Post by Dave Dangerously on Jul 10, 2008 13:58:53 GMT -6
THEY SAY HEROES COME AND GO...
BUT LEGENDS NEVER DIE.
Tonight.
TAKES IT TO THE EXTREME.
Tonight.
Two men will finally put the end to their bitterness, to their hatred.
One man has caused the other endless loss.
The other, enduring the loss, has vowed revenge on all responsible.
Two men will enter the ring.
And one man will leave, reigning supreme over his foe...
who won't be able to stand on his own feet.
Tonight.
Two men.
Two identities.
Two voices.
One battlefield.
KITCHEN STADIUM.
Tonight.
3 People.
A magnitude of violence.
2 Will become tomorrow's garbage.
One will Name Their OWN championship...
Tonight.
Three Layers of steel.
Three Layers of hell.
Three Layers of desperation.
Three layers of Insanity.
One champion.
Four challengers.
The road straight to the top is a perilous path.
One man will conquer the mountain.
TONIGHT, THE STARS OF ICW COLLIDE.
A frenzy of mayhem, and chaos.
Those who have come before have not been capable of enduring such physical feats.
But those who are here, now, have no choice, in the summer heat.
BECAUSE IT'S JULY.
JULY2DIE.
AND NOW, SNICKERS PRESENTS...
JULY2DIE
LIVE, ON PAY PER VIEW!
BUT LEGENDS NEVER DIE.
Tonight.
TAKES IT TO THE EXTREME.
Tonight.
Two men will finally put the end to their bitterness, to their hatred.
One man has caused the other endless loss.
The other, enduring the loss, has vowed revenge on all responsible.
Two men will enter the ring.
And one man will leave, reigning supreme over his foe...
who won't be able to stand on his own feet.
Tonight.
Two men.
Two identities.
Two voices.
One battlefield.
KITCHEN STADIUM.
Tonight.
3 People.
A magnitude of violence.
2 Will become tomorrow's garbage.
One will Name Their OWN championship...
Tonight.
Three Layers of steel.
Three Layers of hell.
Three Layers of desperation.
Three layers of Insanity.
One champion.
Four challengers.
The road straight to the top is a perilous path.
One man will conquer the mountain.
TONIGHT, THE STARS OF ICW COLLIDE.
A frenzy of mayhem, and chaos.
Those who have come before have not been capable of enduring such physical feats.
But those who are here, now, have no choice, in the summer heat.
BECAUSE IT'S JULY.
JULY2DIE.
AND NOW, SNICKERS PRESENTS...
JULY2DIE
LIVE, ON PAY PER VIEW!
Pyro goes off inside Madison Square Garden as "The Sanity Assassin" by Bauhaus plays.
The camera pans the sold out MSG, as the fans are on their feet!
Joey Styles: WELCOME EVERYONE, TO JULY2DIE!!!!!!!
The camera shows signs in the crowd, such as:
"SAVE US, Y2A!!!!!!!"
"NO MORE DUDLEYS"
"CONSTANTINE IS THE REAL DEAL"
"BRING BACK YOKOZUNA X"
"SAVE CUBAN PETE"
"SCOTTIEPP7 FOR PREZ"
"WHY, MORRIGAN, WHY?"
"WHY, PYRO, WHY?"
"I KNOW WHY, LONE WOLF"
"KAYNE, I'LL BE YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND"
"THAT WAS A DUDE"
"POST OP, THOUGH"
"OH, I GUESS THAT'S OK...."
"HAMPTON, HAMPTON, HAMPTON!"
"HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER!"
"LB - THIRD PARTY 2012"
"JOHNNY Q. PUBLIC = SAVIOR OF ICW"
"is there anyone else I'm forgetting?"
"MYST IS PYST!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The camera settles on the announcer's table.
Joey Styles: HELLO EVERYBODY ONCE AGAIN, I'm Joey Styles the VOICE of ICW, and I'm joined by my broadcast colleagues, former ICW World Heavyweight Champion, MYST! And by the EXECUTIVE CHEF of Hell's Kitchen, CHEF GORDON RAMSAY!
Gordon Ramsay: Throw it out. SHUT IT DOWN!
Myst: SHUT UP DOUCHE. I'M GLAD TO BE HERE JOEY! WHAT A NIGHT! ICW ON PAY PER VIEW, YOU'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT CAN HAPPEN!!!
JS: That's right Myst, and what a night we have for you tonight, but without further ado, let's take it to HOWARD FINKEL!
ding, ding
Howard Finkel: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. OUR OPENING BOUT HERE AT JULY2DIE IS A LAST MAN STANDING MATCH!
THE RULES ARE AS FOLLOWS. WHEN A COMPETITOR IS KNOCKED DOWN, THEY WILL HAVE TO ANSWER TO A 10 COUNT. IF THEY DO NOT GET TO BOTH FEET WITHIN THE 10 COUNT, THEY ARE DECLARED INCAPABLE OF CONTINUING THE MATCH! THE WINNER WILL BE THE LAST MAN STANDING!
INTRODUCING FIRST...
"Battery" by Metallica hits the PA
Howard Finkel: COMING DOWN THE AISLE...
TO BE ACCOMPANIED BY HELTER SKELTER, SEDUCTRESS, REALLY CRAZY, AND PYRO...
WEIGHING 240 POUNDS
REPRESENTING THE HARDCORE REGIME,
FROM PARTS UNKNOWN,
THE MOST SADISTIC MAN IN ICW HISTORY, THIS IS LONE WOLF!!!!!
The fans boo The Hardcore Regime as they make their way down the aisle.
JS: Here comes Lone Wolf and The Hardcore Regime he commands, notable by her absence is Sylver Morrigan, who just last week turned on Fenyx Kayne and joined up with Lone Wolf.
Myst: Well, it's a weird situation, it seems to me. I mean, Wolf has shown Morrigan how to once more be violent and evil, looks like she's embracing her dark side. But she's a changed woman, too. She doesn't need any man, anymore.
GR: Unlike you, you fucking fairy. Why don't you go and wear your fucking dress that your mother bought for your bollocking arse. Go on, WEAR IT.
Myst: You'll get yours later, cockass.
GR: I'm so scared my black shirt has turned white. Listen sally, I'm not afraid of you or ANYBODY.
JS: SAVE IT FOR THE MATCH!!!!
Howard Finkel: AND HIS OPPONENT...
"Evolution" by Korn plays.
Howard Finkel: COMING DOWN THE AISLE...
WEIGHING 235 POUNDS.
FROM PARTS UNKNOWN.
FENYX KAYNE!!!!
Kayne comes out, looking ready to go, as the fans applaud for him.
