Post by Dave Dangerously on Jun 5, 2008 12:20:10 GMT -6
The Card:
"Not Falling" by Mudvayne plays:
April 15th may be tax day, for most.
But on Saturday, April 26th 2002, the members of ICW will have to pay their own price.
ICW Presents
DEATH AND TAXES
Live, from the sold out SKYDOME in Toronto, Ontario Canada!
ICW Presents Death and Taxes!
SARS-Free scheduled matches on the card include:
Hardcore NYC Street Rules Basketball Match
Healius
vs.
Hoyakillah
Backstage, Hoya has been shooting his mouth off about how he reprezents the Bronx hoops scene, and that no one can handle his skills. Well, apparently Healius has challenged him to this hardcore basketball match!
The ICW World Tag Team Championship
Pinata Match
The ICW tag team titles will be hanging above the ring, in a Pinata, and the Pinata must be broke, causing the ICW tag team titles to fall out, where the team can grab them win the match.
Sylver Morrigan and Orion(c)
vs.
Los Conquistadors
The ICW World Heavyweight Championship
2 out of 3 falls
Johnny Q. Public(c)
vs.
Myst
The first fall will be won by pinfall, the 2nd by submission, and if necessary, the 3rd ONLY by KNOCKOUT!
The Insanity Cell
for the ICW World Heavyweight Championship
The Insanity Cell is a 3 tiered steel cage. The first cage, a hell in the cell style of cage, will be packed full of weapons. Eliminations can occur by pinfall, or submission in this stage.
The second stage will be a normal sized steel cage, on top of the hell in a cell. This cage will be accessed through a bottom door. This cage will feature a hard surface on the floor, and it will be full of tables, as the only way to be eliminated in this stage, is to be put through a table.
The goal, is to reach the top cage, which is the smallest. It will contain only a ladder. The ladder must be put on top of this cage, where the ICW World Heavyweight title belt will be dangling from the rafters. The man who reaches the title first is the winner and the champion, however, eliminations can occur along the way. All the competitors will start in the ring at the same time, and they are:
Winner of QPublic/Myst
Fister McCarl
Sylver Morrigan
Gryphon
Lightning Bolt
Dave Dudley
More matches will be posted as they are announced, the final card will be posted on Tuesday the 22nd.
So dont miss ICW Death and Taxes because either way...someone...will..PAY!!!
Join Good Ol' JR, Jerry "The King" Lawler, and whoever else decides to show up, for the next installment in ICW's PPV EXTRAVAGANZAS!
RP Deadline is 7pm eastern.
card subject to change
The PPV:
In one country...
In one language...
To less and less homes, each week.
Insane Championship Wrestling,
The Insanely,
Irrefutably,
Incredibly,
INDUBITABLY
Worldwide pinnacle in e-Pay-Per-View.
April: Time to pay the taxes.
April in ICW: Time to pay the reaper.
Tonight, 6 people will enter The Insanity Cell, and only one will leave, and that person will be the ICW World Heavyweight Champion...
But, that person will have to pay...
Live, on PPV!
"Not Falling", by Mudvayne plays as the Death and Taxes opener rolls, and then we cut to inside the sold out SkyDome, in Toronto...fireworks shoot off from the Death and taxes stage as we cut to the crowd, and we see such signs as:
"MY NAME IS LARS AND I HAVE SARS."
"HEY LEIGH, IF YOU'RE WATCHING THIS, YOU SUCK."
"SCOTTIEPP7 FOR PRIME MINISTER!"
"DUDLEY IS THE HARDCORE ICON!"
"HOW'D YOU GET BOLD IN YOUR SIGN?"
"MYST VS. Q.PUBLIC...BEST MATCH EVER?"
"WHAT ABOUT THE GAMBLER VS. BLUE RADJA?"
"FORGOT ABOUT THAT ONE."
"LOS CONQUISTADORS GONNA CONQUER YOUR ASS!"
"DAMN THAT JOE CARTER"
"HOYAKILLAH IS THE MOST DANGEROUS MAN EVER!"
"HEE-LEE-USS!"
"SYLVER MORRIGAN = FOND OF FISH"
"ORION = FOND OF POULTRY"
"FISTER MCCARL IS SIMPLY THE COOLEST!"
"LIGHTNING BOLT. YEAH, THATS ALL THIS SIGN SAYS, JUST LIGHTNING BOLT."
"GRYPHON IS GOING TO GET HIS GRIFF-ON!"
The camera then cuts to above the ring, where the hellacious Insanity Cell hangs above the ring. The camera then cuts to the announce position:
Jim Ross: Welcome everyone, to DEATH...AND...TAXES!
more fans cheering
Jim Ross: Hello everybody I'm good ol' JR Jim Ross, and I might have quit the WWE, but you know I have my backup job here in ICW. And I'm alongside my broadcast collegue Jerry "The King" Lawler, and King, tonight's matchups should be HOTE!
Jerry "The King" Lawler: That's right JR, tonight we will see in essence, 3 ICW WORLD TITLE MATCHES, AND POSSIBLY 4! We'll also bear witness to the Insanity Cell, and what might possibly be the best part of the evening tonight, JR...we dont have a third announce partner!
Jim Ross: That's right, it will be just us two for the duration of the evening. Well folks-
JR is interrupted by the lights going out in the arena, and "OHHHHHH TESTIFY!" Fills the arena, followed by "Devil's Dance", by Metallica. Out comes Dave Dudley to a chorus of boos. He runs to the ring and wastes no fanfare, and immediately gets on the mic:
Dave Dudley: ALL RIGHT, DAMNIT! I came here for a FIGHT and you'd better damn well believe I'm going to fight, so this is it, whoever wants to challenge me, get your ass out here! I'm here to prove that I'm The Hardcore Icon, and that it's not just some washed up slogan!
JR: Well, Dudley certainly looks ready to fight here.
a few seconds pass...
and "The Bond Theme" hits and out comes Interim president of ICW, ScottiePP7!! He stands on the stage, with a mic
JR: OH MY! Is PP7 GOING TO FIGHT DUDLEY? THESE TWO ARE GOING TO FIGHT IN THE ULTIMATE ICW POWER STRUGGLE!!!!
Lawler: JR, that already happened.
JR: I know, but it would be pretty cool.
ScottieScottiePP7: As you already know, David, no one has challenged you here tonight, so, obviously, you have no extra match. Besides, you should be worried about the Insanity Cell, here tonight.
Dave Dudley: Worried? What do I have to be worried about? Besides, what does it matter to you?
ScottieScottiePP7: Matter to me? HA! Why do you think I put you in the match? YOU'RE GONNA GET MASSACRED. Everyone in that ring HATES you. This is my opportunity to see you PUNISHED AND BEATEN BEYOND RECOGNITION. AFTER TONIGHT, YOU WILL BE FINISHED!
Dave Dudley: Well we'll just see about that. I happen to believe that I'll come out on top in this match...I mean, it's designed for me, I'm the most extreme in there.
ScottieScottiePP7: Yeah, like you said, we'll see about that. I promise you this, after tonight, things will NEVER be the same.
Scottie heads to the back, as Dudley walks out of the ring and walks up to the announce position. He sits down, and puts on a headset.
JR: Well, I guess...we're being joined by the OWNER of ICW, even though that doesnt entitle much at the moment, Dave Dudley.
Lawler: Man, I thought it was just going to be old school me and JR like on Monday nights no 3rd rate interruptions.
Dave Dudley: What?
Lawler: Nothing, I mean...WASSUP DAVE! GOOD TO SEE YOU!
Dave Dudley: Well I figure since I'm already out here, I could lend you two a hand.
JR: Well, we didnt need it, but whatever. Anyway folks, it's time for our first match up of 4 for the evening, and it's for the ICW World Tag team Championship.
ICW World Tag Team Championship
Pinata Match
Sylver Morrigan / Orion(c)
vs.
Los Conquistadors
JR: As you know folks, Sylver and Orion won the belts last week on Mayhem, in a great matchup. Then, Los Conquistadors requested this rematch, to be held under Pinata match rules.
Lawler: That's right JR, and in this match the ICW tag team titles will be held above the ring inside of a Pinata! And the Pinata is shaped...like a giant TACO! HAHA!
JR: The goal here, is to break open the Pinata, so that the belts fall out. Then, the first team to grab the belts are the champions. These two teams have heat that builds up back to our last PPV, RolePlayMania III.
Dave Dudley: Yeah, I remember I beat everyone's ass in that match.
Lawler: You certainly did, Dave.
JR: Quit it, kissass.
Dave Dudley: No no, I dont mind. Go ahead, King, kiss my ass all you want.
"La Bamba" by Richie Valens hits, as the fans boo for the arrival of Los Conquistadors.
The Golden Ones stroll out down the aisle and slide into the ring, posing dramatically, crossing their arms and such, then they both tell all of the fans to suck it, via the crotch chop.
Dave Dudley: You know, I love these guys.
JR: Well, they're a lot like you.
Dave Dudley: What are you saying?
JR: Nothing, Im just saying you have similar traits.
Dave Dudley: Are you calling me a dirty spic, JR?
JR: Not at all, however, being from Oklahoma, I'd know a lot about dirty spics.
Dave Dudley: Tru dat, tru dat.
"We Know Who Our Enemies Are" by mewithoutyou hits and out comes one half of the ICW tag team champions, Orion, to a nice reaction from the crowd. He gets in the ring, and climbs the turnbuckle, showing off to the crowd.
Lawler: Look at this, they're the tag champs and they cant even come out together. How are they ever going to get along?
JR: Well King thats just not true, they're as close as possible, I think, I mean they have a long history together.
Dave Dudley: All I know is that Orion is still a Dave Dudley clone, minus the cool.
JR: Come now, Orion has made himself in this business. Dan Hampton, maybe, but Orion, no.
Lawler: Arent they the same guy?
Dave Dudley: Who the hell knows? Is it even possible for 1 guy to be more than one person in this business?
Godsmack's "Sick Of Life" hits, and out comes the other half of the tag champs, and the ICW NYO Champion, Sylver Morrigan to a nice reaction from the crowd. She slides into the ring and poses for the crowd as they cheer for her.
Dave Dudley: I must say...Sylver IS pretty hot...
Lawler: Well you know, Dave, she really digs you.
Dave Dudley: Who doesnt? I know you've had your eye on me for quite some time, King.
Lawler: Uh...I...uh...
JR: Haha.
Dave Dudley: Don't laugh, JR, I saw you staring at my garbage in the bathroom earlier, you Nancy Reagan douche-bag in the black hat.
Ding, ding,
The bell is sounded, and the match is underway.
Immediately, Los Conquistadors slide out of the ring and go after the Pinata sticks that are on the outside. They grab them, and toss them into the ring, but before they are able to enter the ring, Orion and Sylver both hit them with a double baseball slide!
Los Conquistadors are knocked back, as Orion and Morrigan both follow them outside to the floor.
Morrigan pairs up with Uno, and Orion pairs up with Dos. Orion throws Dos into the railing, as Morrigan throws Uno into the ring.
Morrigan picks up one of the pinata sticks, and CLUBS Uno in the head with it! Then, she looks up at the pinata hanging above the ring, it can only be reached with a ladder.
JR: Sylver is noticing that she'll need to climb a ladder to reach the pinata, so she can whack it.
Dave Dudley: I'd comment, but...too easy.
Sylver brings the base of the pinata stick down on Uno's midsection. She attempts it again, but Uno hits her with a thumb to the eye!
Uno gets up, holding his stomach, and grabs the stick. He swings it across Sylvers back, as it brings her to her knees.
Orion enters the ring, and picks up the other stick, and the two start dueling with the sticks, lightsabers style.
Lawler: Look at this!
Dave Dudley: They're fighting like gladiators!
JR: You stole my line.
Orion manages to avoid Uno's shot with the stick, and hits him in the knee with the stick, and follows that up with a shot to the side of the head, knocking him down.
