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Post by Dave Dangerously on May 28, 2008 18:05:51 GMT -6
In 5 countries...
In 5 languages...
I wont bother to list them.
To about 20 homes.
The ICW.
The worldwide pinnacle, in online sports-entertainment.
Every year, legends are made.
This year is an exception.
Because in ICW, legends arent made...
They just happen.
Tonight, a handful of established stars, try to stake their claim while the rising stars try to establish themselves.
Tonight, is the showcase of the most Insane acts of the year.
Tonight is the most Epic night in this business.
WrestleMania, WrestleFest...nothing compares to tonight.
Vertigo Comics presents:
ICW RolePlayMania III
Live, on Pay-Per-View!
"Hella Good" by No Doubt plays, as the RPMIII opener rolls. Fireworks go off in massive quality as we get a inside view of the sold out First Union center here in ICW's home, Philadelphia Pennsylvania.
We hear a voice:Jim Ross: Welcome everyone, to the third annual...ROLEPLAYMANIA!!! the camera cuts to the crowd, where we see some crowd signs: "DAVE IS EATING WHILE HE'S WRITING THIS, SO IF HE STARTS TO WRITE ABOUT FOOD, DONT BLAME HIM." "RPM? MORE LIKE BORAPHYLL." "WOMEN AND CHILDREN DRINK FREE" "ME CHINESE, ME PLAY JOKE. ME PUT PP7 IN YOUR COKE." "MMM...CHICKEN." "THESE SIGNS SUCK" "SCREW YOU, THEY'RE FUNNY TO ME, AS IS EVERYTHING ELSE I WRITE. LIKE I CARE IF YOU THINK ITS FUNNY OR NOT, IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT EVERYONE DIGS MY HUMOR, SO LAY OFF." "DUDE...TAKE IT EASY." "MAKE ME, AHOLE." "DUDLEY FOR PREZ IN 2004." "FIST ME!" "ORION IS A JEW" "THE CONQUISTADORS WILL CONQUER YOUR ACE!" "MARRY ME, LB! MY NAME IS GERALD!" "NOTE TO WOMEN: JUST GET NAKED." "LEIGH? MORE LIKE BORAPHYLL." "QPUBLIC: THAT WAS ME WHO PRANK CALLED YOU. HAHAHAH" "WE LOVE EDDIE GRYPHON" Thats enough signs, as the camera cuts to the announce position: Jim Ross: Hello again everybody and welcome to RolePlayManiaIII, I'm alongside my broadcast collegues Jerry "The King" Lawler and Dick Vitale and guys, are you ready for some ICW action? Jerry "The King" Lawler: Oh man, it's the night of the year I look most forward to (other than tomorrow night's WrestleMania, and free porn day), but I'm just pumped up for the action we're going to see here tonight! Dick Vitale: Yeah baby, we're here in P-ville baby and it's AWESOME! Tonight we're going to bring down the roof, we're going to shake the rafters, we'll have a great show here tonight, ITS A SLAM DUNK FOR ICW! JR: That's right, we've got 5 matches scheduled for tonight...which, is the lowest amount of matches ever at a RPM, but hey what do you want, free pudding? Disclaimer: I do not have any free pudding. Only pudding for me. King: We've got the semifinals and the finals of the ICW Title tournament...Dick, you know about tournaments, right? Vitale: Nice segue, baby! I do know about tournaments, and I can tell you this much. Texas is going over MSU, and OU will win it all! JR: Right on. Boomer Sooner. I'm from Oklahoma, by the way. King: No @#%$? JR: I @#%$ you not. Vitale: Hey, lets get this underway, baby! ITS TIP OFF TIME!!! the bell sounds, as the fans cheer as the ring announcer, Biker, makes the announcements. Of course, no one understands Biker, so he is yanked off and replaced by a B-announcer, Howard Finkel. The lights go out, and "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails plays. The arena pulses red and the fans boo horrendously for the man responsible for it all, The ICW World Heavyweight Champion, Dave Dudley. He comes out with Sign Guy Dudley, as he makes his way to the ring, focused. JR: Well, there's the man. He's got to prove tonight that he still is the man. King: He's got to get by Fister, though! He's so COOL! "Good Thing" by Fine Young Cannibals hits, and out comes Fister McCarl to a mixed reaction. He walks cockily, much like Kurt Angle would. He enters the ring and enjoys the praise from the audience. If anyone is booing, he takes that as praise, as well. He's COOL! Fister McCarl vs. Dave Dudley ding ding, the match is underway as FISTER jumps Dudley from behind! He hits Dudley with a low blow! He spins him around, locks him up, and hits him with UNCONCIOUSLY COOL! He makes an early cover! 1... 2... KICKOUT, by Dave Dudley! JR: Fister trying to win this one early here! Dave Dudley gets his shoulder up, and Fister picks him up by the hair. He starts to punch away on the top of Dudleys head, then he flips him over with a snap mare, and kicks Dudley in the small of the back, putting a knee in that small of the back, and locking in a reverse chinlock. Fister wrenches Dudley's neck, as Dudley wiggles to the rope. He gets his foot on the rope, and Fister has to release the hold. Fister then whips Dudley into the ropes. He catches Dudley in a SPINEBUSTER! ANd he immediately locks in a Boston Crab, because that move is COOL! JR: It looks like Fister's strategy here is to wear Dudley out, maybe capitalize on all the injuries Dudley has suffered over the years. Dudley struggles not to tap out as Fister cranks the hold more. Meanwhile, Sign Guy on the outside, grabs a chair. He hops up onto the apron, and HITS THE REFEREE FROM BEHIND!!! The ref goes down, as DUDLEY TAPS OUT! King: Loook, Dudley's tapping! JR: The ref is down, what a vile chairshot from Sign Guy! Vitale: FROM DOWN TOWN, BABY! Fister gets up, and looks at the ref. "What the hell?" he can be heard saying, as he rushes to Sign Guy, who throws the chair into the ring. Fister grabs Sign Guy by the coat, and throws him into the ring over the top rope. Fister then taunts Sign Guy with his back to Dudley... a mistake as Dudley grabs the chair, gets up and HITS FISTER IN THE BACK WITH THE CHAIR! Fister goes down, as Dudley yells to Sign Guy: Dave Dudley: Lou....GET THE TABLES! Sign Guy goes out, and grabs a table. He brings it into the ring, and sets it up with the help of Dave. Fister stammers to his feet, and Dave starts to punch away on him. He kicks fister in the gut, and DROPS HIM WITH THE DAVE CUTTER! He puts Fister on the table. JR: Dudley is going to try to end Fister, now! Dudley then grabs Sign Guy...AND LOCKS HIM UP IN A POWERBOMB, WTF? No, not a swerve, he positions to powerbomb Sign Guy into Fister... but Fister ROLLS OFF THE TABLE! SIGN GUY GETS POWERBOMBED THROUGH THE TABLE! Fister gets up, picks up the chair, and cracks Dave in the skull with the steel! King: Haha, that idiot Sign Guy got smashed through the table! The referee is still out, as Dave gets stomped by Fister. Sign Guy rolls out of the ring, and starts to search under the apron as he lies on the floor, beaten from the powerbomb. Fister picks up Dudley, and starts to punch away on him. He pushes Dudley closer and closer to the ropes, with each punch. Meanwhile, Sign Guy reaches up and places a SINGAPORE CANE that he found under the ring, on the side of the ring. Dudley falls down to his knees, as Fister taunts Dudley and looks to the crowd before he punches Dudley one more time. Dave uses this opportunity to grab the cane and he CANES FISTER IN THE CROTCH! Fister turns around, holding himself, as Dave gets to his feet, in a Alex Rodriguez stance. Fister turns around, HOME RUN CANE SHOT TO THE FACE OF FISTER!!! Fister wobbles back, as Dudley canes him in the gut this time, causing Fister to be folded over. Dudley then locks the cane across Fisters throat, and falls back with him, WHITE RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP! Dudley then canes Fister in the back, for added measure. Dave grabs the chair, and slams it down onto the mat. He picks up Fister, who is somewhat out of it, and whips him into the ropes. DROP TOE HOLD ONTO THE CHAIR, FACE FIRST! As Fister's face lies on the chair, Dave locks in THE SILENT SCREAM crippler crossface!! JR: Dudley has Fister, but the referee is still out cold! Dave cranks the neck back a few times before releasing the hold. Dave rolls to the outside, and slides in two tables. He puts one in the corner, and sets up the other, on the other side of the ring, in the middle of the ring. Dave whips Fister into the corner, and sets him up on the top rope. He climbs up there as well, and sets him up in a michinoku driver type situation! JR: He's going for the JPacalypse Driver! Dave gets ready to drive Fister through the table, but Fister reverses it into a HEAD SCISSORS THROUGH THE TABLE!!! Dudley hits the table as it explodes, but he rolls with it, getting up, albeit slowly. as he rolls, Dave picks up the steel chair that still lies there. He charges Fister with the chair, but Fister ducks! Fister tries to counter with a superkick into the chair, but Dudley ducks. They both spin around to meet each other face to face, but instead it's CHAIR TO FACE as Dudley CRACKS FISTER IN THE HEAD WITH THE CHAIR! Vitale: AWESOME BABY! King: AHHH! JR: GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! Dave throws the chair out of the ring,as the referee starts to show some signs of movement. Dave moves near the corner with the table set up, and signals to the crowd, 4D! 4D! 4D!, the fans chant along. Dave picks up fister, and whips him into the ropes. Dave has his back turned, and as he turns around Fister rebounds and Runs right towards Dudley, who is standing near the corner... HELLA GOOD GORE THROUGH THE TABLE IN THE CORNER! DUDLEY IS FINISHED! The referee is up! Sign Guy is nowhere to break up the count! 1... 2... 3!!!!!!! Winner, and advancing, Fister McCarl The fans go wild as Dudley clutches his head in the corner, amist the wreckage of the table. Fister gets up, and raises his arms in victory. JR: FISTER WINS! THERE WILL BE A NEW CHAMPION HERE TONIGHT, DUDLEY'S REIGN IS OVER! King: Oh my God! Vitale: YEAH BABY, A 3 POINT PLAY BY FISTER MCCARL, AND HE GETS THE W BABY, YEAH! Dudley gets to his knees, and slams his fist on the mat. Fister walks out of the ring, and up the ramp. Dudley gets a closeup on his face, and he looks downright furious. He grabs the singapore cane and slides out of the ring... He runs up behind Fister and CANES HIM IN THE BACK! Fister hits the ramp, and Dudley canes Fister at least 5 more times in the back, before the cane breaks, and Dudley throws it down. Dudley then kicks fister a few times for added measure, before Sign Guy comes up to meet Dudley, and makes him go to the back. JR: A SICKENING ACT BY DUDLEY! King: Dudley is mad because his plan has been screwed over, he's lost his title here tonight, officially, and we'll crown a new champ! JR: Obviously, Dave's plan was to eliminate the referee and then cheat, but the plan backfired! Vitale: Good anyalization, JR! Fister McCarl is a PTPer baby! JR: Well as it stands, Fister McCarl will meet the winner of Lightning Bolt/QPublic, which is coming up shortly.