JS: Kayne looking very motivated here tonight.
GR: Well he should, the bugger has lost everything.
Myst: Sometimes it makes you a stronger man, Gordon. A stronger man, indeed.
GR: Oh THROW IT OUT, MYST. WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT FUCKING BEING A MAN?
MYST: BITCH, I'M BOUT TO SHOW YOU MY PIMP HAND.
Kayne enters the ring, as the referee makes The Hardcore Regime leave the ring area. LW hands his baseball bat to Pyro, as the referee calls for the bell.
Ding, ding
The match is underway, KAYNE IMMEDIATELY TACKLES LONE WOLF, WITH A LOU THESZ PRESS! He mounts the wolf and starts to punch away.
JS: KAYNE IS NOT WASTING ANY TIME HERE!
Kayne whips LW into the ropes, and DROPS HIM WITH A CLOTHESLINE! Kayne picks Wolf up, THUMB TO KAYNE'S EYE COURTESY OF LW!
LW in control, now. LW picks Kayne up, BIG CHOKESLAM! THE WOLF SLAM!
KAYNE REVERSES! He flips behind LW, and pushes him into the turnbuckle. Kayne runs off the ropes, and jumping reverse bulldog clotheslines him to the mat!
Myst: Great reversal and counter there by Fenyx.
GR: SHUT IT DOWN!
The referee begins his count
1...
2...
3...
Wolf, on his knees, wipes his nose. He looks irate. He gets to his feet.
JS: I think that just enfuriated Wolf even more, guys.
Wolf gets to his feet, and the two men circle each other, as the ref stops the count.
Wolf goes in, as does Kayne, the collar-elbow tieup...
IN CLOSE LOW BLOW TO KAYNE!!!
JS: OUCH!
GR: Bollocks.
Myst: Yeah, we can all agree on that one.
Kayne drops down to his knees, as LW knees Kayne in the face. Kayne goes down. LW rolls to the outside, as the referee begins the count on Kayne.
1...
2...
3...
4...
Kayne gets to his feet, with the help of the ropes. On the outside, LW produces a baseball bat, from under the ring. He leaves it on the floor, as he also puts in a pair of what looks to be brass knucks in his tights. He pulls out a table, and slides it into the ring.
Myst: LW looking to do a little redecorating here!
LW sets the table up, near the turnbuckle. Kayne runs towards LW, but LW ducks. KAYNE JUMPS UP ONTO THE TABLE, MOONSAULT ONTO WOLF, FROM THE TABLE!!!
JS: WHAT A MOVE!
GR: THROW IT OUT, though. Pinfalls don't count, you cunt.
JS: Gordon is right. I think Kayne might have had it in the bag, there.
Kayne picks up Wolf and whips him into the ropes.
cut to backstage where we see Sylver Morrigan watching backstage in a locker room.
JS: Well, there's Morrigan watching backstage...
Myst: This is what she wanted, guys. She turned on Kayne in a heartbeat!
Kayne has LW in a headlock, trying to wear him out.
JS: Looks like Kayne is trying to wear down Wolf, here.
LW gets to his feet, breaking the hold.
Wolf whips Kayne into the ropes, Kayne bounces off, and ducks Wolf's clothesline. Kayne runs into the otherside of the ropes and bounces off. Wolf turns around, DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE, BOTH MEN ARE DOWN!!!
The fans gasp as both men collide, hard.
Myst: YEEEEEOUCH, HAVE MURRRCAYYYY
GR; What the fuck, Dude Love?
Myst: BITCH I'MA BOUT TO BALL DIS!
The referee begins the count, as both men are down.
1..........
2.........................
3..........................
4...........................
5..............................
6..............................
7...........................
both men get to their feet, groggily. Kayne is up first, as he grabs LW by the hair...BUT WOLF COUNTERS, LOW BLOW TO KAYNE!!!!!!!!
JS: Vile!
GR: BUT THROW IT OUT, JOEY. CAUSE ITS FUCKING ANYTHING GOES. BOLLOCKS.
Kayne holds his groin, as Wolf starts to dig in his tights...
GR: WOLF HAS GOT THE SCOTTISH ARTCH!
JS: Scottish Artch?
GR: When your crotch gets mixed with arse it produces that lovely itch.
Myst: THE...FUCK.
Wolf digs in those tights, and produces that pair of brass knucks!
JS: WAIT...WOLF HAS THOSE BRASS KNUCKS!!!
Myst: wait....WAIT! I KNOW THAT! THAT'S JUST NOT ANY BRASS KNUCKS, JOEY!!!
Wolf puts on the knucks, BRASS KNUCKLES TO THE FACE OF FENYX KAYNE COURTESY OF THE LONEST OF WOLFS!!!
Myst: THATS THE LWN BRASS KNUCKLES CHAMPIONSHIP!
JS: OF COURSE! REALLY CRAZY MUST HAVE SLIPPED IT TO HIM!
Fenyx goes down, as Wolf slumps in the corner, dropping the LWN brass knucks championship knucks.
The ref begins the count for Kayne.
1....
2.........
3.....................................
4................................................
The camera cuts to show Sylver Morrigan, still looking on in the back.
5........................
6.................................................................
7...........................................................................................................
8...........................................................................................................................................
BUT KAYNE GETS TO HIS KNEES!
9..........................................................................................................................................................
KAYNE TO HIS FEET!
WOLF CHARGES TOWARDS KAYNE, BUT KAYNE LOW BRIDGES THE TOP ROPE, WOLF GOES SPIRALING OVER THE TOP ROPE!!!
GR: I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE THE FUCKING CUNT DID IT!!!!
the fans chant 'FEN-YX KAY-AYNE'
Kayne rallies behind the fans energies...AND FLIES OVER THE TOP ROPE ONTO LONE WOLF WITH A PLANCHA!!!!!!
Kayne lands on his feet, and raises his arms up, having some newfound energy.
Myst: I THINK KAYNE IS GONNA DO IT HERE!
suddenly, HELTER SKELTER RUNS DOWN WITH A STEEL CHAIR!
He tries to hit kayne, but Kayne blocks it, kicking HS in the gut. HS drops the chair, as Kayne whips him into the steel stairs.
Really Crazy comes down, with Pyro, as RC stops to help Wolf and hand him a baseball bat. Pyro goes running into Kayne but Kayne ducks. Kayne picks up the steel chair, AND THROWS IT INTO PYRO'S FACE!
JS: KAYNE WON'T STOP!
Pyro catches it, DROPKICK INTO THE STEEL CHAIR INTO THE FACE OF PYRO! Pyro goes down, as Kayne turns around, RIGHT INTO A BAT SHOT INTO THE GUT, THANKS TO THE SWINGING PROWESS OF LONE WOLF!!!
