Post by Dave Dangerously on May 27, 2008 13:13:09 GMT -6
The first shot is of The Hardcore Icon, Dave Dudley arriving at the arena. A backstage nobody stops him:
Backstage nobody: Big night tonight, Dave!
Dave Dudley: Screw you, backstage nobody. I've got business tonight. Reclaiming ICW as not just the boss, but the best damn wrestler in the BUSINESS. CAN YOU DIG THAT...
FUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAA???
Cut to inside the ICW arena in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania for the return of...
Fireworks go off, as the crowd goes wild!!!!
Styles: Hello everyone and WELCOME TO ICW THURSDAY, INSANE THURSDAY!!!!!!
The fans chant ICDUB, ICDUB, ICDUB
Styles: I am the voice of ICW, Joey Styles, and I'm proud to be back with you all. Alongside me is one of our NEW ICW broadcast team members...the Executive Chef for Hell's Kitchen, CHEF GORDON RAMSAY!
Ramsay: IT'S FUCKING RUBBISH. PISS OFF.
Styles: Kind words. Let's go backstage, where BIKER is standing by with a ICW legend...take it away!
cut to backstage
Biker: Grnetenigs, lal. Kiber rehe, wiht teh noe nad noly, KRAM FUCK!
Mark McPhail: Not Mark Funk. Or Kram Fuck. My name is Mark McPhail. And I'm an employee of the ICW Executive Committee. Due to injuries suffered at the hands of Just Jessica Hagan, I can no longer be the ICW Commissioner. I am head of the Committee still though, answerable only to Dave Dudley. I'm here to announce the NEW ICW General Manager, and give him the KEYS to ICW...AND HERE HE IS...
...
...
...
...
Well damnit, where is he?
Biker: Ynambe he sha teh bdeelnig ass?
McPhail: You're a fucking retard. You're fired.
WHOMP---WHOMP......
Styles: Well, our GM is a no show so far, and Biker is fired. A great start, eh?
Ramsay: Yeah, Biker is rubbish, the fucking cock. SHUT IT DOWN!
Syles: The Triple Terror Tournament is coming up soon, and it will be for the ICW World Heavyweight Championship. We know SEVEN of the participants, but who will be the eighth and final one? Maybe our new GM will shed some light on it, but we're pleased to announce the BRACKETS!
Ramsay: This is delightful, Joey. Our GM has sent us a bracket for the Triple Terror Tournament. Incomplete it may be, but we're not going to shut it down.
The Triple Terror Tournament Brackets:
FIRST ROUND:
Hardcore match
Dave Dudley
vs.
Dan Hampton
Sylver Morrigan
vs.
Fenyx Kayne
Lightning Bolt
vs.
The Gladiator
Calvin Constantine
vs.
TBD
Ramsay: There you have it, folks. What a great entree we have to serve you, and an even BETTER DESSERT.
Styles: Don't forget, the two to advance in the final match will compete in a LETHAL LADDER MATCH for the ICW World Heavyweight Championship!
It's GREAT!!!!!
cut to backstage, where we see Dan Hampton being interviewed by NEW ICW correspondant, The Silicon Toad.
The Silicon Toad: Nad Phamton, twat od you thikn abuot teh-
Dan Hampton: You're not The Silicon Toad. You're BIKER.
Teh Sliinoc Doat: Rhitg you rea, Nad Tampon.
Dan Hampton: Get out of here. You're fired, right? How do I feel? I've waited a long time to get back in the ring with Dave Dudley. His reign of terror is coming to an end. This thing we've had for years, off and on, off and on, friends, rivals... WELL OUR FRIENDSHIP IS OFF, AND OUR RIVALRY IS ON. Dudley, this ends for us!
cut to another area, backstage.
Calvin Constantine: {talking to fans} Thanks for your support. I feel like I've got you, the fans, on my side at the Triple Terror Tournament. I feel like I could take on THE WORLD! I'm going to be the next ICW World Champion, because I've got the most heart. And nothing to lose. Look, I gotta go.
Constantine walks off to the catering table. There is a man standing there.
Constantine: Hey, I'll take my coffee black. Hey, I'm talking to you...
The man turns around, and it's not a caterer, it's Lightning Bolt.
Constantine: Whoa...look man, I'm sorry.
Lightning Bolt: ....
Constantine: Okay...
Constantine turns and starts to walk off, only to run into Sylver Morrigan.
Morrigan: Hey there.
Constantine: No time for love, Dr. Jones...
Constantine walks off, as Morrigan looks irate.
Styles: We'll be right back!
Commercial Break:
Kids are playing. One falls down and skins his knee...
Kid: SSSSSSSSSSSSSSaaaaaaaaaa..........SSSSSSSSSSSSSSaaaaaaa..........SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSaaaaaaaaaaa.
