Post by Dave Dangerously on Jul 8, 2008 12:49:37 GMT -6
Highlights shown: ICW Champions past - Vassago, Dave Dudley, Amalek, JPac, Healius, Andrew Leigh, Supa Sky, Hexane, Johnny Q. Public, Myst, and finally Calvin Constantine.
ICW - The Pinnacle of Sports Entertainment.
"Chrome" by VNV Nation plays, as the new ICW Thursday Insane Thursday intro rolls. The camera cuts to inside the Nassau Veterans Memorial Colisseum, in Uniondale, New York.
Pyro goes off of the newly revamped ICW stage, that features the word TIT in bold letters on the stage below a new improved TIT-TRON 5000 replacing the old ScottieTRON. The camera pans the audience to show signs:
"SAVE US, Y2A"
"MYST FOR PREZ"
"SCOTTIEPP7 FOR PREZ"
"YOUUUUUUUUREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FIRRRRRRRRRREDDDDDDDD"
"BRING BACK DUDLEY"
"NO MORE DUDLEYS"
"LONE WOLF = RATNIGS"
"WHY, PYRO, WHY?"
"HAMPTON VS. CAPN CRUNCH BOOK IT, VINCE!"
"HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER"
"BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH"
"CONQUER MY ASS, CONQUISTADORS!"
"DUDE, THAT WAS A GUY WHO SAID THAT."
"...NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT."
"KAYNE FINALLY WON? THE MONKEYS ARE FLYING OUT OF MY BUTT."
Joey Styles: HELLO EVERYBODY AND WELCOME TO THURSDAY, INSANE THURSDAY! I'm your host, the voice of ICW, JOEY STYLES alongside my broadcast colleague Myst!
Myst: Why ask why, Joey. Drink Bud Dry, and why waste time, it's time for our first match of the evening!!!
Dropkick Murphy's "Alcohol" hits, fireworks explode, and the fans roar as Lightning Bolt emerges from the smoke. LB surveys the crowd before sprinting to the ring.
JS: As Lightning Bolt hits the ring, we're ready for our first bout here on Thursday, Insane Thursday! This match and the world title match later on will have HUGE implications for July2Die.
Myst: That's right Joey. This triple threat match between LB, ScottiePP7, and Dan Hampton will be for one fall, and the time will be recorded. Later on, Calvin Constantine and Johnny Hook will try to beat the time. The man with the fastest time gets a 30 second head start in the Insanity Cell next week.
As LB plays to the crowd from the turnbuckle, "Shipping Up To Boston" hits, and the cheers turn to boos as ScottiePP7 saunters out, flanked by Johnny Hook and Miss Clee Tarus.
JS: Last week, the Hook-PP7 team didn't function as well as they have in the past-Hook nailed Scottie with the championship belt!
Scottie heads to the ring businesslike, as Hook and Clee stay on the outside.
Myst: Not only that, but next week, they'll be opponents inside of the Insanity Cell.
JS: Myst, you've been inside the Insanity Cell, what kind of advantage will 30 extra seconds give somebody?
Myst: It's huge, Joey. Getting out of the first cell and into the second is crucial, and a 30 second head start could let someone do just that. Of the six people who went into Insanity Cell I, only two are still active-Lightning Bolt and Sylver Morrigan. And believe me, that's not a coincidence.
Scottie enters the ring, staring down LB and heading for the opposite corner. "Past Tense, Future Perfect" hits, and the fans give their biggest reaction yet for The Golden One, Dan Hampton! Pyro explodes, and Dan appears at the top of the ramp and heads to the ring.
JS: And now we've been joined by one of the most decorated superstars in wrestling history, Dan Hampton!
Myst: Please. Half of those EWA title reigns happened before I, the Dark Machine arrived.
JS: What about Hoosier Daddy?
Myst: Joey, I swear to God, mention that again and I will shatter your fucking larynx. You won't be able to announce, you'll go on welfare, and then I'll have your wife shine my goblet for nickels, you goddamned serf.
JS: …Okay, then. Back in the ring!
Hampton has entered the ring, and him and Scottie are face to face, jawing at each other. Scottie's sticking his finger in Dan's chest, and Dan looks unimpressed. Scottie shoves Dan, Dan shoves him back, WHEN LIGHTNING BOLT COMES FLYING IN WITH A SPRINGBOARD CROSSBODY FROM THE TOP ROPE
JS: HOLY SHIT, and we're underway.
The referee quickly calls for the bell to ring, and the official ICW Beat the Clock Challenge Timer appears in the bottom corner. Available now for only $24.95 at icwshop.com!
Lightning Bolt gives both men a few stomps before lifting Scottie to his feet. LB delivers two knife edge chops to PP7, then goes for a whip to the far side. The bigger Scottie reverses, but LB catches him with a spinning back elbow on the way back! Dan gets up, but LB catches him with a standing dropkick. But before he can turn back, LB gets hit with a vicious clothesline from Scott. Scottie grabs Hampton, and flapjacks him onto LB's body! The crowd boos as Scottie gets up and makes a championship belt motion around his waist.
Myst: We're just one minute in, and Scottie's showing the fans who the dominant force is here in ICW.
JS: Other than…DUH NUH NUH…actually, I've got nothing.
Time: 1:22
Back in the ring, Scottie boots Dan in the gut and sets him up for a powerbomb…Dan reverses into a backdrop! Scottie pops right back up, Dan goes for a kick to the stomach-Scottie catches it, but Dan hits an enziguri! Dan motions over to LB, they lock Scottie up, double snap suplex!
JS: So much for your dominant force!
LB and Hampton hit opposite ropes, double leg drops onto the prone PP7! As Dan gets up, LB hits him with a Thunder Clap superkick, right at the two minute mark!
Time: 2:00
Myst: That goes to show you, you can't trust anybody named after a meteorological phenomenon.
LB hooks the leg and covers,
1…
2…
Kickout by Hampton!
JS: A near fall in under three minutes!
Time: 2:54
LB barks at the referee, then whips Hampton HARD into the corner, following him with a running splash. He sends Hampton into the opposite turnbuckle and looks for another splash, but Hampton sidesteps him! LB stumbles out, small package by the Golden One!
1…
2.
SCOTTIE BREAKS IT UP
Myst: What a veteran move by PP7 there, breaking the count at the last possible moment!
Scottie gives boots to both men, then picks up LB. He whips LB into the ropes, then sends him tumbling over the top with a clothesline! On the outside, Clee Tarus STOMPS on LB's chest with a high-heeled shoe! Johnny Hook then grabs LB and sends him HARD into the steel steps!
JS: THAT AUDACIOUS JEZEBEL! THAT DAMNED JUDAS! THAT, THAT-
Myst: Uh, hold on there. JR isn't calling this match.
JS: Shit, you're right. Sorry guys.
Scottie whips Hampton into the ropes, looking for a big boot on the way back-but Hampton ducks, and Scottie CREAMS the ref!
JS: That's just great, we're at the four minute mark, and we've got no referee out here!
Time: 4:00
Hampton comes flying back from the other side ropes, but Scottie drops him with a BRUSING spinebuster! He checks to make sure that the ref is out, then signals to Johnny Hook. Hook grabs the ring bell from the timekeeper, and slides it into the ring to Scottie!
JS: Oh no, what the hell is this gonna be?!
Scottie positions the bell in the middle of the ring, and SCOOPS HAMPTON UP INTO A TOMBSTONE POSITION!
Myst: NO MORE HULKAMANIA!
Scottie has Hampton set up for the Tombstone, but Hampton counters! REVERSE HURRICARANA ONTO THE RING BELL! DING BY GOD DING!
JS: OH MY GOD! SCOTTIE'S HEAD BOUNCED OFF OF THAT BELL! AND HOOK IS IRATE!
Hook slides into the ring and looks for a clothesline on Hampton! But Dan ducks, and grabs the bell-RING BELL SHOT BY THE FIVE TIME, FIVE TIME, FIVE TIME, FIVE TIME, FIVE TIME WORLD CHAMPION! Hampton tosses both Hook and the bell out of the ring, then checks that Scottie is still down. Then he heads for the top rope!
Myst: I've got some time off coming up-should I go to Europe?
NO-SUMMER IN THE FUCKING HAMPTONS! PHOENIX SPLASH FROM HAMPTON TO SCOTTIE! DAN MAKES THE COVER!
BUT THE REFEREE IS STILL DOWN!
JS: ONE, TWO, THREE, ONE, TWO THREE-Hampton has this won at the five minute mark, but there's no referee!
Realizing what's happened, Hampton goes to check on ICW official Mike Chioda in the corner. Clee Tarus hops up on the ring apron and starts yelling at Dan.
Myst: You don't want to play with Clee Tarus!
JS: Who writes this shit?
Dan gets up in Clee's face, and Clee SLAPS the taste out of Dan's mouth! But Hampton isn't fazed, and he grabs Clee by the hair…
BUT SCOTTIE COMES IN FROM BEHIND WITH A LOW BLOW!
JS: HOW MUCH IS SCOTTIE GOING TO GET AWAY WITH TONIGHT?!
Myst: Just enough, hopefully!
Scottie grabs the pained Hampton and hits a scoop slam. He hooks Dan's leg and twists-FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK, MIDDLE OF THE RING!
JS: FIGURE FOUR, FIGURE FOUR! Hampton's leg is being wrenched in half!
Myst: And our referee is back!
Indeed, the ref has slid back over to check Hampton. Dan grimaces as he tries to keep his shoulders up and avoid tapping! Scottie yells, "ASK HIM, ASK HIM!"
HAMPTON IS FIGHTING…
FIGHTING…
HIS SHOULDERS HIT THE MAT!
1…
2…
OUT OF NOWHERE, LIGHTNING BOLT FLIES OFF THE TURNBUCKLE WITH A BALL LIGHTNING 450 SPLASH! ALL THREE MEN ARE DOWN!