JS: OH MY GOD!!!!
JS: OH MY GOD!!!!
Lone Wolf throws Kayne into the ring apron. the referee grabs the baseball bat, and runs Really Crazy off to the backstage area. Helter Skelter and Pyro both are out, on the ringside floor. LW turns to walk Really Crazy back up the ramp, as the referee begins the count on FK.
1.....
2.......
3............
4........................
5...............................................
KAYNE GETS TO HIS FEET! WOLF TURNS AROUND, HE IS SHOCKED!
JS: The heart of Kayne! HE WONT STOP!
GR: He's more beaten than a BEEF WELLINGTON!
Myst: Lone Wolf can't believe it, Kayne just will not quit!
Kayne limps up the ramp, as wolf runs to the backstage area. Kayne picks up the pace as he reaches the entrance.
JS: Kayne has chased Wolf to the backstage area, we're going to try to keep the cameras on this...
cut to backstage, where we see Wolf AMBUSH KAYNE WITH A 2X4....BUT KAYNE BLOCKS IT, HE TAKES THE 2X4 AWAY FROM WOLF, AND BUSTS IT OVER HIS FACE!!!
Wolf falls to the floor, as the referee shows up, and begins to count.
1....
2.....
3.........
4..................................
Wolf begins to crawl...
5............................................................
Wolf crawls to an area backstage where some remodeling is going on...AND THROWS A TOOL BOX INTO KAYNE'S FACE!!! WRENCHES AND TOOLS AND NUTS AND BOLTS GO FLYING EVERYWHERE!
JS: OH MY GOD!!!
GR: That surely throws a ....wrench into the works for Kayne.
Myst: GORDON, BY ALL THAT IS HOLY, I WILL DEVOUR YOU LATER.
GR: YOUR FUCKING CUNT MOTHER BOLLOCKING DEVOURED MY-
JS: STOP, LOOK!
as Kayne is blinded from the onslaught of metal tools to his face, he stumbles into LW, and Wolf HITS THE WOLVES DEN DEATH VALLEY DRIVER ONTO A STACK OF WOODEN PALLETS! KAYNE GOES THROUGH THEM!!!
GR: MYST: JS: OH MY GOD-DIDDLY-ODDDDDDDDDDDD
The referee begins the count on Kayne.
1....
2....
3....
4.....
5....
6....
7.....
8....
KAYNE CRAWLS OUT OF THE WRECKAGE, AND GETS TO HIS HANDS AND KNEES!
9...............
KAYNE IS UP, HE MOTIONS FOR LONE WOLF TO BRING IT ON!!!!!
JS: I CAN'T BELIEVE KAYNE IS REFUSING TO LOSE!
Myst: FENYX KAYNE IS DETERMINED TO GET HIS REVENGE ON WOLF!
LONE WOLF RUNS INTO FENYX KAYNE, THE POUNCE!!!!!!!! THROUGH A DRY-WALL!!!!!!!!!!!!
BOTH MEN GO HURLING THROUGH AN EXPLODING MESS OF DRYWALL!
JS: OH MY GOD!
GR: DINNER IS SERVED. NO WAIT....YOUR TABLE IS READY! NO...WAIT.....UH.....hmmm. I got nothing, really.
Myst: That wall wasn't finished, back there. Lots of construction going on!
the wall lead to a locker room area, where we see Sylver Morrigan watching the match. She turns around to see Kayne and Wolf rolling around in dry wall. the referee begins to count...
1.........
2........
3.........
4..................
5.....................................
6......................................................
7..................................................................
Morrigan helps up Wolf.
JS: Looks like that evil jezebel has made her choice!
9........
KAYNE SPRINGS TO HIS FEET, COMING UP FROM BEHIND ON WOLF, AND HITS THE NEW BEGINNING!!!!!!
MORRIGAN BEGINS TO ATTACK KAYNE, BUT KAYNE REVERSES, DROPKICKING HER OUT OF THE LOCKER ROOM DOOR!
The referee begins to count LW down.
1..........
2.............
3.......................
4......................................
5.......................................................
6.........................................................................
Myst: Kayne has the advantage on wolf here! COME ON, KAYNE!
GR: OH BOLLOCKS. FUCK THIS COCKPISSFUCK.
7................................................................................................
KAYNE PICKS UP WOLF, AND THROWS HIM THROUGH THE REST OF THE WALL! A security guard comes up.
Guard: HEY, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT!
KAYNE PUNCHES HIM DOWN!!!!!
Wolf is crawling now, as the referee has called off the countdown.
GR: This kid won't stop!
Myst: Just like your mom on my dickkk
Kayne disposes of the guard, as he turns around into WOLF HITTING KAYNE IN THE FACE WITH A FLOURESCENT LIGHT BULB!!!!! IT EXPLODES INTO HIS FACE!!!!!
JS: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
Myst: Sweet Mercyful Fate.
Kayne turns, holding his face as the glass and dust from the lightbulb digs deeper into his face. He turns back around into Wolf, and WOLF HITS THE JUGULAR CRUSH PEDIGREE ON KAYNE OVER ANOTHER LIGHTBULB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JS: THE LIGHTBULB WENT STRAIGHT INTO HIS THROAT OH MY GOD GET A MEDIC!!!!!!!!
Kayne is face down on the concrete backstage, as the referee begins to count, as Wolf gets up, trying to catch his breath.
1..............
2...................................
3...................................................
4.......................................................................
5.............................................................................................
6........................................
7.....................................
KAYNE STARTS TO GET TO HIS HANDS AND KNEES!!!!!!!
GR: LOOK AT KAYNE!!!!!
BUT WOLF HITS HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH A STEEL CHAIR, KAYNE GOES BACK DOWN!!!!!!!
8......................................................
9........................................................
10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Winner, and Last Man Standing, Lone Wolf
Wolf raises his arms in the air as The Entire Hardcore Regime comes to help Wolf off. We can hear the fans boos from the arena, as EMTs come to help Fenyx.
JS: I can't believe it. Lone Wolf is the most sadistic son of a...
Myst: NO, JOEY! Wolf did what he had to....Kayne wouldn't quit. Wolf had to put the FINAL stamp on it. What a great showing from Kayne. You think it's over for him? HELL NO.
GR: Bollocks. The dumb fuck should have known when to quit. Fuck that guy. And fuck you too, Myst. It's time to get ready for your ass whipping.
Ramsay leaves the announce table.
Myst: Well, Joey.
JS: Good luck, Myst. Kick his ass.
Myst leaves, as well.