Lawler: Looks like Orion won that round!
Dave Dudley: But he didnt say UNO!!!
JR, Lawler: ...
Dave Dudley: Get it? Uno? ...meh.
Dos enters the ring, and hits Orion with a superkick! Orion eats foot, and goes down. Dos then helps up Uno, before he slides to the outside of the ring, grabbing the ladder that's out there.
Dos brings it into the ring, and sets it up. He starts to climb, as he tells Uno to hand him the pinata stick.
Uno hands Dos the stick, but then Sylver gets up and starts brawling with Uno.
Meanwhile, Orion is up, and is pushing on the ladder. He takes a few shots with the stick, but it is no use as Dos goes crashing as the ladder tips towards the ropes, and Dos falls to the outside!
JR: Oh my god! There's the first big spill of the match!
The ladder lands on the ropes, and Orion sets it back up in the ring. He climbs it, and when he gets high enough, he starts punching at the pinata, putting a few dents in it.
Noticing this, Uno manages to toss Sylver out of the ring, and climbs the other side of the ladder.
He climbs up real quick, and when he gets to the top he starts to punch on Orion's head. Orion falls down a step, and Uno swings his legs over onto the other side...hooks him up...and HURRICANRANAS HIM OFF THE TOP OF THE LADDER!
Orion crashes hard, on the mat, as does Uno.
Dave Dudley: Wow.
Dos, on the outside, produces two items: A steel chair, and a table. He sets the table up, on the outside, but enters the ring with the steel chair.
Sylver gets back in the ring, and as Dos swings for her, she kicks him in the midsection, causing him to drop the chair. She picks it up, and CRUSHES HIM IN THE SKULL!
Sylver holds the chair up as the fans go nuts, but when she turns around she is greeted by Uno, who DROPKICKS THE CHAIR BACK INTO HER FACE! She goes down, hard! Uno picks up the chair.
JR: DAMN, those steel chairs are dangerous.
Orion gets to his feet, holding his back, and DROP TOE HOLDS UNO INTO THE CANVAS, CAUSING HIM TO LAND FACE FIRST ON THE CHAIR!
Orion then locks in a reverse sharpshooter, better known as The Boulevard of Broken Dr!!!
JR: There's Orion's finisher!
Dudley: I tell you, that move HURTS.
Orion cranks it on, and Uno actually taps out!!!
Lawler: Wait wait, that doesnt count, remember there are no pinfalls or submissions here!
Dudley: No @#%$?
Orion releases the hold, and again slowly climbs up the ladder...
Dos gets to his feet, and walks over to the ladder...he stands underneath Orion with his back to the ladder, grabs his feet...and POWERBOMBS ORION OFF OF THE LADDER!
Orion is down, as Dos groggily stands there.
Dos then grabs the chair and throws it up at the Pinata...not doing any damage to it, but causing it to sway to and fro, all the live long day.
JR: Dos seems to be getting desperate here.
Dos looks up at the Pinata, but he is obviously distracted because when he looks back down and turns around, he walks right into Sylver, who hits him with BREAK THE CYCLE!!!
Sylver takes Dos down, and as she applies the cobra clutch, Dos TAPS OUT!!!
JR: Good lord, both Conquistadors have submitted respectively, here!
Dave Dudley: Yeah but it doesnt count here.
Lawler: No @#%$?
Sylver lets go of Dos, and starts to climb the ladder, going for the pinata, pinata stick in hand. She swings at it, and cracks it open! Confetti and pieces of candy start to fall out, but the hole isnt big enough for the ICW tag titles yet.
Meanwhile, Uno climbs the top rope...sizes it up, and JUMPS OFF, HITTING THE LADDER WITH A MISSLE DROPKICK! The ladder tips over and Sylver lands on the ropes on her side, crashing into the mat!
The ladder bounces off the rope and lands back in the position it was, standing up in the middle of the ring.
Uno gets up, and grabs the steel chair. He climbs the ladder, and hits the pinata with the chair, causing it to break open even more!
At this time, Orion also climbs up on the ladder.
Uno swings at Orion with the chair, but Orion ducks, and grabs the chair in the process.
The ladder gets wobbily, and Uno holds onto the top, so he doesnt fall down. Orion regains his stability and seeing the opportunity, SLAMS THE CHAIR ONTO THE TOP OF THE LADDER, SMASHING UNO'S FINGERS! Uno lets out a horrible cry as Orion positionally drops the chair on the mat, and climbs up a few more rungs, pulling Uno with him...as Uno is dealing with the pain of his fingers, Orion locks Uno up in a double underhook...and flips him up in the air, jumping off of the ladder with a BRAIN SURGERY BRAINBUSTER ON THE CHAIR FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER!!!!
Orion hits the mat hard , but Uno's head goes straight into the chair.
Dave Dudley: GOOD GOD DAMN!!!
Uno rolls out of the ring and falls face first on the mat.
Meanwhile, Dos is searching under the ring and he produces...not one, not two...but THREE SPANISH GUITARS!!!
He sets them inside the ring, grabs one, and climbs the top rope...
He waits for Orion to get up, and he FLIES OFF THE TOP ROPE HITTING ORION IN THE HEAD WITH THE GUITAR...EL KABONG!!!!!
Dos stands there amid all of the guitar wreckage and shouts out something En Espanol.
Dave Dudley: I LOVE that move!
Dos doesnt celebrate for long, though, as he turns around, and Sylver has acsended the turnbuckle, and she flies off with BAD MAGICK! A FLYING HURRICANRANA!
Dos goes down, but Sylver hits hard...and doesnt get up very quickly.
JR: Sylver took a good portion of that impact right there, she's slow to get up.
Dudley: Yeah, but she's still getting up.
Sylver gets up and helps to revive Orion, as he also gets up, slowly.
Meanwhile, Dos gets up slowly, and grabs a guitar...
On the outside, Uno is up, and he also has the other guitar...
Orion grabs the steel chair, and starts to climb the ladder, and Sylver holds it up for him.
Uno enters the ring, and Dos comes along on the otherside of the ring, they both get on one side of Sylver, and Uno pulls Sylver around to face him and THEY BOTH SWING WITH THE DOUBLE EL-KABONG-AIRTO STRAIGHT TO BOTH SIDES OF SYLVER'S HEAD! She drops to her knees and falls face first!
JR: OH MY GOD!!!
Lawler: I love it!
They start to go after Orion now, but Orion jumps down off of the ladder, and CRACKS BOTH UNO AND DOS IN THE BACKS WITH THE STEEL CHAIR!!! They fall to the outside, as Orion drops the chair down, and places his hands on his waist.
JR: Orion looks really disgusted here!
Dudley: It's because he's got to constantly save himself from the mess Sylver gets herself in, and its costing them the match.
JR: What the hell are you talking about? They've been helping each other.
Dudley: Read between the lines.
JR: But theres nothing but like 15 spaces inbetween lines.
Dudley: Shut up, just shut up.
Orion helps Sylver up and she gets to her feet.
Orion grabs the pinata stick, and starts to climb the ladder, and Sylver climbs the otherside of the ladder.
JR: See, they're working together now!
Orion gets to the top as does Sylver and he gets ready to hit the pinata, when Sylver takes the stick from him.
Orion acts stunned, as Sylver simply states "I'm closer." Orion gets a pissed look on his face, looks to the crowd, then turns and takes the stick back.
Lawler: Ut oh...
Dudley: What'd I tell you, hoe?
Sylver looks at Orion and says "What are you doing?" And takes the stick from him. Orion looks around again, and takes the stick back, and HITS SYLVER IN THE FACE WITH IT!
JR: WHAT THE HELL?
Orion then grabs Sylver by the arm, and HIPTOSSES HER OFF OF THE LADDER, OVER THE TOP ROPE, THROUGH THE TABLE ON THE OUTSIDE!!!
The table explodes as Sylver hits it HARD! the fans go nuts!
JR: WHAT IN THE HELL?
Dave Dudley: I TOLD YOU TOLD YOU TOLD YOU!
Orion looks at what he did, then turns his attention back on the pinata. He grabs it, and takes it off of the cable, he slams it down on the mat!
Lawler: He hasnt won, he needs to bust it open and grab the belts!
Orion hops off of the ladder, and starts to break open the pinata...he gets halfway there, when Dos comes up behind him, and hits him with a low blow.
JR: Oooh, that was low!
Orion keels over as Dos positions him in a powerbomb set up position, and Uno climbs the top rope. Dos lifts him up into a powerbomb, and Uno flies off the top rope with a shooting star press, THE BIG ENCHILADA!!!
Orion gets hit with the one two punch of the powerbomb and the shootingstar press.
Dave Dudley: BOO-YAH!
Now that Orion is down, Uno and Dos kick open the pinata, and pull out the ICW World Tag Team title belts!!!
Winners, and NEW ICW Tag Team Champions, Los Conquistadors
The fans boo, as Los Conquistadors celebrate with their recovered tag team titles, but they fall down, exhausted from the brutal battle that just went on.
Lawler: I knew they'd win! Look, they got all the gold!
JR: I cant believe this, Orion and Sylver had it in their grasp and they started bickering like two childhood siblings!
Los Conquistadors leave the ring with their ICW tag titles as Orion starts to stir in the ring...he slams his fist down on the mat in a sign of frustration. He slides out of the ring, and looks over the fallen Sylver, who is just now starting to move...he looks concerned for a moment...
but then waves it off and turns his back as to say "nah", and walks away. The fans boo, accordingly.
JR: What is Orion's problem?
Dave Dudley: I dunno, but I like it!
JR: Well, we've got new tag team champions, nonetheless.
Dave Dudley: Yup, and I'm out. It's been a pleasure, fellas, it really has. I've got to go get ready for the Insanity Cell and...well, looks like Sylver has a LOT of getting ready to do, haha!
JR: What a piece of trash.
Lawler: Hey JR, dont talk about our owner like that.
JR: Why, that sanctimonious piece of guttertrash doesnt have any power anymore, you want power, you talk to a man who deserves the power, a REAL responsible man who works for the people, ScottiePP7. Praise him all you want, but dont praise that scum Dudley, he makes me sick, and so does Orion. I hope someone gets Sylver some help...disgusting!
camera cuts to the back, where we see Hoyakillah in his locker room, reading a book. Healius walks in, drinking something out of a cup.
Healius: Hey, loser.
Hoyakillah: What do you want? I'm studying before our match.
Healius: What, studying before the match? Man, you'd better be getting ready for our Basketball game later, Mr. White Men Cant Dunk.
Hoyakillah: No time for that, I've got to write an essay for my classes I take in New York where I live because I'm 35 and still in school.
Healius: Well, I'm a secretary for the CIA or some @#%$, dude. What is that you're reading?
Hoyakillah: The Histories, by Tacticus.
Healius: Interesting, I read Pete Townshends autobiography the other day...very thought-provoking.
Hoyakillah: I'm a native new yorker. Did you get provoked to touch some little kids?
Healius: Yeah...hey SHUT UP YOU BITCHASS. You'll be eating those words when I go Steve Kerr style on you later on. {Takes drink}
Hoyakillah: You say that, as you drink out of the meningitis cup.
Healius spits out his Rebel Yell in a cup
Healius: NOT AGAIN!!! Maybe I can find some hot slutty nubian queen to comfort me...if not there's always the children.
Hoyakillah: Yeah, you'd better be ready when I bust my mad skillz on you and reprezent Manhattan later on. WORD LIFE!
Healius: Yeah, well I'll take you down just like HHH takes everyone down, BECAUSE HE IS...THE GAME!!!
Hoyakillah: THE F*CK?
Healius walks off screen as Hoyakillah strokes his beard that he's so proud of...then his cat jumps on his shoudler, as we cut back to the arena.
Commercial break:
Pat Vaynard...he's a man.
Such a gay man.
Such a gay man who sucks a lot of dick.