JS: OH MY GOD!
Myst: Seven minutes in, and everybody's out!
Time: 7:10
LB begins to stir first, followed by Scottie-Hampton is still down.
Scottie boots LB in the gut and spins him around with an arm wrench, looking for a Million Dollar Dream-but LB reverses the arm lock! He locks the other arm, and hits Scottie with one, two, three, four headbutts! Chain Lightning!
Myst: Scottie has a lot more to damage up there than Lightning Bolt does!
Scottie drops to his knees, and LB grabs his head between his legs and hoists him up-Lightning Strike running powerbomb!
JS:This time it has to be over!
LB covers!
1…
2…
HAMPTON BREAKS THE COUNT AT THE LAST SECOND!
JS: Where did Dan Hampton come from?
Myst: If not for him, LB had it won at right over eight
minutes!
Time: 8:10
LB goes right after Hampton, and the two start to trade punches back and forth! Hampton blocks one of LB's offerings and hooks his arm! He ducks behind him, hooks the other arm, STFUPlex!
LB hits the floor, and Hampton heads up top again!
JS: Another Summer in the Hamptons! This is gonna be it!
Time: 8:45
Hampton reaches the top turnbuckle, BUT SCOTTIE HITS THE ROPES HARD, DROPPING HAMPTON RIGHT ON HIS MEWDAN!
Myst: Twice in five minutes! That's Joey Styles territory!
JS: God, I hate you.
Time: 9:30
Hampton looks on in agony as LB slowly gets to his feet. LB turns around, face to face with Scottie! Boot to the gut, MARTINI DDT! LB's head hits the mat, hard!
Scottie makes the cover!
1…
2…
HAMPTON TRIES TO GET OFF THE TURNBUCKLE TO BREAK IT, BUT JOHNNY HOOK GRABS HIS LEGS FROM BEHIND!
3!
Howard Finkel: THE WINNER, WITH A TIME OF NINE MINUTES, THIRTY SEVEN SECONDS, SCOTTIEPP7!
"Shipping Up to Boston" hits as the fans boo voraciously. Scottie, still groggy from all the punishment he took, slides out of the ring, where he's helped up the ramp by Clee Tarus and Johnny Hook.
JS: Hampton and Lightning Bolt both had this match won, but Scottie stole it, thanks to Johnny Hook!
Myst: He's not a businessman, Joey, he's a business, man! Scottie knows how to get it done!
Back in the ring, LB is still down, while Hampton stares up the ramp at the triumphant troika of PP7, Hook, and Tarus.
JS: Either way, ScottiePP7 is nine minutes and thirty seven seconds away from a thirty second head start in the Insanity Cell! We'll be right back!
Commercial break:
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back to live TV
JS: Welcome back, and we're now joined backstage by Gordon Ramsay, who has some words for us, I suppose.
Gordon Ramsay: Thanks, Joey. I'll keep it real simple for all of you fucking cunts out there. ICW is fucking RUBBISH. You'd rather have your palette quenched by some sort of raw ruffian cocksuck named Myst? The only mist I've ever heard of was some fucking Scotch Fog, you fucking FUCK.
Myst: Fuck you, Gordon. You and your fucking three billion tv shows you have.
GR: See, that's where I'm the fucking celebrity, Myst. And I'm going to prove it next Thursday at July2Die. Because we're going to have us a fucking HARDCORE IRON CHEF match. And the rules will be simple. I'LL BE EATING YOUR HEART IN THE MAIN COURSE.
Myst: The FUCK does that mean, you limey bastard? Look, fuck you, fuck food, and fuck your mother, which I also fucked while eating your food.
GR: Keep cracking wise, you bollocky fuck. I'll soon be the NEW ICW commentator forever, and give ICW fans a real SLICE OF LIFE.
Myst: Keep dreaming. NEXT.
The camera quickly cuts to a locker room area, where we see Johnny Q. Public laying, bloody, with some lockers thrown on top of him.
No one else is in the locker room, as officials and trainers are helping lift the lockers off of him.
JS: What the hell happened? QPublic has been assaulted! He has a match tonight!
Myst: Well, where's Cromwell?
the bell sounds, and "Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!!" hits, signalling the arrival of Cromwell Welkins. The fans start booing.
JS: Well, here comes the Yahtzee Champion...well, where is he?
Myst: Yeah, where's he at? I figured he'd be ready to gloat after destroying QPublic backstage.
Cameras cut backstage to show Cromwell laying in a pool of his own blood, backstage. EMTs are attending to him.
JS: What the HELL?
Suddenly, Lou E. Dangerously shows up.
Lou E. Dangerously: DID ANYONE WITNESS THE ATTACK? DID ANYONE SEE?
They don't answer him.
Lou E. Dangerously: DAMNIT! Someone is taking out my talent!
JS: Who could it be???
the pre taped segment rolls
Todd Pettengill: Hello everyone and welcome to WWF MANIA! IT'S SATURDAY MORNING AND THERE AREN'T ANY GOOD CARTOONS ON, SO WATCH SOME ZANY MANIA!!!
an off camera voice yells, oddly enough it sounds like Dave Dudley
Voice: Yo, Pettengill, take your fucking medicine.
Pettengill: NO! I DON'T WANNA.
Voice: DO ITTTTTTTTT....shakes fist
Todd takes his medicine.
Pettengill: There. I ...took...iT. tHE heLl is tHis stUFF?
Pettengill looks at the bottle, it reads Amalek PM
Pettengill: AmaLEK pM? Oh MAn...LOL
The camera cuts over to the ICW TITBaby
Pettengill: ThANks...for...LoL BEINg heRe...lmAO
Thanks. Sniff, sniff. I crieded when QPubbic was hurted.
Pettengill: WhAT? MaN...LOL...F*CK QPubLic...LOL
I want my daddy to hwold me.
Pettengill: DaDDy? LOL....aLl my FREAKs call me DADdY LmAO
I hwate westling. Evwer since Shawn Michaels scwed Bwet Hart.
Pettengill: WhaT the F*CK aRE you TALKing abouT? LOL. YoU werENT even BORN yet....LOL
I watcheded it on You Twube.
Pettengill: HAha! lMAo...weLL...LOOkS liKE everything....LOl got CLEAreD uP....ROFlmAO
Meester, why do you twalk so weerd?
Pettengill: FUCK YOU KID IM THE BEAST I'LL FUCKING EAT YOU GROWLLLLL
.......
......
Pettengill: LooK...I...LOL....I didNT meaN to maKE you CRy....lmAO...heY...LISteN...let's GO OUT for sOMe FroSTY ChocOLATE milk...LOL...SHAkeS. YoU CaN meeT my CaT...LOL
Back to the announcers.
JS: What. The. Fuck.
We see a shot of an entrance to the arena, from inside. Lone Wolf shows up, along with Pyro. Lou E. Dangerously stops them.
Lou E. Dangerously: HEY YOU!
Lone Wolf What do you want?
Lou E. Dangerously: I know you attacked Cromwell and QPublic. WHATS THE DEAL MAN?
Lone Wolf What are you talking about? We just got here.
Lou E. Dangerously: ...really?
Wolf and Pyro, pissed, walk off.
Lou E. Dangerously: Hmm...if it's not Wolf...LIGHTNING BOLT!
The cameras follow Dangerously to LB's locker room...
Lou E. Dangerously: A- HA!!!! JUST AS I FIGURED. EMPTY.
Stoonky whispers into L.E.D's ear
Lou E. Dangerously: What? LB left after his match? What? TACOS? What? The THIRD REICH? DAMNIT. If it wasn't LB, then who? WHO???
Commercial break:
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Back to live TV
JS: Well, if you're just joining us, QPublic and Cromwell Welkins have been sent to the hospital, and were unable to compete tonight. Lou E Dangerously, ICW GM is looking for the culprits, but has so far been unsuccessful.
Myst: CulpritS?
JS: Well yeah, I figured it's a couple of people. That kind of damage.
Myst: I could do that kind of damage.
JS: Well, yeah, but
Myst: VASSAGO could do that kind of damage.
JS: Sure, yeah, but
Myst: HEALIUS could do that kind of damage.
JS: Well yeah that's kind of a long shot but
Myst: DAVE DUDLEY could do that kind of damage.
JS: Yeah. YEAH. I guess you're RIGHT. It could be ANYBODY...ANYBODY!
Cut to backstage, where Lou is sitting down, pulling his hair out.
Lou E. Dangerously: WE'VE GOT A PSYCHOPATH LOOSE IN ICW, and I can't find who it is. What if they take out EVERYONE? What if I'M NEXT??? GULP!!!
Stoonky walks up
Stone Cold Stoonky: BOSS, BOSS. I've got something you should see.
Lou E. Dangerously: Security camera tapes? NOT NOW, STOONKY.
Stoonky: No, it's tapes of the hallways around the locker rooms. We don't have cameras IN the locker rooms, but in the hallways...by the DOORS...
Lou E. Dangerously: ... !!!
"More Human Than Human" hits, and out comes Johnny Hook, brandishing a STEEL CHAIR, to a chorus of boos. He revels in the booing, as he makes his way down to the ring, with a suave yet cocky grin on his face. He enters the ring, and stands up on the turnbuckle, arms in the air, as the fans continue the boos.
JS: Johnny Hook looking pretty confident here, Myst!
Myst: Well, he's got to beat his partner ScottiePP7's time here, against the Champ if he wants that head start. But more importanly, if he wins, he'll be the new ICW World Champion!
JS: Hook would LOVE to be ICW champ AND get the 30 second head start, to try to win the whole thing at the Insanity Cell.
"Here I Come" hits, and out comes ICW World Heavyweight Champion, Calvin Constantine to a huge reaction from the crowd.
JS: Here we go ladies and gentlemen, Calvin Constantine versus Johnny Hook with early entry to the Insanity Cell on the line! These two will try to beat ScottiePP7's time of 9:37.