Director: Come on Timmy, Sing the band-aid song.
Kid: SSSSSSSSSSSSaaaaaaaa...........SSSSSSSSSSSSaaaaaaaaaaa..........SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSaaaaaaaaa...
Director: I'm stuck on band aid brands cause band aid's stuck on me!
Kid: You know what? Fuck you, man. Ok? Your song isn't going to un-skin my knee, okay douche? So just take your song and stick it up your ass. How about that? How about your ass is stuck to your face because your ass looks just like your face? How about THAT song?
Band Aids. For ALL of life's skinned knees.
Back to live TV
Fenyx Kayne is backstage.
Fenyx Kayne: You know, ever since I showed up here in ICW, people have been asking me, what are you going to do? How are you going to make your impression? Well Dudley wouldn't accept my offering to make it a three way match so guess what, there's going to be consequences and repercussions. I'm gonna make an impact tonight Dudley. ICW, DONT GET IN MY WAY!
Styles: Words from ICW newcomer, Fenyx Kayne. A week ago, Dave Dudley issued an open challenge to anyone in ICW, for a warm-up match for the TTT. The only person who responded was The Gladiator, Centurius Maximus. So tonight they're going one-on-one, it's a CLASH OF FORMER ICW CHAMPIONS!
Ramsay: WHERE IS THE RIZZOTO?
"Survivalism" hits, and out comes The Most Dangerous Man In Wrestling today, Dave Dudley. The crowd boos!
Styles: Quite possibly the greatest wrestler of all time, makes his return to the ring!
Ramsay: You're such a mark for Dudley, you little shite.
Styles: Yeah, well...Andrew Leigh couldn't make it.
Dudley gets in the ring, and basks in the chorus of boos.
KMFDM's "DIY" hits, and fireworks go off with confetti as The Gladiatior, Centurius Maximus comes out. He poses on the stage as he disrobes from his warrior's armor and garb.
He heads down the ramp, hi-fiving fans along the way.
he slides into the ring, stares down Dudley, and poses on the top turnbuckle. The fans are cheering.
Styles: The Gladiator seems to have won fans over now, that he's ditched The Emperor.
Ramsay: The Emperor ate at my kitchen in Arlington Virginia, once. He had the Duck. It was EXQUISITE!
Ding, Ding
The bell sounds and we're underway. Dudley steps into mid ring to meet Gladiator face to face, and slaps the Gladiator!
Styles: That's an assault!
Gladiator responds by knocking Dudley flat on his ass with a right hand! Dudley springs back up and Gladiator knocks him back down again!
Gladiator puts Dudley in a headlock...
Dudley throws Gladiator into the ropes, releases the headlock
GOES FOR THE 4D!!!!!!!!
Ramsay: NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!!
Gladiator slides to the outside, as the fans cheer OOOOHHH.
Dudley paces in the ring, hands on his waist.
Styles: Dudley tried to end it real fast, but Gladiator is too smart!
Dudley slides out to the ring and chases after Gladiator, but is met with a drop toe hold! Dudley hits the outside floor! Gladiator kicks Dudley in the back, before picking him up. Gladiator throws Dudley into the ring steps but DUDLEY REVERSES! GLADIATOR EATS THE STEEL RING STEPS!
Styles: Good lord!
Ramsay: Fucking RUBBISH.
Dudley grabs the timekeeper's bell!
Styles: What the hell? As fas as I know, this isn't a NO DQ match.
Ramsay: Gladiator is about to recieve his entree!
The Gladiator springs up with a clothesline, knocking Dudley down. Gladiator rolls Dudley back into the ring. Hooks Dudley up in a suplex, and he stalls it...
Styles: Gladiator going for the FALL OF ROME BRAINBUSTER!
...and drops him with just a suplex. Gladiator makes the cover!
1...
2...
kickout by Dudley.
Styles: Close but no cigar! Dudley proves resiliant yet again.
Gladiator picks Dudley up, and...LOW BLOW TO GLADIATOR behind the ref's back!
Ramsay: IT'S FUCKING RAWH!
DUDLEY DDT TO GLADIATOR! And the cover!
1...
2...
Kickout by Dudley.
Dudley picks up Gladiator and sets him for the GREETINGS FROM DUDLEYVILLE piledriver!
Styles: Dudley breaking out a classic one, there!
The Gladiator wiggles out, and flips behind, locking Dudley up in a CATHOLIC(cobra) CLUTCH!
Ramsay: HE'S GONNA PISS OUT!
Styles: I think you mean pass out actually, but yeah. I guess so. WAIT, I'M GETTING WORD NOW FROM THE BACK...THE NEW ICW GENERAL MANAGER HAS MADE THIS MATCH NO DISQUALIFICATION!!!! WOW.