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Post by Dave Dangerously on May 28, 2008 18:10:35 GMT -6
Camera cuts to back, where we see Sylver Morrigan entering her locker room.
Sylver Morrigan: Look at all of this...it's Saki. What's this doing here? And look, Coronas! Well, I could have a few drinks before my match, I guess.
as she sits down to have a few drinks, Los Conquistadors sneak up behind her, with their arms up in a creepily motion...
but before they get there, Orion attacks them both! They run off before Orion can do any damage.
Orion: Look at those guys, they brought back some Saki from Japan, and tried to use the same gimmick from before. How lame.
Sylver Morrigan: Good thing you're finally here. Here, sit down, we need to talk before our match...
Orion sits down, as the camera fades out.
Commercial break:
Live, Saturday, April 26.
From the Staples Center, in Los Angeles California...
LWN Presents...
ICW DEATH and TAXES
News on the card will come, as we get it.
Cameras cut to Healius in the backstage area, and one of the contestants in the upcoming semifinal match in the ICW Tournament of Champions, Johnny Q Public, stands at his side. The crowd is heard cheering in the background at the site of Q Public, and Healius begins grilling the ICW mainstay, you know, about his upcoming match and random other things.
Healius: Good evening folks, this is the Mouth of the South, famous worldwide for impregnating young black girls, fondling young boys and ripping off HHH.the one and only Healius, joined by the Phreaky one himself, Johnny Q Public. Johnny, please, is there any way these charges of pedophilia against Pete Townshend can be upheld?!
Johnny Q. Public: Flustered.What.well, Im only here to give a message to the people: that this will be the last night they will be forced to accept an undeserving and unqualified person as their ICW World Champion.
Healius: Are you trying to say James L-Mo and Wickit were unqualified ICW Champs? Because God, I loved those kids!.In so many different ways
Q Public: Christ youre creepy. The true cancer of ICW, Dave Dudley, has already fallen tonight, and once I finish with this Lightning Bolt goofball, Ill be able to finally live out my destiny, and step out from the shadows of ICW greatness, and into the spotlight as a truly deserving ICW champion.
Healius: This is all well and good, but tell me, do you know what looks good on young, hairless, nave young boys?
Q Public: What?
Healius: NOTHING!
Q Public: Youre sick. I dont have time for this s*hit, Ive got matches to win, and title belts to claim. Maybe you should take a page from Michael Jacksons book..
Healius: God.I wish I was able to surround myself with as many children as him!
Q Public: Enough of this, God what a perverted freak show.
Johnny walks away in disgust, and things cut back to ringside where JR is looking pretty petrified, Lawler is giggling, and Dicky V. is looking totally f*ucking insane.
JR: Manthat Healius is one weird bird.
King: What he does in his private life is of no concern to you or anyone else, JR!
JR: Regardless, thats not important, as were about to get to our second semifinal matchup in this ICW Tournament of Champions, to determine the ICW World Champion!
Vitale: The Final Four rolls on, baby! The Duke Blue Devils, those Cameron Crazies, theyre already in the championship game, waiting in the wings to see wholl come up against Coach Ks boys!
King: Something like that, you raving lunatic you.
Fear Factorys Shock starts to play in the First Union Center, and the crowd mostly cheers as Lightning Bolt makes his way out to the ring. Hes got some sort of glazed-over look in his eye, but he seems to be somewhat together and ready for the match, as he calmly walks into the ring, clad in his usual Tajiri-style wrestling pants with lightning bolts running up the side. He settles himself in a corner of the ring, as I Can See Where It Grows begins to play over the PA, and the crowd really pops bigtime, as their clear favorite in this tournament, Johnny Q Public, strolls out from the curtain and into the arena, absorbing an extremely positive reaction from the usual hostile Philly fans.
JR: It appears that Johnny Q Public is who the fans want to see raise the ICW World Title high above his head on this night! You could probably say theyd be happy with anyone, now that that damn Dave Dudley has been eliminated and lost his precious ICW Title, hopefully for good!
Vitale: The chosen one, baby, these kids from Butler are real sleepers who believe they can get it done! Got to love those Marquette Golden Eagles, baby!
King: Good Christ man, you cant even stay on one topic for more then 30 seconds, not to mention the fact that everything you talk about is either off-topic or out of left field to begin with!
Q Public enters the ring, and slowly walks around a bit, his eyes never leaving Lightning Bolt, who is returning Johnnys glares with stupefied looks of his own. LB eventually slowly heads to the middle of the ring, where Johnny also heads, as the referee orders the bell to be rung, and the match to officially start. Before any wrestling takes place, Q Public plays the role of the face and extends his hand for a respect-oriented pre-match handshake between he and Lightning Bolt. LB is a bit perplexed by this notion, and he just sort of cocks (hah, theyll probably censor what I said, those EZ-Faggots) his head to the side and gazes at Qs hand.
Johnny Q Public vs. Lightning Bolt
JR: I think Id be lying if I said that Lightning Bolt was all together up in the head, folks!
King: Please, hes more normal then 90% of the overrated and incessantly insane WWF or WCW or WWE or whatever the f*uck we work for is called now.
After a few more seconds of staring at Q Publics outstretched hand, Lightning Bolt decides.to grab a hold of Johnnys hand, and sink his teeth into it! He outright bit Johnny Q Publics hand! The crowd half-laughs, half-boos, and Johnny recoils, grabbing his hand in disgust and anger, as LB sort of looks around with that What did I do wrong?! look on his face. The cameras pick up LB mouthing I thought he was giving me some candy!, but its of no use, as this has pissed Q Public off, and he charges across the ring and levels Bolt with a jolting (bolt, jolt, Christ Im good) running forearm! LB is sent down to the mat with a thud, and Q keeps the pressure on as he bounces off the ropes and comes back and down onto LB with a swinging elbow drop. The crowd pops, and Q Public doesnt stop therehe scoops LB off the mat, and gets him in a double underhookthen lifts him high up into the air, but before he can bring LB crashing down with some type of devastating maneuver, LB wriggles free of Qs hold, slides onto his feet, and now as hes behind Public, grabs a hold of his head and brings him crashing down head-first to the mat with a sick Inverted DDT!
JR: While it seemed Q Public might have an easy going here in the semifinals, it now turns out that Lightning Bolt wont be going down as easily as we all thought.
King: Give him some time, hell go down like..
Vitale: Like Florida in the Tournament every year, baby! Billy Donovan, its awesome, baby!
King: You IDIOT! You interrupted a perfect opportunity for either a Kallista joke, or a Brian Oxenreiders mother barb! Why cant you just go back to f*ucking ESPN and overhype some s*hitty mid-major teams chances in the Tournament!
Q Public is down holding his head, and LB sees a window of opportunity to climb through and smuggle a stolen television out of. Did that make any sense? Who cares. So LB hops up onto the top rope real quick, and with his back turned to the fallen Q Public, decides to come flying off the top rope with an early-match moonsault.which of course doesnt work, as Q Public rolls out of the way, and LB lands flat on his face on the mat, and the crowd cheers. LB is flat on the mat, and Q Public decides to pick up LB, cradle him, and lift him up into almost a Torture Rack over his shoulderbut instead of trying to go for the ever-popular Torture Rack, Q Public just starts spinning around, and after hes spun enough to make everyone in the arena dizzy, he lets go of his grip on LB, and hurls him across the ring with an airplane toss that causes Lightning Bolt to once again land flat on his face on the mat, with a resounding thud. Q Public sees his opponent all out of it, and goes for an early pin! 1.2LB kicks out!
JR: So far, so good for Q Public, as he held off L-Bs first real attempt at an offensive, and has now once again swayed things into his favor.
King: LB has him right where he wants him, hes a step away from unleashing total hell on the defenseless Q Public!
