in his direction, fearful of the direction that him and Leigh's...ermm..."game" may be going.
CHEECH: Well...it's not like we don't have titles, man...
Bastarde takes another long slug of his beer before nodding in agreement.
BASTARDE: Si...Dudley was right there watcheeng when I won the EWA World Heavyweight Belt...
DING!! With a flash of light, the belt appears in Bastarde's hand. He doesn't seem shocked at all by its random appearance as he smiles down at it.
CHEECH: And now you have the EFWO Belt, man. The first guy to have both EWA and EFWO World belts...and to have both at, like, the same time...
DING! There appears the EFWO World Title, resting on Bastarde's shoulder.
BASTARDE: Si...and you have a few, Cheech. Like the EFWO Compost Belt...
POOF!! The Compost Belt appears.
CHEECH: Ya! And the other two belts from the Triple Crown, man...the EFWO United States and Cruiserweight Belts too...
BLING! BLANG!! The two belts appear on the bar in front of Cheech. He smiles down as he pats them all.
BASTARDE: And then there's that EFWO Six Man Tag Title belt wheech I have layeeng around somewhere.
BLOOM!! The Six Man Tag Belt appears wrapped around Bastarde's waist. He smiles down at it.
CHEECH: And I've got that Stoner Champion of the World Belt...
PLOOK!! It appears as well, wrapped around Cheech's neck since he just doesn't have any other place to put it.
BASTARDE: At least our belts are from a Fed that's steell around...
CHEECH: Yeah man...
Bastarde looks over in Dudley and Leigh's direction and cringes in disgust.
BASTARDE: Oh Jesus Christ!! Now that's just seeck!! I don't even theenk that body part's supposed to bend that way!!
Cheech looks over at Dudley and shrieks in shock before he falls out of his chair. Bastarde climbs down to help him up as the scene fades.
Dave Dudley.
The Hardcore Icon.
Sitting at a table.
In Chevy's Fresh Mex.
In Staten Island, New York.
Seated across from him, The Jaded E-fed Icon, Andrew Leigh.
It's as simple as that:
Andrew Leigh: So I guess all we need now is maybe Scottie, and Nonz, and maybe that fat @#%$ Myst, and we'll have the circle of retired wrestling legends.
Dave Dudley: I dunno man...it feels pretty good. To be free from it all, for real. I dont feel...attached, anymore. Even though its only officially been a day.
Andrew Leigh: I know what you mean. I kinda faded into obscurity, and man, I tell you, I couldnt ask for anything else, it's great. Except for lugging this piece of @#%$ around all the time for the few public appearances I do at the local Applebee's.
Andrew pulls out the LWN World HeavyPost Championship belt. He lays it on the table.
Dave Dudley: So you carry around that thing?
Andrew Leigh: Hell yeah, you never know when someone might want to take a picture with me. Hey, 15 bucks is 15 bucks. Don't you carry around your titles still?
Dave Dudley: Well, yeah. I have the EWA World Heavyweight Hardcore Championship, and the ICW Triple Crown out in the limo.
Andrew Leigh: Ohhh, big man, riding around in a limo now!
Dave Dudley: Shut up, you know I've rode around in a limo for the past two years, I just use that Yugo @#%$ for comedy.
Andrew Leigh: I know man, I know. I'm just busting your balls. But anyway...you being retired...is this for certain?
Dave Dudley: You know, I have no real idea. I just...have no real incentive or driving force for a return, really.
Andrew Leigh: So EFWO is still around, those stupid shits. What kind of offer are they making you?
Dave Dudley: I dunno...their @#%$ is all hazy, and they kinda go back on their word a lot, or change their mind...it's real hard to get a good picture on what they want to do. But they've offered me some big time money. More than that worthless bastard Hagan would have ever paid me.
Andrew Leigh: Haha, yeah, he should have just hired elephants if he expected us to work for peanuts. Either that or he should have just hired kids for him to touch.
Dave Dudley: Yeah, considering he IS a kid toucher...
Dave eyes the LWN title laying on the table.
Andrew Leigh: You've been looking at this belt ever since I brought it out...
Dave Dudley: Well yeah, I always wanted it.
Andrew Leigh: ...tell you what. I'm pretty sick of this thing weighing me down...I cant even get a steady job, because people always see me as "The LWN Champ" so they want me to play "The LWN Champ" or be "The LWN Champ". I tried getting a job here! And they wanted me to just greet people at the door as "THe LWN Champ." and I said hell no, not for 7.15 an hour. Not that I need the money, cause I'm bloody rich from the days of being Healius' ass all the time. But anyway, what I'm trying to get to is...you want the belt?
Dave Dudley: What?
Andrew Leigh: Do you want the belt? Do you want to be the LWN Champion?
Dave Dudley: Are you serious?