The referee checks it as Dudley struggles...
finally the struggling ends. The referee raises Dudley's arm up once...
twice...
thrice....
...NO!!! DUDLEY HULKS UP!!!
The fans are going nuts for the action, but booing that Dudley is fighting back.
Styles: Dudley struggles to break free! I can't believe this match is suddenly no DQ. What a bold move from our yet unknown GM!
Dudley elbows Gladiator in the gut. AGAIN another blow to the gut. Dudley looks to break free but GLADIATOR DROPS HIM WITH A COBRA CLUTCH SLAM! THE COVER!!!
1...
2...
Kickout, by Dudley.
Styles: Wow, Gordon. That was as close as it gets!
Ramsay: Gladiator needs to finish him off with some parsley.
Gladiator looking frustrated here, dropping a few boots to Dudley's midsection...
He looks to the audience....thumbs up.....
THUMBS DOWN!!!!!!
Styles: The signal for the FALL OF ROME!
Gladiator hoists Dudley up for the brainbuster, lifting him into the air. The blood rushes to Dudley's skull. Dudley goes UP...
REVERSAL INTO A DAVE CUTTER!!!!!!!
Styles: OH MY...
Ramsay: GOODNESS gracious man, he's making a cover!
1...
2...
KICKOUT BY GLADIATOR! THE FANS GO NUTS!
Styles: What action!!!
Dudley is on his knees, hanging his head. He stands up, with a smile on his face...
Styles: What's Dudley got planned?
Suddenly, FENYX KAYNE runs out and climbs the turnbuckle, hitting Dudley with a PHOENIX DOWN BLOCKBUSTER NECKBREAKER from the top!
Styles: Kayne making his ICW debut by taking down The Hardcore Icon!!!
Ramsay: Look!!!
Kayne talks shit to Dudley, when suddenly from behind, the Gladiator creeps up and drops Kayne with a PEDIGREE!!!
Styles: THE ENLIGHTENMENT on Kayne!
Fenyx rolls out, Gladiator turns around as Dudley tosses Gladiator into the air, and drops him down with a diamond cutter! The 4D!!!! THE DAVE DUDLEY DEATH DROP!!!
Dudley makes the cover!!!
Ramsay: WHATS THE FUCKING MENU NOW???
1...
2...
KICKOUT BY THE GLADIATOR!!!!!!
Styles: Oh...my...GOD!!! Gladiator kicked out of THE 4D!!!!
Dudley can't believe it! What will it take to put The Gladiator away?
Styles: What will it take to put Gladiator away??
Yeah... right?
So Dudley goes to the outside, and sets up a TABLE!!!
Styles: The referee is instructing Dudley that the match is no DQ now, so Dudley is taking it to the limit!
Ramsay: TONIGHT GLADIATOR DINES IN HELL...s kitchen.
Dudley sets up the table, and picks up Gladiator, signalling that this is it, to the fans.
Suddenly...
"Apocalypse Please" by Muse hits.
Styles: What the hell?
Ramsay: What's this now?
Dudley looks up at the stage, at the ScottieTRON5000, in the same astonishment as everyone else.
Styles: Who's this now?
Suddenly, out walks...
Sign Guy Dudley?
Styles: Sign Guy? Is that Sign Guy Dudley?
Sign Guy? Has a microphone...
Sign Guy Dudley: How shocked you are all to see me? Certainly, that's no way to treat your new GENERAL MANAGER???
Styles: WHAT?
Dudley is in the ring, smiling, looking up at Sign Guy...
Ramsay: Dudley actually looks pleased?
Styles: He should! That's his former partner! He sure looks different, though...
The crowd boos, heavily
Sign Guy Dudley: But alas, Sign Guy Dudley is indeed dead.
Styles: What does he mean?
Sign Guy Dudley? ICW fans, you can call me...LOU E. DANGEROUSLY.
the fans cheer, as Dudley looks confused in the ring.
Styles: Lou E. Dangerously???
Ramsay: Lou E. Dangerously?
Lou E. Dangerously: And as your new General Manager I promise to be SWIFT, JUST, and totally IMPARTIAL to all.
Dudley looks irate in the ring.
Lou E. Dangerously: And uh, Dave... you should know that not only is this a no DQ match...but it is now a TABLES MATCH!!!!!
Styles: A TABLES MATCH???
Dudley is complaining at Lou E. Dangerously, screaming at him in disgust.
Dave Dudley:
Lou E. Dangerously: Good luck and, oh, testify.
Dudley turns around to meet The Gladiator who hits THE SAXA BOTTOM THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!!!
Winner, The Gladiator Centurius Maximus
The bell rings as the fans go wild!!!
Styles: OH...MY...GOD!!!!!