Vitale: Hes a real sleeper, a P-T-Per, baby!
King: Come up with some new lines. God, you recycle lines more then The Rock and Dave Dudley combined, if such a thing could happen.
JR: It does, in my dreams every night.
King: Wowthats just weird. I always figured you dreamed about barbecue sauce, or football, or Oklahoma, or a world without black people. Not Dave Dudley spooning with Dwayne Johnson.
With LB still down, Q Public figures he might as well continue his bombardment, and he locks on a standing head scissors onto the fallen Bolt. He wrenches the scissors in for a few moments, and then hops up into the air, and lands one of The Honky Tonk Mans old signatures, holding the head scissors in place and then crushing LBs head as he comes back down from his little hop. The crowd cheers, and Q finally releases the hold on LB, and then decides to scoop him off the mat once again. As LB is lifted to his feet, he tries to fight off Q Public, with a few shots to Johnnys ribs. But, none of his punches do much beyond anger Q Public further, and he channels this anger by just savagely bashing his knee up into the chin/face area of the hunched-over Lightning Bolt, sending LB falling to the mat clutching at his face!
JR: My God, it doesnt look like Q Public is willing to be denied here tonight! Hes pulling out all the stops and all the courtesy, and seems ready to just beat the hell out of anyone who stands in his way of that title!
LB is down again, and Johnny decides now is as good a time as any to head over to the top rope and attempt a high risk move of his own. So, he climbs up to the top rope, and facing the ring, he propels off, getting some major air under him, and hanging for quite a few secondsand eventually coming down right over the chest of Lightning Bolt with a hellacious Five Star Frog Splash, much in the mold of Mr. PPV, RVD (not that one who pretends to be a woman now.). The crowd pops big, as now Q Public is aching a little bit, but Lightning Bolt is definitely incapacitated more so then Johnny!
King: Jesus, Q Public could have finished LB without going through all the trouble of hurting himself with that frog splash. Now hes got to regain himself before LB does, and still maintain the edge in momentum and all that.
Vitale: Theyre going to close it out with the Four Corners offense, baby! Run down that 35-second clock, its awesome baby!
Q Public eventually hobbles up to his feet, but as he does, so does Lightning Bolt, making Jerry Lawler look like a f*ucking prophet. So, LB and Public are both stumbling around themselves, but Johnny is able to get his s*hit together faster. Eventually, LB takes the wrong step, and walks directly into Johnny.who lands him with a swift kick to the gut.and then WHAM, swift kick to LBs gut, and once hes doubled overa knock-out blow of an Payback stunner! The crowd has a conniption fit of joy, and Q Public goes for a pin!
1...
2...
3!!!!!!!
Winner, and advancing to the Finals of the ICW Tournament of Champions, Johnny Q. Public!!!!!!!
The crowd continues to pop, into a frenzy practically, as Q Public raises his hand in triumph, and heads out of the ring and methodically to the back, seemingly unwilling to break his concentration from his ultimate goal, of capturing the ICW World Title.
JR: So thats it, folks! Johnny Q Public has defeated Lightning Bolt, and advanced to the final of this fine Tournament, to decide the ICW World Champion!
King: Hell get his ass handed to him by The Cool One, Fister McCarl! Well...if he's able to fight after the beating Dudley gave him!
Vitale: It dont get any cooler then the Big Ten teams in March, baby! Michigan State aside, the Big Ten is garbage, garbage baby! Awesome!
JR: McCarl awaits Q Public, but at this point, I find it hard to believe anyone can derail Johnnys seemingly effortless march to the title!
King: Well...VERTIGO Comics presents ICW RolePlayMania III! ICW RPM3 comes to you live from the sold out FU center in Philadelphia. Vertigo Comics: Comics and books suggested for mature readers. A division of DC Comics!
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Post by Dave Dangerously on May 28, 2008 18:11:58 GMT -6
Camera cuts to backstage area
Todd Pettengill: All right guys I'm here backstage at In Your House and I'm here with Issac Yankem DDS, and well, let me ask you Issac, what's it like being a REAL dentist?
Myst: What the hell? What do you mean dentist? You...you dont realize who I am? W...T...F. I MEAN, I'M ONLY A 50 TIME EWA CHAMP, I'M FREAKIN MYST. WHAT THE HELL? I'M FUCKIN MYST! YOU'RE MEAT, @#%$! I WILL DEVOUR YOU LIKE A DEMON WHO'S ON A SOUL DIET AND THEN HE GETS TAKEN OFF THE SOUL DIET AND THEN HE EATS A BUNCH OF SOULS, @#%$! YOU'RE ASKING FOR IT, YOU'RE ASKING FOR IT! HOLY SHITE! I CANT BELIEVE YOU? YOU THINK I'M NOT THE BADDEST, CRAZIEST @#%$ IN ICW? WELL YOU'RE FUCKIN WRONG, AHOLE!
Myst pauses.
Myst: What? Oh...oh...you're right...
Pettengill: Uhhh, Aldo Montoya, you're talking to yourself.
Myst: Myself? Talking to MYSELF? CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT I AM PYST? OH MY GOD, I'M A RACE CAR IN THE RED, I'M GOING TO EXPLODE!
Pettengill: Hey, take it easy. I never said you posed as the phony Undertaker.
Myst: HERE IT IS, TONIGHT, MYST IS ISSUING THE CHALLENGE TO ANYONE MAN ENOUGH TO FIGHT ME. I DONT WANT TO MAIM CRIPPLE OR KILL, I JUST WANT TO FIGHT, @#%$. SO IF ANYONE HAS THE CAJONES TO FACE THE DARK DRAGON WHO'S ON PROZAC, WE'LL FIGHT IN THE BACK, @#%$. BRING IT ON, BRING IT ALL ON, ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Myst storms off, Pyst.
Pettengill: Well, back to you Macho Man.
JR: Enlightening. Well folks, this is the moment no one's been waiting for. It's time for, well, the actual first tag team match at an ICW PPV that's actually been WRITTEN!
King: Man, that's incredible. That's like, never happened!
Vitale: Yeah baby, we're talking THREE PEET, THREE PEET, THREE PEET, SWISH!
JR: Well, there you can see above the ring, hanging, are the ICW World Tag Team Championship belts...the last team to hold the belts were Hoyakillah and Healius, now lowly members of our ICW announce team crew.
King: Thats right, and since those two nobodies didnt defend the belts, ICW owner Dave Dudley just made himself the tag team champions, and has been champions ever since!
Vitale: Until now, baby! Because Big Daddy D is going to bring the roof down here in Cheesesteak country.
JR: Totally right, Dick. Now folks, this is a 4 team Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match for the tag team titles. There are no rules, and there will be plenty of tables, ladders and chairs to use here at ringside. Now, the object is to climb the ladder and retrieve BOTH tag team titles. Then and ONLY then, will we have a winner and NEW tag team champions.
ICW Tag Team Championship
TLC: Los Conquistadors vs. Orion/Sylver Morrigan vs. Jade/Heartbreak Chick vs. Ice/Masked Warrior
The bell sounds, as The Ice makes his way out to the ring, with no music. The fans arent sure whether or not to cheer, or boo, as the Ice casually walks down the ramp, and into the ring. He raises his hands up in the air, as the crowd gives a slight cheer.
"The Halloween Theme" hits, and out comes The Masked Warrior, to a chorus of TEE OH PEE chants.
The Warrior comes down to the ring, as The Ice grabs a mic...
The Ice: Hey, Warrior, you'd better have your act together tonight, because if you get in my way at all during this match, I might have to just KICK YOUR ICE!
The crowd cheers, as Masked Warrior pulls a mic out of thin air. Thin air? Yeah, it's ICW.
The One True Warrior- ::thunder and lightning fill the arena, as the master of the T.O.P. begins to speak:: You know something, Ice, you and your friend, Dude Hate have been a constant thorn in my affairs to conquer the world of the E.F.W.O. and the E.W.A. and now the I.C.W. And tonight we're being teamed up to fight for the I.C.W. tag team titles. Well tonight the power of the T.O.P. will be on my side, and we'll be victorious only in the sake of gaining more strength for the war on my enemies. But tonight if you dont help us to win the I.C.W. tag team titles then you, my friend will become one of those enemies. ::the thunder and lightning grow even stronger, as The One True Warrior, the Masked Warrior enters the ring::
King: How the hell does he talk like that?
JR: It's in his contract.
Warrior and Ice give each other dirty looks in the ring, as "La Bamba" by Richie Valens hits the PA, and out come Los Conquistadors!
They comedically walk out to the ring as the fans boo. They slide into the ring, and climb the turnbuckles and wave to the fans.
JR: Technically, Los Conquistadors have the advantage here because they are the only REAL tag team here in ICW.
Vitale: CBS Sports and the NCAA, A REAL TAG TEAM BABY! Eat DiGiornio Pizza. It's not delivery, its AWESOME BABY!
"Sick Of Life" by Godsmack hits, and out comes Sylver Morrigan to a nice pop, and a nice reaction from the Lesbian audience here in ICW, for some reason.
She waits at the bottom of the ramp, as...
"We Know Who Our Enemies Are" by Mewithoutyou hits, and out comes Orion to a nice reaction, considering it's Orion.
Sylver and Orion both stop to look at each other, they look pretty focused, yet their minds seem elsewhere...
they slide into the ring, and begin the trash talking.
Meanwhile, Los Conquistadors are on the outside, talking to each other in Espanol.