Andrew Leigh: Yeah, there's a stipulation in the contract, because hey, I wrote it, that says if the federation folds, the belt can change hands by the current champion relinquishing the belt and then giving it to someone else. Hell, I think it was a valid rule back when the fed was open. So it's as valid as an actual title change from a match. And I figure it means a lot to you, I WON the title last, and hey, you deserve it, what better way to look back at all of the LWN @#%$ you went through than to say you were the LWN Champion?
Dave Dudley: Wow...I dont know what to say.
Andrew Leigh: Here, take the belt. I'll get the actual contract to you at a later date, the belt is yours, you ARE the LWN World HeavyPost Champion. Anyway, I've got a thing to get to...gotta go beat up some fishermen...anyway man, you take it easy, and congratulations on your belt, at least someone appreciates it still. Seeya around.
Andrew gets up with his part of the check, and leaves the table, as Dave picks up the LWN title...
Dave Dudley: The LWN World HeavyPost Title...
The camera zooms in over Dave's shoulder to show his reflection off of the belt...
Dave Dudley: This could be interesting...
End Transmission
Andrew Leigh, a great man and enemy of pants, was used with permission. Testify.
Edited by: Dave Dudley at: 11/11/01 10:17:36 pm
Nonz
Secretary of Nachos
Posts: 150
(11/14/01 10:38:03 am)
What in the hell?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, at the same Chevy's Fresh Mex restaurant, in the smoking section on the other side of the restaurant are two men.
One is Deion Nonz Arelli.
The other is.........ABVP???
Well, ByrdX and Jeremy Knipe have disappeared off the face of the planet, and ABVP doesn't check out the damn fed so I can use him without permission and nobody would care. Glarg.
They are enjoying a big fucken plate of nachos. Can I say fucken? I guess I'll know in a second if the bastards replace it with $^$%!#$.
ABVP: So why in the hell are we here instead of the Burger King behind my house?
Nonz: Because Elise Arelli has the Chevy's hookup, and dude, think about all the catastrophes that happen in EMMF, GA.
ABVP: Like the tornado that took out the gym of Hardaway High School? Or the hurricane that destroyed your mom's house?
Nonz: Right. 2 fucken disasters in 5 years. Whereas New York has had 2 plane crashes in the past 3 months.
ABVP: Disturbing. What about all the people that died?
Nonz: Hey, it sucks that people had to die. But you still have to realize that destruction to property kicks much ass. Especially if you have no property of your own. Prezz.
ABVP: Unbelievable. I could be at home waiting for Hogan to show up in the WWF.
Nonz: Besides, I heard Hooooooyakillaaaaaaah has been hangin out up here a lot lately and.........holyyyyy @#%$, cherchez la fatass.
Nonz and ABVP look to the west siiiiiiiiiiide and see Dave fucken Dudley and Andrew fucken Leigh eating some chimi fucken changas. Man, I really hope they don't censor the word fucken. Nonz lights up a stoge because, hey, it's New York, and smoking sections are rare.
ABVP: I wouldn't say fatass too loud. Dave Dudley might kick your ass.
Nonz: LAWELL!
For those who didn't know, the EMMF now expresses laughter through pronouncing the internet "laughing" gestures. LOL = LAWELL, ROFLMAO = ROFFLEMOW, LMAO = LEMOW.
Andrew Leigh is handing the LWN HeavyPost Belt to Dave Dudley. Of course Nonz, having held the belt three times knows what it is, and ABVP, having stolen the belt once, also is familiar with it.
Nonz: That's disturbing. That belt belonged to some great legends.
ABVP: Like L-Mo.
Nonz: And now it's around the waist of Dave fucken Dudley. @#%$. He thinks he's all big cuz he's got a belt or two.
ABVP pulls out a box from underneath the table.
Nonz: Ahh, some memories. Here are the original LWN tag belts. I remember Jeremy winning the belts in his frst 2 weeks at LWN then promptly leaving with them.
ABVP: Or how about the ICW tag belts that the Insiders won and never got to defend since the damn fed closed? Flate can close any fed in 2 hours.
Nonz: Oh shyte, here's the CHF World Title, remember how Jeremy got that?
ABVP: Yeah, Healius's dumb ass threw it in the river and Jeremy dove in after it.
Nonz: ROFFLEMOW! Oh yeah, and here's the HCW title, how in the hell did I pull that off?
ABVP: ByrdX took over HCW and had JPac and the rest of the fed job to you.
Nonz: Classic. And here are like all the MWF titles, since it was my damn fed after all.....
ABVP: (holding up a string bikini) What the hell is this?
Nonz: Oh, I got that from Luscious Lynds. I sent her home that night with no underwear.
ABVP: Disturbing.
ABVP tosses the bikini away, but it happens to land right on Dave Dudley's head.
Nonz: Dude.....