Ramsay: DINNER IS SERVED!!!!!
Lou E. Dangerously heads out to the back as the ICW fans go wild for The Gladiator, as he celebrates the victory as Dudley lays in the table.
Suddenly, Fenyx Kayne slides back into the ring and hits The Gladiator with a steel chair!
Styles: Kayne hasn't forgotten about earlier! He wants to make an impact, and he's making it now!
"Sick of Life" by Godsmack hits, and out comes Sylver Morrigan. She slides into the ring and clotheslines Kayne OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE OUTSIDE!!!!
Ramsay: THROW IT OUT!!!!!!
"Here I Come" hits, and out runs Calvin Constantine to a huge pop from the crowd!!!
He hits the ring and starts to go to work on The Gladiator, as Morrigan and Kayne fight on the outside.
Styles: It's turned into a good old fashioned BRAWL out here!
Ramsay: Try the lamb.
Constantine is working over Gladiator when Morrigan comes back into the ring and starts to slug it out with Constantine. Fenyx soon follows and it turns into a four-way massacre!
Styles: These four are wanting to show that they're the dominant personality going into the Triple Terror Tournament!!!
Fenyx starts pummeling Gladiator in the corner, as Dudley rolls to the outside. Morrigan and Constantine hook it up, now. Morrigan going for a clothesline, Constantine ducks, hits the 180 DDT!!!
Morrigan is down, Constantine locks her up in the PAGAN LAMENT sharpshooter!!!
Styles: Constantine is locking it in! This pagan sure is lamenting right about now!
Ramsay: Wow, that was really clever right now.
Styles: I know, right? Morrigan is pagan and all.
Ramsay: I know. That's really smart.
Styles: Thanks.
Just then, "Danger is Go" hits, and out comes the incomparable LIGHTNING BOLT! The fans cheer for LB!
Styles: HERE COMES THE CRAZY COMMIE CRACKER!!!
LB hits the ring, and THUNDER CLAP superkick to Constantine's face! Constantine falls and breaks the hold on Morrigan.
LB turns around into a STEEL CHAIR SHOT TO THE HEAD courtesy of Fenyx Kayne!!!
Styles: WHAT A CHAIR SHOT! THIS IS INSANE!!!
Ramsay: THIS IS...SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Kayne celebrates a second too long as The Gladiator kicks Kayne in the gut, making him drop the chair, then The Gladiator hooks him up, THE FALL OF ROME BRAINBUSTER...ON THE CHAIR!!!
ALL 5 WRESTLERS ARE DOWN AND OUT IN THE RING!!!
Styles: TOTAL MAYHEM!!!
Dudley staggers out of the ring, presumably chasing after Lou E. Dangerously. He's greeted at the stage by "Past Tense, Future Perfect" hitting the PA, and out comes DAN HAMPTON hitting Dave Dudley with a BARBED-WIRE WRAPPED STEEL CHAIR, IN THE HEAD!!!
Styles: OH MY GOD!!!
Dudley falls down the ramp, and off to the side. Hampton joins him down below in the electrical area, setting Dudley up on a computer technical table. Hampton climbs back up onto the stage...
Styles: What's going on???
Hampton FLIES OFF THE STAGE, CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH, THROUGH THE TABLE!
Styles: OH MY GOD!!!!
Ramsay: YOUR TABLE IS READY!!!!!
Hampton is hurt, also, but obviously not as much as Dudley. Hampton gets up and raises his arm as the fans cheer!!! Dudley is a broken mess!
Styles: Dave Dudley paid Dan Hampton...AND HAMPTON JUST CASHED THE CHECK!
Ramsay: What the hell?
Styles: I don't know, it sounded cool, right?
Ramsay: SHUT IT DOWN, YOU FUCKING FUCK. PISS OFF!!!
Styles: That's it for tonight folks! We'll see you next week!
We see the five in the ring, rolling around after the total debacle.
we see Dudley laying in a mess of table.
We see Hampton posing around his waist, as if to say he's the next champion.
Cut to the back, where we see Lou E. Dangerously and Mark McPhail.
Mark McPhail: Better late than never, I guess.
Lou E. Dangerously: Something like that. Those the keys?
Mark McPhail: Yup. Here you go. Now it's time to go home and finish recovering.
Lou E. Dangerously: Right on. Hey, you see this sign?
Mark McPhail: Yeah...
Lou E. Dangerously: I don't need it anymore, bitch.
Dangerously hits McPhail in the head with the sign! And a superkick to the groin, SWEET DICK MUSIC!
McPhail writhes in pain!
Dangerously pulls out a megaphone.
Lou E. Dangerously: ICW, LETS...GET...DANGEROUS!!!!!!!!!!!