Vitale: Did you hear what Conquistador Uno said? He said this match is going to be Awesome with a capital A BABY!!
JR: Actually, if I know my Spanish, I think he said he'd like to suckle on that young lady's posterior.
King: Come on, it's Sylver! Who hasnt? I mean wouldnt. Who wouldnt. Wouldnt.
Next, "Puritania" by Dimmu Borgir hits, and out comes Jade, to a bunch of oohs, and ahhs from the male audience. Supposedly, she's hot. But then again, its the internet. No one is hot on the internet. What did I just say? I forgot, Dave Dudley is hot, especially on the internet. And dont you forget it, slapdick.
She enters the ring, and begins to get in everyones face, cuz shes a PSYCHO BITCH!!! RIGHT ON MOTHER FUCKERS BITCH ASS @#%$ @#%$ ASS!
Then, "Que Pasa Contigo" which, is Spanish for "What's Up, Contigo" hits, and out comes The Heartbreak Chick, Shawna Michaels, to a great reaction from the over 30, fat and ugly demographic. Not to say she's not attractive, but her experience with such earns her a reputation.
As she gets to the ring, she slides in a chair, a ladder, and a table...HOLY @#%$, IT'S ON!!
DING, DING-A-LING
The match is underway, as The Conquistadors immediately go after Orion, and the 3 lovely ladies are involved in a 3 way.
...we now pause to think about that one.
Still thinking.
Stiiiiiiiiill thinking.
Almost done thinking.
ALMOST DONE,
ALMOST...DONE....
AHHHHH, there we go.
Meanwhile, The Ice and Masked Warrior start to set up the table.
Warrior grabs Conquistador Dos, and drags him into a corner, as MW and Ice begin to pummel him.
Orion manages to fight off Uno enough to go over and make the basic 2 on 1 attack on his partner an even 2 on 2 fight, as Orion takes on HBC as Jade and Sylver continue to go at it.
JR: Well, this match has turned into an immediate brawl...for it all.
Vitale: It's a BFIA, baby! Look at all of these guys in the ring, in ICW country, this is a diaper dandy baby, they're just fresh faced smooth bottomed rooks, totally awesome baby!
JR: Not really, most of them have wrestled in ICW before. Masked Warrior is like 45, also.
King: Haha, what a loser.
JR: If anyone reads this actual line, let me know. My guess, is that no one will read it. I'm betting 10 fake dollars that that is the case.
Back to the action, The Ice and MW in the corner are setting up Dos for a powerbomb through the table from the turnbuckle, Buh Buh style.
The Ice helps Dos up onto MW's powerbomb position, and then flips to the outside of the ring to get ready another table.
Meanwhile, Uno gets up. Dos flips out of the powerbomb, as Uno runs into the corner, jumping up onto the table, jumping off of the table, and landing on MW with a DDT like headlock.
MW isnt going down, though, as he holds onto the ropes. Uno struggles, but then Dos PUNCHES MW IN THE BALLS AS HE SITS ON THE TURNBUCKLE, AND UNO DDTS MASKED WARRIOR THROUGH THE TABLE!
The fans go...NUTS!
JR: Good lord, that was the first broken table of the night!
Vitale: That new recruit from down south sure is a PTPer baby!
Uno and Dos both then climb to the outside, to attack Ice.
In the ring, Orion whips HBC into the ropes, and catches her with a Mewdan Clutch! HBC manages to flip up and over out of it, and then attempts to kick Orion in the gut. Orion catches her foot, and she counters with an enziguri kick right to the side of Orion's head!
She then picks up the ladder that's laying on one side of the ring, under the ropes, and sets it up in the middle of the ring.
She doesnt climb it yet, though, as she goes over to Jade's direction and helps her against Sylver.
Jade and HBC both begin to trade punches on Sylver, but Sylver counters with the VAGINAL CLAW!
King: Wait...are you sure that move is supposed to HURT?
JR: Well, for first timers, maybe.
Sylver stands up while still applying the move, as HBC and Jade sell the move very poorly, as I obviously stated before the move probably wouldnt cause much damage, but then again maybe they're squirming out of enjoyment, those deviant girls, them.
Sylver releases the hold, and then delivers a DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE!
She then sticks her hands up to her nose and smells, and gets a disgusted look on her face.
King: Maybe somebody's not springtime fresh tonight?
Vitale: I'll tell you who's fresh, baby, those Kennn-tucky Wildcats HOOYAH they're fresh all right, AND ONE!
Dick Vitale makes no sense, as we cut to outside where Los Conquistadors are beating down The Ice. They drape him over the guard rail, as Uno hops onto the apron and delivers an asai moonsault onto Ice. Dos tries to do the same, but Sylver clotheslines him off the apron, before he can do so.
Masked Warrior gets up, and starts to get into a fist fight with Sylver. The two trade moves back and forth before MW delivers a big boot to Sylver's ravishing face. Orion then gets up, himself, and clotheslines he AND MW over the top rope to the floor.
Conquistador Uno climbs into the ring and charges Sylver, but instead, Sylver ducks and Uno jumps into HBC and Jade, hitting them both with a splash. He charges Sylver once again, sliding between her legs and hits Sylver with a reverse victory roll bridge, but instead of putting it into a pin, he continues to roll all the way to the ropes, rolling Sylver to the outside!
Uno slides out, and sets up a table on the outside. He positions Sylver onto the table, and climbs back into the ring.
HBC, seeing an opportunity, goes to Uno who is perched on the turnbuckle, facing the outside, as he prepares to do a top rope move on Sylver. She climbs the turnbuckle with him, pounds on him a little, and then SUPLEXES HIM FROM THE TOP ROPE TO THE OUTSIDE THROUGH SYLVER THROUGH THE TABLE!!!
meanwhile, The Ice rolls Dos back into the ring...
JR: Good LORD, did you see that?
King: All three of them are beaten down, right in front of us!
Vitale: Here's where I would say THAT WAS AWESOME, BABY! But, that's kinda expected. So, instead...THAT WAS AWESOME, BABY! I'll admit it, my vocabulary is limited.
The Ice stomps Dos, as he begins to climb the ladder, trying to get the tag gold.
Jade sees this, and immediately pushes the ladder over! The Ice goes spilling to the mat, and the ladder lands on Dos.
Jade tells the crowd that she's going to win the belts, when from behind, Masked Warrior enters the ring and CLOBBERS HER WITH A STEEL CHAIR!!!
Masked Warrior celebrates, as HBC enters with her own chair, and CLOBBERS MW WITH THE CHAIR!!!
HBC slams down the chair and raises her hands in victory, as THE ICE grabs a fallen chair and CLOBBERS HBC WITH THE CHAIR!
The Ice celebrates.
JR: Good lord, look at this action!
The Ice turns around and meets DOS who CLOBBERS ICE WITH THE STEEL CHAIR!
Just as soon as Dos hits the Ice with the weapon, Sylver sneaks in and CLOBBERS DOS WITH THE CHAIR IN THE FACE!
Before we can speak, UNO HITS SYLVER WITH THE CHAIR!
Orion, from the outside, slides into the ring with a chair of his own and DESTROYS UNO WITH THE CHAIR!!!!
Orion celebrates being the last one standing in the ring, as he plays to the crowd, holding the chair up.
King: AHHH! Everyone is down but Orion! Seize the opportunity, you idiot!
JR: Good advice King, after all of that chairshot action, looks like Orion is setting up the ladder!
Vitale: He's on the road to the Final Four, baby!
As Orion climbs the ladder slowly...
THE HARDCORE ICON DAVE DUDLEY runs in unannounced!
JR: What the HELL?
Dudley, weilding a steel chair wrapped in barbed wire, pulls Orion off of the ladder, and SMITES ORION WITH THE BARBED WIRE STEEL CHAIR IN THE FACE, IMMEDIATELY BUSTING HIM OPEN!!!
Dudley then holds his chair up and proclaims to the crowd, "Who's the man?
He then leaves the ringside area, just as fast as he came.
JR: What in GODS name is going on?
King: That rat bastard Dudley is just upset he lost his match here tonight! He must figure since this is his last show in control he can do whatever he wants! He already beat down Fister McCarl, after the match!
JR: Well I cant believe this! Everyone is down, in the ring!
Vitale: We need a TO baby, a TO!
Everyone is down and out. FA RILL!
JR: Well...since nothing is happening...uh...wait, it looks like someone has accepted Myst's challenge!!!
Camera cuts to the backstage area, to show Myst talking to someone off camera.
Myst: SO YOU WANT TO FIGHT, DO YOU? YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME? COME ON, @#%$ LET'S GET THIS BAD BOY ON!
the camera pans over to show...
A brick wall.
The referee is there, too.
Special challenge:
Myst vs. A Brick Wall
JR: I cant believe this. We've sank to new lows.
Ding, ding
The bell sounds, and Myst starts to punch away at the brick wall.
No affect, so he tries to kick it.
Myst: AHH, MY FUCKIN PINKY TOE! YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT!
Myst grabs a wooden chair and throws it at the wall. It shatters.
He throws more things at the wall, and they bounce off.
The wall remains, unrelentless.
Myst: AHHH! I CANT BELIEVE YOU! WHY WONT YOU LET ME BEAT YOU?
Myst resumes punching the wall.
Myst: PUT UP YOUR DUKES, YOU FILTHY BASTERD!
The wall has no dukes, and Myst finds that out as he punches it some more.
He continues to punch, until he gets tired and slumps up against the wall, clawing at it trying to get up.