Myst: Let's not forget, the ICW World Heavyweight Championship is up for grabs, also.
The referee holds up the title belt, hands it to the ringside attendant, and rings the bell. The ICW Beat the Clock Challenge timer appears on the screen. Hook and Constantine stare each other down as they slowly begin to circle.
JS: Calvin Constantine has made it known that it's personal between him and Scottie and Hook-the title is secondary in his mind.
Myst: And Johnny Hook has shown, time and time again, that it's all about business with him-he couldn't care less about Constantine, all he cares about is dollar signs.
JS: And what does that make him?
Myst: Ooh, I've heard this one before, hold on. I forget, is it your wife or your mother?
Back in the ring, Constantine and Hook approach one another and lock up, collar to elbow. After a few seconds of jockeying, the larger Hook gains the upper hand, pushing the champ into the corner. Hook brings a knee up into Calvin's midsection, then follows it up with a big forearm to the chest. The crowd groans with the impact. Hook surveys the stands, nodding with a smirk on his face, bringing down MAJOR heat from the sold out crowd.
JS: No doubt, Hook is a man who knows how to antagonize people.
Time: 1:00
At the one minute mark, Johnny two hard slaps to Calvin's chest, almost instantly raising welts. He whips Calvin into the opposite corner. As Constantine stumbles back out, Hook catches him with a boot to the gut and a DDT! Hook covers-
1…
2…
Constantine gets a shoulder up!
Myst: Like it or not Joey, Hook has dominated your precious champion.
JS: Kind of like…I dominate…uhhh
Awkward silence.
Myst: Leave the comedy to me, Broseph. After all, I am the man who brought Spunk! to the world.
Hook barks at the referee and slaps his hands, then pulls Calvin to his feet. Hook slides behind the champion, and then locks in a sleeper hold.
JS: The sleeper? MORE LIKE-
Myst: BORAPHYLL!
JS: Fuck yourself, Myst.
Back in the ring, Hook has the sleeper cinched in. Calvin's knees start to buckle. The ref raises Calvin's arm and drops it-but Calvin pops it right back up! He twists himself sideways and delivers some elbows to Hook, breaking the hold as the crowd cheers. Calvin delivers a STIFF right hand to Hook's jaw, then looks for a whip into the ropes-Hook reverses, and a shoulder block sends Calvin back to the mat at the two minute mark.
Time: 2:04
JS: The champion can't seem to get any momentum going here early on.
Myst: Hook's 6'6", 270 pounds-that's a lot of inertia, son.
Hook pulls Calvin up, and drops him right back down with a scoop slam. Johnny hits the ropes and comes back looking for a leg drop, but Calvin moves out of the way! Both me are up, Hook looking furious. Hook comes looking for a big clothesline, but Constantine ducks under, then hits a jumping spinning heel kick! Again, Hook pops up looking more angry than anything. He comes charging at Constantine, but Calvin back drops him over the ropes to the outside as the crowd roars. At the three minute mark, Calvin stands in the middle of the ring, beckoning for Hook to get up. Johnny slowly gets to his knees, holding the back of his head, then finally stands up. CALVIN COMES FLYING OVER THE TOP ROPE WITH A CROSS BODY-HOOK'S HEAD SLAMS INTO THE ANNOUNCE TABLE!
Time: 3:19
JS: OH MY GOD! THERE'S YOUR MOMENTUM!
Calvin picks up the groggy Hook and applies a reverse front facelock-REVERSE DDT, slamming Hook's head to the floor.
Myst: Johnny Hook might be out cold!
Calvin rolls the prone Hook back into the ring and drags him to the center. He steps through Hook's legs and crosses them-Hook knows what's coming and tries to fight, but to no avail! Calvin flips him over-Pagan Lament sharpshooter in the middle of the ring!
Time: 5:12
JS: PAGAN LAMENT, IT'S OVER-FIVE MINUTES IN, CALVIN CONSTANTINE IS GOING INTO THE INSANITY CELL EARLY!
The referee is checking Hook, who's grimacing and groaning in pain, but fighting the hold! Hook is fighting…he starts crawling toward the ropes…crawling…BUT CALVIN DRAGS HIM BACK TO THE CENTER OF THE RING! The ref is checking…
But suddenly…
"Shipping Up To Boston" hits, and ScottiePP7 and Clee Tarus come storming out! Calvin breaks the hold and heads to the near-side ropes, screaming at PP7. But PP7 heads to the opposite side of the ring…
JS: What the hell is Scottie up to?
Scottie yanks the referee out of the ring, AND DECKS HIM WITH A RIGHT HAND!
Myst: Jesus, another ref down. No wonder my health insurance premiums are so high.
Scottie gloats over the fallen ref, BUT CALVIN NAILS HIM WITH A BASEBALL SLIDE, SENDING HIM INTO THE GUARDRAIL!
JS: The champion is taking a more proactive approach with Scottie this time!
Time: 6:00
At six minutes, Scottie is on his knees and Calvin starts to pound on his head and neck, when Scott catches him with an elbow to the gut. PP7 gets to his feet and the two start to trade blows back and forth. Calvin gets the upper hand, firing rights to the jaw of Scottie, when Clee Tarus runs up and SLAPS him across the back! Calvin turns around, totally enraged, BUT SCOTTIE KNOCKS HIM DOWN FROM BEHIND! He starts stomping away at Calvin's ribs.
Meanwhile, Clee Tarus grabs a steel chair and slides into the ring. She helps Johnny Hook to his feet. Hook sets up the chair in the middle of the ring and signals to Scottie.
Myst: Speaking of health insurance, this doesn't look good for Constantine.
Scottie slides Calvin into the ring. Hook looks for a whip to the far side…
JS: OH MY GOD, HE'S LOOKING FOR THE FINAL DESTINATION-A BRAINBUSTER ONTO THE OPEN CHAIR!
But Calvin reverses! DROP TOE HOLD BY CALVIN, JOHNNY HOOK'S HEAD BOUNCES OFF OF THE OPEN CHAIR! THE FUCKEN CHAIR IS CRUMPLED LIKE SINGLE PLY TOILET PAPER!
Myst: DEAD.
Hook is down, but Scottie hits the ring! Scottie charges at Calvin looking for a spear, but Calvin floats over! 180DDT!
JS: I don't think this is what Scottie was picturing when he came out here!
Scottie is down right next to Johnny Hook! Calvin heads right to the top rope! He's looking for the Atomic Split flipping leg drop when…
THE BELL RINGS!
Myst: What the fuck?
JS: Our ref is back up, and he's calling for the bell!
The ref, still groggy from the PPBeatdown, goes over to ring announcer Howard Finkel and explains his decision. The erstwhile Fink grabs his microphone.
Howard Finkel: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CALVIN CONSTANTINE HAS BEEN DISQUALIFIED FOR USE OF A FOREIGN OBJECT. THE WINNER, WITH A TIME OF 7:58, AND THE WINNER OF THE EARLY ENTRANCE INTO THE INSANITY CELL, JOHNNY HOOK!
JS: WHAT THE HELL? HOOK WAS THE ONE WHO SET THAT CHAIR UP!
Myst: Relax, Joey. At least your boy Constantine keeps his title.
Calvin hops from the turnbuckle to the outside and begins arguing with the ref, who's not having it. He's getting more and more frustrated, WHEN CLEE TARUS NAILS HIM FROM BEHIND WITH A LOW BLOW!
JS: It's been a bad night for testicles.
Back in the ring, Scottie and Hook are slowly back up. Hook pulls Calvin in, and he and Scottie begin to put the boots to the prone champion…
When…
"Past Tense, Future Perfect" hits, and the crowd EXPLODES as Dan Hampton storms the ring! Hook and PP7 go right after him, but he floors them both with quick right hands! Calvin Constantine gets back up, and starts administering a beatdown to Scottie, while Hook and Hampton continue to go at it. While the carnage in the ring continues, "Alcohol" hits the speakers! All four men look to the top of the ramp as the song plays, but Lightning Bolt is nowhere to be found.
JS: Where the hell is Lightning Bolt?
Myst: Desperately searching for meaning in a cruel world and lashing out with violence as an outlet for his anger?
JS: Uh, I meant, where is he LOCATED.
While the four men continue to look to the top of the ramp, Lightning Bolt rolls out from underneath the ring! He reaches back under, pulls out a ladder, and slides into the ring!
Myst: TURN AROUND!
LB charges, AND NAILS ALL FOUR OF HIS OPPONENTS IN THE INSANITY CELL WITH THE LADDER! He immediately begins stomping away on Hook, while the other three men are still down. Hook struggles to his feet and begins to trade punches with LB, until Hampton sends all three of them over the top rope with a charging double clothesline!
JS: WE'RE GETTING A PREVIEW OF THE INSANITY CELL HERE TONIGHT!
Hook, Hampton, and LB all hit the ground hard. Hook is up first and grabs both men-he sets them up for a DOUBLE DDT-but Hampton and LB reverse, suplexing Hook over the guardrail and into the crowd! LB stops to admire his handiwork, but Hampton sends him tumbling over the guardrail with a clothesline!
Back in the ring, Scottie and Calvin are both up, trading punches! Calvin gets the upper hand, and hits the ropes, looking for a clothesline, but Scottie ducks! Boot to the gut, MARTINI DDT time-NO! Calvin counters, hitting Scottie with an inverted atomic drop! Scottie stumbles around the ring, until Calvin hits him with EMPIRE'S FALL, the twisting hurricarana!
Myst: THIS…IS…WHAT'S THE WORD?
JS: EXTREME?
Myst: NO, FUCKWIT, INSANE!
Calvin motions to the timekeeper, who tosses him the ICW championship belt. Calvin gets down on his knees, and rubs the gold in Scottie's face before sliding out of the ring and heading up the ramp. Hook, Hampton, and LB are still in the crowd, kicking the shit out of each other.