Such a gay man who sucks a lot of dick and eats a lot of man ass.
Such a gay man who sucks a lot of dick, eats a lot of man ass, and beats off to porn of OX's mom.
Such a gay man who sucks a lot of dick, eats a lot of man ass, beats to Ox's mom, and has a large collection of gay anime porn.
Such a gay man who sucks a lot of dick, the man ass, the Ox's mom, the anime porn, and who makes Christian Underwood look like Brad freakin'Pitt in appeal to women.
Brad Pitt, or Dave Dudley.
Point is, Pat Vaynard could be your neighbor.
Think about that.
return to live action
Dave Dudley
YOUR Hardcore Icon
Posts: 235
(4/26/03 6:42 pm)
Reply ICW Presents Death and Taxes
Preachin' and Race Baitin' ain't easy, by no one, since I just made it up, hits, and The Reverend Dr. Al Sharpton saunters to the ring, looking sharp in a gray three piece suit.
JR: One of the most accomplished political figures of our time, Al Shar-
Lawler: You mean one of the most accomplished nig-
The camera cuts away from the announce table, and the sound is cut for nearly a minute. When it returns, the match is ready to begin. JR and King appear patently offended, while Al looks like the angry black man that he is.
JR: Here we are folks, the ICW World Heavyweight Championship on the line. Best two out of three falls, Myst versus Johnny Q. Public. We've been expecting and waiting for this one for quite awhile.
Lawler: Yeah, I've been waiting to see Myst beat the hell out of QPublic all over this building. That guy's a joke of a champion, a stain on the company's reputation.
JR: Well, I'd have to disagree there King. I think Johnny has added some credibility to the belt, after several years of Dave Dudley awarding it to himself and Andrew Leigh stashing it in his shopping cart/living quarters.
Rev. Al: You know what would add some credibility to this minstrel show? A black man as champion.
Lawler: Minstrel show? We don't have any black guys here.
Rev. Al: Just as I figured, you racist bastards.
The opening riffs of "Liar" by Rollins Band rock the PA system, capturing the transcendent anger of the man of the hour. Myst appears on the entrance ramp; a chorus of boos quickly drowns out the music. However, Myst's rage, exuding from every pore, poisoning the air with every whistling, seething breath, can not be silenced. He does not run to the ring or flail his arms to express his frustration as one would expect from the typical wrestler. His body is calm, but the fire in his eyes tells a different story. He enters the ring and turns to greet his enemy. No taunting words or cocky gestures; the hatred of these two men for each other has gone far beyond petty posturing. He is ready.
JR: What more can be said about Myst? He is an amazing physical speciman, he is an expert technician, he is as good a pure fighter as you may ever see, he is a psychological warrior. All of these abilities seem to flow from one source: his insaitable rage and his...
Lawler: Yes, yes JR. We all know that you have to throw out all that philosophical crap before any big match, so just spare us. We've heard it before.
JR: Well, that is my job.
Rev. Al: You have the arrogance to come out here and talk about jobs, honkey? How about the 20 million black men you keep down every year?
JR: My God...there are actually 20 million black people in this country? vomits
The chords of "I Have Seen Where It Grows" emenate from the speakers, indicating the arrival of Johnny Q. Public, QPublic. The ovation is not instantaneous, but rises slowly, surely, like a storm, until every rear is out of its seat and adulations spill from every lip. QPublic, the stoical, silent hero of ICW, its protector from the Dudleys and Mysts of the world, its champion, appears on the ramp, and he and Myst simply stare each other down. Anyone foolish enough to step between the two would be able to comprehend the hatred with all five senses, a hatred which is beyond scientific or theological comprehension.
JR: If there is one man on this Earth who can stand toe to toe with Myst and not be intimidated, it is QPublic.
Lawler: What the hell is this, a staring contest? Kill each other!
Rev. Al: You know a little about killing, don't you Jerry Lawler. Why don't you tell the audience what you know about killing?
Lawler: Huh?
Rev. Al: WHY DON'T YOU TELL THESE FOLK ABOUT THE LITTLE BLACK BABIES YOU KILL AND EAT IN YOUR BASEMENT, JIM CROW?
JR: Myst, the raging extrovert. QPublic, the consumed introvert. We are about to see what will be perhaps the most compelling matchup in ICW history.
Lawler: Will you shut the hell up for a second? He called me a @#%$ baby eater!
Rev. Al: You are a baby eater, baby eater.
QPublic, never casting his eyes away from Myst's, slowly reaches up and removes his sunglasses. This simple gesture is enough to trigger Myst's orgasm of fury. He rushes up the ramp at the champion as the bell rings.
BEST TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS FOR THE ICW WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP: MYST V JOHNNY Q. PUBLIC (C)
Myst attempts a huge running right hand, which is easily ducked by QPublic. Myst spins around quickly, only to be met with a stiff right jab from Public, who has taken a boxing stance. Unfazed by the blow, Myst tries for a huge roundhouse punch, which is ducked again. This time, Public greets Myst with a quick kick to the midsection, doubling over the challenger.
JR: As good a fighter as Myst is, he won't do well trying to win a slug-fest with Johnny Q. Public. QPublic is too quick and too skilled.
Myst staggers back down the ramp, and QPublic follows. Public locks him up and sets him up for a quick suplex on the steel ramp, but Myst hooks his leg to block it. Public tries again, only to be denied again by Myst. Myst quickly disengages his leg and hits Public with a snap suplex of his own.
JR: This is Myst's game. Power and techinical skill.
Lawler: Hell, everything is Myst's game. QPublic is a great competitor, but he's just not in Myst's league.
JR: Haven't you said that about every crowd favorite in every world title match for the past 10 years?
Lawler: Well, as far as I'm concerned, it's always been true.
Myst pulls up QPublic by the nape of his neck and shoves him toward the ring. Public hits the apron, and Myst follows, tossing him under the bottom rope. He slides in, ties up the rising QPublic and whips him to the far side. Powerslam on the way back into a lateral press, 1, QPublic kicks out with authority.
Lawler: What the hell kind of count was that? That was at least an 8!
Rev. Al: I guess this ref is the black man of the wrestling world. Gonna eat him too, freak?
JR: Remember folks, this first fall can only be captured via pinfall. No submissions, countouts, DQs, or anything else. Just the 1, 2, 3.
Myst pulls his prey up again and locks up from behind, looking for a German suplex and a quick pinfall. But as he lifts QPublic, Johnny escapes his grasp and does a full flip in midair to land on his feet! Myst is all to aware of what has happened, but is not quick enough to avoid the huge bulldog takedown delivered by QPublic! Myst pops back up, hurrincanrana from QPublic, into a bridge! 1, kickout!
Lawler: What a dumbass, you don't beat Myst with crap like that.
JR: King, both of these guys know that they'll need everything they have to go 2, maybe even 3 rounds. They want a quick win and a quick advantage.
Rev. Al: You want to talk about advantage? You want to talk about April 4th, 1968? The white man gets the gun, Martin gets the bullet. I saw it, I was there!
JR: Actually, no you weren't.
Rev. Al: Yeah, but you still hate black people.
JR: Point taken.
Rather than deal with another onslaught from Johnny, Myst rolls out of the ring and disappears from view. As Public steps through the ring ropes, he's hit with an absolutely ridiculous spin kick out of nowhere from Myst, who appears to have jumped at least three or four feet to hit it. Public goes flipping back over the ropes and Myst slides in. QPublic, not badly shaken by the kick, performs a backward roll to his feet, and the two are left staring each other down once again. They slowly circle each other, before rushing forward to lock up in the center of the ring.
JR: After that early flurry of offense, the two warriors have settled down to a more conservative approach.
Myst quickly takes the upper hand with a side headlock, wrenching Public's head from side to side as he puts on addition pressure. QPublic, too fresh to succumb to such a basic manuvoer, throws a series of elbows into Myst's midsection, weakening the hold. Public shoves Myst off and into the ropes, and catches him with a quick clothesline on the way back. Myst pops back up as Public hits the ropes, another clothesline. Myst up again, dropkick from QPublic!
JR: QPublic again showing his quickness and hand to hand skill.
Lawler: But that doesn't matter, JR-he won't win the match with a punch or a kick.
JR: True enough, but it'll go a long way to slowly wear Myst down, especially if he wants to be niggardly with his offense early on.
Rev. Al: WHAT THE F*CK DID YOU JUST SAY?
JR: QPublic's strikes will wear Myst down?
Rev. Al: AFTER THAT, WHITE MAN.
JR: Niggardly?
Rev. Al: AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH
Al leaps at JR and they struggle under the announce table, leaving Lawler as the only commentator as the match continues.
Meanwhile, QPublic hits a quick scoop slam on Myst, keeping him down. He hits the ropes, leg drop across the neck! Johnny stays on and hooks the leg, 1, 2, Myst kicks out at the two count. QPublic sends Myst into the ropes on the near side and looks for a backdrop, but Myst telegraphs it and gives Public a swift kick to the face. Johnny stumbles backward, and Myst clotheslines him over the ropes to the outside.
Lawler: This is great, I've got the two biggest idiots on the planet fighting at my feet, and the two biggest freaks on the planet coming my way.
Myst follows Johnny outside, and absolutely lays into QPublic with a harsh knife edge chop, soliciting the obligatory "whoooo" from the crowd.
Lawler: Jesus, isn't Ric Flair dead?
Myst grabs the reeling QPublic by the arm, HARD head first Irish whip into the steel ring steps.
Lawler: All that hand to hand skill won't do jack for you out here, Johnny! You're in Myst's world now.
Johnny staggers around the corner in obvious pain, not fully aware of where he is. Myst follows, and catches Public from behind. Side Russian leg sweep, on the concrete. The crowd groans at the smack of QPublic hitting the floor, to say nothing of what Johnny must have felt. Myst pulls the motionless Public up from the floor, and drapes him over the ring barrier. He then slides into the ring, and climbs to the top rope.
Lawler: Holy sh*t, I don't know what he's going to do, but I'm sure it'll take a few years of the careers of these two!
Myst stands straight up on the turnbuckle, and raises his arms to a chorus of booshe leaps offBIG ELBOW DROP ONTO QPUBLIC ON THE BARRIER!!!
Lawler: GOODGODDAMN.
Johnny slides off of the barrier, clutching the small of his back as he writhes in pain. Myst also appears to have injured himself, clutching his tricep area. The ICW crowd, bloodthirsty SOBs that they are, roars its approval! Myst grimaces through the pain, and rolls QPublic back into the ring. He covers12KICKOUT!
Lawler: WHAT THE HELL?
Myst is equally stunned. He stands and begins to flail his arms and stomp his feet in rage. Noticing that QPublic is still motionless, he climbs to the top rope again and perches there. Johnny slowly begins to rise to his feetas he stands and turns to face Myst, Myst flies off looking for a flying body press, but QPublic drops down under him and Myst hits the floor!
Lawler: NOOOOOOOOO
Both men get to their feet, and lock up. Myst tries for an Irish whip, QPublic reverses it, boot to the gut on the way back, PAYBACK STUNNER! QPublic covers,
WINNER OF THE FIRST FALL, JOHNNY Q. PUBLIC!!!
Lawler: Damnit, Myst had it within his grasp!
In the tumult following the pin fall, JR suddenly appears at the King's side once again. His hat is gone, his hair is disheveled, and his facewell, his face is the same, because he's all crippled and what not.
Lawler: What the hell happened? And where's Reverend Al?
JR: Let's just say that the Good Reverend has blockaded his last slant grocery store.
Back in the ring, QPublic is standing over Myst as Myst begins to shake the cobwebs out and rise to his feet.[/b]
JR: This next fall can only be won by submission, so these two will probably be concentrating on that particular aspect. Both of these two have submission moves in their arsenals, with Myst utilizing the Eternal Pain crossface and QPublic the Disgrace hold.