JR: Looks like the wall is getting the best of Myst, here.
Myst gets up and backs up away from the wall.
Myst: Ugh...Argh...Ahhhh....ARGH.....GLARG!!! YOU...MAKE...ME...SO...ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!
Myst charges head first with a GORE, GORE, GORE! INTO THE BRICK WALL!
Yeah, but that wasnt smart. Myst's head goes THUD into the wall, and he falls flat on his back.
JR: Good LORD!
King: For once, I'm at a loss for words.
Vitale: Not me, baby....uh...baby.
Myst is out cold, as the referee begins to count him out.
1...
2...
3...
4...
5...
6...
7...
8...
9...
10!!!
"Brick wall, WINNER!" the ref says.
Winner by knockout, A Brick Wall
EMTs and the referee haul Myst off, as the camera pans back over to the wall, which is unharmed.
JR: Well. Yeah. So...wait lets go back to the TLC match, look!
We come back just as Orion is putting Jade THROUGH THE TABLE, WITH A STEEL CHAIR ON TOP, WITH A THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT FAMEASSER FROM ON TOP OF THE LADDER!
The fans chant, holy SHITE, holy SHITE!
Jade is out COLD!
A second ladder, set up...yeah, this happened while the camera was away. Cheap? YOU BETCHA!
A second ladder in the ring, is knocked over by Sylver. The ladder contains HBC, and The Ice. The two go spilling to the outside through a pyramid of tables!
Sylver turns around and gets caught in the WARRIORS DREAM SLEEPERHOLD! Orion gets up and hits MW from behind with a low blow, causing MW to release the hold, but the damage is done, as Sylver falls to the ground semi-unconcious.
Orion grabs the tipped over ladder, and smashes MW in the face with it, before setting it up in the corner(Standing up, but just in the corner. Also, there is still a ladder in the center of the ring.)
MW is groggy, so Orion picks up a steel chair, and hits him with it.
Instant replay:
During the time away from camera, we see the following shots in the corner of the screen:
Orion hits Dos with a Rated R Van Terminator as Sylver holds the chair in his face.
HBC hits some Sweet Chin Music on The Ice.
Jade hits a Top rope Jaded DVD through the table, on Sylver.
The Ice hits Uno with The Cracked Cube on top of the ladder.
Los Conquistadors hit Nachos Grande, and Grilled STuffed Burritos on Masked Warrior.
back to live action, Orion begins to climb the ladder, but MW pulls him off, and hits him with a power bomb, to the outside, through the SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE!
We now cut to the feed from the Spanish announce table:
Jose Ramirez: Es Orion. QUE?? OH MI DIOS!
El Bastarde: SHEET, SHEET, SHEET!
Jose Ramirez: ES MUY MAL TRAGIFICO! MI FAMILIA'S ESPANOL ANOUNCION TABLE, ES MUCHO DESTRUCTICO!
El Bastarde: Si, the SHEET has heet the fan!
Jose Ramirez: Es Ingles, no es Ingles, habla Espanol!
El Bastarde: De donde eres? Como estas? Tambien! Muchas Gracias Senorita! Que Hora Es?
Jose Ramirez: {Whispers} Look, just use the 'sheet' gag, ok?
El Bastarde: SHEET, SHEET, SHEET!
back to american.
JR: GOOD GOD DAMN!
Vitale: That...was....AWESOME, BABY!
King: I need a trademark line. Puppies doesnt really apply here. Ah, screw it. PUPPIES!!!!
MW begins to climb the ladder, but he is shoved off by Conquistador Dos, who, hits MW with the EL-KABONG SPANISH GUITAR TO THE HEAD!!!!
Uno climbs the ladder, and begins to grab one belt.
Meanwhile, Dos sets MW up...and begins to hit him with the Power bomb! Simultaneously, Uno flies off the ladder with the shooting star press, grabbing a belt off the hook in the process!
THE BIG ENCHILADA ON MASKED WARRIOR!!!
The crowd goes crazy!!!
JR: Wait...wait this match is NOT over! Only 1 belt is off the hook. Both belts have to be held by one person, or both belts have to be held by each member of the team for that team to be the champions. All Uno or Dos have to do is grab the other belt!
Dos begins to take JR's advice, but he is cut off by Sylver, who knocks him down with a clothesline. Sylver then turns around and sweeps Unos feet, causing him to fall and drop the ICW tag title belt.
Sylver grabs it! She thinks she's won!
But from behind, Jade grabs the belt and hits Sylver in the face with it!! Jade sits it in the corner, on the top turnbuckle, and begins to climb the ladder. In runs Conquistador Uno, who throws her off the ladder. She hits hard, and rolls to the outside.
At this point, the following people are out:
Orion, Jade, Sylver, Masked Warrior
Dos gets up and begins to climb the ladder. Meanwhile, HBC runs in and starts to fight with Uno, towards the corner that has the belt set up in it.
The Ice, enters the ring, and goes after Dos who is almost near the top of the ladder.
Ice lifts Dos off the ladder, and onto his shoulders in an electric chair like move.
King: Hey, it looks like The Ice has that Dos where he wants him!
The Ice smiles, and prepares to drop Dos somewhere, but Dos reaches up, for the belt. He cant reach it.
So before the Ice can drop him, Dos JUMPS on top of the Ice's shoulders! Then makes another jump, and grabs onto the belt!
JR: He's touching the belt, here!!!
Dos undoes the belt, and lands back on the ice's shoulders! Dos hits Ice with the belt, and then does a head scissors, causing Ice to fly into the ladder that's set up in the opposite corner, face first into one of the rungs!
Vitale: AT THE BUZZER BABY!
As Dos has the 2nd belt undone and in his possession,
HBC kicks Uno in the gut, locks him in a diamond cutter headlock, and runs towards the corner with the other tag title hanging in it. She attempts an ACID DROP, BUT UNO COUNTERS IT AND TOSSES HER OVER THE TOP ROPE, TO THE FLOOR, THROUGH A TABLE! GRAVITY RULES!
Uno drops to one knee in the corner, and then he stands up...and GRABS THE OTHER TAG TEAM TITLE! LOS CONQUISTADORS HAVE BOTH TITLE BELTS!
Winners, and NEW ICW World Tag Team Champions, Los Conquistadors
Uno and Dos grab the tag titles, and make a mad dash for the backstage area.
Meanwhile, the ring and ringside area is littered with broken tables, damaged ladders, bent chairs, and 6 beaten bodies all scattered throughout.
I'm sure if these teams could get up at the moment...they would all be fighting and arguing about losing a well, well fought match.
JR: CONQUISTADORS! CONQUISTADORS!
Vitale: YEAH BABY, THEY'RE READY FOR PRIME TIME! SWISH!!
King: Wow, those beaners did it!
JR: I'm sure if these teams could get up at the moment...they would all be fighting and arguing about losing a well, well fought match. Kudos to Los Conquistaors for winning gold, here at RolePlayMania III.
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Post by Dave Dangerously on May 28, 2008 18:12:38 GMT -6
Cameras fade to the back, where some doofus in a cowboy hat is standing with a microphone in one hand and a lasso in the other. Hes got some presumably ass-less chaps on, and a stupid leather vest, and he looks like a complete f*ucking tool. On with the interview, because hes standing there with, Andrew Leigh.
Chad Hartl: This is Chad Hartl, and welcome to EFWO! Im a cowboy, and I have no idea how to spell the word.gur.guar.gru..
Andrew Leigh: Guarantee, you f*ucking incompetent Oxenreider dingelberry. How did you end up here, anyway, shouldnt you be talking up EFWO as this great creative body of talent or something?
Chad Hartl: Ill ask the questions here, thank you very much! Now, why is it that youre not as talented as my boss and best friend Brian Oxenreider? Also, why is it that I wear pants with no backs?
Leigh: Easy access, is the answer to the pants question. I dont care about Ox, so Ill just say that once I defend my TransContintental Title tonight, Ill expect a shot at whoever wins the World Title after this s*hitty Tournament is over.
Chad Hartl: Im 35 and married, yet I love to talk about being a cowboy and pretending to be some kind of political know-it-all. Any parting thoughts?
Leigh: This was the biggest waste of airtime on a PPV Ive ever seen.
Chad Hartl: No kidding. Bad luck in your match, you cntfkserso bastard you!
Cut back to ringside.
JR: Well as Andrew Leigh and Chad Hartl eluded to, this next match will decide who walks away from RPM with the TransContinental Title.
King: Leigh has held onto the belt for what seems like an eternity, and hell probably continue his reign here tonight, as both of his opponents dont seem like much to write home about.
Vitale: Theyre IUPUI to Leighs Kentucky, baby! Hes awesome, with a capital AWE, baby!
King: All those babys make you sound like some retarded version of Austin Powers.
JR: God King, that was just a terrible joke. Awful, to the core.
Vitale: Hes right about this one, baby, that stunk with a capital stink!
Sevendusts Prayer begins to play through the First Union Center, and the crowd pops somewhat as former holder of a bunch of titles I cant remember and dont want to look up in his CD, Ethan Prophet, makes his way down to the ring. Hes wearing one of his old EFWO T-shirts, but to make a statement, he spray-painted a big X over the EFWO logo, to prove, you know, hes all-ICW now.