End transmission
Backstage nobody: Big night tonight, Dave!
Dave Dudley: Screw you, backstage nobody. I've got business tonight. Reclaiming ICW as not just the boss, but the best damn wrestler in the BUSINESS. CAN YOU DIG THAT...
FUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAA???
Cut to inside the ICW arena in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania for the return of...
THURSDAY, INSANE THURSDAY!
Fireworks go off, as the crowd goes wild!!!!
Styles: Hello everyone and WELCOME TO ICW THURSDAY, INSANE THURSDAY!!!!!!
The fans chant ICDUB, ICDUB, ICDUB
Styles: I am the voice of ICW, Joey Styles, and I'm proud to be back with you all. Alongside me is one of our NEW ICW broadcast team members...the Executive Chef for Hell's Kitchen, CHEF GORDON RAMSAY!
Ramsay: IT'S FUCKING RUBBISH. PISS OFF.
Styles: Kind words. Let's go backstage, where BIKER is standing by with a ICW legend...take it away!
cut to backstage
Biker: Grnetenigs, lal. Kiber rehe, wiht teh noe nad noly, KRAM FUCK!
Mark McPhail: Not Mark Funk. Or Kram Fuck. My name is Mark McPhail. And I'm an employee of the ICW Executive Committee. Due to injuries suffered at the hands of Just Jessica Hagan, I can no longer be the ICW Commissioner. I am head of the Committee still though, answerable only to Dave Dudley. I'm here to announce the NEW ICW General Manager, and give him the KEYS to ICW...AND HERE HE IS...
...
...
...
...
Well damnit, where is he?
Biker: Ynambe he sha teh bdeelnig ass?
McPhail: You're a fucking retard. You're fired.
WHOMP---WHOMP......
Styles: Well, our GM is a no show so far, and Biker is fired. A great start, eh?
Ramsay: Yeah, Biker is rubbish, the fucking cock. SHUT IT DOWN!
Syles: The Triple Terror Tournament is coming up soon, and it will be for the ICW World Heavyweight Championship. We know SEVEN of the participants, but who will be the eighth and final one? Maybe our new GM will shed some light on it, but we're pleased to announce the BRACKETS!
Ramsay: This is delightful, Joey. Our GM has sent us a bracket for the Triple Terror Tournament. Incomplete it may be, but we're not going to shut it down.
The Triple Terror Tournament Brackets:
FIRST ROUND:
SECOND ROUND:
Hardcore match
steel cage match
Dave Dudley
vs.
winner of Dudley/Hampton
Dan Hampton
Sylver Morrigan
vs.
winner of Morrigan/Kayne
Fenyx Kayne
Lightning Bolt
vs.
winner of Gladiator/LB
The Gladiator
Calvin Constantine
vs.
winner of Constantine/TBD
TBD
Ramsay: There you have it, folks. What a great entree we have to serve you, and an even BETTER DESSERT.
Styles: Don't forget, the two to advance in the final match will compete in a LETHAL LADDER MATCH for the ICW World Heavyweight Championship!
It's GREAT!!!!!
cut to backstage, where we see Dan Hampton being interviewed by NEW ICW correspondant, The Silicon Toad.
The Silicon Toad: Nad Phamton, twat od you thikn abuot teh-
Dan Hampton: You're not The Silicon Toad. You're BIKER.
Teh Sliinoc Doat: Rhitg you rea, Nad Tampon.
Dan Hampton: Get out of here. You're fired, right? How do I feel? I've waited a long time to get back in the ring with Dave Dudley. His reign of terror is coming to an end. This thing we've had for years, off and on, off and on, friends, rivals... WELL OUR FRIENDSHIP IS OFF, AND OUR RIVALRY IS ON. Dudley, this ends for us!
cut to another area, backstage.
Calvin Constantine: {talking to fans} Thanks for your support. I feel like I've got you, the fans, on my side at the Triple Terror Tournament. I feel like I could take on THE WORLD! I'm going to be the next ICW World Champion, because I've got the most heart. And nothing to lose. Look, I gotta go.
Constantine walks off to the catering table. There is a man standing there.
Constantine: Hey, I'll take my coffee black. Hey, I'm talking to you...
The man turns around, and it's not a caterer, it's Lightning Bolt.
Constantine: Whoa...look man, I'm sorry.
Lightning Bolt: ....
Constantine: Okay...
Constantine turns and starts to walk off, only to run into Sylver Morrigan.
Morrigan: Hey there.
Constantine: No time for love, Dr. Jones...
Constantine walks off, as Morrigan looks irate.
Styles: We'll be right back!
Commercial Break:
Kids are playing. One falls down and skins his knee...
Kid: SSSSSSSSSSSSSSaaaaaaaaaa..........SSSSSSSSSSSSSSaaaaaaa..........SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSaaaaaaaaaaa.