Myst and QPublic lock up, and QPublic quickly gains the advantage with an armlock. However, Myst is able to spin out and reverse the hold. QPublic, however, breaks that and moves into a shoulder lock, illiciting a grimace of pain from Myst, which draws applause from the cr
Lawler: What the hell is wrong with these people?
JR: Probably syphillis, or maybe leighds.
Lawler: What? An Andrew Leigh joke, when the man isn't even here to defend himself?
JR: Yeah, I couldn't resist
Myst manages to escape the hold, and backs off QPublic, to boos from the crowd. Eventually he completely exits the ring, for even more boos. He dares QPublic to come and join him, and after some consideration, Public decides to go for it.
Lawler: Not a smart move by QPublic, he doesn't want to tangle with Myst outside of the ring.
JR: I guess Johnny doesn't scare very easily, and for good reason. He is up one to nil in this one so far.
After pondering it for a moment, Johnny slides out to join Myst, resulting in an even larger reaction from the crowd. The two immediately begin to exchange blows, this time with no one person gaining a clear advantage right away. Finally, Myst, still staggered from the Payback stunner of a few minutes earlier, begins to stagger back up the ramp, QPublic in hot pursuit. Johnny catches up, swinging neckbreaker on the ramp!
JR: Johnny Q. Public is completely dominating this match! I don't see Myst lasting much longer.
Lawler: What a typical Okie statement.
JR: Shut the hell up, Tennessee. Who the hell is from Tennessee, anyway?
Lawler: Elvis!
JR: You mean the man who's image you've shamelessly pirated for the past 30 years?
At this, Lawler lunges at JR, and the two of them begin to struggle on the floor
Meanwhile, back to the match
QPublic has continued to beat on Myst on the ramp, now reaching the top near the entrance. Public grabs him by the legsSPINEBUSTER, on the steel. Myst clutches his back. Johnny pulls Myst to his feet and shoves him down toward the ring, prodding him along with right hands whenever Myst looks back. Myst rolls back into the ring under his own volition, and QPublic follows. Kick to the midsection, DDT! Johnny stands over Myst, looks out to the crowd, and slowly drags his hand across his throat, signaling for the Disgrace hold!
Rather than simply executing the move right away and risking a counter, QPublic slowly, methodically stalks his prey. As Myst begins to stir, QPublic circles around him, like any predator does his prey. As Myst reaches his feet, Public swoops inonly to be drop toe held into the ring ropes by Myst, who was evidently playing possum! As Johnny bounces back, Myst locks him into the Eternal Pain crossface! QPublic holds back for nearly 10 seconds, but muffled screams are heard after that! Public refuses to taphe holds for 20 seconds30 seconds45 secondsa full minuteFINALLY, QPublic submitshe doesn't tap his hand frantically, but only once, knowing that he could hold out longer, but deciding to save himself for the last pinfall.
WINNER OF THE SECOND FALL, BY SUBMISSION, MYST!
Hearing the ring announcer, JR and the King figure it's probably a good idea to re-emerge. JR is sporting a nasty shiner and it looks like the King has a broken nose. JR, the consummate professional, is immediately in exaggerate mode.
JR: THAT DEMON, THAT ANTI-CHRIST, THAT KILLER OF BABIES, THAT BOMBER OF INNOCENTS, THAT RAPIST, THAT FREAK
Lawler: Just shut the hell up already.
After some strong admonishing from the referee, Myst finally breaks the hold. After standing over the pained QPublic with a smirk on his face, he plays to the crowd a bit. Finding himself showered with boos, Myst is enraged. He grabs a microphone from the ring announcer.
Myst: YOU CANADIAN INFIDELS DON'T UNDERSTAND ANGER. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND RAGE. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME. I'LL MAKE YOU BASTARDS PAY!
Some skanky 200 pound Canadian chick in the front row is stuffed into a tube top and miniskirtbut it looks like whoever did the stuffing didn't finish. Myst pulls over the barrier and quickly powerbombs her into oblivion.
Myst: THE FEW SECONDS I HAD TO SPEND WITH THAT THING BETWEEN MY LEGS AND HER LEGS AROUND MY FACE HAS ONLY SERVED TO AUGMENT MY ANGER.
Not knowing what augment means, the Canadians don't know to run. Myst hops the barrier, grabs some dumbsh*t in a Tie Domi jersey, DDT onto his chair. He tosses him on top of the girl, and frantically searches for his next victim. He sets his sights on a nine or ten year old boy, and approaches him. The boy's father attempts to stop Myst, but he's given a stiff right hand for his troubles, Myst grabs the little boy by the neck
JR: OH MY GOD DON'T DO IT
Lawler: THIS IS TOO MUCH
Myst hoists the boy into the airCHOKESLAM ONTO THE CARCASSES OF THE OTHER FANS
JR and King, and every other person in the Western World: HOLY F*CK
Myst surveys his killsthen hops back into the ring and onto the top rope. He stands facing the downed fanshe leapsDOWNPOUR ONTO THE FANS
JR: THOSE PEOPLE-DEAD.
Myst stands triumphantly over the damagewhat he doesn't see is that QPublic is standing on his feet in the ring. The crowd roars, and Myst misinterprets this, thinking it's for himQPublic hits the ropes, goes flying forwardSPRINGBOARD ASIA MOONSAULT ONTO MYST!
JR: TAKE THAT, YOU SOB
Lawler: You can say the words, JR. This is PPV.
JR: Don't let the EZBoard thugs hear you say that
Anyways, as Myst is down, the ref starts the count. 12Myst begins to stir345Myst is at his feet. Johnny by this time is rummaging other the ring for hard, blunt objects, forgetting his repugnance for hardcore matches. Public pulls out a stop sign with the post attached. He takes a big swingbut Myst grabs it and wrests it from Public's hands! He winds upAND HITS JOHNNY IN THE NECK WITH THE POST!
JR: SOMEBODY HAS TO STOP MYST!
Lawler: You'll notice I said nothing like that when you did whatever it was you did to Reverend Al.
Johnny rolls into the ring, clutching his throat, trying to breathe. The referee starts the count, 1234QPublic rises to his knees567QPublic gets to his feet, still holding his neck, and the crowd roars. An infuriated Myst hits the ring, and fires several straight right hands into the face of Johnny. Public staggers backwardthen blocks a punch of Myst's and fires back with one of his own! Myst throws another, block, another right hand from Johnny! Myst tries for a heel kick, Johnny ducks under, moving incredibly quick, he grabs the stop sign. Before Myst can get turned back around, Johnny tosses the sign into the air, and hits the Atonement superkick on the sign to the back of the head! Myst hits the floor like a ton of bricks!
JR: ATONEMENT! THROUGH THE SIGN! IT'S ALL OVER!
Lawler: You're right, Myst is motionless!
Myst is indeed motionless. The ref starts the count123456Myst starts to stir, to the amazement of the crowd78Myst is on his knees9Myst is back to his feet, just barely beating the count! QPublic can't believe it!
JR: MYSTISNOTHUMAN
Johnny quickly recovers from his shock and goes back to work on Myst. Firing right hands, he gets Myst to retreat to one of the corners, propping himself up with the ring ropes. Johnny slides out of the ring, goes underneath, and pulls out a TABLE.
Lawler: I thought Johnny hated hardcore!
JR: These guys aren't thinking in terms of wrestling anymore, King. They're thinking about survival.
Johnny sets the table up perpendicular to Myst's corner, and hoists Myst up onto the turnbuckle. Climbing up, he sets Myst up for the superplex!
JR: This'll be it for Myst!
Johnny grabs a hold of Myst and tries for the suplexbut can't hit! He tries again, but Myst blocks it again. Seizing the initiative, the Myst who was dead to the world only moments ago grabs a hold of Johnny's tights, and lifts himFRONT SUPERPLEX THROUGH THE TABLE!
Lawler: I think you've got it the wrong way, JR!
Both men are down123Myst begins to pull himself up using the turnbuckle, and quickly stands, though exhausted4567Johnny starts to move8Johnny slowly getting up9Johnny Q. Public is at his feet!
JR: Amazing!
Now it's Myst's turn to be shocked. Feeding on an apparently unused source of energy, he starts laying into QPublic. Irish whip to the far sidebackdrop! Rather than letting the ref count, Myst simply wants to hurt QPublic. He pulls QPublic onto the turnbuckle with him and sets him up for a suplex (running parallel to the announce tables)but Johnny blocks it! Showing incredible balance, he lands a kick to the gut of Myst and turns aroundhe hooks the head
JR and Lawler: IS HE REALLY GOING TO DO IT?
The answer is yes, as QPUBLIC LEAPS OFF THE TURNBUCKLE SIDEWAYS TOWARD THE ANNOUNCE TABLES, TAKING MYST WITH HIM, LANDING A PAYBACK STUNNER! MYST GOES THROUGH THE ENGLISH ANNOUNCE TABLE, JOHNNY THROUGH THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE!
Lawler: They're both dead!
JR: I'm not doctor, but I think you're right!
The referee begins a slow count123456no signs of life7amazingly, both men stir8both men on their hands and knees9BOTH MEN ARE UP!
JR: THIS IS
Lawler: Insanity?
JR: Well, yes.
Both men appear incapable of getting any offense going though
SUDDENLY
THROUGH THE CROWD
IT'S DAVE DUDLEY, WITH STEEL CHAIR IN HAND!
THE CROWD ERUPTS IN BOOS AS DUDLEY HOPS THE BARRIER!
JR: What the hell is he doing he-OH DAMN!
Dave absolutely CLOBBERS QPublic with the chair! Public collapses! He looks to Myst with a big grinMyst, a little disoriented, returns itAND GETS LAMBASTED WITH THE CHAIR FOR HIS TROUBLES!
Lawler: I think it's obvious what he's doing!
Dudley grabs both men and rolls them into the ring. He pulls up Johnny, Irish whip, 4D! THE DAVE DUDLEY DEATH DROP! He grabs Myst, whip, 4D! DAVE DUDLEY DEATH DROP!
JR: WHAT THE HELL DID HE DO THAT FOR?
Lawler: Well, the match was going a little long.
As the crowd boos voraciously, Dudley hops out of the ring, tosses the chair back over his shoulder, and quickly is escorted by security through the fans.
The ref starts the count
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
AMAZINGLY, BOTH MEN START TO MOVE!
JR: HOW ARE THESE GUYS STILL DOING IT?
At eight, both men are on their hands and knees
9
BOTH MEN GET TO THEIR FEET!
Lawler: Why doesn't one of these idiots just stay down?
QPublic attempts a desperation roundhouse rightMyst ducks under, hits the ropesGORE!
JR: THE GORE! IT'S OVER!
Myst spots the steel chair tossed into the ring by Dudley, and picks it up
He climbs to the top rope, slowly but surely
JR: DON'T DO IT!
Myst reaches the top rope, faces QPublic with the chair in his handand leaps off
DOWNPOUR WITH THE CHAIR ONTO QPUBLIC'S SKULL!
Lawler: I THINK I JUST HEARD QPUBLIC'S SKULL CRACK!
JR: I THINK EVERYBODY IN THE BUILDING DID!
Myst rolls to the side and uses the ring ropes to pull himself uphe grins sadistically as the ref starts the count1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8QPUBLIC STARTS TO STIR! HE'S ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES!
JR: OH MY GOD, IS HE GOING TO DO IT AGAIN?!
9
QPUBLIC COLLAPSES! 10! IT'S OVER!
WINNER, BY KO, AND NEW ICW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, MYST!!!
JR: THAT WAS ONE OF THE MOST GROTESQUE, SICKENING MATCHES I'VE EVER SEEN.
Lawler: AND I LIKED IT!
JR: BUT HOW MUCH CAN MYST POSSIBLY HAVE LEFT FOR THE INSANITY CAGE MATCH?!
Lawler: We'll find out next!
Myst hoists the belt over his head in the center of the ring, before a stunned crowd as the show goes to backstage.