After Ethan is in the ring and relaxing and what not, The Whos The Real Me starts to play, and after Healius is done ejaculating backstage over The Who appearance, ICW newcomer Gryphon makes his way out, to a mostly mixed reaction from the Philadelphia crowd. Hes a hometown boy, no less, but he gets little love from the crowd. Still, he doesnt seem to mind, as he stoically struts down the ramp, looking pretty intense and focused in on winning the TC Title.
So both Gryphon and Prophet are waiting in the ring, and The Liars Tumbling Walls Buried Me in the Debris with ESG starts to play over the PA, and the crowd boos bigtime as heel anti-hero and current TransContinental Title holder Andrew Leigh makes his way out, the belt draped over his shoulder and what have you. He strolls down to the ring with no particular place to go, and walks in, staring down Prophet and Gryphon, and taking off his belt and all that.
JR: Leigh, for the amount of hijinks and stupidity hes responsible for, seems pretty focused in on this match here tonight.
King: Hes all business when it gets down to crunch time, JR! He doesnt fool around, especially with titles on the line.
Vitale: As clutch as Christian Laettner in the National Title game, baby! With less then 2 seconds to go, hes awesome baby! A real prime-time-player, baby!
TransContinental Title Match
Andrew Leigh(c) vs. Ethan Prophet vs. Gryphon
So everyone is ready to go, and the referee holds up the TC Title belt and the crowd cheers, then he signals for the bell and were ready to get it on. As the bell sounds, Prophet and Gryphon both inch their way towards the center of the ring, where Leigh stands. The two men have now both focused in on Leigh, who has turned his body so he can try and face both Ethan and Gryphon. As they get closer and closer, Leigh begins to egg them both on, shouting obscene insults and antagonizing the two to just bring it, you know, since hes such a big tough New Yorker. Finally, Prophet and Gryphon both lunge forward with attempts at clotheslines, but Leigh alertly rolls out of the way, causing Gryphon and Ethan to collide with a rough double clothesline! They cancel each other out, and Leigh is the only one left standing, much to the chagrin of the anti-Leigh Philadelphia crowd.
JR: Good start to this match for Andrew Leigh, hes managed to have both his opponents knock each other out accidentally! Figures that this weasel would use backhanded tactics to retain that stupid belt of his!
King: Jeez JR, a little more respect for the wrestling legend that IS Andrew Leigh!
Vitale: Hes John Wooden, baby, a living legend in his alma mater! Y2Awesome, with a capital Y2A, baby!
Gryphon and Prophet have both risen to their feet again, albeit a bit dazed and confused, Leigh scurries away from them, as they once again rush in the direction of Leigh. Leigh again sees them both coming, and ducks under both their attacks once again, and then counters the both of them by sending them plunging into the ring ropes with a double-drop toehold, not a single one that would be seen being executed on just one guy. Prophet and Gryphon both bounce off the middle rope, and since theyre all out of control and what not, they land hard on their backs on the mat. The crowd boos, as Leigh decides to go for a pin on Prophet! 1..2..No dice, as Ethan manages to get a shoulder up!
JR: Leigh maintaining an early advantage here, as both his opponents remain hobbled and out of things thanks to Leighs early counterstrikes to their own attacks!
King: They sure have run into each other a lot. Leigh is playing them off one another very well.
Leigh slowly pulls himself back up to his feet after the attempted pin, and Prophet and Gryphon are both doing the same, albeit more slowly then the fresh and unscathed Leigh. Specifically, Prophet is using his legs as leverage to help himself rise off the mat, and Leigh succeeds in knocking him back down with a swift kick to the back of the knee area. Prophet crumples in a heap on the mat, clutching at his knee, and Leigh decides its time to finish off Prophet..but dont forget, Gryphon has also gotten back up to his feet, and hes now lurking behind Leigh, waiting to inflict some serious ass-beating and what have you. So, as Leigh is ready to lock on a Figure Four leglock on the fallen and in-pain Prophet, Gryphon sneaks up behind Leigh, spins him around, and before Leigh can counter, Gryphon is laying into the TC champ with combinations of uppercuts, jabs and various other punches you can come up with. I think he used a wild drunk punch even, to mock Leighs presumable Irish roots, I guess, or something. Anyway, Leigh has been forced back up into the corner by Gryphon, and now he decides to climb the turnbuckle that Leighs draped across, and do that count out ten punches thing. So naturally, the crowd counts along as Gryphon lands twelve closed-fist punches to Leighs forehead, and after the tenth, Gryphon dismounts, and Leigh drops to the mat in a heap!
JR: Gryphon has really taken this match over! Prophet is still hobbling around nursing that knee, and now Leigh is down hard on the mat after getting pummeled in the corner! The tide has clearly turned!
Ethan Prophet is back up on his feet, albeit gingerly and not 100%, and he looks down first at the fallen Andrew Leigh, and then over at Gryphon, who is now standing across the ring, staring down Prophetafter a few seconds, Gryphon flips Ethan the bird, and tells him to bring his best s*hit over here, or something like that. So, Prophet naturally obliges, and starts charging across the ring! Once he reaches the fallen Leigh, Prophet uses Leighs chest as a springboard, as he hops up onto it, then off towards Gryphon with his legs extended in an attempted springboard hurricanrana.but Gryphon ducks, causing Prophet to go flying feet-first into the turnbuckle, and he inadvertently gets his legs tied up around the top turnbuckle!
King: My God, what a bad position for Ethan Prophet to be in! Hes tangled up, and now hes at the mercy of Gryphon!
Vitale: This beating might be worse then the Pittsburgh-Wagner game, baby!
So Gryphon is licking his chops, as both Leigh and Prophet are at his will. But since Ethan is a little more recently incapacitated, he decides he might as well start with him. Ethans head is hanging right above the mat, and before doing anything else, Gryphon goes over and delivers a few swift kicks to Ethans forehead. Then, just to keep him from feeling lonely, he heads over to Leigh and kicks him a few times, as hes still down on the mat, feeling the effects of being used as a springboard and being punched a lot in the head. Then, Gryphon heads over to the tied up Prophet, and before doing anything, absolutely clobbers Prophet below the belt, shall we say, with a stiff right hand! Prophets eyes cross basically, and hes all in pain, and he tries reaching up to grab his uhyeah, but cant reach.
King: Thats just torture, really.
JR: They dont call it the Tree of Woe for nothing, King!
King: Your smartass comment didnt make that move hurt Ethan Prophet any less, JR!
After Gryphon did this, he climbed out of the ring, and grabbed a nearby steel chair. He carried it back into the ring with him, and once he was in the ring, he hit the still-fallen but recovering Andrew Leigh in the back with it, then went over and clobbered Prophet right in his upside down face! Prophet was pretty much knocked out by this, and then Gryphon decides itd be a good idea to drape the chair across Prophets face, and take a few steps back in the ring and line up for what would promise to be a devastating maneuver. So Gryphon is in position.and he goes charging right at Prophet, and slides down onto the mat, then delivers a horrendous baseball slide kick right into the steel chair, which of course goes right into the face of the tied-up Prophet! The crack of the steel chair echoes through the arena, and the crowd oohs and aahs and all that s*hit. The move actually finally untangles Prophet from the turnbuckle, and he collapses onto the mat feet-first!
JR: Dear sweet Jesus! What a sick move by Gryphon, he absolutely might have broken Ethan Prophets nose with that one!
King: I like the way this new guy works, JR! Hes got no regard for the well being of his opponents, thats always a good thing.
Gryphon hops back up to his feet, and heads over to the almost out-cold Prophet, and goes for what could be a TC Title-clinching pinfall! 1..2..No, Andrew Leigh rushes in, and breaks the pin up! Leigh had been reeling from constantly being cheap-shotted as he was lying down on the mat trying to recover, but now hed finally gotten enough time to get back up to his feet, and has now broken up Gryphons attempted pin of Prophet. And Leigh isnt done either, as he pulls Gryphon up by his shaggy haircut, and starts beating the piss out of him, old Staten Island drunken brawling style! All sorts of wild rights and lefts, and a few kicks to the stomach/groin are even thrown in there. Leigh continues to just pummel away on Gryphon, until he finally just swivels around a bit and falls flat on his face. Leigh sees that its time to try something seriously high-impact, so he points over to the announce table, and then goes over and picks up Gryphon.
JR: What in the..now what the hell is he planning on doing?!?!
King: I dont know JR, but I think it would be best if we all just left the table at this time!
Vitale: Im with you on that one, baby! I got a feeling this Diaper Dandy is going to come flying through our table with a real bigtime slam-a-jama, baby! Awesome!
So, Leigh has got Gryphon up now, and hes steadying the still-woozy Gryphon. Then, Leigh knees him in the gut, and locks him in a double-underhook position. Then, once hes got that locked in good, he hoists Gryphon up onto his shoulder and turns him, so Gryphon is face-first looking down onto the outside of the ring..and then Leigh leans back a bit, and absolutely TOSSES Gryphon OVER the top rope, across the outside area, and DIRECTLY ONTO the announce table!!!! Leigh calls the move Introducing The Metric System in Time, and this time, he introduced Gryphon into the announce table (God Im funny)!!! The table doesnt give an INCH, and Gryphon just bounces off the damn thing, right into the laps of the fleeing Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler and Dick Vitale!!!! The crowd cheers, not so much for Leigh, but for the hardcore badass move he pulled!
JR: Dear GOD! MY GOD! LEIGH JUST BROKE GRYPHON IN HALF! OUR TABLE DIDNT MOVE, AND A MANS BACK CANT HANDLE THAT MUCH SHOCK!
King: That table must be made of some solid oak or something, because that thing did not budge ONE INCH!