JS: Well, as we prepare for this Hardcore Iron Chef match, let's send it backstage to DOK HENDRIX where he is with SCOTTIE PP7 AND JOHNNY HOOK. Dok?
Dok Hendrix: THANKS JOEY I'M BACKSTAGE HERE AT THE JULY2DIE PAY-PER-VIEW WITH TWO OF THE PARTICIPANTS FOR THE INSANITY CELL...FELLAS...tonight is going to be one INSANE night.
Johnny Hook: That's right, Dok Cock. Tonight, only one man is going to become champion. THAT MAN...
Johnny Hook.
ScottiePP7 butts in
ScottiePP7: What???
Johnny Hook: What?
ScottiePP7: You said YOU'RE going to become ICW Champ. Did you forget about me? I'M SCOTTIEPP7, DAMNIT!
Johnny Hook: Look, Hook didn't say that Hook was going to turn against you or fight you. Hook said you're going to have your hands full with 3 other guys, while Hook climbs the ladder.
ScottiePP7: What the fuck is this third person shit?
Johnny Hook: Just trying out some new stuff. Look, Hook sees it like this; it's you and me vs. 3 guys. We're in it together. As long as ONE of us wins the match, we both win.
ScottiePP7: Well...I guess so.
Johhny Hook: Besides, I've got that 30 second head start. Should be enough time to climb the top.
ScottiePP7: hmmm....maybe. We've got to stick together, though. If I want to become ICW champion.
Johnny Hook: You mean we.
ScottiePP7: I said we. Come on, let's go discuss this in our $50,000 a night limo. BECAUSE I'M S THE C THE O THE T THE T THE I THE E THAT'S SCOTTIEEEEEEEEEEE
PP7 and Hook walk off
Dok Hendrix: SCOTTIE! WAIT! I DIDN'T GET TO ASK YOU GUYS MY QUESTIONS! COME ON, DON'T MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A NIGGER...
Suddenly, Mark Henry, ECW Champion and the world's strongest man walks up...
Dok Hendrix: ...ah, shit.
Cut to backstage, where Juggernaut and Mayhem are talking in a hallway.
Juggernaut: So I says, so I says....
Suddenly, "Invisible" by Sugar Ray plays, and Inmates 148-814 and 148-813 walk up. They stop and stare down Juggernaut and Mayhem
148-814: Hurmh.
148-813: ...round here, you either kick ass...
...or you take it up the ass.
the Inmates walk off...
Mayhem: What a bunch of fags.
The camera pans up to the rafters, where we see GENESIS, brooding, waiting. The fans in the arena start to pop...
Cut to inside The Paramount, next door to Madison Square Garden.
JS: Well, fans, it's time for our extravaganza special challenge here in KITCHEN STADIUM, we're broadcasting from the Paramount RIGHT NEXT DOOR to MSG and we've brought to you KITCHEN STADIUM, all the way from Chelsea Market here in New York City.
camera pans over KITCHEN STADIUM
HARDCORE Iron Chef Battle: Gordon Ramsay vs. Myst
JS: I'll try to do my best Alton Brown impression here, folks. So bear with me. THE RULES ARE SIMPLE. Ramsay will take on Myst in a ten minute battle to determine who is THE MOST HARDCORE IRON CHEF. They will have to prepare an entree and a dessert, with a special ingredient. At the end of ten minutes, they will present their dishes to be judged by our illustrious panel of Judges...and THEY ARE:
GUY FIERI: YO IT'S MONEY!
ISSAC MIZRAHI: LOVVVVVVVVVVVVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST...
YOKOZUNA X: WERRRRRRRRRRRRRRD LYFEEEEEE JOBBER STYLEE!
And now, welcome to kitchen stadium...CHAIRMAN DACASCOS!!!!!!!!!
Chairman Dacascos enters kitchen stadium, shrouded in a fine mist. He turns towards the camera, looking as stern as always...
The Chairman: The time has come to once again answer life's most savory question...
WHO'S CUISINE, REIGNS SUPREME?
takes bite of apple
The Chairman: Chef Ramsay, step up.
Gordon Ramsay steps up
Chairman: You have proven yourself, as the executive chef of Hell's Kitchen. But tonight, Hell comes to Earth, in Kitchen Stadium. Are you ready?
Gordon Ramsay; I'M DAMN READY, MR. CHAIRMAN. FUCKING THROW IT OUT.
Chairman: Then, which Iron Chef do you wish to challenge?
GR: I CHALLENGE...IRON CHEF MYST!!!!!!
Myst comes out on a pedestal
Myst: Dude, what the fuck?
He steps up next to Ramsay, as Ramsay stands still, confident.
Chairman: Excellent choice. NOW....
LET THE BATTLE BEGIN!!!!!!!!!
JS: Well, naturally Ramsay has challenged Myst, but...yeah.
RAMSAY VS. MYST
25 years experience Likes to eat
Classic french cooking style microwave oven
150-0 battle record once lost to a brick wall
JS: Well, there is the tale of the tape. Man, we've sunk to new levels. Thanks Mr. Dangerously. Thanks a lot.
The Chairman: But, there is one more ingrediant to this battle...our SECRET ingrediant...THE THEME OF WHICH OUR CHEFS WILL OFFER THEIR...succulent variations.
Today's secret ingrediant is...
RITZ CRACKERS AND CORN FLAKES!!!!!!!!!!!
JS: The fuck?
The Chairman: SO NOW, AMERICA...WITH AN OPEN HEART AND AN EMPTY STOMACH, I SAY UNTO YOU THE WORDS OF MY UNCLE...
ALLEZ CUISINE!
JS: Well, we're officially underway here, Chef Ramsay scrambling to prepare his dishes and well, Myst looking confused.
Myst: What the fuck?
GR: COME ON, FAT BOY! AHAHAHAHA!!!!
Myst: Fat boy?
a vein bulges out in Myst's forehead.
JS: We've seen this rivalry over the past few weeks here in ICW. These two men have pure hatred for one another. Hopefully, this will settle the score between the two...hmm. Can anyone remember why they even started fighting, in the first place? One thing is for sure, Myst is looking VERY frustrated.
10 minutes pass, as Myst frantically tries to prepare his dishes. Ramsay has finished early, and has cleaned the entire Kitchen Stadium and filmed an episode of "Kitchen Nightmares".
The time is up, and The Chairman calls for them to prepare their dishes.
The Chairman: Now, judges, you will taste test, and decide who is TRULY, IRON CHEF!
Myst is all frazzled, and covered with flour and shit, while Gordon looks stunning as always. A second vein bulges in Myst's head.