At the top, he turns back around. Scottie has slowly gotten to his feet, and is screaming at Calvin. Calvin gives PP7 a cold smile, and hoists the title into the air as the crowd explodes!
JS: Calvin Constantine has sent a message to Hook and PP7, just one week before July2Die and the Insanity Cell!
Myst: That's great, but remember who's going in with a thirty second head start: Johnny Hook!
JS: Speaking of Hook, we need security down here! Somebody has to break this fight up!
Backstage, Lou E. Dangerously has just apparently finished watching the tape.
Lou E. Dangerously: Oh, my.
Stone Cold Stoonky: Sir, I've just got word from the EMTs and trainers.
Lou E. Dangerously: And? AND?
Stoonky: Well, Johnny Q. Public is going to be okay, just some lacerations. He'll be able to wrestle come July2Die.
Lou E. Dangerously: And Cromwell?
Stoonky: He's going to be out a few weeks. He's going to miss July2Die.
Lou E. Dangerously: Damnit. DAMNIT!
Stoonky: He's being taken to a first class medical facility, sir.
Lou E. Dangerously: First class? But I never pay for stuff like that.
Stoonky: I know, sir. ScottiePP7 picked up the bill.
Lou E. Dangerously: Hmmm...
Stoonky: Any luck on the tape?
Lou E. Dangerously: Yes. Yes. Come on, there is much to be done...
Cut back to the arena, where "Battery" hits, and out come Lone Wolf and Pyro to a chorus of boos. Lone Wolf is carrying his baseball bat.
JS: Time for our main event here, and, Quite oddly absent are Helter Skelter, Seductress, and Really Crazy.
Myst: They don't want to be involved in this war, Joey. I mean, it's all come to this, several weeks of tormenting. Lone Wolf has tormented Morrigan for weeks, ever since the Triple Terror Tournament. And as a result Morrigan's friend or boyfriend or whatever, Fenyx Kayne got involved, and has had several beatdowns. Add to this, last week's Pyro joining up with Wolf and leaving Kayne and Morrigan behind...I don't know.
JS: Lone Wolf has seemingly been building an army. Perhaps reinstating his "Hardcore Regime" we last saw in the now-defunct CHF?
Myst: Well, CHF, I don't know much about Cum-filled Homosexual Fags, but Pyro has seemingly grown accustomed to the role of Lone Wolf's "Cub".
LW and Pyro stand in the ring, as the fans boo them to death. "Evolution" by KoRn hits, and out comes Fenyx Kayne who looks pissed and ready for a fight.
JS: The fans love Fenyx Kayne!
Myst: Here comes ICW's fastest rising star!
Kayne hits the ring, and tackles down Pyro, as he starts to punch away. The referee takes the baseball bat from Lone Wolf, as the bell rings.
JS: This one is underway already, without Morrigan!
Myst: Yeah, where is she?
Wolf pulls Kayne off of Pyro, as Kayne starts to dish out the punishment on LW. From behind, Pyro grabs Kayne, and whips him into the ropes. Kayne bounces off the ropes, DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE TO PYRO AND LONE WOLF!
Wolf gets up first, KAYNE WITH THE BIG DROPKICK! Wolf goes spiraling out of the ring.
JS: Wolf knocked to the outside! We're still waiting on Morrigan!
Myst: Is she even here tonight?
Pyro charges into Kayne, JAPANESE ARM DRAG TAKEDOWN! Pyro gets to his feet, RUNNING ENZIGURI to the back of Pyro's head!
Myst: Damn, Joey! Kayne is like a fucking rabid animal!
JS: Ok, JR.
Myst: I'm just saying. I bet he'll sit on Pyro's face and spray urine out of his penis, to, you know, show authority.
JS: What the fuck, Chuck?
Myst: HOOSIER DADDY???
Kayne whips Pyro into the ropes, kicks him in the gut, lifts him up for a suplex, TURNS IT INTO AN RKO, THE NEW BEGINNING!!!!!
JS: OH MY GOD! THAT'S IT HE'S GOT HIM!
Myst: I TOLD YOU. WATERSPORTS RULE, FARRELL!
Kayne makes the cover!
1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LONE WOLF BREAKS THE COUNT, WITH A BASEBALL BAT SHOT TO THE BACK OF FENYX KAYNE!!!!!!!
The referee calls for the bell!
JS: NO! NO! NO!
Myst: HOO-AH!
Winners, by disqualification, Sylver Morrigan and Fenyx Kayne
Pyro rolls out of the ring, after The New Beginning, as Kayne tries to fight off Wolf.
JS: I can't believe this!
Myst: And WHERE is Kayne's partner?
JS: Kayne...so close to some revenge! That evil WOLF!
Kayne on his knees...he flips off Wolf.
Wolf laughs, and raises the baseball bat high in the air...
JS: NO!
SUDDENLY, SYLVER MORRIGAN RUNS DOWN TO THE RING!!!
The fans cheer, as she gets between Wolf and Kayne.
JS: Finally, Morrigan to the rescue!!
Myst: Well it's too little too fucking late for that little slutbitch. I mean what the FUCK.
Wolf looks down at Morrigan who is saying "NO! NO MORE!" He has a crazed look in his eyes...
JS: Wolf still unrelentless!
Myst: He's the most sadistic man in the business, Joey. He'd love to take down Morrigan as well, I think!
Suddenly, up on the TIT-TRON, we see Lou E. Dangerously in his office, with Stoonky behind him.
JS: What the?
Lou E. Dangerously: STOP! EVERYBODY STOP! I know who attacked Cromwell and QPublic.
The fans are intrigued. Wolf still has the bat in the air, not caring, as Morrigan still is trying to prevent the attack. Kayne looks on towards the TIT-TRON.
Lou E. Dangerously: It's something you all should see...
The security camera surveillance rolls, as we see QPublic's locker room entrance, from above in the hallways. QPublic enters his room...
AND IS THROWN BACK OUT THROUGH THE DOOR!
A figure comes out of the locker room, dragging him back in...
SYLVER MORRIGAN!!!
The fans GASP.
We see Wolf looking up, kind of in wonder. Morrigan looks like she's seen a ghost, and Kayne is in total disbelief.
We see the rest of the video, Cromwell enters his locker room, as Morrigan runs in from behind. You can hear the banging around of the locker room devastation. Morrigan emerges, unscathed.
Lou E. Dangerously: WE'VE GOT A NEW WOLF IN OUR FOLD!
Myst: Good lord, Joey.
JS: I know...I...Morrigan? I can't...no.
Wolf looks back down at Morrigan, as he is seemingly in disbelief, as well. Morrigan looks nervous...Kayne is holding his head, in anguish.
JS: Why, Morrigan? Why the brutal attack on QPublic and Cromwell Welkins?
MORRIGAN TAKES THE BAT FROM LONE WOLF'S HANDS! The fans are on their feet!
Myst: Now she's gonna take out Wolf, also!
She walks towards Wolf,as he backs off.
SHE TURNS AROUND, and STANDS OVER KAYNE!
Myst: Yeahbuhwhat?
JS: WHAT THEEE HELLLLL???
Kayne looks up and we can see him say "No." MORRIGAN HITS KAYNE IN THE FACE WITH THE BASEBALL BAT!!!
The fans are SHOCKED!!!
JS: NO! NO! NO!
Myst: Morrigan has turned on her partner, Kayne!
Kayne lies unconcious, with his head busted wide open. Pyro rolls back into the ring at this point, and watches from afar.
Morrigan towers over Kayne, and TURNS AROUND AND STALKS TOWARDS WOLF, WITH THE BAT!
JS: What? SHE'S GOING TO GET LONE WOLF TOO???
Myst: My God, Joey. She's SNAPPED!
Wolf backs up, looking worried. Morrigan raises the bat above her head, as he is telling her to "STOP!"
JS: Don't do it, Morrigan! You've done enough!
Myst: HIT HIM! HIT HIM FOR WHAT HE'S DONE TO YOU!
Morrigan RAISES THE BAT HIGH...
and lowers it.
And drops it.
JS: What the HELL?
Wolf kicks the bat off to the side, as he cautiously makes sure Morrigan is not bloodthirsty anymore. When he realizes the threat is gone...
LONE WOLF AND MORRIGAN RAISE THEIR HANDS IN VICTORY!!!!
JS: Oh good God.
Myst: Wolf and Morrigan, in colusion? AFTER ALL THIS TIME?
Pyro joins the celebration, as the three raise their arms in celebration, over the fallen Fenyx Kayne.
JS: What does this mean, Myst?
Myst: I think we're seeing the beginnings of something big here, Joey.
JS: Something. Something EVIL. Something VILE!
The fans throw their garbage into the ring, as Morrigan takes her hand away from Wolf. Wolf picks up his bat, as Pyro tries to hold the ropes open for Morrigan, but she shoves him out of the way, and the three leave their ring.
The three make their way up to the ramp, where Helter Skelter, Seductress, and Really Crazy all await. And the six of them all celebrate with arms in the air.
JS: I can't believe this. The total and complete systemic destruction of one Fenyx Kayne, courtesy of Doctors Lone Wolf and Sylver Morrigan.
Myst: He's lost everything now, Joey. I can't believe this as much as you can't. I mean, it's great, because I'm a fucking demon. But still.
On the stage, this new alliegance revels in the fan's hatred.
Meanwhile, back in the ring, Fenyx Kayne, bloody, begins to stir, and look towards the ramp.
JS: What else will this all mean for next Thursday at July2Die? Fans, for Myst, Todd Pettengill, and everyone here at ICW, this is Joey Styles...we'll see you next week live on Pay-Per-View, at JULY2DIE!!!
The last shot is Kayne looking towards the deviousness on the ramp, as the blood runs down his face. But through the crimson blood, we can see one thing crystal clear...
A single teardrop.
End transmission
ICW - The Pinnacle of Sports Entertainment.