Well Gryphon is f*ucking out of things, thats for sure. Leighs got a big grin on his face back in the ring, and he turns to Ethan Prophet. Apparently, Leigh must figure that throwing his second opponent into the announce table will most assuredly break the damn thing, so he figures hell give it a shot, you know, and finish both guys off. So Leigh goes over to pick Prophet up off the mat.but Ethan is waiting for Leigh, and starts to counter Leighs attempt to get him off the mat! Ethan with a couple of shots to Leighs stomach, and then Prophet says its time to take over the drivers seat in the match, so he gets up, grabs the back of the doubled-over Leighs head, and forces him down hard face-first into the mat with a facebuster! Prophet then goes over and picks up the destroyed steel chair that Gryphon used to pummel him, and carries it back over to where Leigh is lying. Ethan then goes and just clobbers Leigh with it a few times, then places the chair down beside Leigh, and pulls him up off the mat.
JR: Good God, Ive got a feeling Prophet will be introducing Leigh to that god damned steel chair! And not in a friendly manner!
Leigh is in Prophets clutches, and Ethan sets him in position.then brings Leigh crashing down back-first onto the steel chair with a spinebuster he likes to call the Ethanizer! Leigh hits hard, not only on his back, but the back of his head also strikes the mat with a vengeance. Prophet still isnt content to just go and pin Leigh, so he decides he might as well go a step further. Namely, he heads out of the ring, and brings in one of the tables presumably left over from that TLC tag team match. With this development, the crowd starts going nuts again, since they love the hardcore stuff.
King: Forget about our announce table, I think wed better watch out what happens to this table Ethan is bringing into the ring now! God, someone had better get Andrew Leigh some good medical coverage after this debacle!
Vitale: He needs a PTDer, a prime-time-doctor, baby! Im the master of the wordplay, awesome baby!
So Prophet slides a table into the ring, and goes back in and folds it and all that crap. Gryphon is still out cold at the announce table, mind you, and Leigh is all beat up and stuff from getting hit with a chair and spinebusted and such. So Prophet takes his time, and eventually the table is put together, and Ethan reaches down and lifts Leigh up, and drapes his motionless body onto the tables top. The crowd pops, as Ethan goes over to the nearest turnbuckle, and climbs it, heading to the top rope!
JR: My God.ETHAN, DONT DO IT! YOULL END UP KILLING YOURSELF, FOR GODS SAKE! SWEET LORD!
Prophet is up on the top rope, and hes steadying himself and trying to measure his leap and all that crap..when theres a commotion in the crowd, and a good number of people turn to face the entrance ramp.
JR: What in the.
King: OH MY GOODNESS, FOLKS! LOOK WHOSE COMING OUR WAY!
The camera swivels around, out of the ring, to get a close-up view of a furious-looking Dave Dudley stomping down towards the ring, carrying a steel chair wrapped in barbed wire!!!! The crowd immediately starts to boo their asses off, since Dudley is still an uber-heel, even though he just lost to a dork named Fister.
JR: What the hell?!?! WHAT IN THE HELL BUSINESS DOES DUDLEY HAVE OUT HERE DURING THIS MATCH?!?! AND WITH THAT GOD AWFUL CHAIR OF HIS!
King: Ethan Prophet is about to get a rude awakening, I think thats safe to say!
Dudley reaches ringside with that chair still at his side, and he stealthily climbs up onto the apron near Prophet, who is just about ready to take his descent onto the stretched-out and table-ized Leigh. Prophet, however, has no clue Dudley is near him..and Dudley rears back, AND ABSOLUTELY CRUSHES PROPHET IN THE BACK WITH THE BARBED WIRE CHAIR!!!!!! The barbed wire digs into Prophets back, but Dudley doesnt just leave it there.he rips it out of Ethans flesh (taking pieces of flesh with it, no doubt), rears backAND HITS ETHAN A SECOND TIME, THIS TIME IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD, WITH FULL FORCE!!!!
Crowd: EYE-SEE-DUBYA! EYE-SEE-DUBYA! EYE-SEE-DUBYA!
JR: THIS IS AN ATROCITY! A TERRORIST ATTACK! SWEET JESUS SASSAFRASS, THIS IS JUST HORRIBLE!
Prophet is unable to maintain any type of consciousness or any of that, and just limply falls forward, right onto the outstretched Andrew Leigh, on top of the table he put together himself! The table doesnt break since Ethan didnt fall with much force. Dudley, however, is not done. He discards his chair for the moment, and then hops up onto the top turnbuckle that Ethan had just occupied himself.
King: OH BOY! Leigh and Prophet are about to get totally demolished!!!
Vitale: OH YEAH BABY, OH YEAH!!!! THIS IS UNBELIEVABL! I LEFT OFF THE E, SINCE ITS SO INSANE, BABY, INSANITY! MARCH MADNESS, OHHH! Ejaculates
So Dudley is perched on the top rope, and he flips the bird to the crowd..and leaps off, stretching out completely, and landing an absolutely ridiculous frog splash onto the bodies of both Ethan Prophet and Andrew Leigh.sending ALL THREE men crashing through that table!!!!! The crowd pops as the spot is, you know, f*Ucking fancy with that capital U!!!!
JR: NO! BY GOD NO, DAMN THAT DAMN DUDLEY DAMN HIM DAMN!
King: Thats a lot of damns. Dudley has absolutely DEMOLISHED Leigh and Prophet!
Dudley hops right back up to his feet, though, even though he just went through a fucken table, hes that hardcore. He looks around at what hes done, just smiles, and leaves the ring, making his way up the ramp, dodging various drinks and fruit and vegetables being hurled at him from the crowd.
JR: This is absurd. There is nothing left of any of these wrestlers..
King: You speak too soon JR! Look whose crawling into the ring!
Sure enough, the camera swings to show Gryphon (remember him?) crawling into the ring, and slowly making his way over to the corpses of both Leigh and Ethan Prophet! After about five minutes of crawling and all that, Gryphon reaches them both..AND DRAPES HIS ARM OVER BOTH MEN!
JR: NO F*UCKING WAY, THIS IS A COMPLETE SCREWJOB!
King: Fair is foul, foul is fair, my friend!
JR: Is that from MacBeth?
King: What?
Vitale: The pin, baby, Carmelo Anthonys got the pin!
The ref scampers over, and starts to count, as the crowd boos!
123!!!!!!!!! The crowd boooooos even more!
Winner, and NEW TransContinental Champion, Gryphon!!!!!!
JR: This is a f*ucking travesty, folks! I dont usually get too upset, but Ethan Prophet and even that yellow-bellied bastard Andrew Leigh, got completely SCREWED here tonight, by that GOD DAMN DAVE DUDLEY!
Gryphon is handed the TC Title, and he raises it above his head, no smile, no nothing, no celebration. He takes the belt, spits near the fallen bodies of Leigh and Prophet, and walks out of the ring, and up the ramp, absorbing some nasty treatment from his hometown Philadelphia fans.
Commercial Break:
Dont miss MONDAY NIGHT MAYHEM, live this monday night and EVERY monday night, with your hosts:
Joey Styles Joel Gertner Tony Soprano
This Monday night, we will also be starting Episode one of The Faggots Of Efed-THE LIMITED SERIES!
How long will it last? Until I get tired.
Be there! Because I said so.
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Post by Dave Dangerously on May 28, 2008 18:13:02 GMT -6
b]JR:[/b] Well folks, weve seen a lot here tonight, weve seen new Tag Team Champions crowned, a new TransContinental Champion has been crowned.and now its time to find out who our next World Champion will be!
King: Some of the biggest names in wrestling have held the ICW World Title with honor and prestige.but tonight well be crowning the likes of Fister McCarl or Johnny Q Public. Good God, how the mighty have fallen!
Vitale: ITs time for the old folks to step aside, baby! Let the fresh blood in, the new air, baby! Awesome!
JR: Ive got to go with Vitale on this one, King. ICW has long been in need of a change, with Dave Dudley seemingly cornering the World Title market!
King: WTF, Dave Dudley hasnt even defended the title in like 6 years. Hexane and Sky were champs, remember?
JR: Thank goodness this tournament has proven that others within the company are worthy of rising through the ranks and winning the coveted Title belt!
King: This company will close yet AGAIN in another week if either one of these jerkoffs becomes World Champ, you can put your money on that one! Hopefully theres some type of divine or greater intervention that keeps this trainwreck from going on!
JR: Forget about it, King, as now were about to get this great match-up underway
The Fine Young Cannibals Good Thing starts to play, and the crowd boos pretty heavily as Fister McCarl makes his way out, looking all suave and cool and all those things that Fister looks like. Hes the self-proclaimed coolest man in wrestling, you know, and hes actually backing that up, as hes beaten Dave Dudley, and hes a win away from the ICW World Title, and hes only been around for what, a few weeks? So Fister makes his way into the ring, and the crowd boos as he hops around and basks in his coolness, and they quiet down and wait for Q Public.
JR: Id expect this crowd to really get behind Johnny Q Public tonight, as hes close to living out his career-long dream of capturing his first ICW World Title!
King: Figures, leave it to Philadelphia to always blindly support a loser. Look at the Phillies, for Gods sake.
Vitale: Or those Temple Owls, baby!