JS: Well, let's see what Chef Ramsay has produced...RITZ ENCRUSTED SALMON STEAK WITH RIZZOTO AND ENDIVE, AND FOR DESSERT, FLAME BROILED CORNFLAKE COVERED CANDIED BANANAS AND CHOCOLATE SOUFFLE!
Guy Fieri: Mmmm, it's money, yo.
Issac Mizrahi: LOVED IT!!!!!
Yokozuna X: I'd job this for dinner every jobbing night. MMM, BEEFY!
A third vein bulges in Myst's forehead.
JS: ....sigh....and now, CHEF MYST PRESENTS...MINI RITZ...PIZZAS? AND A TUB OF COOL WHIP WITH SOME CORN FLAKES POURED IN?
Guy Fieri: ...hmmm...it's...different.
Issac Mizrahi: ...yeah...it's...different...
Yokozuna X: FEED ME I'M STARVING.
Myst is sweating, he can't believe he's produced such crap.
Gordon Ramsay: HAHA, MYSTIE! YOUR TIME IS UP! THE MEAT IS FUCKING RAW! THROW IT OUT! SHUT IT DOWN!
JS: Poor Myst.
Guy Fieri: It is different...AND I LOVE IT! MY KIDS WOULD LOVE THIS!
Issac Mizrahi: LOOOOOOOOOOOOVED IT! FABULOUS GRRRRRRRRL!!! MS THAAAAAAANG EEEEEEEEEE AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Yokozuna X: I'M DYING OF A HEART ATTACK!!!!!!
Chairman: THEN IT IS DECIDED!
WINNER, AND NEW IRON CHEF...MYST!
chef ramsay is PISSED.
JS: YEAH! GO MYST!
GR: NO NO NO! THROW IT OUT! SHUT IT DOWN! NOT GOOD ENOUGH!
Ramsay charges towards Myst with a SOUFFLE KNIFE but MYST DEFLECTS!!! HE TOSSES RAMSAY ONTO A COUNTER TOP!
Chairman: NO! NO! NOT IN MY KITCHEN STADIUM. KEEEEEEEEEEE YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
the chairman flips towards Myst, and UNLOADS TONS OF MARTIAL ART PROWESS UPON HIM!
BUT MYST BLOCKS! HE COUNTERS EVERY BLOW, BUT THE CHAIRMAN COUNTER-COUNTERS MYST'S COUNTERS!!!!
JS: IT'S A REGULAR MATRIX OVA HERE!
Myst finally breaks the series of moves, and connects to The Chairman with THE CALL TO ASHLEY SUPERKICK!!!!
MYST RIPS OFF HIS SHIRT!!!!!!!!!
From behind, Ramsay hits Myst with a frying pan, cast iron. Myst just shrugs it off, and HOWLS!
JS: NO...NOT AGAIN...LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...MYST IS PYST!!!!!!!
MYST SPEARS GORDON INTO AN OVEN!!!!! GORDON GETS STUFFED IN THERE!!!!!
THE CHAIRMAN GETS TO HIS FEET, AND CHARGES MYST, BUT MYST JAPANESE ARM DRAGS HIM ONTO A BURNING GRILL!!!!!!!
Myst howls at the moon!!!!!!!!!
JS: OH MY GOD! MYST IS IN THE MIDDLE OF A BERSERKER RAGE!!!!!!
Myst turns around AND RAMSAY THROWS THREE STEAK KNIVES INTO MYST'S GUT!!!!!
MYST GOES DOWN, AS RAMSAY GETS UP AND RUNS AWAY!!!
JS: NO NO NO WE NEED HELP FOR MYST!!! HELP!!! HELP!!!!
Myst pulls the knives out, as EMTs arrive. he throws them off, but they force their help upon him.
JS: Ramsay, that evil weasel, has RUN OFF TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY! AS CHARLES BRONSON ONCE SAID, THIS AINT OVER!
Cut to backstage back in MSG, where Conquistador Dos is putting on his golden boots.
Conquistador Dos: SHEET! ¡MI FÓSFORO ESTÁ SUBIENDO DESPUÉS, YO TIENE QUE APRESURARSE!
Johnny Q. Public walks up.
Johnny Q. Public: Hey, look. Good luck out there. I'm glad there are competitors who don't have to lie cheat or steal to get what they want out there. No matter what happens tonight, you're okay in my book. The book of wisdom. The book of truth. The book of ICW. Let's put Morrigan in her sick, twisted place she belongs. Good luck to you.
QPublic walks off
Conquistador Dos: ......Que?
The camera pans to outside the door, where we see Genesis, watching...
JS: Well fans, it's now time for the NYO title match, and I had hoped to have a partner calling this match with me, but there was no REAL winner of the Hardcore Iron Chef challenge. So I guess I'll be going solo! Just like back in the day.
Howard Finkel: Ladies and gentlemen,
the following is a DUMPSTER MATCH for the ICW Name Your Own Title!
Triple Threat Dumpster Match for the NYO Title
Conquistador Dos v. Johnny Q. Public v. Sylver Morrigan
The camera pans out to show three Dumpsters around the ring: one in front of the announce table and one on each adjacent side. "Malaguena Salerosa" hits...
Howard Finkel: INTRODUCING FIRST...
WEIGHING IN AT 112 KILOS...
TO BE ACCOMPANIED BY CONQUISTADOR UNO, JOSE RAMIREZ, AND EL BASTARDE...
FROM MEXICO CITY...
CONQUISTADOR DOS!!!!!!
the fans cheer as the Mexican sect walks down to the ringside area. Conquistador Uno has a cast on his arm.
JS: Conquistador Dos is making his way to the ring, and that means it's time for our Name Your Own Title match. As you heard, this is a Dumpster match, and as you can see, our ring is surrounded by three Dumpsters. A wrestler is eliminated when he or she ends up completely in the Dumpster with the lid closed. You know, kind of like Joel Gertner.
The lights dim to purple, and "Sick of Life" hits as the fans voice their displeasure...
Finkel: INTRODUCING NEXT.
COMING DOWN THE AISLE...
WEIGHING 142 POUNDS...
BORN ON BELTANE,
AND REPRESENTING THE HARDCORE REGIME.
SYLVER MORRIGAN!!!!
The fans give Morrigan tons of heat on her way down the ramp, but she ignores them, focusing totally on the ring.
JS: Last week, we saw Morrigan split with Fenyx Kayne and align herself with the Hardcore Regime…I'm surprised to see her out here alone tonight.
Morrigan slides into the ring and begins staring down Conquistador Dos when "To Take The Black" hits and the fans explode for Johnny Q. Public, who comes tearing down the ramp!