"Chrome" by VNV Nation plays, as the new ICW Thursday Insane Thursday intro rolls. The camera cuts to inside the Nassau Veterans Memorial Colisseum, in Uniondale, New York.
Pyro goes off of the newly revamped ICW stage, that features the word TIT in bold letters on the stage below a new improved TIT-TRON 5000 replacing the old ScottieTRON. The camera pans the audience to show signs:
"SAVE US, Y2A"
"MYST FOR PREZ"
"SCOTTIEPP7 FOR PREZ"
"YOUUUUUUUUREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FIRRRRRRRRRREDDDDDDDD"
"BRING BACK DUDLEY"
"NO MORE DUDLEYS"
"LONE WOLF = RATNIGS"
"WHY, PYRO, WHY?"
"HAMPTON VS. CAPN CRUNCH BOOK IT, VINCE!"
"HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER"
"BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH"
"CONQUER MY ASS, CONQUISTADORS!"
"DUDE, THAT WAS A GUY WHO SAID THAT."
"...NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT."
"KAYNE FINALLY WON? THE MONKEYS ARE FLYING OUT OF MY BUTT."
Joey Styles: HELLO EVERYBODY AND WELCOME TO THURSDAY, INSANE THURSDAY! I'm your host, the voice of ICW, JOEY STYLES alongside my broadcast colleague Myst!
Myst: Why ask why, Joey. Drink Bud Dry, and why waste time, it's time for our first match of the evening!!!
Dropkick Murphy's "Alcohol" hits, fireworks explode, and the fans roar as Lightning Bolt emerges from the smoke. LB surveys the crowd before sprinting to the ring.
JS: As Lightning Bolt hits the ring, we're ready for our first bout here on Thursday, Insane Thursday! This match and the world title match later on will have HUGE implications for July2Die.
Myst: That's right Joey. This triple threat match between LB, ScottiePP7, and Dan Hampton will be for one fall, and the time will be recorded. Later on, Calvin Constantine and Johnny Hook will try to beat the time. The man with the fastest time gets a 30 second head start in the Insanity Cell next week.
As LB plays to the crowd from the turnbuckle, "Shipping Up To Boston" hits, and the cheers turn to boos as ScottiePP7 saunters out, flanked by Johnny Hook and Miss Clee Tarus.
JS: Last week, the Hook-PP7 team didn't function as well as they have in the past-Hook nailed Scottie with the championship belt!
Scottie heads to the ring businesslike, as Hook and Clee stay on the outside.
Myst: Not only that, but next week, they'll be opponents inside of the Insanity Cell.
JS: Myst, you've been inside the Insanity Cell, what kind of advantage will 30 extra seconds give somebody?
Myst: It's huge, Joey. Getting out of the first cell and into the second is crucial, and a 30 second head start could let someone do just that. Of the six people who went into Insanity Cell I, only two are still active-Lightning Bolt and Sylver Morrigan. And believe me, that's not a coincidence.
Scottie enters the ring, staring down LB and heading for the opposite corner. "Past Tense, Future Perfect" hits, and the fans give their biggest reaction yet for The Golden One, Dan Hampton! Pyro explodes, and Dan appears at the top of the ramp and heads to the ring.
JS: And now we've been joined by one of the most decorated superstars in wrestling history, Dan Hampton!
Myst: Please. Half of those EWA title reigns happened before I, the Dark Machine arrived.
JS: What about Hoosier Daddy?
Myst: Joey, I swear to God, mention that again and I will shatter your fucking larynx. You won't be able to announce, you'll go on welfare, and then I'll have your wife shine my goblet for nickels, you goddamned serf.
JS: …Okay, then. Back in the ring!
Hampton has entered the ring, and him and Scottie are face to face, jawing at each other. Scottie's sticking his finger in Dan's chest, and Dan looks unimpressed. Scottie shoves Dan, Dan shoves him back, WHEN LIGHTNING BOLT COMES FLYING IN WITH A SPRINGBOARD CROSSBODY FROM THE TOP ROPE
JS: HOLY SHIT, and we're underway.
The referee quickly calls for the bell to ring, and the official ICW Beat the Clock Challenge Timer appears in the bottom corner. Available now for only $24.95 at icwshop.com!
Lightning Bolt gives both men a few stomps before lifting Scottie to his feet. LB delivers two knife edge chops to PP7, then goes for a whip to the far side. The bigger Scottie reverses, but LB catches him with a spinning back elbow on the way back! Dan gets up, but LB catches him with a standing dropkick. But before he can turn back, LB gets hit with a vicious clothesline from Scott. Scottie grabs Hampton, and flapjacks him onto LB's body! The crowd boos as Scottie gets up and makes a championship belt motion around his waist.
Myst: We're just one minute in, and Scottie's showing the fans who the dominant force is here in ICW.
JS: Other than…DUH NUH NUH…actually, I've got nothing.
Time: 1:22
Back in the ring, Scottie boots Dan in the gut and sets him up for a powerbomb…Dan reverses into a backdrop! Scottie pops right back up, Dan goes for a kick to the stomach-Scottie catches it, but Dan hits an enziguri! Dan motions over to LB, they lock Scottie up, double snap suplex!
JS: So much for your dominant force!
LB and Hampton hit opposite ropes, double leg drops onto the prone PP7! As Dan gets up, LB hits him with a Thunder Clap superkick, right at the two minute mark!
Time: 2:00
Myst: That goes to show you, you can't trust anybody named after a meteorological phenomenon.
LB hooks the leg and covers,
1…
2…
Kickout by Hampton!
JS: A near fall in under three minutes!
Time: 2:54
LB barks at the referee, then whips Hampton HARD into the corner, following him with a running splash. He sends Hampton into the opposite turnbuckle and looks for another splash, but Hampton sidesteps him! LB stumbles out, small package by the Golden One!
1…
2.
SCOTTIE BREAKS IT UP
Myst: What a veteran move by PP7 there, breaking the count at the last possible moment!
Scottie gives boots to both men, then picks up LB. He whips LB into the ropes, then sends him tumbling over the top with a clothesline! On the outside, Clee Tarus STOMPS on LB's chest with a high-heeled shoe! Johnny Hook then grabs LB and sends him HARD into the steel steps!
JS: THAT AUDACIOUS JEZEBEL! THAT DAMNED JUDAS! THAT, THAT-
Myst: Uh, hold on there. JR isn't calling this match.
JS: Shit, you're right. Sorry guys.
Scottie whips Hampton into the ropes, looking for a big boot on the way back-but Hampton ducks, and Scottie CREAMS the ref!
JS: That's just great, we're at the four minute mark, and we've got no referee out here!
Time: 4:00
Hampton comes flying back from the other side ropes, but Scottie drops him with a BRUSING spinebuster! He checks to make sure that the ref is out, then signals to Johnny Hook. Hook grabs the ring bell from the timekeeper, and slides it into the ring to Scottie!
JS: Oh no, what the hell is this gonna be?!
Scottie positions the bell in the middle of the ring, and SCOOPS HAMPTON UP INTO A TOMBSTONE POSITION!
Myst: NO MORE HULKAMANIA!
Scottie has Hampton set up for the Tombstone, but Hampton counters! REVERSE HURRICARANA ONTO THE RING BELL! DING BY GOD DING!
JS: OH MY GOD! SCOTTIE'S HEAD BOUNCED OFF OF THAT BELL! AND HOOK IS IRATE!
Hook slides into the ring and looks for a clothesline on Hampton! But Dan ducks, and grabs the bell-RING BELL SHOT BY THE FIVE TIME, FIVE TIME, FIVE TIME, FIVE TIME, FIVE TIME WORLD CHAMPION! Hampton tosses both Hook and the bell out of the ring, then checks that Scottie is still down. Then he heads for the top rope!
Myst: I've got some time off coming up-should I go to Europe?
NO-SUMMER IN THE FUCKING HAMPTONS! PHOENIX SPLASH FROM HAMPTON TO SCOTTIE! DAN MAKES THE COVER!
BUT THE REFEREE IS STILL DOWN!
JS: ONE, TWO, THREE, ONE, TWO THREE-Hampton has this won at the five minute mark, but there's no referee!
Realizing what's happened, Hampton goes to check on ICW official Mike Chioda in the corner. Clee Tarus hops up on the ring apron and starts yelling at Dan.
Myst: You don't want to play with Clee Tarus!
JS: Who writes this shit?
Dan gets up in Clee's face, and Clee SLAPS the taste out of Dan's mouth! But Hampton isn't fazed, and he grabs Clee by the hair…
BUT SCOTTIE COMES IN FROM BEHIND WITH A LOW BLOW!
JS: HOW MUCH IS SCOTTIE GOING TO GET AWAY WITH TONIGHT?!
Myst: Just enough, hopefully!
Scottie grabs the pained Hampton and hits a scoop slam. He hooks Dan's leg and twists-FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK, MIDDLE OF THE RING!
JS: FIGURE FOUR, FIGURE FOUR! Hampton's leg is being wrenched in half!
Myst: And our referee is back!
Indeed, the ref has slid back over to check Hampton. Dan grimaces as he tries to keep his shoulders up and avoid tapping! Scottie yells, "ASK HIM, ASK HIM!"
HAMPTON IS FIGHTING…
FIGHTING…
HIS SHOULDERS HIT THE MAT!
1…
2…
OUT OF NOWHERE, LIGHTNING BOLT FLIES OFF THE TURNBUCKLE WITH A BALL LIGHTNING 450 SPLASH! ALL THREE MEN ARE DOWN!
JS: OH MY GOD!
Myst: Seven minutes in, and everybody's out!
Time: 7:10
LB begins to stir first, followed by Scottie-Hampton is still down.
Scottie boots LB in the gut and spins him around with an arm wrench, looking for a Million Dollar Dream-but LB reverses the arm lock! He locks the other arm, and hits Scottie with one, two, three, four headbutts! Chain Lightning!