"Not Falling" by Mudvayne plays:
April 15th may be tax day, for most.
But on Saturday, April 26th 2002, the members of ICW will have to pay their own price.
ICW Presents
DEATH AND TAXES
Live, from the sold out SKYDOME in Toronto, Ontario Canada!
ICW Presents Death and Taxes!
SARS-Free scheduled matches on the card include:
Hardcore NYC Street Rules Basketball Match
Healius
vs.
Hoyakillah
Backstage, Hoya has been shooting his mouth off about how he reprezents the Bronx hoops scene, and that no one can handle his skills. Well, apparently Healius has challenged him to this hardcore basketball match!
The ICW World Tag Team Championship
Pinata Match
The ICW tag team titles will be hanging above the ring, in a Pinata, and the Pinata must be broke, causing the ICW tag team titles to fall out, where the team can grab them win the match.
Sylver Morrigan and Orion(c)
vs.
Los Conquistadors
The ICW World Heavyweight Championship
2 out of 3 falls
Johnny Q. Public(c)
vs.
Myst
The first fall will be won by pinfall, the 2nd by submission, and if necessary, the 3rd ONLY by KNOCKOUT!
The Insanity Cell
for the ICW World Heavyweight Championship
The Insanity Cell is a 3 tiered steel cage. The first cage, a hell in the cell style of cage, will be packed full of weapons. Eliminations can occur by pinfall, or submission in this stage.
The second stage will be a normal sized steel cage, on top of the hell in a cell. This cage will be accessed through a bottom door. This cage will feature a hard surface on the floor, and it will be full of tables, as the only way to be eliminated in this stage, is to be put through a table.
The goal, is to reach the top cage, which is the smallest. It will contain only a ladder. The ladder must be put on top of this cage, where the ICW World Heavyweight title belt will be dangling from the rafters. The man who reaches the title first is the winner and the champion, however, eliminations can occur along the way. All the competitors will start in the ring at the same time, and they are:
Winner of QPublic/Myst
Fister McCarl
Sylver Morrigan
Gryphon
Lightning Bolt
Dave Dudley
More matches will be posted as they are announced, the final card will be posted on Tuesday the 22nd.
So dont miss ICW Death and Taxes because either way...someone...will..PAY!!!
Join Good Ol' JR, Jerry "The King" Lawler, and whoever else decides to show up, for the next installment in ICW's PPV EXTRAVAGANZAS!
RP Deadline is 7pm eastern.
card subject to change
The PPV:
In one country...
In one language...
To less and less homes, each week.
Insane Championship Wrestling,
The Insanely,
Irrefutably,
Incredibly,
INDUBITABLY
Worldwide pinnacle in e-Pay-Per-View.
April: Time to pay the taxes.
April in ICW: Time to pay the reaper.
Tonight, 6 people will enter The Insanity Cell, and only one will leave, and that person will be the ICW World Heavyweight Champion...
But, that person will have to pay...
Death?
Or Taxes?
ICW Presents:
Death And Taxes
Or Taxes?
ICW Presents:
Death And Taxes
Live, on PPV!
"Not Falling", by Mudvayne plays as the Death and Taxes opener rolls, and then we cut to inside the sold out SkyDome, in Toronto...fireworks shoot off from the Death and taxes stage as we cut to the crowd, and we see such signs as:
"MY NAME IS LARS AND I HAVE SARS."
"HEY LEIGH, IF YOU'RE WATCHING THIS, YOU SUCK."
"SCOTTIEPP7 FOR PRIME MINISTER!"
"DUDLEY IS THE HARDCORE ICON!"
"HOW'D YOU GET BOLD IN YOUR SIGN?"
"MYST VS. Q.PUBLIC...BEST MATCH EVER?"
"WHAT ABOUT THE GAMBLER VS. BLUE RADJA?"
"FORGOT ABOUT THAT ONE."
"LOS CONQUISTADORS GONNA CONQUER YOUR ASS!"
"DAMN THAT JOE CARTER"
"HOYAKILLAH IS THE MOST DANGEROUS MAN EVER!"
"HEE-LEE-USS!"
"SYLVER MORRIGAN = FOND OF FISH"
"ORION = FOND OF POULTRY"
"FISTER MCCARL IS SIMPLY THE COOLEST!"
"LIGHTNING BOLT. YEAH, THATS ALL THIS SIGN SAYS, JUST LIGHTNING BOLT."
"GRYPHON IS GOING TO GET HIS GRIFF-ON!"
The camera then cuts to above the ring, where the hellacious Insanity Cell hangs above the ring. The camera then cuts to the announce position:
Jim Ross: Welcome everyone, to DEATH...AND...TAXES!
more fans cheering
Jim Ross: Hello everybody I'm good ol' JR Jim Ross, and I might have quit the WWE, but you know I have my backup job here in ICW. And I'm alongside my broadcast collegue Jerry "The King" Lawler, and King, tonight's matchups should be HOTE!
Jerry "The King" Lawler: That's right JR, tonight we will see in essence, 3 ICW WORLD TITLE MATCHES, AND POSSIBLY 4! We'll also bear witness to the Insanity Cell, and what might possibly be the best part of the evening tonight, JR...we dont have a third announce partner!
Jim Ross: That's right, it will be just us two for the duration of the evening. Well folks-
JR is interrupted by the lights going out in the arena, and "OHHHHHH TESTIFY!" Fills the arena, followed by "Devil's Dance", by Metallica. Out comes Dave Dudley to a chorus of boos. He runs to the ring and wastes no fanfare, and immediately gets on the mic:
Dave Dudley: ALL RIGHT, DAMNIT! I came here for a FIGHT and you'd better damn well believe I'm going to fight, so this is it, whoever wants to challenge me, get your ass out here! I'm here to prove that I'm The Hardcore Icon, and that it's not just some washed up slogan!
JR: Well, Dudley certainly looks ready to fight here.
a few seconds pass...
and "The Bond Theme" hits and out comes Interim president of ICW, ScottiePP7!! He stands on the stage, with a mic
JR: OH MY! Is PP7 GOING TO FIGHT DUDLEY? THESE TWO ARE GOING TO FIGHT IN THE ULTIMATE ICW POWER STRUGGLE!!!!
Lawler: JR, that already happened.
JR: I know, but it would be pretty cool.
ScottieScottiePP7: As you already know, David, no one has challenged you here tonight, so, obviously, you have no extra match. Besides, you should be worried about the Insanity Cell, here tonight.
Dave Dudley: Worried? What do I have to be worried about? Besides, what does it matter to you?
ScottieScottiePP7: Matter to me? HA! Why do you think I put you in the match? YOU'RE GONNA GET MASSACRED. Everyone in that ring HATES you. This is my opportunity to see you PUNISHED AND BEATEN BEYOND RECOGNITION. AFTER TONIGHT, YOU WILL BE FINISHED!
Dave Dudley: Well we'll just see about that. I happen to believe that I'll come out on top in this match...I mean, it's designed for me, I'm the most extreme in there.
ScottieScottiePP7: Yeah, like you said, we'll see about that. I promise you this, after tonight, things will NEVER be the same.
Scottie heads to the back, as Dudley walks out of the ring and walks up to the announce position. He sits down, and puts on a headset.
JR: Well, I guess...we're being joined by the OWNER of ICW, even though that doesnt entitle much at the moment, Dave Dudley.
Lawler: Man, I thought it was just going to be old school me and JR like on Monday nights no 3rd rate interruptions.
Dave Dudley: What?
Lawler: Nothing, I mean...WASSUP DAVE! GOOD TO SEE YOU!
Dave Dudley: Well I figure since I'm already out here, I could lend you two a hand.
JR: Well, we didnt need it, but whatever. Anyway folks, it's time for our first match up of 4 for the evening, and it's for the ICW World Tag team Championship.
ICW World Tag Team Championship
Pinata Match
Sylver Morrigan / Orion(c)
vs.
Los Conquistadors
JR: As you know folks, Sylver and Orion won the belts last week on Mayhem, in a great matchup. Then, Los Conquistadors requested this rematch, to be held under Pinata match rules.
Lawler: That's right JR, and in this match the ICW tag team titles will be held above the ring inside of a Pinata! And the Pinata is shaped...like a giant TACO! HAHA!
JR: The goal here, is to break open the Pinata, so that the belts fall out. Then, the first team to grab the belts are the champions. These two teams have heat that builds up back to our last PPV, RolePlayMania III.
Dave Dudley: Yeah, I remember I beat everyone's ass in that match.
Lawler: You certainly did, Dave.
JR: Quit it, kissass.
Dave Dudley: No no, I dont mind. Go ahead, King, kiss my ass all you want.
"La Bamba" by Richie Valens hits, as the fans boo for the arrival of Los Conquistadors.
The Golden Ones stroll out down the aisle and slide into the ring, posing dramatically, crossing their arms and such, then they both tell all of the fans to suck it, via the crotch chop.
Dave Dudley: You know, I love these guys.
JR: Well, they're a lot like you.
Dave Dudley: What are you saying?
JR: Nothing, Im just saying you have similar traits.
Dave Dudley: Are you calling me a dirty spic, JR?
JR: Not at all, however, being from Oklahoma, I'd know a lot about dirty spics.
Dave Dudley: Tru dat, tru dat.
"We Know Who Our Enemies Are" by mewithoutyou hits and out comes one half of the ICW tag team champions, Orion, to a nice reaction from the crowd. He gets in the ring, and climbs the turnbuckle, showing off to the crowd.
Lawler: Look at this, they're the tag champs and they cant even come out together. How are they ever going to get along?
JR: Well King thats just not true, they're as close as possible, I think, I mean they have a long history together.
Dave Dudley: All I know is that Orion is still a Dave Dudley clone, minus the cool.
JR: Come now, Orion has made himself in this business. Dan Hampton, maybe, but Orion, no.
Lawler: Arent they the same guy?
Dave Dudley: Who the hell knows? Is it even possible for 1 guy to be more than one person in this business?
Godsmack's "Sick Of Life" hits, and out comes the other half of the tag champs, and the ICW NYO Champion, Sylver Morrigan to a nice reaction from the crowd. She slides into the ring and poses for the crowd as they cheer for her.
Dave Dudley: I must say...Sylver IS pretty hot...
Lawler: Well you know, Dave, she really digs you.
Dave Dudley: Who doesnt? I know you've had your eye on me for quite some time, King.
Lawler: Uh...I...uh...
JR: Haha.
Dave Dudley: Don't laugh, JR, I saw you staring at my garbage in the bathroom earlier, you Nancy Reagan douche-bag in the black hat.
Ding, ding,
The bell is sounded, and the match is underway.
Immediately, Los Conquistadors slide out of the ring and go after the Pinata sticks that are on the outside. They grab them, and toss them into the ring, but before they are able to enter the ring, Orion and Sylver both hit them with a double baseball slide!
Los Conquistadors are knocked back, as Orion and Morrigan both follow them outside to the floor.
Morrigan pairs up with Uno, and Orion pairs up with Dos. Orion throws Dos into the railing, as Morrigan throws Uno into the ring.
Morrigan picks up one of the pinata sticks, and CLUBS Uno in the head with it! Then, she looks up at the pinata hanging above the ring, it can only be reached with a ladder.
JR: Sylver is noticing that she'll need to climb a ladder to reach the pinata, so she can whack it.
Dave Dudley: I'd comment, but...too easy.
Sylver brings the base of the pinata stick down on Uno's midsection. She attempts it again, but Uno hits her with a thumb to the eye!
Uno gets up, holding his stomach, and grabs the stick. He swings it across Sylvers back, as it brings her to her knees.
Orion enters the ring, and picks up the other stick, and the two start dueling with the sticks, lightsabers style.
Lawler: Look at this!
Dave Dudley: They're fighting like gladiators!
JR: You stole my line.
Orion manages to avoid Uno's shot with the stick, and hits him in the knee with the stick, and follows that up with a shot to the side of the head, knocking him down.