Director: Come on Timmy, Sing the band-aid song.
Kid: SSSSSSSSSSSSaaaaaaaa...........SSSSSSSSSSSSaaaaaaaaaaa..........SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSaaaaaaaaa...
Director: I'm stuck on band aid brands cause band aid's stuck on me!
Kid: You know what? Fuck you, man. Ok? Your song isn't going to un-skin my knee, okay douche? So just take your song and stick it up your ass. How about that? How about your ass is stuck to your face because your ass looks just like your face? How about THAT song?
Band Aids. For ALL of life's skinned knees.
Back to live TV
Fenyx Kayne is backstage.
Fenyx Kayne: You know, ever since I showed up here in ICW, people have been asking me, what are you going to do? How are you going to make your impression? Well Dudley wouldn't accept my offering to make it a three way match so guess what, there's going to be consequences and repercussions. I'm gonna make an impact tonight Dudley. ICW, DONT GET IN MY WAY!
Styles: Words from ICW newcomer, Fenyx Kayne. A week ago, Dave Dudley issued an open challenge to anyone in ICW, for a warm-up match for the TTT. The only person who responded was The Gladiator, Centurius Maximus. So tonight they're going one-on-one, it's a CLASH OF FORMER ICW CHAMPIONS!
Ramsay: WHERE IS THE RIZZOTO?
"Survivalism" hits, and out comes The Most Dangerous Man In Wrestling today, Dave Dudley. The crowd boos!
Styles: Quite possibly the greatest wrestler of all time, makes his return to the ring!
Ramsay: You're such a mark for Dudley, you little shite.
Styles: Yeah, well...Andrew Leigh couldn't make it.
Dudley gets in the ring, and basks in the chorus of boos.
KMFDM's "DIY" hits, and fireworks go off with confetti as The Gladiatior, Centurius Maximus comes out. He poses on the stage as he disrobes from his warrior's armor and garb.
He heads down the ramp, hi-fiving fans along the way.
he slides into the ring, stares down Dudley, and poses on the top turnbuckle. The fans are cheering.
Styles: The Gladiator seems to have won fans over now, that he's ditched The Emperor.
Ramsay: The Emperor ate at my kitchen in Arlington Virginia, once. He had the Duck. It was EXQUISITE!
Ding, Ding
The bell sounds and we're underway. Dudley steps into mid ring to meet Gladiator face to face, and slaps the Gladiator!
Styles: That's an assault!
Gladiator responds by knocking Dudley flat on his ass with a right hand! Dudley springs back up and Gladiator knocks him back down again!
Gladiator puts Dudley in a headlock...
Dudley throws Gladiator into the ropes, releases the headlock
GOES FOR THE 4D!!!!!!!!
Ramsay: NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!!
Gladiator slides to the outside, as the fans cheer OOOOHHH.
Dudley paces in the ring, hands on his waist.
Styles: Dudley tried to end it real fast, but Gladiator is too smart!
Dudley slides out to the ring and chases after Gladiator, but is met with a drop toe hold! Dudley hits the outside floor! Gladiator kicks Dudley in the back, before picking him up. Gladiator throws Dudley into the ring steps but DUDLEY REVERSES! GLADIATOR EATS THE STEEL RING STEPS!
Styles: Good lord!
Ramsay: Fucking RUBBISH.
Dudley grabs the timekeeper's bell!
Styles: What the hell? As fas as I know, this isn't a NO DQ match.
Ramsay: Gladiator is about to recieve his entree!
The Gladiator springs up with a clothesline, knocking Dudley down. Gladiator rolls Dudley back into the ring. Hooks Dudley up in a suplex, and he stalls it...
Styles: Gladiator going for the FALL OF ROME BRAINBUSTER!
...and drops him with just a suplex. Gladiator makes the cover!
1...
2...
kickout by Dudley.
Styles: Close but no cigar! Dudley proves resiliant yet again.
Gladiator picks Dudley up, and...LOW BLOW TO GLADIATOR behind the ref's back!
Ramsay: IT'S FUCKING RAWH!
DUDLEY DDT TO GLADIATOR! And the cover!
1...
2...
Kickout by Dudley.
Dudley picks up Gladiator and sets him for the GREETINGS FROM DUDLEYVILLE piledriver!
Styles: Dudley breaking out a classic one, there!
The Gladiator wiggles out, and flips behind, locking Dudley up in a CATHOLIC(cobra) CLUTCH!
Ramsay: HE'S GONNA PISS OUT!
Styles: I think you mean pass out actually, but yeah. I guess so. WAIT, I'M GETTING WORD NOW FROM THE BACK...THE NEW ICW GENERAL MANAGER HAS MADE THIS MATCH NO DISQUALIFICATION!!!! WOW.