Myst: Scottie has a lot more to damage up there than Lightning Bolt does!
Scottie drops to his knees, and LB grabs his head between his legs and hoists him up-Lightning Strike running powerbomb!
JS:This time it has to be over!
LB covers!
1…
2…
HAMPTON BREAKS THE COUNT AT THE LAST SECOND!
JS: Where did Dan Hampton come from?
Myst: If not for him, LB had it won at right over eight
minutes!
Time: 8:10
LB goes right after Hampton, and the two start to trade punches back and forth! Hampton blocks one of LB's offerings and hooks his arm! He ducks behind him, hooks the other arm, STFUPlex!
LB hits the floor, and Hampton heads up top again!
JS: Another Summer in the Hamptons! This is gonna be it!
Time: 8:45
Hampton reaches the top turnbuckle, BUT SCOTTIE HITS THE ROPES HARD, DROPPING HAMPTON RIGHT ON HIS MEWDAN!
Myst: Twice in five minutes! That's Joey Styles territory!
JS: God, I hate you.
Time: 9:30
Hampton looks on in agony as LB slowly gets to his feet. LB turns around, face to face with Scottie! Boot to the gut, MARTINI DDT! LB's head hits the mat, hard!
Scottie makes the cover!
1…
2…
HAMPTON TRIES TO GET OFF THE TURNBUCKLE TO BREAK IT, BUT JOHNNY HOOK GRABS HIS LEGS FROM BEHIND!
3!
Howard Finkel: THE WINNER, WITH A TIME OF NINE MINUTES, THIRTY SEVEN SECONDS, SCOTTIEPP7!
"Shipping Up to Boston" hits as the fans boo voraciously. Scottie, still groggy from all the punishment he took, slides out of the ring, where he's helped up the ramp by Clee Tarus and Johnny Hook.
JS: Hampton and Lightning Bolt both had this match won, but Scottie stole it, thanks to Johnny Hook!
Myst: He's not a businessman, Joey, he's a business, man! Scottie knows how to get it done!
Back in the ring, LB is still down, while Hampton stares up the ramp at the triumphant troika of PP7, Hook, and Tarus.
JS: Either way, ScottiePP7 is nine minutes and thirty seven seconds away from a thirty second head start in the Insanity Cell! We'll be right back!
Commercial break:
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back to live TV
JS: Welcome back, and we're now joined backstage by Gordon Ramsay, who has some words for us, I suppose.
Gordon Ramsay: Thanks, Joey. I'll keep it real simple for all of you fucking cunts out there. ICW is fucking RUBBISH. You'd rather have your palette quenched by some sort of raw ruffian cocksuck named Myst? The only mist I've ever heard of was some fucking Scotch Fog, you fucking FUCK.
Myst: Fuck you, Gordon. You and your fucking three billion tv shows you have.
GR: See, that's where I'm the fucking celebrity, Myst. And I'm going to prove it next Thursday at July2Die. Because we're going to have us a fucking HARDCORE IRON CHEF match. And the rules will be simple. I'LL BE EATING YOUR HEART IN THE MAIN COURSE.
Myst: The FUCK does that mean, you limey bastard? Look, fuck you, fuck food, and fuck your mother, which I also fucked while eating your food.
GR: Keep cracking wise, you bollocky fuck. I'll soon be the NEW ICW commentator forever, and give ICW fans a real SLICE OF LIFE.
Myst: Keep dreaming. NEXT.
The camera quickly cuts to a locker room area, where we see Johnny Q. Public laying, bloody, with some lockers thrown on top of him.
No one else is in the locker room, as officials and trainers are helping lift the lockers off of him.
JS: What the hell happened? QPublic has been assaulted! He has a match tonight!
Myst: Well, where's Cromwell?
the bell sounds, and "Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!!" hits, signalling the arrival of Cromwell Welkins. The fans start booing.
JS: Well, here comes the Yahtzee Champion...well, where is he?
Myst: Yeah, where's he at? I figured he'd be ready to gloat after destroying QPublic backstage.
Cameras cut backstage to show Cromwell laying in a pool of his own blood, backstage. EMTs are attending to him.
JS: What the HELL?
Suddenly, Lou E. Dangerously shows up.
Lou E. Dangerously: DID ANYONE WITNESS THE ATTACK? DID ANYONE SEE?
They don't answer him.
Lou E. Dangerously: DAMNIT! Someone is taking out my talent!
JS: Who could it be???
the pre taped segment rolls
Todd Pettengill: Hello everyone and welcome to WWF MANIA! IT'S SATURDAY MORNING AND THERE AREN'T ANY GOOD CARTOONS ON, SO WATCH SOME ZANY MANIA!!!
an off camera voice yells, oddly enough it sounds like Dave Dudley
Voice: Yo, Pettengill, take your fucking medicine.
Pettengill: NO! I DON'T WANNA.
Voice: DO ITTTTTTTTT....shakes fist
Todd takes his medicine.
Pettengill: There. I ...took...iT. tHE heLl is tHis stUFF?
Pettengill looks at the bottle, it reads Amalek PM
Pettengill: AmaLEK pM? Oh MAn...LOL
The camera cuts over to the ICW TITBaby
Pettengill: ThANks...for...LoL BEINg heRe...lmAO
Thanks. Sniff, sniff. I crieded when QPubbic was hurted.
Pettengill: WhAT? MaN...LOL...F*CK QPubLic...LOL
I want my daddy to hwold me.
Pettengill: DaDDy? LOL....aLl my FREAKs call me DADdY LmAO
I hwate westling. Evwer since Shawn Michaels scwed Bwet Hart.
Pettengill: WhaT the F*CK aRE you TALKing abouT? LOL. YoU werENT even BORN yet....LOL
I watcheded it on You Twube.
Pettengill: HAha! lMAo...weLL...LOOkS liKE everything....LOl got CLEAreD uP....ROFlmAO
Meester, why do you twalk so weerd?
Pettengill: FUCK YOU KID IM THE BEAST I'LL FUCKING EAT YOU GROWLLLLL
.......
......
Pettengill: LooK...I...LOL....I didNT meaN to maKE you CRy....lmAO...heY...LISteN...let's GO OUT for sOMe FroSTY ChocOLATE milk...LOL...SHAkeS. YoU CaN meeT my CaT...LOL
Back to the announcers.
JS: What. The. Fuck.
We see a shot of an entrance to the arena, from inside. Lone Wolf shows up, along with Pyro. Lou E. Dangerously stops them.
Lou E. Dangerously: HEY YOU!
Lone Wolf What do you want?
Lou E. Dangerously: I know you attacked Cromwell and QPublic. WHATS THE DEAL MAN?
Lone Wolf What are you talking about? We just got here.
Lou E. Dangerously: ...really?
Wolf and Pyro, pissed, walk off.
Lou E. Dangerously: Hmm...if it's not Wolf...LIGHTNING BOLT!
The cameras follow Dangerously to LB's locker room...
Lou E. Dangerously: A- HA!!!! JUST AS I FIGURED. EMPTY.
Stoonky whispers into L.E.D's ear
Lou E. Dangerously: What? LB left after his match? What? TACOS? What? The THIRD REICH? DAMNIT. If it wasn't LB, then who? WHO???
Commercial break:
I AM STUCK ON PENNSYLVANIA INDUSTRIAL MANUFACTURING CORPORATION AND WHALE BLUBBER DISTRIBUTION CENTERS OF AMERICA BRAND ADHESIVE STRIPS BECAUSE PENNSYLVANIA INDUSTRIAL MANUFACTURING CORPORATION AND WHALE BLUBBER DISTRIBUTION CENTERS OF AMERICA BRAND ADHESIVE STRIPS ARE STUCK ON ME!
Back to live TV
JS: Well, if you're just joining us, QPublic and Cromwell Welkins have been sent to the hospital, and were unable to compete tonight. Lou E Dangerously, ICW GM is looking for the culprits, but has so far been unsuccessful.
Myst: CulpritS?
JS: Well yeah, I figured it's a couple of people. That kind of damage.
Myst: I could do that kind of damage.
JS: Well, yeah, but
Myst: VASSAGO could do that kind of damage.
JS: Sure, yeah, but
Myst: HEALIUS could do that kind of damage.
JS: Well yeah that's kind of a long shot but
Myst: DAVE DUDLEY could do that kind of damage.
JS: Yeah. YEAH. I guess you're RIGHT. It could be ANYBODY...ANYBODY!
Cut to backstage, where Lou is sitting down, pulling his hair out.
Lou E. Dangerously: WE'VE GOT A PSYCHOPATH LOOSE IN ICW, and I can't find who it is. What if they take out EVERYONE? What if I'M NEXT??? GULP!!!
Stoonky walks up
Stone Cold Stoonky: BOSS, BOSS. I've got something you should see.
Lou E. Dangerously: Security camera tapes? NOT NOW, STOONKY.
Stoonky: No, it's tapes of the hallways around the locker rooms. We don't have cameras IN the locker rooms, but in the hallways...by the DOORS...
Lou E. Dangerously: ... !!!
"More Human Than Human" hits, and out comes Johnny Hook, brandishing a STEEL CHAIR, to a chorus of boos. He revels in the booing, as he makes his way down to the ring, with a suave yet cocky grin on his face. He enters the ring, and stands up on the turnbuckle, arms in the air, as the fans continue the boos.
JS: Johnny Hook looking pretty confident here, Myst!
Myst: Well, he's got to beat his partner ScottiePP7's time here, against the Champ if he wants that head start. But more importanly, if he wins, he'll be the new ICW World Champion!
JS: Hook would LOVE to be ICW champ AND get the 30 second head start, to try to win the whole thing at the Insanity Cell.
"Here I Come" hits, and out comes ICW World Heavyweight Champion, Calvin Constantine to a huge reaction from the crowd.