Lawler: Looks like Orion won that round!
Dave Dudley: But he didnt say UNO!!!
JR, Lawler: ...
Dave Dudley: Get it? Uno? ...meh.
Dos enters the ring, and hits Orion with a superkick! Orion eats foot, and goes down. Dos then helps up Uno, before he slides to the outside of the ring, grabbing the ladder that's out there.
Dos brings it into the ring, and sets it up. He starts to climb, as he tells Uno to hand him the pinata stick.
Uno hands Dos the stick, but then Sylver gets up and starts brawling with Uno.
Meanwhile, Orion is up, and is pushing on the ladder. He takes a few shots with the stick, but it is no use as Dos goes crashing as the ladder tips towards the ropes, and Dos falls to the outside!
JR: Oh my god! There's the first big spill of the match!
The ladder lands on the ropes, and Orion sets it back up in the ring. He climbs it, and when he gets high enough, he starts punching at the pinata, putting a few dents in it.
Noticing this, Uno manages to toss Sylver out of the ring, and climbs the other side of the ladder.
He climbs up real quick, and when he gets to the top he starts to punch on Orion's head. Orion falls down a step, and Uno swings his legs over onto the other side...hooks him up...and HURRICANRANAS HIM OFF THE TOP OF THE LADDER!
Orion crashes hard, on the mat, as does Uno.
Dave Dudley: Wow.
Dos, on the outside, produces two items: A steel chair, and a table. He sets the table up, on the outside, but enters the ring with the steel chair.
Sylver gets back in the ring, and as Dos swings for her, she kicks him in the midsection, causing him to drop the chair. She picks it up, and CRUSHES HIM IN THE SKULL!
Sylver holds the chair up as the fans go nuts, but when she turns around she is greeted by Uno, who DROPKICKS THE CHAIR BACK INTO HER FACE! She goes down, hard! Uno picks up the chair.
JR: DAMN, those steel chairs are dangerous.
Orion gets to his feet, holding his back, and DROP TOE HOLDS UNO INTO THE CANVAS, CAUSING HIM TO LAND FACE FIRST ON THE CHAIR!
Orion then locks in a reverse sharpshooter, better known as The Boulevard of Broken Dr!!!
JR: There's Orion's finisher!
Dudley: I tell you, that move HURTS.
Orion cranks it on, and Uno actually taps out!!!
Lawler: Wait wait, that doesnt count, remember there are no pinfalls or submissions here!
Dudley: No @#%$?
Orion releases the hold, and again slowly climbs up the ladder...
Dos gets to his feet, and walks over to the ladder...he stands underneath Orion with his back to the ladder, grabs his feet...and POWERBOMBS ORION OFF OF THE LADDER!
Orion is down, as Dos groggily stands there.
Dos then grabs the chair and throws it up at the Pinata...not doing any damage to it, but causing it to sway to and fro, all the live long day.
JR: Dos seems to be getting desperate here.
Dos looks up at the Pinata, but he is obviously distracted because when he looks back down and turns around, he walks right into Sylver, who hits him with BREAK THE CYCLE!!!
Sylver takes Dos down, and as she applies the cobra clutch, Dos TAPS OUT!!!
JR: Good lord, both Conquistadors have submitted respectively, here!
Dave Dudley: Yeah but it doesnt count here.
Lawler: No @#%$?
Sylver lets go of Dos, and starts to climb the ladder, going for the pinata, pinata stick in hand. She swings at it, and cracks it open! Confetti and pieces of candy start to fall out, but the hole isnt big enough for the ICW tag titles yet.
Meanwhile, Uno climbs the top rope...sizes it up, and JUMPS OFF, HITTING THE LADDER WITH A MISSLE DROPKICK! The ladder tips over and Sylver lands on the ropes on her side, crashing into the mat!
The ladder bounces off the rope and lands back in the position it was, standing up in the middle of the ring.
Uno gets up, and grabs the steel chair. He climbs the ladder, and hits the pinata with the chair, causing it to break open even more!
At this time, Orion also climbs up on the ladder.
Uno swings at Orion with the chair, but Orion ducks, and grabs the chair in the process.
The ladder gets wobbily, and Uno holds onto the top, so he doesnt fall down. Orion regains his stability and seeing the opportunity, SLAMS THE CHAIR ONTO THE TOP OF THE LADDER, SMASHING UNO'S FINGERS! Uno lets out a horrible cry as Orion positionally drops the chair on the mat, and climbs up a few more rungs, pulling Uno with him...as Uno is dealing with the pain of his fingers, Orion locks Uno up in a double underhook...and flips him up in the air, jumping off of the ladder with a BRAIN SURGERY BRAINBUSTER ON THE CHAIR FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER!!!!
Orion hits the mat hard , but Uno's head goes straight into the chair.
Dave Dudley: GOOD GOD DAMN!!!
Uno rolls out of the ring and falls face first on the mat.
Meanwhile, Dos is searching under the ring and he produces...not one, not two...but THREE SPANISH GUITARS!!!
He sets them inside the ring, grabs one, and climbs the top rope...
He waits for Orion to get up, and he FLIES OFF THE TOP ROPE HITTING ORION IN THE HEAD WITH THE GUITAR...EL KABONG!!!!!
Dos stands there amid all of the guitar wreckage and shouts out something En Espanol.
Dave Dudley: I LOVE that move!
Dos doesnt celebrate for long, though, as he turns around, and Sylver has acsended the turnbuckle, and she flies off with BAD MAGICK! A FLYING HURRICANRANA!
Dos goes down, but Sylver hits hard...and doesnt get up very quickly.
JR: Sylver took a good portion of that impact right there, she's slow to get up.
Dudley: Yeah, but she's still getting up.
Sylver gets up and helps to revive Orion, as he also gets up, slowly.
Meanwhile, Dos gets up slowly, and grabs a guitar...
On the outside, Uno is up, and he also has the other guitar...
Orion grabs the steel chair, and starts to climb the ladder, and Sylver holds it up for him.
Uno enters the ring, and Dos comes along on the otherside of the ring, they both get on one side of Sylver, and Uno pulls Sylver around to face him and THEY BOTH SWING WITH THE DOUBLE EL-KABONG-AIRTO STRAIGHT TO BOTH SIDES OF SYLVER'S HEAD! She drops to her knees and falls face first!
JR: OH MY GOD!!!
Lawler: I love it!
They start to go after Orion now, but Orion jumps down off of the ladder, and CRACKS BOTH UNO AND DOS IN THE BACKS WITH THE STEEL CHAIR!!! They fall to the outside, as Orion drops the chair down, and places his hands on his waist.
JR: Orion looks really disgusted here!
Dudley: It's because he's got to constantly save himself from the mess Sylver gets herself in, and its costing them the match.
JR: What the hell are you talking about? They've been helping each other.
Dudley: Read between the lines.
JR: But theres nothing but like 15 spaces inbetween lines.
Dudley: Shut up, just shut up.
Orion helps Sylver up and she gets to her feet.
Orion grabs the pinata stick, and starts to climb the ladder, and Sylver climbs the otherside of the ladder.
JR: See, they're working together now!
Orion gets to the top as does Sylver and he gets ready to hit the pinata, when Sylver takes the stick from him.
Orion acts stunned, as Sylver simply states "I'm closer." Orion gets a pissed look on his face, looks to the crowd, then turns and takes the stick back.
Lawler: Ut oh...
Dudley: What'd I tell you, hoe?
Sylver looks at Orion and says "What are you doing?" And takes the stick from him. Orion looks around again, and takes the stick back, and HITS SYLVER IN THE FACE WITH IT!
JR: WHAT THE HELL?
Orion then grabs Sylver by the arm, and HIPTOSSES HER OFF OF THE LADDER, OVER THE TOP ROPE, THROUGH THE TABLE ON THE OUTSIDE!!!
The table explodes as Sylver hits it HARD! the fans go nuts!
JR: WHAT IN THE HELL?
Dave Dudley: I TOLD YOU TOLD YOU TOLD YOU!
Orion looks at what he did, then turns his attention back on the pinata. He grabs it, and takes it off of the cable, he slams it down on the mat!
Lawler: He hasnt won, he needs to bust it open and grab the belts!
Orion hops off of the ladder, and starts to break open the pinata...he gets halfway there, when Dos comes up behind him, and hits him with a low blow.
JR: Oooh, that was low!
Orion keels over as Dos positions him in a powerbomb set up position, and Uno climbs the top rope. Dos lifts him up into a powerbomb, and Uno flies off the top rope with a shooting star press, THE BIG ENCHILADA!!!
Orion gets hit with the one two punch of the powerbomb and the shootingstar press.
Dave Dudley: BOO-YAH!
Now that Orion is down, Uno and Dos kick open the pinata, and pull out the ICW World Tag Team title belts!!!
Winners, and NEW ICW Tag Team Champions, Los Conquistadors
The fans boo, as Los Conquistadors celebrate with their recovered tag team titles, but they fall down, exhausted from the brutal battle that just went on.
Lawler: I knew they'd win! Look, they got all the gold!
JR: I cant believe this, Orion and Sylver had it in their grasp and they started bickering like two childhood siblings!
Los Conquistadors leave the ring with their ICW tag titles as Orion starts to stir in the ring...he slams his fist down on the mat in a sign of frustration. He slides out of the ring, and looks over the fallen Sylver, who is just now starting to move...he looks concerned for a moment...
but then waves it off and turns his back as to say "nah", and walks away. The fans boo, accordingly.
JR: What is Orion's problem?
Dave Dudley: I dunno, but I like it!
JR: Well, we've got new tag team champions, nonetheless.
Dave Dudley: Yup, and I'm out. It's been a pleasure, fellas, it really has. I've got to go get ready for the Insanity Cell and...well, looks like Sylver has a LOT of getting ready to do, haha!
JR: What a piece of trash.
Lawler: Hey JR, dont talk about our owner like that.
JR: Why, that sanctimonious piece of guttertrash doesnt have any power anymore, you want power, you talk to a man who deserves the power, a REAL responsible man who works for the people, ScottiePP7. Praise him all you want, but dont praise that scum Dudley, he makes me sick, and so does Orion. I hope someone gets Sylver some help...disgusting!
camera cuts to the back, where we see Hoyakillah in his locker room, reading a book. Healius walks in, drinking something out of a cup.
Healius: Hey, loser.
Hoyakillah: What do you want? I'm studying before our match.
Healius: What, studying before the match? Man, you'd better be getting ready for our Basketball game later, Mr. White Men Cant Dunk.
Hoyakillah: No time for that, I've got to write an essay for my classes I take in New York where I live because I'm 35 and still in school.
Healius: Well, I'm a secretary for the CIA or some @#%$, dude. What is that you're reading?
Hoyakillah: The Histories, by Tacticus.
Healius: Interesting, I read Pete Townshends autobiography the other day...very thought-provoking.
Hoyakillah: I'm a native new yorker. Did you get provoked to touch some little kids?
Healius: Yeah...hey SHUT UP YOU BITCHASS. You'll be eating those words when I go Steve Kerr style on you later on. {Takes drink}
Hoyakillah: You say that, as you drink out of the meningitis cup.
Healius spits out his Rebel Yell in a cup
Healius: NOT AGAIN!!! Maybe I can find some hot slutty nubian queen to comfort me...if not there's always the children.
Hoyakillah: Yeah, you'd better be ready when I bust my mad skillz on you and reprezent Manhattan later on. WORD LIFE!
Healius: Yeah, well I'll take you down just like HHH takes everyone down, BECAUSE HE IS...THE GAME!!!
Hoyakillah: THE F*CK?
Healius walks off screen as Hoyakillah strokes his beard that he's so proud of...then his cat jumps on his shoudler, as we cut back to the arena.
Commercial break:
Pat Vaynard...he's a man.
Such a gay man.
Such a gay man who sucks a lot of dick.