The referee checks it as Dudley struggles...
finally the struggling ends. The referee raises Dudley's arm up once...
twice...
thrice....
...NO!!! DUDLEY HULKS UP!!!
The fans are going nuts for the action, but booing that Dudley is fighting back.
Styles: Dudley struggles to break free! I can't believe this match is suddenly no DQ. What a bold move from our yet unknown GM!
Dudley elbows Gladiator in the gut. AGAIN another blow to the gut. Dudley looks to break free but GLADIATOR DROPS HIM WITH A COBRA CLUTCH SLAM! THE COVER!!!
1...
2...
Kickout, by Dudley.
Styles: Wow, Gordon. That was as close as it gets!
Ramsay: Gladiator needs to finish him off with some parsley.
Gladiator looking frustrated here, dropping a few boots to Dudley's midsection...
He looks to the audience....thumbs up.....
THUMBS DOWN!!!!!!
Styles: The signal for the FALL OF ROME!
Gladiator hoists Dudley up for the brainbuster, lifting him into the air. The blood rushes to Dudley's skull. Dudley goes UP...
REVERSAL INTO A DAVE CUTTER!!!!!!!
Styles: OH MY...
Ramsay: GOODNESS gracious man, he's making a cover!
1...
2...
KICKOUT BY GLADIATOR! THE FANS GO NUTS!
Styles: What action!!!
Dudley is on his knees, hanging his head. He stands up, with a smile on his face...
Styles: What's Dudley got planned?
Suddenly, FENYX KAYNE runs out and climbs the turnbuckle, hitting Dudley with a PHOENIX DOWN BLOCKBUSTER NECKBREAKER from the top!
Styles: Kayne making his ICW debut by taking down The Hardcore Icon!!!
Ramsay: Look!!!
Kayne talks shit to Dudley, when suddenly from behind, the Gladiator creeps up and drops Kayne with a PEDIGREE!!!
Styles: THE ENLIGHTENMENT on Kayne!
Fenyx rolls out, Gladiator turns around as Dudley tosses Gladiator into the air, and drops him down with a diamond cutter! The 4D!!!! THE DAVE DUDLEY DEATH DROP!!!
Dudley makes the cover!!!
Ramsay: WHATS THE FUCKING MENU NOW???
1...
2...
KICKOUT BY THE GLADIATOR!!!!!!
Styles: Oh...my...GOD!!! Gladiator kicked out of THE 4D!!!!
Dudley can't believe it! What will it take to put The Gladiator away?
Styles: What will it take to put Gladiator away??
Yeah... right?
So Dudley goes to the outside, and sets up a TABLE!!!
Styles: The referee is instructing Dudley that the match is no DQ now, so Dudley is taking it to the limit!
Ramsay: TONIGHT GLADIATOR DINES IN HELL...s kitchen.
Dudley sets up the table, and picks up Gladiator, signalling that this is it, to the fans.
Suddenly...
"Apocalypse Please" by Muse hits.
Styles: What the hell?
Ramsay: What's this now?
Dudley looks up at the stage, at the ScottieTRON5000, in the same astonishment as everyone else.
Styles: Who's this now?
Suddenly, out walks...
Sign Guy Dudley?
Styles: Sign Guy? Is that Sign Guy Dudley?
Sign Guy? Has a microphone...
Sign Guy Dudley: How shocked you are all to see me? Certainly, that's no way to treat your new GENERAL MANAGER???
Styles: WHAT?
Dudley is in the ring, smiling, looking up at Sign Guy...
Ramsay: Dudley actually looks pleased?
Styles: He should! That's his former partner! He sure looks different, though...
The crowd boos, heavily
Sign Guy Dudley: But alas, Sign Guy Dudley is indeed dead.
Styles: What does he mean?
Sign Guy Dudley? ICW fans, you can call me...LOU E. DANGEROUSLY.
the fans cheer, as Dudley looks confused in the ring.
Styles: Lou E. Dangerously???
Ramsay: Lou E. Dangerously?
Lou E. Dangerously: And as your new General Manager I promise to be SWIFT, JUST, and totally IMPARTIAL to all.
Dudley looks irate in the ring.
Lou E. Dangerously: And uh, Dave... you should know that not only is this a no DQ match...but it is now a TABLES MATCH!!!!!
Styles: A TABLES MATCH???
Dudley is complaining at Lou E. Dangerously, screaming at him in disgust.
Dave Dudley:
Lou E. Dangerously: Good luck and, oh, testify.
Dudley turns around to meet The Gladiator who hits THE SAXA BOTTOM THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!!!
Winner, The Gladiator Centurius Maximus
The bell rings as the fans go wild!!!