Finkel: AND FINALLY, WEIGHING IN AT-
But the Fink is cut off as Johnny slides into the ring and goes right for Morrigan! Morrigan throws a right, but Johnny's not interested in brawling-he blocks it and sends Morrigan to the floor with a quick arm drag. Morrigan hops back up and charges right at Johnny, but he grabs her with a quick belly to belly suplex. Public goes right for her again, but Morrigan rolls out of the ring!
JS: Johnny Q. Public has been promising to demolish the Hardcore Regime, and so far he's delivering!
Johnny yells at Morrigan to get back in the ring, when from behind Dos hits him with a standing dropkick! Dos turns to his posse, who approve greatly, until Johnny gets up and moves directly behind Dos!
El Bastarde: SHEET MANG LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!
Jose Ramirez: Turn around, you idiot!
Dos: Que?
Uno: DE LA VUELTA!
Only after hearing Uno does Dos turn around. Boot to the gut, Payback stunner from Johnny to Conquistador Dos!
JS: Should have ponied up for Rosetta Stone!
Dos is down on the mat. Public lifts him up for more punishment, when Morrigan comes in from behind with a chop block to his knee! Sylver stomps on the knee twice, then pulls Johnny up for a dragon screw legwhip, wrenching the knee more.
JS: Morrigan is going to work on Johnny Q. Public's knee, I wonder if her new association with Lone Wolf is going to make her more vicious.
Morrigan pulls Johnny up again and tosses him over the ropes, sending him to the floor alongside the announce table. Johnny slowly gets to his feet…AND MORRIGAN HITS A SPRINGBOARD SHOULDERBLOCK, DROPPING JOHNNY RIGHT BACK DOWN!
JS: OH MY GODS!
Both Morrigan and Public are down, with Morrigan starting to stir first. Sylver gets up and puts a few boots to Johnny, before grabbing a steel chair from the ring announcer area. Johnny is back up. Morrigan lifts the chair to demolish Johnny's skull, but Johnny catches her with a kick to the stomach and grabs the chair out of her hands! He raises the chair over his head and…
DOESN'T HIT MORRIGAN!
JS: Johnny's always said he hates hardcore wrestling!
Johnny continues to hold the chair, when Conquistador Dos grabs it out of his hands from behind! Johnny turns around, AND DOS CREAMS HIS SKULL LIKE FUCKEN VINNY CASTILLA!
JS: If Johnny's going to survive in this match, he's going to have to make some adjustments!
Dos's celebration is short lived, as Morrigan quickly clotheslines him to the floor. She pulls him up, looking to smash his head into the ringpost, but Dos blocks it, and smashes her instead! While Morrigan lies prone on the floor, Dos goes under the ring…AND PULLS OUT A LADDER!
JS: What the hell?
Dos sets up the ladder between one of the Dumpsters and the announce table.
Dos: VAS, ESE!
JS: Uh, si, senor!
Dos positions Morrigan on the Dumpster side of the ladder, pulling her up as he climbs on the announce table side. When he gets to the top, he sets Morrigan up…
JS: HOLY FUCK, HE'S GOING TO SUPERPLEX HER THROUGH THE TABLE!
But before Dos can do it, Morrigan uses her free hand to nail him in the gut! She grabs his head in facelock…
DDT, OFF THE LADDER, INTO THE DUMPSTER!!!
JS: MONTECZUMA'S REVENGE!!!
Morrigan and Dos are both inside of the Dumpster, and NOBODY'S moving. Finally, Johnny Q. Public begins to get to his feet!
JS: If Johnny can close that Dumpster lid on Morrigan and Conquistador Dos, he'll be the new NYO champ!
As Johnny staggers over toward the Dumpster, the cameras show Morrigan getting to her knees inside of the Dumpster, while Dos is out. Johnny reaches up and grabs the lid…
BUT MORRIGAN ROLLS OUT OF THE SIDE DOOR JUST BEFORE THE LID CLOSES!
Eliminated, Conquistador Dos
JS: Johnny Q. Public was THAT close to being the NYO champion!
Realizing what's happened, Johnny grabs the still shaky Morrigan and rolls her back inside the ring as Dos's associates pull his broken body out of the Dumpster's side door and help him up the ramp. Johnny whips Morrigan into the ropes, but telegraphs a back drop, and Morrigan nails him with a swinging neck breaker. Morrigan rolls back out of the ring and grabs the chair from earlier, then rolls back in.
JS: First that chair had to support the Fink's sweaty ass, now this, hasn't it suffered enough?
Morrigan positions the chair on the ground, then locks Johnny in a dragon sleeper, looking for the Timebomb, the sleeper into a reverse DDT. But Johnny counters, elbowing Morrigan and stepping to the side for a Russian leg sweep. Morrigan's back hits the chair hard and she writhes in pain. Meanwhile, Johnny picks up the chair and looks at it. First he makes to throw it out of the ring…but stops. He stares at the chair, he stares at Morrigan, he stares back at the chair, THEN NAILS MORRIGAN RIGHT IN THE BACK AS THE CROWD EXPLODES!
JS: Johnny's learned to change his ways!
Johnny pulls Morrigan up, and tosses her over the ropes toward one of the Dumpsters, but the lid is still closed from earlier, Morrigan lands on it hard. Meanwhile, Johnny climbs to the top of the turnbuckle, with the chair! JOHNNY PRESSES THE CHAIR TO HIS BACK AND FLIES, LOOKING FOR THE FALL MOONSAULT, BUT MORRIGAN ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY! JOHNNY'S BACK HITS THE LID, CHAIR FIRST!
JS: JESUS TAP DANCING CHRIST!
Neither person moves for a good minute until both Morrigan and Johnny start to stir. Both get up and begin to exchange blows before Johnny gets the upper hand. Johnny kicks Morrigan in the midsection, then sets her up for a powerbomb…
JS: Powerbomb off of the Dumpster, this is career ending shit right here…
But Morrigan counters! BAD MAGICK HURRICANRANA OFF OF THE DUMPSTER TO THE FLOOR!
JS: OH MY GOD!!!!!
The fans chant "ICW, ICW, ICW'!!!
Morrigan climbs back up onto the dumpster, looking for a high risk move, perhaps a moonsault. QPublic gets back to his feet, and JUMPS UP ONTO THE DUMPSTER, BEHIND MORRIGAN, AND LOCKS IN THE PUBLIC DISGRACE, THE TAZZMISSION, THE KATA HA JIME!!!
Morrigan struggles free, and falls with QPublic backwards into the dumpster. THEY BOTH FALL IN!!!!
JS: Morrigan and QPublic BOTH in the dumpster here!
Morrigan gets out, quickly, looking scared to be in the dumpster. As she turns around to try to close the lid on QPublic, HE SPRINGS UP, PRODUCING A SINGAPORE CANE! HE CANES MORRIGAN IN THE TOP OF THE HEAD!!!!