JS: Here we go ladies and gentlemen, Calvin Constantine versus Johnny Hook with early entry to the Insanity Cell on the line! These two will try to beat ScottiePP7's time of 9:37.
Myst: Let's not forget, the ICW World Heavyweight Championship is up for grabs, also.
The referee holds up the title belt, hands it to the ringside attendant, and rings the bell. The ICW Beat the Clock Challenge timer appears on the screen. Hook and Constantine stare each other down as they slowly begin to circle.
JS: Calvin Constantine has made it known that it's personal between him and Scottie and Hook-the title is secondary in his mind.
Myst: And Johnny Hook has shown, time and time again, that it's all about business with him-he couldn't care less about Constantine, all he cares about is dollar signs.
JS: And what does that make him?
Myst: Ooh, I've heard this one before, hold on. I forget, is it your wife or your mother?
Back in the ring, Constantine and Hook approach one another and lock up, collar to elbow. After a few seconds of jockeying, the larger Hook gains the upper hand, pushing the champ into the corner. Hook brings a knee up into Calvin's midsection, then follows it up with a big forearm to the chest. The crowd groans with the impact. Hook surveys the stands, nodding with a smirk on his face, bringing down MAJOR heat from the sold out crowd.
JS: No doubt, Hook is a man who knows how to antagonize people.
Time: 1:00
At the one minute mark, Johnny two hard slaps to Calvin's chest, almost instantly raising welts. He whips Calvin into the opposite corner. As Constantine stumbles back out, Hook catches him with a boot to the gut and a DDT! Hook covers-
1…
2…
Constantine gets a shoulder up!
Myst: Like it or not Joey, Hook has dominated your precious champion.
JS: Kind of like…I dominate…uhhh
Awkward silence.
Myst: Leave the comedy to me, Broseph. After all, I am the man who brought Spunk! to the world.
Hook barks at the referee and slaps his hands, then pulls Calvin to his feet. Hook slides behind the champion, and then locks in a sleeper hold.
JS: The sleeper? MORE LIKE-
Myst: BORAPHYLL!
JS: Fuck yourself, Myst.
Back in the ring, Hook has the sleeper cinched in. Calvin's knees start to buckle. The ref raises Calvin's arm and drops it-but Calvin pops it right back up! He twists himself sideways and delivers some elbows to Hook, breaking the hold as the crowd cheers. Calvin delivers a STIFF right hand to Hook's jaw, then looks for a whip into the ropes-Hook reverses, and a shoulder block sends Calvin back to the mat at the two minute mark.
Time: 2:04
JS: The champion can't seem to get any momentum going here early on.
Myst: Hook's 6'6", 270 pounds-that's a lot of inertia, son.
Hook pulls Calvin up, and drops him right back down with a scoop slam. Johnny hits the ropes and comes back looking for a leg drop, but Calvin moves out of the way! Both me are up, Hook looking furious. Hook comes looking for a big clothesline, but Constantine ducks under, then hits a jumping spinning heel kick! Again, Hook pops up looking more angry than anything. He comes charging at Constantine, but Calvin back drops him over the ropes to the outside as the crowd roars. At the three minute mark, Calvin stands in the middle of the ring, beckoning for Hook to get up. Johnny slowly gets to his knees, holding the back of his head, then finally stands up. CALVIN COMES FLYING OVER THE TOP ROPE WITH A CROSS BODY-HOOK'S HEAD SLAMS INTO THE ANNOUNCE TABLE!
Time: 3:19
JS: OH MY GOD! THERE'S YOUR MOMENTUM!
Calvin picks up the groggy Hook and applies a reverse front facelock-REVERSE DDT, slamming Hook's head to the floor.
Myst: Johnny Hook might be out cold!
Calvin rolls the prone Hook back into the ring and drags him to the center. He steps through Hook's legs and crosses them-Hook knows what's coming and tries to fight, but to no avail! Calvin flips him over-Pagan Lament sharpshooter in the middle of the ring!
Time: 5:12
JS: PAGAN LAMENT, IT'S OVER-FIVE MINUTES IN, CALVIN CONSTANTINE IS GOING INTO THE INSANITY CELL EARLY!
The referee is checking Hook, who's grimacing and groaning in pain, but fighting the hold! Hook is fighting…he starts crawling toward the ropes…crawling…BUT CALVIN DRAGS HIM BACK TO THE CENTER OF THE RING! The ref is checking…
But suddenly…
"Shipping Up To Boston" hits, and ScottiePP7 and Clee Tarus come storming out! Calvin breaks the hold and heads to the near-side ropes, screaming at PP7. But PP7 heads to the opposite side of the ring…
JS: What the hell is Scottie up to?
Scottie yanks the referee out of the ring, AND DECKS HIM WITH A RIGHT HAND!
Myst: Jesus, another ref down. No wonder my health insurance premiums are so high.
Scottie gloats over the fallen ref, BUT CALVIN NAILS HIM WITH A BASEBALL SLIDE, SENDING HIM INTO THE GUARDRAIL!
JS: The champion is taking a more proactive approach with Scottie this time!
Time: 6:00
At six minutes, Scottie is on his knees and Calvin starts to pound on his head and neck, when Scott catches him with an elbow to the gut. PP7 gets to his feet and the two start to trade blows back and forth. Calvin gets the upper hand, firing rights to the jaw of Scottie, when Clee Tarus runs up and SLAPS him across the back! Calvin turns around, totally enraged, BUT SCOTTIE KNOCKS HIM DOWN FROM BEHIND! He starts stomping away at Calvin's ribs.
Meanwhile, Clee Tarus grabs a steel chair and slides into the ring. She helps Johnny Hook to his feet. Hook sets up the chair in the middle of the ring and signals to Scottie.
Myst: Speaking of health insurance, this doesn't look good for Constantine.
Scottie slides Calvin into the ring. Hook looks for a whip to the far side…
JS: OH MY GOD, HE'S LOOKING FOR THE FINAL DESTINATION-A BRAINBUSTER ONTO THE OPEN CHAIR!
But Calvin reverses! DROP TOE HOLD BY CALVIN, JOHNNY HOOK'S HEAD BOUNCES OFF OF THE OPEN CHAIR! THE FUCKEN CHAIR IS CRUMPLED LIKE SINGLE PLY TOILET PAPER!
Myst: DEAD.
Hook is down, but Scottie hits the ring! Scottie charges at Calvin looking for a spear, but Calvin floats over! 180DDT!
JS: I don't think this is what Scottie was picturing when he came out here!
Scottie is down right next to Johnny Hook! Calvin heads right to the top rope! He's looking for the Atomic Split flipping leg drop when…
THE BELL RINGS!
Myst: What the fuck?
JS: Our ref is back up, and he's calling for the bell!
The ref, still groggy from the PPBeatdown, goes over to ring announcer Howard Finkel and explains his decision. The erstwhile Fink grabs his microphone.
Howard Finkel: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CALVIN CONSTANTINE HAS BEEN DISQUALIFIED FOR USE OF A FOREIGN OBJECT. THE WINNER, WITH A TIME OF 7:58, AND THE WINNER OF THE EARLY ENTRANCE INTO THE INSANITY CELL, JOHNNY HOOK!
JS: WHAT THE HELL? HOOK WAS THE ONE WHO SET THAT CHAIR UP!
Myst: Relax, Joey. At least your boy Constantine keeps his title.
Calvin hops from the turnbuckle to the outside and begins arguing with the ref, who's not having it. He's getting more and more frustrated, WHEN CLEE TARUS NAILS HIM FROM BEHIND WITH A LOW BLOW!
JS: It's been a bad night for testicles.
Back in the ring, Scottie and Hook are slowly back up. Hook pulls Calvin in, and he and Scottie begin to put the boots to the prone champion…
When…
"Past Tense, Future Perfect" hits, and the crowd EXPLODES as Dan Hampton storms the ring! Hook and PP7 go right after him, but he floors them both with quick right hands! Calvin Constantine gets back up, and starts administering a beatdown to Scottie, while Hook and Hampton continue to go at it. While the carnage in the ring continues, "Alcohol" hits the speakers! All four men look to the top of the ramp as the song plays, but Lightning Bolt is nowhere to be found.
JS: Where the hell is Lightning Bolt?
Myst: Desperately searching for meaning in a cruel world and lashing out with violence as an outlet for his anger?
JS: Uh, I meant, where is he LOCATED.
While the four men continue to look to the top of the ramp, Lightning Bolt rolls out from underneath the ring! He reaches back under, pulls out a ladder, and slides into the ring!
Myst: TURN AROUND!
LB charges, AND NAILS ALL FOUR OF HIS OPPONENTS IN THE INSANITY CELL WITH THE LADDER! He immediately begins stomping away on Hook, while the other three men are still down. Hook struggles to his feet and begins to trade punches with LB, until Hampton sends all three of them over the top rope with a charging double clothesline!
JS: WE'RE GETTING A PREVIEW OF THE INSANITY CELL HERE TONIGHT!
Hook, Hampton, and LB all hit the ground hard. Hook is up first and grabs both men-he sets them up for a DOUBLE DDT-but Hampton and LB reverse, suplexing Hook over the guardrail and into the crowd! LB stops to admire his handiwork, but Hampton sends him tumbling over the guardrail with a clothesline!
Back in the ring, Scottie and Calvin are both up, trading punches! Calvin gets the upper hand, and hits the ropes, looking for a clothesline, but Scottie ducks! Boot to the gut, MARTINI DDT time-NO! Calvin counters, hitting Scottie with an inverted atomic drop! Scottie stumbles around the ring, until Calvin hits him with EMPIRE'S FALL, the twisting hurricarana!
Myst: THIS…IS…WHAT'S THE WORD?
JS: EXTREME?
Myst: NO, FUCKWIT, INSANE!
Calvin motions to the timekeeper, who tosses him the ICW championship belt. Calvin gets down on his knees, and rubs the gold in Scottie's face before sliding out of the ring and heading up the ramp. Hook, Hampton, and LB are still in the crowd, kicking the shit out of each other.