ABVP: DAVE DUDLEY DON'T MEAN DAMN @#%$ TO ME!
Will Dave Dudley continue eating his chimi fucken changa without noticing the bikini on his head? Will Dave continue to blubber at the sight of the LWN title? Will Andrew Leigh even point out that Dave has a bikni on his head? Will Dave realize that Nonz's continuity sucks since Leigh has supposedly left? Or will Dave Dudley beat Nonz's ass for the 26453145 breaches of etiquette in this "RP"? To be continued, unless Dave doesn't mind having a bikini on his head......
Edited by: Nonz at: 11/14/01 10:43:13 am
El Bastarde
Look at me, I'm Mexican
Posts: 117
(11/15/01 12:33:47 am)
Popular Place...this Chevy's
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Awww....what the hell. The basketball game plays on the TV above the bar as the camera pans down. There seated at the two centermost seats are none other than the EWA/EFWO Star, El Bastarde and his manager, Cheech Marin. The bar is located in a circular sweep through the center of the restaurant, allowing the two wrestlers to catch a glimpse of the most of the general area around them. Chevy's sure is popular tonight.
BASTARDE: So...what are we doeeng on Stateen Island, Cheech?
Cheech scratches his head.
CHEECH: I don't really know, man...but this place is nice.
Bastarde takes a long swig, finishing his beer, before he orders another.
BASTARDE: Look over there...eet's Dave Dudley...that dumb bastard thought he could keep me from the EWA World Titeele before the Fed closed...
CHEECH: He's dressed fancy today...look at the bikini on the head...must be the new style.
BASTARDE: Leave eet to Dave Dudley to know of the best and newest fasheeons...
Cheech and Bastarde look on as Dudley grabs the LWN World Belt from the Jaded E-Fed Icon, Andrew Leigh and hugs it to his body in happiness. He looks up at Leigh...a glare of affection in his eyes, clearly touches by the kind gesture. Under the table, his hand slowly runs up Leigh's leg. Leigh smiles right back at him as he pulls his foot out of his shoe and extends it up into the fairly wide gap between Dudley's spread legs. Dudley smiles wider and his hand makes its way further up Leigh's leg...
The camera switches back to Cheech who quickly covers his eyes in horror then to Bastarde who looks to his beer in wonder, interested in what it was laced with.
CHEECH: Uhhh...did you see?
BASTARDE: Uh...sadly I deed!...and I hope eet's the beer...
Bastarde looks down at the beer again and, unable to imagine any other solution, takes a long swig. He looks back up to see Dudley playing with his own nipples with a lecherous grin on his face and quickly looks away again.
BASTARDE: Ug! Eet better be the beer!!
As he looks away to his right he sees none other than EMMF members, Nonz and ABVP chatting at a table in the smoking section.
CHEECH: I remember those guys from their, like, short time in EFWO, man! Nonz...and errr...some other guy...
BASTARDE: Yeah...and they've got a sheeetload of belts weeth them there. And Dudley just got the LWN Title there...
Bastarde mentions Dudley without looking in his direction, fearful of the direction that him and Leigh's...ermm..."game" may be going.
CHEECH: Well...it's not like we don't have titles, man...
Bastarde takes another long slug of his beer before nodding in agreement.
BASTARDE: Si...Dudley was right there watcheeng when I won the EWA World Heavyweight Belt...
DING!! With a flash of light, the belt appears in Bastarde's hand. He doesn't seem shocked at all by its random appearance as he smiles down at it.
CHEECH: And now you have the EFWO Belt, man. The first guy to have both EWA and EFWO World belts...and to have both at, like, the same time...
DING! There appears the EFWO World Title, resting on Bastarde's shoulder.
BASTARDE: Si...and you have a few, Cheech. Like the EFWO Compost Belt...
POOF!! The Compost Belt appears.
CHEECH: Ya! And the other two belts from the Triple Crown, man...the EFWO United States and Cruiserweight Belts too...
BLING! BLANG!! The two belts appear on the bar in front of Cheech. He smiles down as he pats them all.
BASTARDE: And then there's that EFWO Six Man Tag Title belt wheech I have layeeng around somewhere.
BLOOM!! The Six Man Tag Belt appears wrapped around Bastarde's waist. He smiles down at it.
CHEECH: And I've got that Stoner Champion of the World Belt...
PLOOK!! It appears as well, wrapped around Cheech's neck since he just doesn't have any other place to put it.
BASTARDE: At least our belts are from a Fed that's steell around...
CHEECH: Yeah man...
Bastarde looks over in Dudley and Leigh's direction and cringes in disgust.
BASTARDE: Oh Jesus Christ!! Now that's just seeck!! I don't even theenk that body part's supposed to bend that way!!
Cheech looks over at Dudley and shrieks in shock before he falls out of his chair. Bastarde climbs down to help him up as the scene fades.