Such a gay man who sucks a lot of dick and eats a lot of man ass.
Such a gay man who sucks a lot of dick, eats a lot of man ass, and beats off to porn of OX's mom.
Such a gay man who sucks a lot of dick, eats a lot of man ass, beats to Ox's mom, and has a large collection of gay anime porn.
Such a gay man who sucks a lot of dick, the man ass, the Ox's mom, the anime porn, and who makes Christian Underwood look like Brad freakin'Pitt in appeal to women.
Brad Pitt, or Dave Dudley.
Point is, Pat Vaynard could be your neighbor.
Think about that.
return to live action
Dave Dudley
YOUR Hardcore Icon
Posts: 235
(4/26/03 6:42 pm)
Reply ICW Presents Death and Taxes
Preachin' and Race Baitin' ain't easy, by no one, since I just made it up, hits, and The Reverend Dr. Al Sharpton saunters to the ring, looking sharp in a gray three piece suit.
JR: One of the most accomplished political figures of our time, Al Shar-
Lawler: You mean one of the most accomplished nig-
The camera cuts away from the announce table, and the sound is cut for nearly a minute. When it returns, the match is ready to begin. JR and King appear patently offended, while Al looks like the angry black man that he is.
JR: Here we are folks, the ICW World Heavyweight Championship on the line. Best two out of three falls, Myst versus Johnny Q. Public. We've been expecting and waiting for this one for quite awhile.
Lawler: Yeah, I've been waiting to see Myst beat the hell out of QPublic all over this building. That guy's a joke of a champion, a stain on the company's reputation.
JR: Well, I'd have to disagree there King. I think Johnny has added some credibility to the belt, after several years of Dave Dudley awarding it to himself and Andrew Leigh stashing it in his shopping cart/living quarters.
Rev. Al: You know what would add some credibility to this minstrel show? A black man as champion.
Lawler: Minstrel show? We don't have any black guys here.
Rev. Al: Just as I figured, you racist bastards.
The opening riffs of "Liar" by Rollins Band rock the PA system, capturing the transcendent anger of the man of the hour. Myst appears on the entrance ramp; a chorus of boos quickly drowns out the music. However, Myst's rage, exuding from every pore, poisoning the air with every whistling, seething breath, can not be silenced. He does not run to the ring or flail his arms to express his frustration as one would expect from the typical wrestler. His body is calm, but the fire in his eyes tells a different story. He enters the ring and turns to greet his enemy. No taunting words or cocky gestures; the hatred of these two men for each other has gone far beyond petty posturing. He is ready.
JR: What more can be said about Myst? He is an amazing physical speciman, he is an expert technician, he is as good a pure fighter as you may ever see, he is a psychological warrior. All of these abilities seem to flow from one source: his insaitable rage and his...
Lawler: Yes, yes JR. We all know that you have to throw out all that philosophical crap before any big match, so just spare us. We've heard it before.
JR: Well, that is my job.
Rev. Al: You have the arrogance to come out here and talk about jobs, honkey? How about the 20 million black men you keep down every year?
JR: My God...there are actually 20 million black people in this country? vomits
The chords of "I Have Seen Where It Grows" emenate from the speakers, indicating the arrival of Johnny Q. Public, QPublic. The ovation is not instantaneous, but rises slowly, surely, like a storm, until every rear is out of its seat and adulations spill from every lip. QPublic, the stoical, silent hero of ICW, its protector from the Dudleys and Mysts of the world, its champion, appears on the ramp, and he and Myst simply stare each other down. Anyone foolish enough to step between the two would be able to comprehend the hatred with all five senses, a hatred which is beyond scientific or theological comprehension.
JR: If there is one man on this Earth who can stand toe to toe with Myst and not be intimidated, it is QPublic.
Lawler: What the hell is this, a staring contest? Kill each other!
Rev. Al: You know a little about killing, don't you Jerry Lawler. Why don't you tell the audience what you know about killing?
Lawler: Huh?
Rev. Al: WHY DON'T YOU TELL THESE FOLK ABOUT THE LITTLE BLACK BABIES YOU KILL AND EAT IN YOUR BASEMENT, JIM CROW?
JR: Myst, the raging extrovert. QPublic, the consumed introvert. We are about to see what will be perhaps the most compelling matchup in ICW history.
Lawler: Will you shut the hell up for a second? He called me a @#%$ baby eater!
Rev. Al: You are a baby eater, baby eater.
QPublic, never casting his eyes away from Myst's, slowly reaches up and removes his sunglasses. This simple gesture is enough to trigger Myst's orgasm of fury. He rushes up the ramp at the champion as the bell rings.
BEST TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS FOR THE ICW WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP: MYST V JOHNNY Q. PUBLIC (C)
Myst attempts a huge running right hand, which is easily ducked by QPublic. Myst spins around quickly, only to be met with a stiff right jab from Public, who has taken a boxing stance. Unfazed by the blow, Myst tries for a huge roundhouse punch, which is ducked again. This time, Public greets Myst with a quick kick to the midsection, doubling over the challenger.
JR: As good a fighter as Myst is, he won't do well trying to win a slug-fest with Johnny Q. Public. QPublic is too quick and too skilled.
Myst staggers back down the ramp, and QPublic follows. Public locks him up and sets him up for a quick suplex on the steel ramp, but Myst hooks his leg to block it. Public tries again, only to be denied again by Myst. Myst quickly disengages his leg and hits Public with a snap suplex of his own.
JR: This is Myst's game. Power and techinical skill.
Lawler: Hell, everything is Myst's game. QPublic is a great competitor, but he's just not in Myst's league.
JR: Haven't you said that about every crowd favorite in every world title match for the past 10 years?
Lawler: Well, as far as I'm concerned, it's always been true.
Myst pulls up QPublic by the nape of his neck and shoves him toward the ring. Public hits the apron, and Myst follows, tossing him under the bottom rope. He slides in, ties up the rising QPublic and whips him to the far side. Powerslam on the way back into a lateral press, 1, QPublic kicks out with authority.
Lawler: What the hell kind of count was that? That was at least an 8!
Rev. Al: I guess this ref is the black man of the wrestling world. Gonna eat him too, freak?
JR: Remember folks, this first fall can only be captured via pinfall. No submissions, countouts, DQs, or anything else. Just the 1, 2, 3.
Myst pulls his prey up again and locks up from behind, looking for a German suplex and a quick pinfall. But as he lifts QPublic, Johnny escapes his grasp and does a full flip in midair to land on his feet! Myst is all to aware of what has happened, but is not quick enough to avoid the huge bulldog takedown delivered by QPublic! Myst pops back up, hurrincanrana from QPublic, into a bridge! 1, kickout!
Lawler: What a dumbass, you don't beat Myst with crap like that.
JR: King, both of these guys know that they'll need everything they have to go 2, maybe even 3 rounds. They want a quick win and a quick advantage.
Rev. Al: You want to talk about advantage? You want to talk about April 4th, 1968? The white man gets the gun, Martin gets the bullet. I saw it, I was there!
JR: Actually, no you weren't.
Rev. Al: Yeah, but you still hate black people.
JR: Point taken.
Rather than deal with another onslaught from Johnny, Myst rolls out of the ring and disappears from view. As Public steps through the ring ropes, he's hit with an absolutely ridiculous spin kick out of nowhere from Myst, who appears to have jumped at least three or four feet to hit it. Public goes flipping back over the ropes and Myst slides in. QPublic, not badly shaken by the kick, performs a backward roll to his feet, and the two are left staring each other down once again. They slowly circle each other, before rushing forward to lock up in the center of the ring.
JR: After that early flurry of offense, the two warriors have settled down to a more conservative approach.
Myst quickly takes the upper hand with a side headlock, wrenching Public's head from side to side as he puts on addition pressure. QPublic, too fresh to succumb to such a basic manuvoer, throws a series of elbows into Myst's midsection, weakening the hold. Public shoves Myst off and into the ropes, and catches him with a quick clothesline on the way back. Myst pops back up as Public hits the ropes, another clothesline. Myst up again, dropkick from QPublic!
JR: QPublic again showing his quickness and hand to hand skill.
Lawler: But that doesn't matter, JR-he won't win the match with a punch or a kick.
JR: True enough, but it'll go a long way to slowly wear Myst down, especially if he wants to be niggardly with his offense early on.
Rev. Al: WHAT THE F*CK DID YOU JUST SAY?
JR: QPublic's strikes will wear Myst down?
Rev. Al: AFTER THAT, WHITE MAN.
JR: Niggardly?
Rev. Al: AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH
Al leaps at JR and they struggle under the announce table, leaving Lawler as the only commentator as the match continues.
Meanwhile, QPublic hits a quick scoop slam on Myst, keeping him down. He hits the ropes, leg drop across the neck! Johnny stays on and hooks the leg, 1, 2, Myst kicks out at the two count. QPublic sends Myst into the ropes on the near side and looks for a backdrop, but Myst telegraphs it and gives Public a swift kick to the face. Johnny stumbles backward, and Myst clotheslines him over the ropes to the outside.
Lawler: This is great, I've got the two biggest idiots on the planet fighting at my feet, and the two biggest freaks on the planet coming my way.
Myst follows Johnny outside, and absolutely lays into QPublic with a harsh knife edge chop, soliciting the obligatory "whoooo" from the crowd.
Lawler: Jesus, isn't Ric Flair dead?
Myst grabs the reeling QPublic by the arm, HARD head first Irish whip into the steel ring steps.
Lawler: All that hand to hand skill won't do jack for you out here, Johnny! You're in Myst's world now.
Johnny staggers around the corner in obvious pain, not fully aware of where he is. Myst follows, and catches Public from behind. Side Russian leg sweep, on the concrete. The crowd groans at the smack of QPublic hitting the floor, to say nothing of what Johnny must have felt. Myst pulls the motionless Public up from the floor, and drapes him over the ring barrier. He then slides into the ring, and climbs to the top rope.
Lawler: Holy sh*t, I don't know what he's going to do, but I'm sure it'll take a few years of the careers of these two!
Myst stands straight up on the turnbuckle, and raises his arms to a chorus of booshe leaps offBIG ELBOW DROP ONTO QPUBLIC ON THE BARRIER!!!
Lawler: GOODGODDAMN.
Johnny slides off of the barrier, clutching the small of his back as he writhes in pain. Myst also appears to have injured himself, clutching his tricep area. The ICW crowd, bloodthirsty SOBs that they are, roars its approval! Myst grimaces through the pain, and rolls QPublic back into the ring. He covers12KICKOUT!
Lawler: WHAT THE HELL?
Myst is equally stunned. He stands and begins to flail his arms and stomp his feet in rage. Noticing that QPublic is still motionless, he climbs to the top rope again and perches there. Johnny slowly begins to rise to his feetas he stands and turns to face Myst, Myst flies off looking for a flying body press, but QPublic drops down under him and Myst hits the floor!
Lawler: NOOOOOOOOO
Both men get to their feet, and lock up. Myst tries for an Irish whip, QPublic reverses it, boot to the gut on the way back, PAYBACK STUNNER! QPublic covers,
WINNER OF THE FIRST FALL, JOHNNY Q. PUBLIC!!!
Lawler: Damnit, Myst had it within his grasp!
In the tumult following the pin fall, JR suddenly appears at the King's side once again. His hat is gone, his hair is disheveled, and his facewell, his face is the same, because he's all crippled and what not.
Lawler: What the hell happened? And where's Reverend Al?
JR: Let's just say that the Good Reverend has blockaded his last slant grocery store.
Back in the ring, QPublic is standing over Myst as Myst begins to shake the cobwebs out and rise to his feet.[/b]
JR: This next fall can only be won by submission, so these two will probably be concentrating on that particular aspect. Both of these two have submission moves in their arsenals, with Myst utilizing the Eternal Pain crossface and QPublic the Disgrace hold.