At the top, he turns back around. Scottie has slowly gotten to his feet, and is screaming at Calvin. Calvin gives PP7 a cold smile, and hoists the title into the air as the crowd explodes!
JS: Calvin Constantine has sent a message to Hook and PP7, just one week before July2Die and the Insanity Cell!
Myst: That's great, but remember who's going in with a thirty second head start: Johnny Hook!
JS: Speaking of Hook, we need security down here! Somebody has to break this fight up!
Backstage, Lou E. Dangerously has just apparently finished watching the tape.
Lou E. Dangerously: Oh, my.
Stone Cold Stoonky: Sir, I've just got word from the EMTs and trainers.
Lou E. Dangerously: And? AND?
Stoonky: Well, Johnny Q. Public is going to be okay, just some lacerations. He'll be able to wrestle come July2Die.
Lou E. Dangerously: And Cromwell?
Stoonky: He's going to be out a few weeks. He's going to miss July2Die.
Lou E. Dangerously: Damnit. DAMNIT!
Stoonky: He's being taken to a first class medical facility, sir.
Lou E. Dangerously: First class? But I never pay for stuff like that.
Stoonky: I know, sir. ScottiePP7 picked up the bill.
Lou E. Dangerously: Hmmm...
Stoonky: Any luck on the tape?
Lou E. Dangerously: Yes. Yes. Come on, there is much to be done...
Cut back to the arena, where "Battery" hits, and out come Lone Wolf and Pyro to a chorus of boos. Lone Wolf is carrying his baseball bat.
JS: Time for our main event here, and, Quite oddly absent are Helter Skelter, Seductress, and Really Crazy.
Myst: They don't want to be involved in this war, Joey. I mean, it's all come to this, several weeks of tormenting. Lone Wolf has tormented Morrigan for weeks, ever since the Triple Terror Tournament. And as a result Morrigan's friend or boyfriend or whatever, Fenyx Kayne got involved, and has had several beatdowns. Add to this, last week's Pyro joining up with Wolf and leaving Kayne and Morrigan behind...I don't know.
JS: Lone Wolf has seemingly been building an army. Perhaps reinstating his "Hardcore Regime" we last saw in the now-defunct CHF?
Myst: Well, CHF, I don't know much about Cum-filled Homosexual Fags, but Pyro has seemingly grown accustomed to the role of Lone Wolf's "Cub".
LW and Pyro stand in the ring, as the fans boo them to death. "Evolution" by KoRn hits, and out comes Fenyx Kayne who looks pissed and ready for a fight.
JS: The fans love Fenyx Kayne!
Myst: Here comes ICW's fastest rising star!
Kayne hits the ring, and tackles down Pyro, as he starts to punch away. The referee takes the baseball bat from Lone Wolf, as the bell rings.
JS: This one is underway already, without Morrigan!
Myst: Yeah, where is she?
Wolf pulls Kayne off of Pyro, as Kayne starts to dish out the punishment on LW. From behind, Pyro grabs Kayne, and whips him into the ropes. Kayne bounces off the ropes, DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE TO PYRO AND LONE WOLF!
Wolf gets up first, KAYNE WITH THE BIG DROPKICK! Wolf goes spiraling out of the ring.
JS: Wolf knocked to the outside! We're still waiting on Morrigan!
Myst: Is she even here tonight?
Pyro charges into Kayne, JAPANESE ARM DRAG TAKEDOWN! Pyro gets to his feet, RUNNING ENZIGURI to the back of Pyro's head!
Myst: Damn, Joey! Kayne is like a fucking rabid animal!
JS: Ok, JR.
Myst: I'm just saying. I bet he'll sit on Pyro's face and spray urine out of his penis, to, you know, show authority.
JS: What the fuck, Chuck?
Myst: HOOSIER DADDY???
Kayne whips Pyro into the ropes, kicks him in the gut, lifts him up for a suplex, TURNS IT INTO AN RKO, THE NEW BEGINNING!!!!!
JS: OH MY GOD! THAT'S IT HE'S GOT HIM!
Myst: I TOLD YOU. WATERSPORTS RULE, FARRELL!
Kayne makes the cover!
1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LONE WOLF BREAKS THE COUNT, WITH A BASEBALL BAT SHOT TO THE BACK OF FENYX KAYNE!!!!!!!
The referee calls for the bell!
JS: NO! NO! NO!
Myst: HOO-AH!
Winners, by disqualification, Sylver Morrigan and Fenyx Kayne
Pyro rolls out of the ring, after The New Beginning, as Kayne tries to fight off Wolf.
JS: I can't believe this!
Myst: And WHERE is Kayne's partner?
JS: Kayne...so close to some revenge! That evil WOLF!
Kayne on his knees...he flips off Wolf.
Wolf laughs, and raises the baseball bat high in the air...
JS: NO!
SUDDENLY, SYLVER MORRIGAN RUNS DOWN TO THE RING!!!
The fans cheer, as she gets between Wolf and Kayne.
JS: Finally, Morrigan to the rescue!!
Myst: Well it's too little too fucking late for that little slutbitch. I mean what the FUCK.
Wolf looks down at Morrigan who is saying "NO! NO MORE!" He has a crazed look in his eyes...
JS: Wolf still unrelentless!
Myst: He's the most sadistic man in the business, Joey. He'd love to take down Morrigan as well, I think!
Suddenly, up on the TIT-TRON, we see Lou E. Dangerously in his office, with Stoonky behind him.
JS: What the?
Lou E. Dangerously: STOP! EVERYBODY STOP! I know who attacked Cromwell and QPublic.
The fans are intrigued. Wolf still has the bat in the air, not caring, as Morrigan still is trying to prevent the attack. Kayne looks on towards the TIT-TRON.
Lou E. Dangerously: It's something you all should see...
The security camera surveillance rolls, as we see QPublic's locker room entrance, from above in the hallways. QPublic enters his room...
AND IS THROWN BACK OUT THROUGH THE DOOR!
A figure comes out of the locker room, dragging him back in...
SYLVER MORRIGAN!!!
The fans GASP.
We see Wolf looking up, kind of in wonder. Morrigan looks like she's seen a ghost, and Kayne is in total disbelief.
We see the rest of the video, Cromwell enters his locker room, as Morrigan runs in from behind. You can hear the banging around of the locker room devastation. Morrigan emerges, unscathed.
Lou E. Dangerously: WE'VE GOT A NEW WOLF IN OUR FOLD!
Myst: Good lord, Joey.
JS: I know...I...Morrigan? I can't...no.
Wolf looks back down at Morrigan, as he is seemingly in disbelief, as well. Morrigan looks nervous...Kayne is holding his head, in anguish.
JS: Why, Morrigan? Why the brutal attack on QPublic and Cromwell Welkins?
MORRIGAN TAKES THE BAT FROM LONE WOLF'S HANDS! The fans are on their feet!
Myst: Now she's gonna take out Wolf, also!
She walks towards Wolf,as he backs off.
SHE TURNS AROUND, and STANDS OVER KAYNE!
Myst: Yeahbuhwhat?
JS: WHAT THEEE HELLLLL???
Kayne looks up and we can see him say "No." MORRIGAN HITS KAYNE IN THE FACE WITH THE BASEBALL BAT!!!
The fans are SHOCKED!!!
JS: NO! NO! NO!
Myst: Morrigan has turned on her partner, Kayne!
Kayne lies unconcious, with his head busted wide open. Pyro rolls back into the ring at this point, and watches from afar.
Morrigan towers over Kayne, and TURNS AROUND AND STALKS TOWARDS WOLF, WITH THE BAT!
JS: What? SHE'S GOING TO GET LONE WOLF TOO???
Myst: My God, Joey. She's SNAPPED!
Wolf backs up, looking worried. Morrigan raises the bat above her head, as he is telling her to "STOP!"
JS: Don't do it, Morrigan! You've done enough!
Myst: HIT HIM! HIT HIM FOR WHAT HE'S DONE TO YOU!
Morrigan RAISES THE BAT HIGH...
and lowers it.
And drops it.
JS: What the HELL?
Wolf kicks the bat off to the side, as he cautiously makes sure Morrigan is not bloodthirsty anymore. When he realizes the threat is gone...
LONE WOLF AND MORRIGAN RAISE THEIR HANDS IN VICTORY!!!!
JS: Oh good God.
Myst: Wolf and Morrigan, in colusion? AFTER ALL THIS TIME?
Pyro joins the celebration, as the three raise their arms in celebration, over the fallen Fenyx Kayne.
JS: What does this mean, Myst?
Myst: I think we're seeing the beginnings of something big here, Joey.
JS: Something. Something EVIL. Something VILE!
The fans throw their garbage into the ring, as Morrigan takes her hand away from Wolf. Wolf picks up his bat, as Pyro tries to hold the ropes open for Morrigan, but she shoves him out of the way, and the three leave their ring.
The three make their way up to the ramp, where Helter Skelter, Seductress, and Really Crazy all await. And the six of them all celebrate with arms in the air.
JS: I can't believe this. The total and complete systemic destruction of one Fenyx Kayne, courtesy of Doctors Lone Wolf and Sylver Morrigan.
Myst: He's lost everything now, Joey. I can't believe this as much as you can't. I mean, it's great, because I'm a fucking demon. But still.
On the stage, this new alliegance revels in the fan's hatred.
Meanwhile, back in the ring, Fenyx Kayne, bloody, begins to stir, and look towards the ramp.
JS: What else will this all mean for next Thursday at July2Die? Fans, for Myst, Todd Pettengill, and everyone here at ICW, this is Joey Styles...we'll see you next week live on Pay-Per-View, at JULY2DIE!!!
The last shot is Kayne looking towards the deviousness on the ramp, as the blood runs down his face. But through the crimson blood, we can see one thing crystal clear...
A single teardrop.
End transmission