Styles: OH...MY...GOD!!!!!
Ramsay: DINNER IS SERVED!!!!!
Lou E. Dangerously heads out to the back as the ICW fans go wild for The Gladiator, as he celebrates the victory as Dudley lays in the table.
Suddenly, Fenyx Kayne slides back into the ring and hits The Gladiator with a steel chair!
Styles: Kayne hasn't forgotten about earlier! He wants to make an impact, and he's making it now!
"Sick of Life" by Godsmack hits, and out comes Sylver Morrigan. She slides into the ring and clotheslines Kayne OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE OUTSIDE!!!!
Ramsay: THROW IT OUT!!!!!!
"Here I Come" hits, and out runs Calvin Constantine to a huge pop from the crowd!!!
He hits the ring and starts to go to work on The Gladiator, as Morrigan and Kayne fight on the outside.
Styles: It's turned into a good old fashioned BRAWL out here!
Ramsay: Try the lamb.
Constantine is working over Gladiator when Morrigan comes back into the ring and starts to slug it out with Constantine. Fenyx soon follows and it turns into a four-way massacre!
Styles: These four are wanting to show that they're the dominant personality going into the Triple Terror Tournament!!!
Fenyx starts pummeling Gladiator in the corner, as Dudley rolls to the outside. Morrigan and Constantine hook it up, now. Morrigan going for a clothesline, Constantine ducks, hits the 180 DDT!!!
Morrigan is down, Constantine locks her up in the PAGAN LAMENT sharpshooter!!!
Styles: Constantine is locking it in! This pagan sure is lamenting right about now!
Ramsay: Wow, that was really clever right now.
Styles: I know, right? Morrigan is pagan and all.
Ramsay: I know. That's really smart.
Styles: Thanks.
Just then, "Danger is Go" hits, and out comes the incomparable LIGHTNING BOLT! The fans cheer for LB!
Styles: HERE COMES THE CRAZY COMMIE CRACKER!!!
LB hits the ring, and THUNDER CLAP superkick to Constantine's face! Constantine falls and breaks the hold on Morrigan.
LB turns around into a STEEL CHAIR SHOT TO THE HEAD courtesy of Fenyx Kayne!!!
Styles: WHAT A CHAIR SHOT! THIS IS INSANE!!!
Ramsay: THIS IS...SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Kayne celebrates a second too long as The Gladiator kicks Kayne in the gut, making him drop the chair, then The Gladiator hooks him up, THE FALL OF ROME BRAINBUSTER...ON THE CHAIR!!!
ALL 5 WRESTLERS ARE DOWN AND OUT IN THE RING!!!
Styles: TOTAL MAYHEM!!!
Dudley staggers out of the ring, presumably chasing after Lou E. Dangerously. He's greeted at the stage by "Past Tense, Future Perfect" hitting the PA, and out comes DAN HAMPTON hitting Dave Dudley with a BARBED-WIRE WRAPPED STEEL CHAIR, IN THE HEAD!!!
Styles: OH MY GOD!!!
Dudley falls down the ramp, and off to the side. Hampton joins him down below in the electrical area, setting Dudley up on a computer technical table. Hampton climbs back up onto the stage...
Styles: What's going on???
Hampton FLIES OFF THE STAGE, CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH, THROUGH THE TABLE!
Styles: OH MY GOD!!!!
Ramsay: YOUR TABLE IS READY!!!!!
Hampton is hurt, also, but obviously not as much as Dudley. Hampton gets up and raises his arm as the fans cheer!!! Dudley is a broken mess!
Styles: Dave Dudley paid Dan Hampton...AND HAMPTON JUST CASHED THE CHECK!
Ramsay: What the hell?
Styles: I don't know, it sounded cool, right?
Ramsay: SHUT IT DOWN, YOU FUCKING FUCK. PISS OFF!!!
Styles: That's it for tonight folks! We'll see you next week!
We see the five in the ring, rolling around after the total debacle.
we see Dudley laying in a mess of table.
We see Hampton posing around his waist, as if to say he's the next champion.
Cut to the back, where we see Lou E. Dangerously and Mark McPhail.
Mark McPhail: Better late than never, I guess.
Lou E. Dangerously: Something like that. Those the keys?
Mark McPhail: Yup. Here you go. Now it's time to go home and finish recovering.
Lou E. Dangerously: Right on. Hey, you see this sign?
Mark McPhail: Yeah...
Lou E. Dangerously: I don't need it anymore, bitch.
Dangerously hits McPhail in the head with the sign! And a superkick to the groin, SWEET DICK MUSIC!
McPhail writhes in pain!
Dangerously pulls out a megaphone.
Lou E. Dangerously: ICW, LETS...GET...DANGEROUS!!!!!!!!!!!
End transmission