QPublic hops out, and hits a WHITE RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP WITH THE SINGAPORE CANE INTO THE SIDE OF THE DUMPSTER, MORRIGAN'S HEAD BOUNCES OFF THE STEEL!
JS: QPublic is showing no mercy whatsoever! He must hate doing it, but he KNOWS he has to do this to win!
QPublic stomps on Morrigan, before tossing the cane down. He picks Morrigan up, trying to put her in the dumpster...when suddenly, LOW BLOW ONTO QPUBLIC!!! QPublic is stunned, as Morrigan hits the BREAK THE CYCLE ON QPUBLIC!!! Morrigan tosses QPublic into the dumpster!
JS: MORRIGAN HAS IT IN THE BAG...ERR...THE...DUMPSTER.
Morrigan smiles, as she begins to close the lid...
SUDDENLY, THROUGH THE CROWD COMES FENYX KAYNE!!!!!! HE HOPS OVER THE GUARDRAIL, BLOODY, AND CLUBS MORRIGAN IN THE BACK!!!
JS: KAYNE! KAYNE IS HERE!
He pushes Morrigan into the side of the dumpster, and picks up a steel chair from the ground. Morrigan leans into the side of the dumpster, and KAYNE CRUSHES HER SKULL WITH A CHAIRSHOT TO THE FRONT OF HER FACE, AS HER HEAD IS SANDWICHED BETWEEN THE CHAIR AND THE DUMPSTER!!!!!!!
JS: OH MY GOD!!!
The referee tries to stop Kayne, and take the chair away from him, but KAYNE ELBOWS THE REF IN THE FACE, KNOCKING HIM DOWN!!!
Kayne turns back towards Morrigan, as she is bloody and dazed, leaning on the dumpster still...AND KAYNE DELIVERS ANOTHER CHAIR SHOT, KNOCKING HER INTO THE DUMPSTER!!!
Kayne drops the chair.
JS: KAYNE HAS DECIMATED MORRIGAN, AND NOW BOTH HER AND QPUBLIC LIE IN THE TRASH!!!
Kayne closes the lid, and begins to push the dumpster up the ramp.
JS: WHERE IS KAYNE GOING WITH THAT DUMPSTER???
The fans go wild, as Kayne makes his way with the dumpster to the top of the ramp...HE PUSHES IT TO THE EDGE!!!
JS: WHAT THE HELL? NO!!!
THE CAMERA CUTS TO THE BACK, WHERE A CHAIN IS LOCKING THE DOOR TO THE HARDCORE REGIME'S LOCKER ROOM! THE DOOR IS SHAKING, AS THE HARDCORE REGIME IS TRYING TO GET OUT!!!
JS: OH MY GOD!!! NO ONE IS GOING TO STOP THIS BUT KAYNE HIMSELF!!! NO! NO!!
AND KAYNE DOESN'T STOP, AS THE CROWD ROARS, KAYNE PUSHES THE DUMPSTER OVER THE EDGE OF THE RAMP, AND IT GOES SPIRALING TO THE FLOOR, CRASHING WITH A LOUD BANG!!!!!!
Kayne is amped up, as he points to the dumpster in delight. He walks to the back.
JS: OH MY GOD!!! NO!!!! QPUBLIC WAS IN THERE! MORRIGAN WAS IN THERE!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT SOMEONE GET HELP!!!!!
Back in the ring area, the referee starts to wake up. Groggily, he walks towards the area of the major wreckage.
JS: I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS, THERE IS NO WAY- WAIT...WAIT! THE DUMPSTER LID IS OPENING!!!
The lid of the dumpster opens, and out rolls...
SYLVER MORRIGAN.
she closes the lid behind her, as the referee gets there just in time to see both lids closed.
JS: MORRIGAN IS OUT! WHAT? NO! THE REFEREE IS CALLING FOR THE BELL!!!
The referee runs back towards the time keeper, and grabs the NYO title. He talks to Howard Finkel, before running back with the belt.
Howard Finkel: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. THE WINNER...
AND....
NEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ICW NAME YOUR OWN CHAMPION...........
SYLVER MORRIGAN!!!!!!!!
Eliminated, Johnny Q. Public
Winner, and NEW NYO Champion, Sylver Morrigan
JS: NO WAY! NO WAY!!!!!
Morrigan laughs and holds her arms in the air, as the ref hands her the NYO title. EMTS come down to assist QPublic, who apparently took the brunt of the fall.
JS: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! QPUBLIC WAS SCREWED INADVERTANTLY BY FENYX KAYNE. Surely he didn't know Johhny Q. was in there, he was going for Morrigan!
The Hardcore Regime joins Morrigan on the stage, after apparently breaking free of their locker room. Lone Wolf congradulates Morrigan on her victory, as she puts the title belt around her waist, and flips off the fans, before they all head to the back.
JS: DAMNIT! MORRIGAN STOLE THIS ONE!!!!
Camera cuts to backstage, where we see Lou E. Dangerously sitting on a couch talking on the phone...
Lou E. Dangerously: I know, that fall looked like it sucked. YEAH! It's going great. You're watching?
How do I look on TV?
FAT? BALD? FUCK YOU.
LED slams down his phone, even though its a cell
LED: AHOLE. STOONKY WHERE ARE YOU??
Stone Cold Stoonky: Right here, sir.
LED: Has my guest arrived?
SCS: Yes, sir. They're outside now.
LED: WELL LET'S GO!!!
camera cuts to the parking lot, where the crew and everybody enters the arena. It's a long black limo, but we can't see inside...
But, suddenly, from off camera, Genesis comes into frame, staring at the limo, and looking it up and down...
JS: Okay folks, we're going to truck along with July2Die. Up next is the main event, the Insanity Cell. But before that, let's talk about our NEXT PPV, ULTIMATUM! I'm proud to be able to call the inagural HAIL TO THE KING tournament, which will begin NEXT WEEK on Thursday, INSANE Thursday as the FIRST ROUND will commence in one night. It is an ALL WRESTLING tournament, designed to decide the BEST wrestler in ICW today, with the winner being crowned the KING OR QUEEN of ICW, and recieving a world title shot. HERE ARE THE BRACKETS!