Myst and QPublic lock up, and QPublic quickly gains the advantage with an armlock. However, Myst is able to spin out and reverse the hold. QPublic, however, breaks that and moves into a shoulder lock, illiciting a grimace of pain from Myst, which draws applause from the cr
Lawler: What the hell is wrong with these people?
JR: Probably syphillis, or maybe leighds.
Lawler: What? An Andrew Leigh joke, when the man isn't even here to defend himself?
JR: Yeah, I couldn't resist
Myst manages to escape the hold, and backs off QPublic, to boos from the crowd. Eventually he completely exits the ring, for even more boos. He dares QPublic to come and join him, and after some consideration, Public decides to go for it.
Lawler: Not a smart move by QPublic, he doesn't want to tangle with Myst outside of the ring.
JR: I guess Johnny doesn't scare very easily, and for good reason. He is up one to nil in this one so far.
After pondering it for a moment, Johnny slides out to join Myst, resulting in an even larger reaction from the crowd. The two immediately begin to exchange blows, this time with no one person gaining a clear advantage right away. Finally, Myst, still staggered from the Payback stunner of a few minutes earlier, begins to stagger back up the ramp, QPublic in hot pursuit. Johnny catches up, swinging neckbreaker on the ramp!
JR: Johnny Q. Public is completely dominating this match! I don't see Myst lasting much longer.
Lawler: What a typical Okie statement.
JR: Shut the hell up, Tennessee. Who the hell is from Tennessee, anyway?
Lawler: Elvis!
JR: You mean the man who's image you've shamelessly pirated for the past 30 years?
At this, Lawler lunges at JR, and the two of them begin to struggle on the floor
Meanwhile, back to the match
QPublic has continued to beat on Myst on the ramp, now reaching the top near the entrance. Public grabs him by the legsSPINEBUSTER, on the steel. Myst clutches his back. Johnny pulls Myst to his feet and shoves him down toward the ring, prodding him along with right hands whenever Myst looks back. Myst rolls back into the ring under his own volition, and QPublic follows. Kick to the midsection, DDT! Johnny stands over Myst, looks out to the crowd, and slowly drags his hand across his throat, signaling for the Disgrace hold!
Rather than simply executing the move right away and risking a counter, QPublic slowly, methodically stalks his prey. As Myst begins to stir, QPublic circles around him, like any predator does his prey. As Myst reaches his feet, Public swoops inonly to be drop toe held into the ring ropes by Myst, who was evidently playing possum! As Johnny bounces back, Myst locks him into the Eternal Pain crossface! QPublic holds back for nearly 10 seconds, but muffled screams are heard after that! Public refuses to taphe holds for 20 seconds30 seconds45 secondsa full minuteFINALLY, QPublic submitshe doesn't tap his hand frantically, but only once, knowing that he could hold out longer, but deciding to save himself for the last pinfall.
WINNER OF THE SECOND FALL, BY SUBMISSION, MYST!
Hearing the ring announcer, JR and the King figure it's probably a good idea to re-emerge. JR is sporting a nasty shiner and it looks like the King has a broken nose. JR, the consummate professional, is immediately in exaggerate mode.
JR: THAT DEMON, THAT ANTI-CHRIST, THAT KILLER OF BABIES, THAT BOMBER OF INNOCENTS, THAT RAPIST, THAT FREAK
Lawler: Just shut the hell up already.
After some strong admonishing from the referee, Myst finally breaks the hold. After standing over the pained QPublic with a smirk on his face, he plays to the crowd a bit. Finding himself showered with boos, Myst is enraged. He grabs a microphone from the ring announcer.
Myst: YOU CANADIAN INFIDELS DON'T UNDERSTAND ANGER. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND RAGE. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME. I'LL MAKE YOU BASTARDS PAY!
Some skanky 200 pound Canadian chick in the front row is stuffed into a tube top and miniskirtbut it looks like whoever did the stuffing didn't finish. Myst pulls over the barrier and quickly powerbombs her into oblivion.
Myst: THE FEW SECONDS I HAD TO SPEND WITH THAT THING BETWEEN MY LEGS AND HER LEGS AROUND MY FACE HAS ONLY SERVED TO AUGMENT MY ANGER.
Not knowing what augment means, the Canadians don't know to run. Myst hops the barrier, grabs some dumbsh*t in a Tie Domi jersey, DDT onto his chair. He tosses him on top of the girl, and frantically searches for his next victim. He sets his sights on a nine or ten year old boy, and approaches him. The boy's father attempts to stop Myst, but he's given a stiff right hand for his troubles, Myst grabs the little boy by the neck
JR: OH MY GOD DON'T DO IT
Lawler: THIS IS TOO MUCH
Myst hoists the boy into the airCHOKESLAM ONTO THE CARCASSES OF THE OTHER FANS
JR and King, and every other person in the Western World: HOLY F*CK
Myst surveys his killsthen hops back into the ring and onto the top rope. He stands facing the downed fanshe leapsDOWNPOUR ONTO THE FANS
JR: THOSE PEOPLE-DEAD.
Myst stands triumphantly over the damagewhat he doesn't see is that QPublic is standing on his feet in the ring. The crowd roars, and Myst misinterprets this, thinking it's for himQPublic hits the ropes, goes flying forwardSPRINGBOARD ASIA MOONSAULT ONTO MYST!
JR: TAKE THAT, YOU SOB
Lawler: You can say the words, JR. This is PPV.
JR: Don't let the EZBoard thugs hear you say that
Anyways, as Myst is down, the ref starts the count. 12Myst begins to stir345Myst is at his feet. Johnny by this time is rummaging other the ring for hard, blunt objects, forgetting his repugnance for hardcore matches. Public pulls out a stop sign with the post attached. He takes a big swingbut Myst grabs it and wrests it from Public's hands! He winds upAND HITS JOHNNY IN THE NECK WITH THE POST!
JR: SOMEBODY HAS TO STOP MYST!
Lawler: You'll notice I said nothing like that when you did whatever it was you did to Reverend Al.
Johnny rolls into the ring, clutching his throat, trying to breathe. The referee starts the count, 1234QPublic rises to his knees567QPublic gets to his feet, still holding his neck, and the crowd roars. An infuriated Myst hits the ring, and fires several straight right hands into the face of Johnny. Public staggers backwardthen blocks a punch of Myst's and fires back with one of his own! Myst throws another, block, another right hand from Johnny! Myst tries for a heel kick, Johnny ducks under, moving incredibly quick, he grabs the stop sign. Before Myst can get turned back around, Johnny tosses the sign into the air, and hits the Atonement superkick on the sign to the back of the head! Myst hits the floor like a ton of bricks!
JR: ATONEMENT! THROUGH THE SIGN! IT'S ALL OVER!
Lawler: You're right, Myst is motionless!
Myst is indeed motionless. The ref starts the count123456Myst starts to stir, to the amazement of the crowd78Myst is on his knees9Myst is back to his feet, just barely beating the count! QPublic can't believe it!
JR: MYSTISNOTHUMAN
Johnny quickly recovers from his shock and goes back to work on Myst. Firing right hands, he gets Myst to retreat to one of the corners, propping himself up with the ring ropes. Johnny slides out of the ring, goes underneath, and pulls out a TABLE.
Lawler: I thought Johnny hated hardcore!
JR: These guys aren't thinking in terms of wrestling anymore, King. They're thinking about survival.
Johnny sets the table up perpendicular to Myst's corner, and hoists Myst up onto the turnbuckle. Climbing up, he sets Myst up for the superplex!
JR: This'll be it for Myst!
Johnny grabs a hold of Myst and tries for the suplexbut can't hit! He tries again, but Myst blocks it again. Seizing the initiative, the Myst who was dead to the world only moments ago grabs a hold of Johnny's tights, and lifts himFRONT SUPERPLEX THROUGH THE TABLE!
Lawler: I think you've got it the wrong way, JR!
Both men are down123Myst begins to pull himself up using the turnbuckle, and quickly stands, though exhausted4567Johnny starts to move8Johnny slowly getting up9Johnny Q. Public is at his feet!
JR: Amazing!
Now it's Myst's turn to be shocked. Feeding on an apparently unused source of energy, he starts laying into QPublic. Irish whip to the far sidebackdrop! Rather than letting the ref count, Myst simply wants to hurt QPublic. He pulls QPublic onto the turnbuckle with him and sets him up for a suplex (running parallel to the announce tables)but Johnny blocks it! Showing incredible balance, he lands a kick to the gut of Myst and turns aroundhe hooks the head
JR and Lawler: IS HE REALLY GOING TO DO IT?
The answer is yes, as QPUBLIC LEAPS OFF THE TURNBUCKLE SIDEWAYS TOWARD THE ANNOUNCE TABLES, TAKING MYST WITH HIM, LANDING A PAYBACK STUNNER! MYST GOES THROUGH THE ENGLISH ANNOUNCE TABLE, JOHNNY THROUGH THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE!
Lawler: They're both dead!
JR: I'm not doctor, but I think you're right!
The referee begins a slow count123456no signs of life7amazingly, both men stir8both men on their hands and knees9BOTH MEN ARE UP!
JR: THIS IS
Lawler: Insanity?
JR: Well, yes.
Both men appear incapable of getting any offense going though
SUDDENLY
THROUGH THE CROWD
IT'S DAVE DUDLEY, WITH STEEL CHAIR IN HAND!
THE CROWD ERUPTS IN BOOS AS DUDLEY HOPS THE BARRIER!
JR: What the hell is he doing he-OH DAMN!
Dave absolutely CLOBBERS QPublic with the chair! Public collapses! He looks to Myst with a big grinMyst, a little disoriented, returns itAND GETS LAMBASTED WITH THE CHAIR FOR HIS TROUBLES!
Lawler: I think it's obvious what he's doing!
Dudley grabs both men and rolls them into the ring. He pulls up Johnny, Irish whip, 4D! THE DAVE DUDLEY DEATH DROP! He grabs Myst, whip, 4D! DAVE DUDLEY DEATH DROP!
JR: WHAT THE HELL DID HE DO THAT FOR?
Lawler: Well, the match was going a little long.
As the crowd boos voraciously, Dudley hops out of the ring, tosses the chair back over his shoulder, and quickly is escorted by security through the fans.
The ref starts the count
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
AMAZINGLY, BOTH MEN START TO MOVE!
JR: HOW ARE THESE GUYS STILL DOING IT?
At eight, both men are on their hands and knees
9
BOTH MEN GET TO THEIR FEET!
Lawler: Why doesn't one of these idiots just stay down?
QPublic attempts a desperation roundhouse rightMyst ducks under, hits the ropesGORE!
JR: THE GORE! IT'S OVER!
Myst spots the steel chair tossed into the ring by Dudley, and picks it up
He climbs to the top rope, slowly but surely
JR: DON'T DO IT!
Myst reaches the top rope, faces QPublic with the chair in his handand leaps off
DOWNPOUR WITH THE CHAIR ONTO QPUBLIC'S SKULL!
Lawler: I THINK I JUST HEARD QPUBLIC'S SKULL CRACK!
JR: I THINK EVERYBODY IN THE BUILDING DID!
Myst rolls to the side and uses the ring ropes to pull himself uphe grins sadistically as the ref starts the count1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8QPUBLIC STARTS TO STIR! HE'S ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES!
JR: OH MY GOD, IS HE GOING TO DO IT AGAIN?!
9
QPUBLIC COLLAPSES! 10! IT'S OVER!
WINNER, BY KO, AND NEW ICW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, MYST!!!
JR: THAT WAS ONE OF THE MOST GROTESQUE, SICKENING MATCHES I'VE EVER SEEN.
Lawler: AND I LIKED IT!
JR: BUT HOW MUCH CAN MYST POSSIBLY HAVE LEFT FOR THE INSANITY CAGE MATCH?!
Lawler: We'll find out next!
Myst hoists the belt over his head in the center of the ring, before a stunned crowd as the show goes to backstage.