After a moment of silence, I Have Seen Where It Grows starts to play, and the crowd practically blows the roof off the joint, as they start cheering hardcore for the impending entrance of their man, Johnny Q Public. Johnny eventually, after a few moments of having his music just play and the crowd cheer, makes his way out into the arena, and the already raucous ovation increases two or maybe three-fold. Johnny calmly paces down towards the ring, as Fister stands back in his corner, looking too cool to even worry about Q Public making his way out or any of that crap. Q Public eventually reaches the ring and dives in, and stares down Fister a bit and all that.
ICW World Heavyweight Championship Fister McCarl vs. Johnny Q. Public
JR: Q Public has made no qualms about denying the fact that its been his goal from the onset to win the World Title, and hes now just one step away from fulfilling that goal!
King: Hes got little to no chance, with Fister standing in his way. Hes had it pretty easy since he beat Andrew Leigh, what with fighting a Conquistador and Lightning Bolt.
Vitale: Like Syracuses easy bracket in the Tourney, baby! Cakewalk to the finals, awesome, yeah!
JR: SO the battle for the ICW World Titleis about to commence! Enjoy it, folks!
Fister flicks out one of his Kool cigarettes, and cracks his neck in a cool fashion, then decides to stroll out to the center of the ring. Q Public does a little last-second preparation of his own, and he goes and joins Fister right in the center of the ring. The two stare down a bit, followed by Fister coolly rearing his head backhocking a cool loogey.and spitting in Q Publics face in the coolest fashion possible! Fister gets some major heel heat, and Johnny is pissed as hell now (and covered in spit, too)! SO Johnny takes off in a mad charge at Fister.but Fister will have none of this, and grabs a hold of the charging Q Public and bitches him down to the mat with a slick jumping DDT (where Fister grabs Q Pub and jumps in the air before bringing him down with the standard DDT)!
King: Fister taking his first step to being ICW Champ! Q Public is just no match for this guys coolness.
JR: Way too early to count Johnny out, King, way too early!
Q Public is down holding his head, and Fister goes and lands a few cheap kicks to the ribcage area of Johnny. Fister then calmly bounces off the ropes, hits the mat with a roll coming off the ropes, and then once hes gotten through his roll, comes back to his feet, only to hop up into the air, and come crashing down upon Q Public with a big elbow drop. Basically, Fister went all through rolling and hopping up into the air, to do a f*ucking elbow drop. What a dork. But, he thinks its cool, right? Right. So anyway, Fister figures the elbow drop wasnt enough, and goes down to Q Public and locks on a Ken Shamrock-style ankle lock submission! Johnny lets out a scream/screech/whatever of pain and anguish, as Fister really twists his ankle around and stuff.
JR: My God, Fister has that hold locked on Q Publics ankle! He might damn well just snap the ankle like a twig!
Q Public is reaching for the ropes, but hes not close enough to reasonably surmount enough energy to pull himself and Fister to them and get the hold broken the easy way. So instead, he has to figure out a way to counter out of the move. Instead of giving Q Public a chance to figure it out, though, Fister figures he might as well turn the hold into something else. So he continues to hold onto Q Publics ankle, but then reaches down and grabs Johnnys other leg.and pulls that up, locking on a Boston Crab! But, Fister doesnt hold the Crab in place for long, as he eventually lips Q Public off the mat, and smashes him hard face-first, followed by a release of the move! Q Public presumably hurt his neck, ankle and face thanks to that sequence, and Fister is still right in the drivers seat.
King: Fister will probably end up making short work of Q Public here, just like I said.
JR: You really have strong feelings for your own opinions, Jerry.
King: Not really, I just dont try to cover the fact that Q Public is a no-talent hack.
Fister keeps on keeping on, as he know rushes over to the top rope, hops up onto it, and quickly springs off, landing a wicked guillotine leg drop on the back of Q Publics head!! The crowd boos, and Fister doesnt stop going to work on Johnnys neck area, as he reaches down and locks no a variation of the Crippler Crossface!
JR: Fister is using a move that was used on him earlier, THE SILENT SCREAM!
Fister cranks back on the hold, but QPublic gets to the ropes. Fister is forced to break the hold.
Fister picks up QPublic, and drops him with a pendulum backbreaker!!
he makes the cover-
1...
2...
kickout, by QPublic.
Fister picks up QPublic and whips him into the ropes...SIDEWALK SLAM!
COVER!
1...
2...
KICKOUT, by QPublic.
Fister picks up QPublic once again...and...UNCONCIOUSLY COOL!!!
He makes the cover!
1...
2...
KICKOUT, BY QPUBLIC!
Fister is frustrated, at this point.
JR: QPublic wont quit, QPublic wont quit!
Vitale: He wants the big W, baby!
Fister complains to the ref, about a slow count.
QPublic uses this time to stagger to his feet. He begins to size Fister up...
Fister has his back turned to QPublic, still. QPublic measures it, and BOOM The ATONEMENT SUPER KICK TO THE BACK OF THE NECK!
Fister goes down!!!
QPublic rolls him over and drapes his arm over Fister.
JR: That's QPublic's signature move!!!
1...
2...
KICKOUT BY FISTER MCCARL!
Vitale: OH MY GOODNESS, BABY, MCCARL IS THE REAL DIAPER-DANDY HERE IN ICW!
King: Neither of these guys will quit!
JR: WE CANT HELP BUT USE EXCLAMATION POINTS!
Johnny Q gets to his feet again, and tries to rally the fans and make a comeback.
He picks up Fister by the hair...LOW BLOW ON QPUBLIC WHILE THE REF'S SIGHT WAS BLOCKED!
JR: What a cheap shot!
King: Cheap, but effective.
Fister pushes QPublic to the mat, as he begins to make a pinfall attempt.
1...
2...
The ref stops counting, due to the fact that QPublic's arm is hanging out of the ring, under the ropes. It's a cheap gimmick that prevented Benoit from officially winning the WCW title years ago.
Fister pulls QPublic into the center of the ring, picks him up, and whips him into the ropes.
JR: He's calling for the HELLA GOOD GORE! That's how he beat Dudley, earlier!
Fister charges QPublic, but QPublic moves out of the way!
FISTER HITS THE TURNBUCKLE POST, HARD!
Meanwhile, QPublic slumps down in the center of the ring, still trying to catch his breath.
JR: Man, this is getting INTENSE!
At this point, none other than Dave Dudley runs down to the ringside area.
JR: Son of a BITCH. What's Dudley doing back down here?
Vitale: I dont know baby, but he's got that AWESOME steel chair he swings that's just as sweet as a fade away jumper!
Dudley comes down, and stands right in front of the ring. He stares at Fister, who flips Dudley off.
Fister turns around and walks right into THE PAYBACK STUNNER BY QPUBLIC!!!
Fister hits the mat hard!
JR: PAYBACK, PAYBACK, PAYBACK, ITS OVER!
1...
2...
KICKOUT BY FISTER MCCARL!!!!
King: AHHHHH!!!
JR: GOOD GOD DAMN HOW MUCH ABUSE CAN THESE TWO MEN TAKE?
Dudley remains positioned at the front of the ring.
QPublic picks up Fister again, and you can tell they're both tired. He whips Fister into the ropes, but Fister reverses.
Qpublic goes into the ropes, but he just slumps against them.
Dave Dudley loads up the chair shot stance, as he is about to hit the back of QPublic, which is facing him.
Fister charges QPublic, but QPublic rolls out of the way!!!
DUDLEY SWINGS, AND HITS FISTER IN THE HEAD!!!!
FISTER BOUNCES OFF, STUNNED. HE TURNS AROUND AND GETS HIT WITH THE PAYBACK STUNNER, A SECOND TIME!!!
COVER BY QPUBLIC!!!
1...
2...
3!!!!!!!!!
Winner, and NEW World Heavyweight Champion, Johnny Q Public
Dave Dudley looks around, apparently angry, as the fans go wild.
JR: QPUBLIC, QPUBLIC, QPUBLIC WINS! HE'S THE CHAMPION!
King: AHHHHHH!
Vitale: AT THE BUZZER BABY, FROM DOWN TOWN!
King: Fister got the shot from Dudley, but I'm not entirely sure that that was meant for Fister!
JR: Who was it meant for?
QPublic is handed the ICW Title belt, as Dudley slides into the ring. He holds the chair up, positioned behind QPublic, as he taunts him to turn around. QPublic does, and BOOM CHAIR SHOT TO QPUBLICS SKULL, HE'S BUSTED WIDE OPEN!
Dudley then slams down the chair, and picks QPublic's bloody carcass up.
JR: This is uncalled for! Somebody stop him!
King: He can do what he wants, JR!
JR: Shutup. SHUT UP THIS IS WRONG STOP IT NOW!
Dudley whips QPublic into the ropes...and he hits THE 4DTHE DAVE DUDLEY DEATH DROP!!!
Dudley then looks down on QPublic, AND Fister McCarl. He isnt smiling, though.
Dudley then leaves as the fans boo. He gives them a double number 1 sign, for their efforts.
JR: What a horrible display of violence!
Vitale: Horrible? THAT..WAS..AWESOME, BABY!
King: Dudley is just mad, he was screwed earlier!
JR: In any event, folks...we have a new ICW World Champion. Oh, what a RolePlayMania!!! Me and the King will see you tomorrow night at WrestleMania, but join us back here on Monday for ICW Monday Mayhem! For Dick Vitale and Jerry "The King" Lawler, this is Jim Ross saying...goodnight!
the last scene we see is both Fister and QPublic lying in the ring. Fister is starting to move, but the bloodied QPublic lays there, with the belt draped over his chest...
end transmission
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