First Round
Second Round
Third Round
SIXTY MINUTE IRON MAN MATCH
SIXTY MINUTE IRON MAN MATCH
The Gladiator
versus
Juggernaut
Blank
versus
Blank
versus
Blank
Sylver Morrigan (NYO Champion)
versus
Johnny Q. Public
Blank
versus
Blank
versus
Blank
Fenyx Kayne
versus
Pyro
Blank
versus
Blank
versus
Blank
Mayhem
versus
Genesis
JS: I've just been told that the Morrigan/QPublic first round match WILL BE for the ICW NYO Championship, and we're curious to see what Morrigan names our new title for her first title defense. EXCITING TIMES!
ding, ding
The camera cuts to Howard Finkel
Howard Finkel: Ladies and gentlemen. It is NOW TIME for the INSANITY CELL MATCH! The rules are as follows. There will be a series of three cages stacked on top of each other. 5 men will be in the match, with Johnny Hook recieving a 30 second head start from the other 4. In the first cell, there will be a ladder. The goal is to climb to the second cell, as there is a door on the top of the first cell. In this first cell, ELIMINATIONS CAN OCCUR by pinfall or submission.
ONCE ENTERING THE SECOND CELL, the second cell will be full of tables. ELIMINATIONS CAN OCCUR by being put through a table, inside this second cell.
THE GOAL IN THE SECOND STAGE is to exit the cage via the door on the cage wall. The competitors must exit the cage, and climb up it, into the THIRD AND FINAL CELL, where upon entering the cell, they must retrieve a SECOND LADDER.
HANGING HIGH ABOVE the THIRD CELL, is the ICW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP. THE MAN WHO CLIMBS THE LADDER AND RETRIEVES THE CHAMPIONSHIP BELT WILL BE THE ICW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!
JS: There you have it folks. And now I'm pleased to announce, my special guest broadcast partner for this main event...ICW LEGEND, AND WWE HALL OF FAMER, GOOD OL' JR, JIM ROSS!
Jim Ross: Thank you Joey, it's a pleasure to be here back in ICW, calling some great scintillating PPV action ONLY like ICW can deliver.
JS: You've witnessed the Insanity Cell before, JR.
JR: That's right Joey, I have. It's an ominous structure, of unforgiving steel and wire. No matter who wins this, they're going to come out a loser, after the beating they take here tonight. I predict this will be one of the GREATEST ICW main events I've ever had the pleasure of seeing.
Howard Finkel: AND NOW, THE PARTICIPANTS...
"Past Tense, Future Perfect" by Paint It Black plays...
Howard Finkel: FIRST, COMING DOWN THE AISLE...
WEIGHING 198 POUNDS...
FROM LIDENHURST, RIGHT HERE IN NEW YORK!
"THE GOLDEN ONE"
AND THE FIVE-TIME EWA CHAMPION...
DAN HAMPTON!!!!!
Hampton makes his way out, as the fans go wild.
The cell begins to lower.
JS: This hometown crowd really rooting for the number one contender.
JR: Dan Hampton has never backed down from a challenge. I've followed his career since EWA and I've seen him out wrestle the best and get more INSANE than the best insan-ite. Dan Hampton definitely has what it takes to win this match and become ICW World Champ here tonight.
Hampton walks around the ring apron, as the cell lowers. The main door is open, as the referees ready a lock for the doors. A ladder is laying down, in the center of the ring.
"Alcohol" by the Dropkick Murphys plays...
Howard Finkel: INTRODUCING NEXT...
WEIGHING 196 POUNDS...
FROM CHICO, CALIFORNIA....
HE IS FIRE,
HE IS ICE
HE IS THUNDER,
AND HE IS...LIGHTNING BOLT!!!!!!!
the fans chant LB, LB, LB as he makes his way to the ring. He stares down Hampton, as he stands on the opposite side of the ring area, still on the outside.
JR: Joey, LB was in the very first Insanity Cell match. Did quite well, actually.
JS: Perhaps that experience will factor in tonight, and give him an edge?
"More Human Than Human" by White Zombie plays, as the fans begin to boo...
Howard Finkel: AND THE NEXT OPPONENT...
COMING DOWN THE AISLE...
WEIGHING 275 POUNDS...
HAILING FROM CHICAGO, ILLINOIS.
THE MAN WHO WILL BE RECEIVING A THIRTY SECOND HEAD START IN THE MATCH...
HERE IS JOHNNY HOOK!!!!!!
JS: Hook earned the right to get a 30 second head start in this match, and he earned it well. NOT FAIR, but well.
JR: I like what I've seen from Hook. He's a perennial winner. But, I'd like to see more from Hell's Hooker. I don't think we've seen him reach his potential yet, which is a damn good thing.
the Dropkick Murphys play once again, "Shipping Up To Boston". the fans boo.
Howard Finkel: AND NEXT...
COMING DOWN THE AISLE,
TO BE ACCOMPANIED TO THE RING BY MS. CLEE TARUS.
WEIGHING 208 POUNDS.
FROM BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS...
HE IS EVIL, CONIVING, AND VIOLENT...
AND HE IS THE MONSTER HEEL WITH SEX APPEAL...
AND THE MAN WHO PAID ME TO SAY HE WILL BE THE NEXT ICW CHAMPION...
WELCOME, SCOTTIEPP7!!!!!
the fans boo more, as Scottie makes his way out to the ring.
JR: Come on, Howard!
JS: Looks like he had a price, too! No business suit on the way to the ring, tonight.
JR: Of course not. IT'S STRICTLY BUSINESS TONIGHT!
PP7 and Hook high-five, as they all circle the ring on the outside. Hampton is staring at the cage, as Hook eyeballs the ladder. PP7 sends Clee Tarus away, as LB eats some pre-match tacos.
JR: This is the big one, Joey. For all the marbles.
The Roots play, "Here I Come", as the fans ignite.
Howard Finkel: AND FINALLY, THE LAST COMPETITOR.
COMING DOWN THE AISLE...
WEIGHING 210 POUNDS...
FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA.
HE IS THE ICW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...
HE IS CALVIN CONSTANTINE!!!!!!!!!
the fans are on their feet for the Champ, who holds the ICW title in the air on the way to the ring. he enters the cage, as the refs take the title belt, and hoist it up in the air above the cages. The main cage door is closed behind constantine, as there is only the 5 men and a referee in the main cage. the camera pans up to show a referee in a harness, secured to the wall inside the second cage, with a headset to call out any wrestlers that might be eliminated in the second cage.
JS: THERE HE IS! THE ICW CHAMPION! BUT CAN HE OVERCOME THE ODDS STACKED AGAINST HIM, HERE TONIGHT, AT JULY2DIE???
THE INSANITY CELL
For the ICW World Heavyweight Championship
Calvin Constantine (c) v. Dan Hampton v. Johnny Hook v. Lightning Bolt v. ScottiePP7
For the ICW World Heavyweight Championship
Calvin Constantine (c) v. Dan Hampton v. Johnny Hook v. Lightning Bolt v. ScottiePP7